


Doctor's Orders

by JinxedAmbitions



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxious Hux, Assault, Bodyguard Ren, Doctor Hux, Doctor/Patient, Emotional Constipation, Emotional Manipulation, Explicit Sexual Content, Glove Kink, Gunshot Wounds, Hurt/Comfort, Intercrural Sex, M/M, Mild Medical Kink, Nurse Phasma, Physical Abuse, Police Officer Finn, Police Officer Poe, Rimming, Snoke Being a Dick, Surgery, Touch-Starved Ren, character injury, discussion of abuse, mentions of assisted suicide, unethical relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-25
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-05-29 02:15:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 22
Words: 160,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6354706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JinxedAmbitions/pseuds/JinxedAmbitions
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hux may have too much on his plate.  He's a successful surgeon.  He runs the volunteer clinic his late mother started from the ground up.  His father is constantly scrutinizing his work even though Hux is more successful than he ever was.  His clinic is constantly under attacks whether by politicians with an agenda or fanatics looking to shut him down.  It seems like everyone wants a piece of him.</p><p>The last thing he needs is Kylo Ren constantly taking up space in his waiting room for every imagined illness he can come up with.  Hux isn't sure if he hasn't been loved enough or he's got one hell of a doctor kink, and he doesn't particularly care to find out.  However, Ren might just be the answer to some of Hux's biggest headaches.</p><p>The question is whether Ren is more trouble than he's worth.  The answer is most certainly yes, but against his better judgment Hux lets him keep coming back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally inspired by a prompt scarefox posted on tumblr about Hux being a stressed doctor and Ren coming in almost every week to see him. Since then, it's grown into a larger fic that got quite plotty, but it's still got a healthy dose of overworked Hux and Ren's odd combination of health concerns and medical kink.
> 
> Most of this fic is already written, so hopefully I'll be posting every few days or at least once a week.

The scratch of the pencil on paper as Hux did some quick addition in the margin of one of his many pages of notes grated on his already aching head. He'd been crunching numbers since he'd arrived hours ago, and it was getting on his last nerve. The fact that the clinic was under constant scrutiny irritated Hux to not end, and the fact that his nature ensured that he was the one to check every stat and expenditure wore him thin.

Hux wasn't sure why he still ran the volunteer clinic. He was one of the country's top trauma surgeons, and truthfully, it seemed like a waste of his talent to spend his Tuesday evenings checking sore throats and runny noses at the local clinic and his weekends ensuring that the place stayed afloat. He supposed it was out of respect to his mother's memory that he continued to ensure that his schedule allowed for the weekly clinic hours. She had put so much of herself into getting the small volunteer clinic off the ground while his father ran the medical school not a dozen blocks away.

Doctor Brendol Hux Sr., his father, had been one of the country's leading orthopedic surgeons before—in a bit of irony that Hux would never stop being amused by—arthritis forced him into an early retirement. Afterward, he took a position at the university and eventually ran the entire medical school. There he oversaw the development of the next generation of surgeons. Dr. Hux Sr. was a cold man, interested in the prestige of his positions more than the lives he affected. Hux's mother had been the opposite, though she had dutifully supported her husband's endeavors. She had been much more concerned with seeing those who the system often failed given the respect and dignity they deserved.

Hux supposed her lasting memory was reason enough to spend his only free evening seeing walk-ins at the struggling clinic. His mother had left all of her assets to the clinic when she passed, but just because it was financially stable didn't mean that volunteers were in abundance or local politicians weren't frequently trying to shut them down. One had accused Hux himself of performing bizarre surgeries on patients with no medical need for intervention just because he felt like it. Hux had nearly strangled the man with his bare hands at a fundraiser they had both attended. Though the real bit of karma had been when the politician's son had come into the ER after drinking and driving and running right into a barrier going well over the speed limit. Hux had truly enjoyed how pale the man had gotten when Hux walked into the waiting room post-surgery. He recalled telling the man, “I saved your son's life. That debt shall cost you dearly.” He had yet to collect on it, but the man had readily agreed and had backed off his campaign against the clinic.

“Hux, you have a patient in exam room three. Goes by Kylo Ren, but I doubt it's his real name if his paperwork is anything to go by,” Nurse Phasma said, passing his office to go back out to the waiting room. Hux looked up from his desk where he was sorting out the expenditure forms that he'd been going over. He ran a tight ship since the clinic was under constant scrutiny.

Hux put down the papers and pulled on his lab coat over his suit. He hated scrubs, and unless he was walking directly into the OR, he refused to wear them. Instead, he wore his perfectly pressed suits beneath his lab coat just as his father had done. Pulling his stethoscope off its designated hook, he stepped out of the office and strode down the hall. He glanced down toward the waiting area, but he couldn't tell how many patients they had waiting tonight.

It wasn't quite flu season yet, and the weather had been staying relatively nice, so he hoped there wouldn't be a line of runny noses begging for a cure that didn't exist. Hux hated those appointments. No amount of mastery of medicine could give Hux the power to cure the common cold, but he had had more than one irate patient call him a hack for it.

Hux took a breath before placing the stethoscope around his neck and pulling the chart Phasma had left for him out of the holder on the door of exam room three. He gave it a quick glance. Patient was male, twenty-nine. He didn't smoke. That was really all Hux could discern from the nearly illegible mess that the man had filled out. Hux had seen his fair share of bad handwriting, but there wasn't even a point in trying to read this.

Instead, Hux knocked twice before opening the door to the room. He was more than a little surprised to see the huge man seated on the exam table. He was dressed in all black from his torn jeans to his black boots to his long sleeved shirt with holes cut out of the cuff for his thumbs. Even the man's hair looked nearly black under the harsh light of the exam room, and just a little too long to be considered respectable. Hux bit back a comment about the man being a little too old to be going through his rebellious phase. Though the longer he looked, he noted that the clothing was worn and didn't fit particularly well. Perhaps they were old garments that were comfortable, or he simply couldn't afford new clothing. It wasn't his place to say anything.

“Mr. Ren?” Hux asked. The man looked up from where he was worrying the fraying hole in his sleeve. His eyes were intense as he gave Hux a once over. Hux was used to it. He was fairly young to be running a clinic, and he was certainly very young to be as successful a surgeon as he was. He'd become accustomed to people staring at him, trying to figure out just how he ticked. He took pride in the fact that few ever did succeed.

“You can call me Kylo,” the patient said in a deep, moody voice. Hux's mind supplied “man-child” but he continued to hold his comments in check. If Hux took his patients as seriously as they took themselves, he'd go mad. He thought plenty of rude things about patients, but he always remained professional. He didn't have to think them competent or approve of their choices to treat them to the best of his ability.

“Have you ever come here before?” Hux asked, getting the basics out of the way first. Since he could barely read the man's name even after he knew what it said, he couldn't make too many determinations based on the provided information...if it was even true. Too many patients lied to him, and it grated on Hux's nerves. He didn't care of they were shooting heroin or cheating on their partners, but he needed honest answers to his questions.

“No. I move around a lot,” Kylo said, tugging at the string again. Chances were that he was a squatter. There were plenty of those in the neighborhood, and Hux had seen his share of them during his time at the clinic.

“Okay, I see that Nurse Phasma took your height and weight and blood pressure. Is there any history of heart disease in your family?” Hux went with the basics.

“Not that I know of, but...” Kylo paused, looking away from Hux. “...I'm not really in contact with them. I haven't been for a long time,” he explained. He looked uncomfortable speaking about his family, so Hux didn't push. If he wasn't speaking to them, chances were there weren't any answers to be had.

Hux made a quick note in the file then looked up again. “Any pre-existing conditions I should be aware of?” he asked instead. He found people gave less information when he frustrated them with questions they didn't have answers to, so he tended to skip to the pertinent things first.

Kylo kept his eyes averted as he seemed to think about the question. Hux prepared himself to parse through whatever lies Kylo was about to tell him. “Nothing that's been formally diagnosed,” Kylo said after nearly a minute. Hux made another note, but he nodded curtly.

“So, no medications that might interfere with anything I might prescribe you?”

“No,” Kylo responded, looking back at him. He looked like he hadn't slept in a few days, and Hux wondered briefly if that was part of why he was here or if it was just common for him.

“How many hours do you sleep per night?”

“Depends. Maybe five or six?” Kylo said, shrugging his massive shoulders.

“Eating habits? Do you eat healthy? Junk food?” Hux asked, trying to give the man some options.

Kylo frowned. “It varies.”

Hux gave the man credit for honesty. Perhaps the answers weren't detailed or ideal, but Hux hadn't suspected a blatant lie yet. “Exercise?”

“I'm in good shape. Workout every day,” Ren told him. Hux figured that was true based solely off of that size of his biceps. At least he had one healthy habit.

“What brings you to the clinic?” Hux finally asked, reading Phasma's neat handwriting. His weight was good for how tall he was, and his blood pressure was normal. Insufficient sleep and poor eating weren't throwing off his numbers.

“I have a cough, and I can't sleep,” Kylo told him, crossing his arms over his chest. It was strange seeing such a large man seem to fold in on himself. Hux was constantly standing ramrod straight to give his unfortunately slight frame as much presence as he could.

“How long has this cough existed?” Hux asked, already assuming that there was little he could do for the man other than a cough suppressant.

“Weeks,” Kylo said, pushing his hair out of his face.

Hux wanted to roll his eyes. What did he have against specific answers? “And is it persistent or does it come and go?” Hux asked next, scribbling down notes.

“Persistent?”

Hux sighed. That should not have been a question. “Very well then. I want to listen to your lungs, make sure you don't have a case of walking pneumonia, but if it's just a cough, they sell things over the counter that can help,” Hux explained, standing up and walking over to Kylo. He tugged his stethoscope from around his neck and brought it to his ears. “Do you mind lifting your shirt?” he asked.

Kylo quickly unfolded his arms and lifted the well-worn shirt to reveal his broad chest. “Take a deep breath when I tell you to,” Hux said, holding the metal diaphragm of the stethoscope to his own palm to warm it a bit. The office was always so chilly that people tended to complain about the cool metal. When he was satisfied that it was as warm as it was going to get, he brought it up to Kylo's chest. “Breathe,” he prompted.

Kylo's chest expanded tremendously, and Hux was actually impressed by the man's lung capacity. He moved the stethoscope and prompted Kylo again. He listened carefully, but there was nothing particularly concerning about Kylo's lungs. When he moved it again, he felt Kylo shudder against the press of the stethoscope, but nothing to be deemed illness.

“I'll give you a prescription for a cough suppressant, but your lungs sound good. There isn't much else I can do. The suppressant has the side effect of making you drowsy, so that will help with the lack of sleep,” Hux explained stepping back to his notes. He glanced back at the patient as he wrote down his prognosis. “You may put your shirt down. I'm finished,” he said, because Kylo was still holding it up to reveal his entire chest.

Kylo blushed slightly as he pulled his shirt back down and began to tug at his sleeve again. Hux turned back to his notes, packing them up again for Phasma to enter into their system at the end of the night. “You can pick the script up from Nurse Phasma at the desk,” Hux said, walking to the door.

“That's it?” Kylo asked, sounding confused.

“Yes.”

“But you barely even did anything,” Kylo pointed out.

“The mark of a professional,” Hux said, quite used to people questioning his brusque manner.

“How do you know I don't have tuberculosis or emphysema or...”

“Close to a decade of studying medicine and just as long practicing has given me the uncanny ability to _do my job_ ,” Hux said, annoyed that he was being forced to waste time explaining himself to a man that wasn't even sick.

“Has anyone ever told you that your bedside manner sucked?” Kylo sniped.

“Constantly, but they are usually forgiving when I save their loved one's lives,” Hux retorted.

“Conceited asshole,” Kylo muttered under his breath. Hux heard it, but he pretended that he didn't. There was no point getting into a full blown argument with a patient he'd never see again, over something that was quite possibly true.

“Feel better,” Hux said begrudgingly, stepping out of the exam room and closing the door before Mr. Ren could say anything else.

Phasma gave him a knowing look as he brought the file over to her desk. “I see you are charming the locals with you tender care again,” she said, taking the file and passing him his pad so he could write the prescription.

“I can only tolerate so much from people who rush to the doctor when they are barely ill. It is a waste of resources and time,” he said, scribbling out the prescription. He'd told her this, every week, since he'd started running the place after his mother's passing.

“And yet you continue showing up, Doctor. Tell me, are you expecting things to change here, or are you so masochistic that you enjoy your own suffering?” she asked him. Phasma was no nonsense. She'd been his right hand in the operating room before she took over the clinic for him. She had run the tightest operating room that Hux had ever worked in, and he still missed her most days when he scrubbed in. Here he was in charge, but she ran the day to day operations and frankly kept the place operational.

“If I need your opinion I will ask for it, Phasma,” Hux grumbled, shoving the script back at her and walking toward exam room two where another file was hanging.

“Mrs. Rosedower again,” Phasma said as he walked toward the door. Hux tensed at the name. The damn woman came in semi regularly with one ailment or another. Hux had determined that her elderly husband didn't give her enough attention, and she just wanted someone to listen to her. Hux did not like being used as a stand in, but he also couldn't tell her to go away either.

“What is it this time?” he asked.

“She believes she's pregnant,” Phasma said, grinning.

Hux's jaw dropped. “The woman is far too...she hasn't...” Hux gritted his teeth as he jerked the file out of the holder and knocked on the door. His mother's memory was _not_ worth this.

\---

The clinic wasn't all bad. He truly did respect what his mother had worked so hard for. There were days when he helped people who couldn't afford to see a regular physician. There were days he helped scared young women get answers and the help they needed. The clinic was the perfect balance to the OR.

The OR was battle. It was quick thinking, quick action, and life or death weight to every decision. The payoff was incredible, but it wasn't the natural state of things. The clinic was tedious in many respects. It was hours of paperwork, creative budgeting, coordinating volunteers, and messing up his perfectly gelled hair out of frustration when the latest batch of lobbyists/fanatics took pot shots at them. But it was also quiet nights staying late, so people could come by after too long hours of work. It wasn't glory and recognition, but it was no less important and Hux was learning to appreciate that.

It was on one of the late nights about two weeks later that he'd just walked a teary eyed girl through a very detailed sex education because she'd come in with a delightful case of chlamydia even though she insisted she had only ever had sex with her steady boyfriend. It had been awkward having to explain that chances were that her boyfriend probably wasn't as steady as she was hoping, but Hux was used to being the bearer of bad news. She was grateful as he wrote out the script and explained that he was not obligated to contact her parents and that he actually couldn't without her consent.

Hux's night only got worse when he saw Kylo Ren sitting in the waiting room. Hux offered to walk the girl to her car since it was late, but she just scurried through the lot as he stood watching from the door. It was strange giving a damn. His father had never worried about his patients once they were out of the office. If a truck hit them as they crossed the street, he wouldn't have cared at all unless they were put back on his operating table. Hux, as much as he tried to emulate his father's distance, cared more than he would ever admit. It fueled the fire inside of him to be the best.

Hux closed the clinic door and turned to Kylo who was sitting silently in the waiting area. He had on a long black coat tonight to fight the sudden chill in the air. “It's only me on Tuesday nights, so I apologize if you've been waiting long without seeing anyone,” Hux forced himself to say, motioning for Mr. Ren to follow him back.

Hux stepped behind Phasma's desk and looked for Ren's record. Thankfully, Phasma was as fond of order as Hux was, and the file was easy to find in their mass of records. “I'll take you in room three again,” Hux said offhandedly as he checked that the file was in order.

Ren didn't say anything which was a nice departure from many of Hux's patients who started listing their ailments even before they were out of the waiting room. No one wanted to know about Mrs. Priestly's hemorrhoids, especially not to girl in the corner who had already been nauseated. Hux just took Ren's silence as a small blessing.

Hux opened the exam room for Ren and followed the slightly larger man into the small room. He put the file down on the counter. “What brings you here tonight?” Hux asked in his most professionally detached tone. He wanted to finish this quickly, so he could get home and actually do some reading before bed.

Ren looked at him from beneath the swoop of thick hair that had fallen in his face. “Voice,” he rasped. It sounded like he'd swallowed a mouthful of gravel then washed it down with some gasoline before lighting a match and swallowing that too. Hux chastised himself for getting whimsical. The man had a sore throat, nothing more.

“I see,” Hux said, making note of it. “Take off your coat,” he ordered. He removed a pair of gloves from the box on the counter, pulling them on quickly. Ren's eyes were glued to his hands as he pulled the gloves up and wiggled his fingers until they felt comfortable. He knew the gloves put some people off because it hammered home the fact that they were at the doctor's. Hux tried to ignore the depressing amount of anxiety his presence could cause.

Hux removed a tongue depressor from the jar beside the gloves and stepped over to Ren. He noticed how observant the man's eyes were as they watched his every movement. Kylo Ren was intense; Hux would give him that. “If you'll open your mouth, I'll take a look,” Hux prompted, holding up the smooth piece of wood.

Ren watched him for another breath before opening his mouth and sticking his tongue out slightly. Hux pressed the depressor to Ren's tongue to hold it down and quickly removed the small pen light from the pocket of his lab coat. He shined it into Ren's mouth, looking for the cause of Ren's missing voice.

“Your throat's a bit raw, but nothing too concerning,” Hux told him, still holding Ren's mouth open and giving it one last look.

“Fever? Aches?”

Kylo shook his head. Hix eyes returned to Hux's hands instead of his face.

“It isn't strep. Has your cough persisted?” Hux asked knowing that having to answer questions probably wouldn't help the man's irritated throat. Ren wisely nodded his head instead of answering verbally.

Hux frowned, tossing the small stick into the trash before taking his stethoscope from around his neck. Ren's eyes still followed his every move, and he seemed to perk up when Hux blew gently on the cold metal of it. “If you would remove your shirt for just a moment,” he said, motioning for Ren to shift so Hux could reach his back. “Breathe deeply on my command,” Hux said, placing the stethoscope to Ren's back. He felt Ren shiver and assumed he'd done a poor job of warming the thing. “Apologies for the temperature. Please breathe,” he said, and Ren took a deep shuddering breath.

Hux frowned. “Again,” he asked. This breath was still shaky, but not quite as much. Hux was concerned he'd missed something last time he'd seen Ren. Perhaps there was an underlying problem he'd overlooked. Hux moved the stethoscope and commanded Ren again. This one was more even, but there was still a hitch at the end. “Are you having difficulties breathing?” Hux asked softly, but Ren shook his head in the negative.

Hux came around Ren's front and carefully placed diaphragm to Ren's chest. “Breathe,” he ordered, and again Ren took a shaky breath. Hux frowned, watching Ren's broad chest as he moved the chestpiece of the stethoscope around to listen to his breaths.

“When did you lose your voice?” Hux asked, straightening up and looking at Ren, but Ren didn't meet his eyes. Instead, he continued to stare down at Hux's hands.

“Two days,” Ren said, and it didn't sound any better than the first time he tried to speak.

“I see. Unfortunately, there isn't entirely too much I can do for a lost voice. I can tell you to avoid speaking until the irritation subsides. Tea with honey to coat your throat may help. Have you finished the prescription for the cough?”

Ren nodded.

“I can write you a script to refill that if the cough is still a problem, but I'm afraid this is the sort of thing you just have to ride out. You seem to be in good health other than the cough and voice, so it should pass quickly enough,” Hux explained, giving Ren some space as he hooked the stethoscope around his neck again.

Ren nodded slowly, picking up his shirt and tugging it over his head. Hux nodded curtly before removing the pad from his coat and writing out a second script for a cough suppressant. “Use this according to the directions, yes?” he said, holding out the paper. He received another nod.

This time Ren left without an argument, and Hux found himself wondering if perhaps he'd misjudged the man. Maybe he was just feeling as awful as everyone else and just looking to take the edge off it. Hux knew that feeling himself. He was overworked and was constantly battling insomnia, so he could understand the need to function under poor circumstances.

Hux followed Ren to the door, making sure to lock it behind him after watching Ren walked toward the street instead of the small parking lot.  He ran his hand over his face, sighing deeply.  He needed to get home and get some rest.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter specific warnings at the end of the chapter

Hux was wrong about being wrong. Ren was in his office at least twice a month after that. Phasma had taken to calling him Kylo-chondriac—even though Hux had tried multiple times to explain that linguistically it just didn't work—because he was always in for something different, insisting he very well could be dying. Hux was annoyed beyond belief. He had better things to do than enable the man's behavior.

He wasn't sure if Ren was a junkie looking for scripts or just looking for attention, but Hux didn't have the time or energy for his nonsense. So far, Ren had insisted he was having a heart attack (indigestion), carpal tunnel (a muscle spasm caused no doubt by punching something or other), and pneumonia (three times but not correct once). Hux had stopped prescribing cough suppressants after the second time, assuming Ren was actually using it to cook meth.

“I won’t give you another prescription, Mr. Ren. Is this why you move around so much? Are you conning each doctor until they refuse you more medicine? I can report you for prescription abuse,” Hux told him one evening after Ren had insisted that it really was fluid in his lungs. Hux was bluffing, but that worked on most of the patients when they thought they could trick him. Hux hadn’t gotten to where he was because he was naïve.

Ren had his shirt off as Hux listened to his breathing. It was always a little shaky, but there was never any indication that there was fluid or anything else wrong with them.

“I’m not abusing prescriptions,” Ren insisted. He almost jumped right off the table as Hux put the chestpiece of the stethoscope over his pec, catching the edge of his areola.

“Breathe,” Hux insisted, temper running short. He ignored how sensitive Ren tended to be. He encountered a lot of patients that weren’t particularly fond of being touched. Ren never said he didn’t like it, but the way he often reacted indicated that he either wasn’t used to much contact, or it made him uncomfortable. Hux tried to keep it to a minimum, but Ren always came in with things that required at least some degree of contact to diagnose.

Ren did as he was told, and his breathing was particularly shaky. Hux sighed. He wasn’t sure why someone as robust as Mr. Ren couldn’t take a deep breath. There was simply no medical explanation for it. Hux stepped back.

“Sit up straight,” he ordered, and Ren did as he was asked. “Now breathe deeply for me,” Hux said.

“Aren’t you going to listen to my lungs?” Ren questioned when Hux didn’t press the stethoscope back to his chest.

“No. I simply want to see how you breathe.”

Ren frowned at him, but he sat up and breathed deeply. Hux scowled as well. That breath didn’t look shaky at all. Perhaps it was the contact that set him on edge. It was troubling that Ren couldn’t even relax enough to take steady breaths when being touched. Hux wondered about his history not for the first time. He wished that Ren’s handwriting was legible enough to read, but he told himself that it all could be lies anyway. A lot of their patients lied about their history. While it was frustrating from a medical standpoint, it was understandable based on what many of his patients faced.

“I want you to sit up straighter. Your breathing is inhibited by your poor posture. I’m not going to prescribe another round of medicine, but if your breathing or your cough gets worse, come back,” Hux told him. There was nothing Hux could do if he was what was making Ren breathe unsteadily. Straightening up was about the best medical advice he could offer.

Ren looked ready to argue, but he dressed himself and stormed out of the clinic. That was par for the course. If Ren didn’t leave angry, Hux had likely not done his job properly.

\---

 

“Ren is in exam room three,” Phasma said as Hux tried to shovel down some food before seeing patients. He had been in surgery most of the day, and he was pretty much dead on his feet. He was also on call if the patient took a turn for the worse.

Hux was at the end of his rope. They were being audited for the third year in a row to ensure that everything was on the up and up, and the last thing Hux wanted to deal with was a man who was in perfect health but refused to leave him alone.

“What is it this time?” Hux asked, putting down his fork and attempting to swallow the mouthful of food without choking. Some days eating was just another inconvenient necessity.

“Appendix,” Phasma said, sounding completely bored with the whole situation.

“Well, does he have appendicitis?” Hux asked. Phasma was completely capable of performing the tests to determine whether Ren had appendicitis. She had done triage and for years in the army.

“Wouldn't let me touch him. He's very particular like that,” she said, standing just inside his office.

Hux groaned. What did he do to deserve this?

He wiped his mouth and fixed his tie before heading out of his office to get this over with.

“Oh and in case you came in the back way again, the protesters are back,” Phasma told him.

“Damn it! What are they protesting this time?” he asked, picking up the file on Ren which was becoming ridiculously thick.

“The usual. You're a godless son-of-a-bitch who is destroying families,” Phasma deadpanned, walking back to her desk. Hux cursed under his breath. He had too much to deal with as it was. He didn't need people picketing outside and harassing his already timid clients.

“You don't have appendicitis,” Hux said as he walked into the exam room. He did not have the time to coddle this overgrown child today.

“I think I know my own body, Doctor,” Ren practically growled. They'd been arguing for weeks as Hux's bedside manner continued to deteriorate with every over-exaggerated ailment Ren came in with.

“Just like you knew you had pneumonia or were having a heart attack?” Hux retorted, throwing Ren’s massive file onto the counter with a loud smack.

“Chest pains are not to be taken lightly,” Ren said through gritted teach.

“And neither is this clinic. Coming in here with fake illnesses takes away time and resources from those who actually need it,” Hux shot back, hands gripping the edge of the counter tightly.

“They aren't fake,” Ren insisted.

Hux gave him a lethal look, yanking a pair of gloves out of the box and tugging them onto his hands. He watched the way Ren gulped as he stalked over to the exam table he was sitting on. “Lie on your back and loosen your belt,” he ordered sharply. He would never act like this with another patient, but Ren just brought out the worst in him.

As Ren unbuckled his belt with fumbling fingers, Hux placed his hand on the infuriating man's lower abdomen. “Where is the pain concentrated?” he asked before doing anything else.

“Around there,” Ren told him, but it didn't sound entirely convincing.

Hux bit the inside of his cheek as he gently applied pressure. When he released it, he carefully watched Ren, but he didn't wince or flinch. “How does that feel? Better, worse, the same?” Hux asked, applying pressure again.

“Worse,” Ren said, looking down at where Hux gently pressed against his stomach with gloved fingers.

“When?” Hux asked.

“When you touch it?” Ren said, but it came out as a question. Hux looked up at Ren’s face. His hair was spread around his head on the table, creating a black halo. His lips was parted slightly, and the bottom one was obscenely pink and wet as though he’d been biting it.

Hux held his tongue, moving his hand a little and pressing again. “How about now?” he asked, even as he felt Ren shake beneath his fingers. That bottom lip slipped between his teeth for a moment as he sucked in a sharp breath.

“Right there,” Ren insisted.

Hux looked down, and only years of practice kept him from showing any emotion. His hands weren't even on the correct side of Ren's body for it to be appendicitis. His fingers were pressed to the hollow about Ren’s hip instead of his stomach, and what truly struck him was the realization the Ren’s pants were tenting rapidly. Hux glanced up, and Ren’s lip was between his teeth again. The Ren looked more like a pornstar than a patient—his shirt rucked up to reveal his taut body, his expression one of intense pleasure instead of pain, the unmistakable and incredibly large bulge in his pants.

Suddenly, things made sense in a way that Hux wished they hadn't. He could have done without the realization that he was being used for Mr. Ren's sexual gratification. He was more than aware that some people enjoyed this sort of thing, but he just didn't want to know about it. All of his concerns about his touch making Ren uncomfortable faded. It wasn't that no one had ever gotten aroused in his office before. It happened occasionally, but this wasn't the same.

“I see,” Hux said, stepping back and walking over to his notes. “I'll write you a prescription for a laxative,” Hux told him. That got a reaction out of Ren. His eyes widened, and he stared at Hux for a moment.

“A what?” Ren sounded completely confused.

“A laxative,” Hux repeated himself.

“Why would I need a laxative?” he asked, sitting up and tugging his shirt down. “That's not a treatment for appendicitis.”

“How would you know? The next time you want to fake an illness to get me to touch you, read the Wikipedia article on it. Your appendix is on your right side not your left, and the rebound test is to see if it hurts when pressure is removed not added. Either you have gas or your faking it. So, do you want to get into the regularity of your bowel movements, or do you want to do us both a favor and stop pretending?” Hux asked. He was barely holding in his anger, and he knew Ren was only going to push him further. That seemed to be the man’s goal in life.

“I would prefer not to discuss...”

Ren was turning red as Hux laid into him. “What were you hoping to accomplish here? You had to know I would see past your little farce. I'm not incompetent,” Hux yelled. “If you want to play doctor, buy your girlfriend a lab coat and some latex gloves. I am a trained medical professional. It is not my job to fulfill your fantasies!”

Hux could feel how flushed he was. He wanted to throw something, but he refused to break the air of professionalism that he worked so hard to maintain. He was not a child prone to tantrums.

Ren, however, looked about ready to snap. He was balling his fists and releasing them as though he was dying to throw a punch. Hux realized that there was a very real possibility that this man might just hit him. He hadn't really thought of that when he confronted him, but now Hux was staring down the storm that was Kylo Ren's anger and humiliation. Perhaps he could have handled the situation better, but Hux was used to being blunt and stress was wearing his meager bedside manner thin.

Breathing hard and taking a step forward, Ren was horribly imposing. Hux could throw a punch, but there wasn't much he could do against a man as big and broad as Ren if they actually got into it. Still, Hux held his ground and kept his chin up. He wasn’t afraid of this man. He wouldn’t let himself be pushed around by him.

“Are you going to attack me now because I found you out?” he asked, knowing that it probably wasn't going to help his cause.

“Do you have any idea who you are speaking to?” Ren asked, and Hux actually laughed.

“No because you couldn't even be bothered to fill out the paperwork in legible writing,” Hux retorted. He didn’t know how many patients he’d had that thought they were somebody. To Hux they were a face and a puzzle he needed to solve. He didn’t care what they did outside his clinic so long as they didn’t bring it to his doorstep.

“I—”

“Doctor, situation outside!” Phasma's voice boomed through the door, and Hux had never been happier to be interrupted while he was with a patient.

“Excuse me,” Hux said, striding to the door of the room immediately. Ren seemed too surprised by the sudden interruption to stop Hux. That suited Hux just fine as he exited the room and started to sprint for the front door where he could hear the protesters yelling all manner of vile things.

Hux pushed out of the building right into the fray of shouting picketers and fanatics. Phasma was in front of him, towering over a young woman who'd just been trying to get inside.

“You are on private property. I will call the police if you do not move,” Hux shouted as he tried to get to Phasma and the woman.

“Murderer!”

“God hates you!”

“Burn in hell, murderer!” The crowd was thick enough that their shouts couldn't be ignored.

Hux couldn't even hear his own thoughts as he ushered Nurse Phasma and the girl toward the door. “We are calling the authorities. This will not be tolerated!” Hux said. This wasn't the first time it had happened, but things had been quiet for a few months. He should have been more diligent. Just as he should have been more aware.

He wasn't expecting the egg that hit him in the face. It was enough to stun him for a moment, allowing Phasma and the girl to be separated from him as they moved closer to the front door.

“What the hell?” he gasped, wiping the egg off his face as he dodged another projectile. The crowds rarely got physical, knowing the law even better than Hux for the most part. They knew how close they could get and what they could and couldn't get away with. Projectiles were not to be tolerated, but the crowd was thick enough that he could barely tell where it had come from.

“Baby murderer!” someone shouted, and the crowd seemed to agree because the roar got louder.

Hux wasn't sure how he was going to get to the door as the crowd was closing in. Hux cursed under his breath as he tried to push back toward the door, but he got hit by another egg as he turned his back to the bulk of the crowd. Hux wanted nothing more than to turn around and shove an egg down his assailant’s throat. This was undignified.

Hux held his own against the imposing crowd, most were smart enough not to touch him because while he couldn’t get them to leave he could press charges if they touched him. Hux was cutting a path back toward the clinic when he saw Ren exit the building and begin to shove people out of his way. Hux flinched as he watched him. This was the perfect opportunity for Ren to have his revenge. If he hit Hux or worse, it could easily be passed off as the mob. Hux felt his pulse quicken. The protesters didn’t frighten him nearly as much as the man he knew to have a short fuse which Hux had ignited only minutes earlier.

Ren didn't say anything as he cut through the crowd, looking menacing with the permanent glower on his face. He looked like he was barely trying as people went stumbling back.

Someone threw another egg at Hux, and Hux didn't know how Ren caught it without it breaking, but he did and sent it straight at the man who threw it. The guy was too stunned to move in time, and he received an egg to the face to match Hux’s own.

“Go back inside,” Ren said, looking at Hux. Hux just stood there dumbly, watching the way the protesters backed away from Ren like he might just kill them all. He was more stunned that Ren was defending him instead of joining the abuse rather than the crowd’s caution toward him.

“I don't need your help,” Hux told him. His pride was wounded. He'd acted without thinking, and now Kylo Ren of all people was helping him out of it.

“Like hell you don't,” Ren retorted, pointing toward the door.

Hux held back a sneer as he stalked back into the clinic. Ren stayed back, keeping the crowd in check.

“Where is she?” Hux asked as he marched into the clinic again. “Did they hurt her?”

“She's just shaken up. I put her in Room 2,” Phasma explained. Hux balled his fists and took a breath. This was unacceptable. These people were disrupting his business, frightening and threatening his patients.

“I wish I could shoot them all. I'd show them a murderer, and who would tend their bullets wounds then?” Hux muttered under his breath as he walked the hall to Room 2.

Hux grabbed the chart and stepped into the room. He paused when he realized that he knew the patient. “Rey, are you alright?” he asked the young women sitting cross legged on his exam table. Rey was a homeless teen from the area. Hux knew that her parents had abandoned her, and she'd run away from every foster home she'd ever been in. It was always something about needing to be home when her parents came back. Now she was squatting in an abandoned building near her old home.

“Yeah, I'm fine. Quite the charmers you've got out there,” she said, giving the room a thorough looking over as she rubbed her arms against the chill in the room.

“You don't have a proper coat?” he asked.

Rey came in from time to time when she wasn't feeling well or when she really needed a warm place to stay and had no other options. Hux let her sleep on the blowup mattress in his office once or twice, but he'd never admit that to anyone on pain of death.

“Wasn't that cold a week ago,” she said, shrugging her shoulders.

“I'll see what I can do. Why are you here?” he asked, sitting rigidly on his stool.

“Don't you want to clean the egg off first?” Rey asked, cringing at him.

Hux had forgotten about the eggs. He'd been so focused on his anger and whether they'd harmed one of his patients that the egg had slipped his mind. “Sorry, this isn't very hygienic is it?” he said, standing up again. Suddenly, he felt like he needed to shower. He could feel the yolk in his hair and even on his eye lashes. It was disgusting.

“Do you think they realized the irony of throwing eggs at a doctor while protesting abortion?” she asked him.

Hux huffed. He doubted they gave any of it that much thought. “They don’t think like that. I hope they didn’t frighten you,” Hux told her as gently as he could. He still felt angry pulsing through him like an uncontained forest fire.

“I'll be fine. Was just hoping to get a flu shot if they were available,” she told him.

“They are. I'll have Phasma get one ready for you while I clean up,” Hux said, stepping back out of the room.

Hux walked to his office, and Phasma was quick to follow.

“The police are on their way, but Mr. Ren has gotten most of the protesters to leave already. Are you okay?” she asked, scrutinizing him.

“I'll be fine. I just need to wash up. Rey came for a flu shot. Can you see to that?” he asked, too tired to give orders. He was just managing to hold back how shaken up the whole situation made him. He didn’t like things that were unpredictable. He prided himself on working out all outcomes of every situation, but things like this threw everything into disarray. It left him reeling to pull things back together.

“Of course,” Phasma agreed, and Hux nodded at her before stepping into his private bathroom to wash his face. He cringed at his own reflection. There was egg all over him, and he honestly couldn't remember how many times he'd been hit. He washed his face and basically put his whole head under the faucet to get rid of the shell and mess in his hair.

Water dripped into his eyes as he leaned over the sink just letting the water run out of his hair. He glanced up into the mirror and picked another piece of shell out of his hair. It was disgusting, and he crushed the piece between his fingers.

He gritted his teeth as he carefully combed his hair back into place once he was done. He removed his lab coat and his shirt and tie. He kept a spare suit in his office after the blood incident. He still shuddered at the memory of being showered with a bucket of pig's blood during a particularly bad stretch of protests. There had been many charges filed, and Hux had taken his first vacation in years after the incident.

The police officers were there when he finally stepped out of his office, wearing a new shirt and tie but no coat. Phasma was talking to the two men as Hux slowly walked down the hall.

“Sergeant Dameron, Officer Finn,” Hux said as he held out his hand. Dameron had been here more times than Hux cared to count. He and Hux didn't get along particularly well, but Dameron was a fine officer which Hux could respect. It was his personality that grated on Hux’s last nerve.

“I hear you got egged,” Poe said, grinning at Hux. The man couldn’t even wait a minute before he started with the smart remarks. Hux found it unprofessional and distasteful.

“Yes, and I could have easily been one of my patients, Sergeant,” Hux said icily.

“You're right, my apologies. Though I wish we'd gotten here soon enough to take crime scene photos of it. You know, it would help your case if you choose to press charges.”

“Yes, and you'd all get a laugh out of it down at the station. Precisely why I'm clean now,” Hux replied. Poe was a charismatic man, but his mostly good-natured ribbing had always rubbed Hux wrong. “I don't want to press charges. I just want them off my damn property. I am trying to run a facility here, and they are threatening it, my patients, and myself,” Hux complained.

“Can you describe any of the perpetrators?” Poe asked. He sounded apologetic, but it was still an insulting question.

“There were practically twenty of them, and I was concerned with getting the girl inside. No, I cannot tell you what they looked like,” Hux said. He hated it. Hux was observant. He was the best because he noticed so much, but every incident was the same. He had an objective and that was to ensure his patient's safety. Remembering faces was put aside.

“I can tell you what they looked like,” Ren’s rich voice came from in front of the main desk.

Phasma's eyebrows went up as Finn waved Ren back through the door toward them. “What are you doing here, B—?” Poe asked.

“It's Ren,” the tall man cut him off through gritted teeth.

“Only when you're on the clock,” Poe retorted, but he didn't press it. Hux frowned at the exchange, but he was relieved when Ren actually described the man that threw the eggs and several of the other more aggressive protesters. Phasma corroborated a couple of the descriptions and confirmed that they'd been outside on other occasions.

Hux stood there watching as Poe asked Ren questions and Finn spoke to Phasma. He felt a little useless since he'd barely seen anything other than a mass of people all screaming obscenities at him. He'd run right out there as though he was going to fix anything, but really he'd just gotten in the way. It was something Hux wasn't used to feeling, and it twisted his gut.

“If you do not need me, I have patients to tend to,” Hux said after a minute of standing around. He needed to make himself useful.

“Yeah, go ahead. If we need anything, we’ll wait,” Poe told him, and Hux went back to finish with Rey.

“Was that Poe and Finn out there?” she asked as soon as Hux opened the door. Hux rolled his eyes. Finn and Poe had brought her in the first time Hux had met her. It had been a particularly bitter night, and they'd been afraid she had hypothermia. Hux had seen to her, but she'd been in good health. They'd looked out for her since then.

“Yes,” Hux sighed. “Is there anything else you need. Have you been taking care of yourself? Eating healthy? Having safe—”

“No offense, Dr. Hux, but you aren't my father. I'm fine. Just wanted the flu shot because it's been going around the shelters,” she said, hopping off the table and tugging on the light jacket that Phasma had likely provided for her.

“Very well. Ask Poe if they have a thicker jacket for you,” Hux ordered, letting her slip out of the room. Hux went back to his office as Rey gave Finn a hug from behind and Poe patted her on the shoulder.

Hux collapsed into his chair. The commotion had scared away most of his walk-ins, so he was left to his paperwork and budding headache. That headache only got worse when Ren stood in his doorway twenty minutes later.

Hux had nearly forgotten what had happened between them before all hell broke loose. “I apologize for what I said, Mr. Ren. I must ask you to leave though. I am in no mood to continue our argument,” Hux said, putting the report down on his perfectly organized desk.

“Does that happen often?” Ren asked, ignoring Hux's request. His voice was quiet as though he was afraid to speak too loudly. That only made Hux's hackles raise more. He didn't need to be gentled like some fragile creature.

“Often enough,” Hux replied, tone clipped. He hated it. Not only did it threaten the clinic, but it also put a stain on Hux's immaculate record. If this incident made the news, the hospital would be calling and asking questions. Worse, his father would be calling. Hux pinched the bridge of his nose just at the thought of it.

“Why?” Ren asked, still not getting the hint that he wasn't welcome. Hux wasn't sure why he was surprised by that. Hux had essentially been telling him to leave him alone for weeks, yet here he still was.

“Isn't that the million-dollar question,” Hux snapped. “Take your pick. The religious ones think I'm doing the Devil's work. The strict parents think I'm corrupting their children by offering them birth control and sex education. The religious politicians want to abolish the services I offer. The greedy politicians want to oust us, so they can get their community beautification project underway,” Hux said, digging his nails into the edge of his desk. He didn't know when medicine became the enemy of the people, but it disgusted him the ignorance some people worshiped.

“So, everyone has their own agenda,” Ren said, sounding disappointed in the answer. Hux wasn't sure what he was hoping to hear. Perhaps he'd hoped the crowds were right, that Hux was a monster. Then he’d be justified in hating Hux as well. “I could help,” Ren said after a moment of thought, voice still quiet.

Hux's mouth fell open. “How the hell could you help?” Hux hissed. He held back the comment about Ren being a man-child that was using Hux to get off, but only just.

“I could stand outside, make sure people can come and go safely,” Ren explained, ignoring Hux's tone.

Hux's eyebrows rose. “I can't pay you for that. This is a volunteer clinic. Nurse Phasma is our only paid staff member, and it will stay that way,” Hux told him.

“I understand what a volunteer clinic is, Doctor Hux,” Ren said, crossing his arms over his impossibly broad chest.

“And what will you get out of this? Standing in front of crowds of crazed people doesn't seem like a very fulfilling choice,” Hux said, pushing himself up from his seat.

Ren gave a shrug, and something clicked for Hux. “You want to trade your services...You want...” Hux shook his head at the thought. “You can't possibly be expecting me agree to _service_ you in exchange for protection. What the hell is it you do anyway?” Hux demanded. He couldn't believe he'd actually said that.

“I'm a bodyguard for a man with many enemies,” Ren said, leaning against the doorway. “I don't expect anything in exchange. I offer my services freely,” Ren told him.

Hux didn't believe him for a second. There was always an angle. “Everyone has an agenda, Ren,” Hux repeated Ren's own words. Hux didn’t want to be in Ren’s debt. He had made it his mission not to put the clinic or himself in anyone’s debt.

“You wouldn’t understand mine,” Ren said, seemingly unbothered by Hux’s distrust. Hux sighed. He couldn’t deny that Ren had been effective today. He’d watched Hux’s back even when angry with him, and he’d broken up the crowd. He’d even noticed faces and gave descriptions to Dameron and Finn. Still, Hux didn’t like the idea of Ren hanging around. The man was trouble, and Hux figured that he’d only seen the tip of the iceberg.

“I will need to think it over,” Hux told him.

“You're willing to risk your patients because you dislike me?” Ren asked. The man certainly knew how to cut to the quick.

“I am not willing to risk my medical license and my mother's legacy on a man I know nothing about,” Hux snapped. “Just this afternoon you were angling to get me to touch you. What happened to your stomach pain? How do I know you won't harass one of my patients or Phasma?” Hux asked.

Ren looked uncomfortable then. His face was easy to read for someone who maintained such an air of mystery around him. It was as though the storm of emotions he projected hid his true feelings from sight.

“It's just you,” Ren said quietly.

“What is just me?” Hux asked, frowning.

Ren bit his lip a moment before answering. “That I want to touch me,” he said as though it was painful to admit.

“Oh,” Hux said dumbly. He'd been pursued because he was a doctor before. However, that was mostly people looking for an established and wealthy husband. It had less to do with his gloves and more to do with his wallet. “Is it me or my lab coat?” Hux found himself asking even though he wasn't entirely sure that he wanted the answer.

“A little of both, I think?” Ren replied.

Hux sighed, closing his eyes and wishing this was some strange dream. He was hoping that he'd wake up and go to work at the hospital, and everything in his life would be back to normal.

“Sunday morning, can you be here at nine?” Hux asked.

“Isn't that a little early?” Ren asked.

“The thing about fanatics is that they like to go to church before they come and wish death upon you, so I open early on Sundays,” Hux said.

“I'll be here,” Ren agreed.

“Thank you,” Hux told him as Ren turned to leave.

Ren didn't say anything, walking out and leaving Hux to his thoughts. “What the hell am I doing?” Hux asked the empty room, sitting back down in his chair and running his hands through his already disheveled hair.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: this chapter features protesters causing a scene outside the clinic and harassing a patient and the staff.


	3. Chapter 3

 

Hux was surprised to find Ren sitting on the bench out front with two cups of coffee on Sunday. It was barely seven in the morning, and Hux hadn't expected Ren for another few hours.

“What are you doing? Did you sleep on that bench?” Hux asked, standing straighter and using his thick wool coat to make himself look larger.

“Figured that if you open at nine, you'd be getting here earlier. Since people don't seem to like you too much, you could probably use the protection too,” Ren said, holding up the second cup of coffee.

“I prefer tea,” Hux said, but he took the cup anyway. “And I don't need protection. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself,” he corrected. Tuesday had simply been a lapse in judgment. Hux certainly wasn't going to allow Ren to question his ability to look after himself. The man could barely dress himself. Hux was not the one that needed a keeper here. Not to mention that Hux still didn't completely trust Ren or his motives.

“I didn't say you couldn't take care of yourself, but if you get a crowd out here again, there's no saying what they can do,” Ren told him, being far too reasonable for Hux's liking.

“My hero,” Hux said sarcastically.

Ren snorted, but he didn't actually seem offended by it. That only annoyed Hux more than if he'd thrown a fit. Since when did Kylo Ren brush off his harsh statements?

“Are you coming in or do you prefer to spend the next two hours in the cold?” Hux asked as he unlocked the front door.

Ren stood and followed him into the waiting room.

“What's wrong with you today, Mr. Ren? A touch of flu? Whooping cough?” Hux asked as he went around straightening out the already neat waiting area. Perhaps it was a character flaw that he had to push until he found the weak spot in things. However, it had served Hux well in his pursuits.

“Do you make fun of all of your patients?” Ren asked, voice strained. There it was, the chink in Ren's thick armor.

“No, but most of them aren't using me to fuel their sexual fantasies,” Hux retorted, standing up straight and looking right into Ren’s eyes.

Ren blushed a little. “It wasn't just for that,” Ren said, studying his coffee cup awfully hard.

Hux looked at him carefully, but he ignored the twist in his gut and pushed harder. “Very well. But do you want my medical expertise before you stand out in the cold all day?” Hux asked. He couldn't believe he was actually offering this. Sure it was a calculated move to exploit a weakness, but it was also completely unethical.

Ren's nostrils flared and he stalked right into Hux's space. “I don't appreciate your humor. I didn't offer to do this to blackmail you into having sex with me. Don't flatter yourself,” Ren told him, squeezing his cup until coffee spilled down over his fist and onto the carpet.

Hux cursed, jumping back to prevent his newly cleaned lab coat from getting coffee all over it. He held his tongue as he went to get a towel to clean it up with. That was his fault. He should have known that wouldn't have gone over well. Ren had pride, and Hux had certainly just tread all over it.

Ren was outside on the seat again by the time Hux came back, and Hux took it as a blessing while he cleaned up the small mess. He covertly watched Ren through the window as he tried to scrub the stain out of the carpet on his hands and knees. It was such an undignified position, and if he were Ren he would have reveled in it. However, Ren just sat on the bench staring down at his hands which were most likely burnt from the hot coffee. He seemed so deep in thought that Hux couldn't help wondering what was on his mind.

Phasma arrived an hour later and gave him a questioning look as she pointed to Ren out front. “Our new watchdog,” Hux sighed.

“Really?” she almost sounded offended.

“I realize that you can handle the crowds, but crowd control isn't exactly your job and…he volunteered,” Hux said, going over the charts one more time before signing off on them.

“What's his angle?” she asked.

“There is no angle.”

“He comes in every week with a different illness, and suddenly he offers to watch our door. Is he hoping to get drugs? Did you tell him that we don't actually keep—”

“It's not drugs,” Hux said. God, he wished it was drugs. That would've been easy.

“I don't like it,” she said.

“Your opinion is noted, and when this blows up in our faces I won't even stop you from saying I told you so,” Hux said flatly.

“I appreciate it, Doctor,” she said, stepping around her desk and beginning her preparations for the day.

Hux went about his own business. It had been a long week. He'd had two major surgeries since Tuesday, and he was practically dead on his feet, but he refused to miss the limited hours that he ran the clinic.

He did paperwork until nine o'clock when the doors officially opened. He'd seen two picketers come by as they prepared to open, but they'd taken one look at Kylo Ren standing out front and moved on. Hux wasn't sure what Ren had that frightened them so much. Sure he was well over six feet tall and about as broad as a barn, but the man was soft spoken for the most part. At least he was when he spoke to people other than Hux. Hux tended to incite a storm of strong emotions, few of them good it seemed.

“You know that he works for Snoke, right?” Phasma asked when she caught him staring for the third time between patients.

“He what?” Hux asked. Snoke had gotten most of his fortune from pharmaceuticals, but then he tried his hand at politics. The man was slimier than an eel, and he’d contacted Hux more than once about a partnership. Hux wanted nothing to do with him and his shady politics. He knew that his mother had taken a large donation from the man to get the clinic off and running, but she'd cut all ties with him after a disagreement. Hux's father still kept contact with the man, but Hux kept out of it for the most part.

“That's who he protects when he isn't visiting us,” Phasma told him, arms folded over her chest. Ren's comment about working for a man with many enemies came back to Hux, and he nodded. It made sense.

“Did everyone know that except for me?” Hux asked.

“Maybe if you attended those fancy dinners that your father always invites you to you would've known too,” Phasma said, almost chastising.

Hux loathed those events. He had great respect for his father, but he didn't like to rub shoulders with people just because they had money. He would much rather spend his time with people of skill and ethic. Those dinners were just an excuse to flash one's status at others and accomplished little else. Hux didn't have time for that sort of thing.

“I'd rather spend an evening with our picketers,” Hux said, trading one chart for another and slipping into the exam room.

\---

Hux actually thought that the little arrangement he'd set with Ren might actually work. He was good with escorting patients inside and out to their cars or the bus stop when he needed to. For the most part, protesters kept their distance when he was standing out there. Hux didn't doubt that that was because of the real possibility that he was armed.

Then Ren got angry. Hux didn't know what set him off. There were a lot of picketers that day, so it could have been any one of them. Hux was just finishing up a grant form then the next thing Hux knew, Phasma was calling for him. He rushed out of his office to see Ren lifting the bench over his head and smashing it against the concrete.

“You cannot be serious,” Hux said, watching Ren lift the remains of the bench and slam it down again. That certainly sent the picketers running.

“Have fun dealing with that,” Phasma told him, going back to work and leaving him to deal with their volatile guard.

Hux cursed to himself as he marched through the waiting area and out the front door. He was furious; this was worse than what the protesters did. At least they kept their vandalism to spray paint that could be washed off or painted over. A new bench was not an expenditure that Hux wanted to make, and he certainly wasn’t about to buy a new one himself. That one had been donated in his mother’s memory, little name plate and all.

“What are you doing?” he demanded, stepping out of the clinic. Ren didn’t seem to notice his presence, still destroying the bench to the point that it was just a heap of kindling. “Stop this at once, Ren. I will not have you making a scene in front of my clinic,” Hux insisted.

Ren looked up at him, eyes blazing as he stood in the remains of the bench. He was breathing heavily from the exertion, and Hux could see that his fingers were bleeding—likely from splinters of the decimated bench.

“This is unacceptable behavior. You are in full view of my clients,” Hux told him, now that he had Ren’s full attention. “You’re scaring them more than the protesters are,” Hux added, keeping his voice more level this time.

Ren continued to breathe heavily, looking down at what he’d done. Hux wanted to comment that Ren was only hurting himself because he was truthfully the only person that sat on the stupid bench, but he held that barb for later.

“What happened?” Hux asked, finding his composure again.

“Nothing,” Ren snapped, straightening up and dusting off his coat.

Hux raised his eyebrows, but he held his tongue. “Come inside. I’ll clean your hands up before you go home,” Hux told him.

“The clinic is still open for three more hours,” Ren said, sounding confused.

“I can’t have you standing out here terrifying the masses, Ren. Anyway, I doubt anyone is coming back to protest after that little display you put on,” Hux said, holding his hands behind his lab coat.

Ren followed him inside, though Hux could still feel the anger pouring off of him. It was as though his anger charged the entire room. “Room Three. I’ll be in in a moment,” Hux ordered, going to the back office to reassure Phasma that the authorities need not be called.

When he stepped into the exam room, Ren had his coat off and was sitting quietly with his bleeding hands cradled in his lap. Hux didn’t say anything as he pulled on a pair of gloves and began gathering antiseptic and bandages.

“I can’t have that sort of behavior at my clinic. We get scrutiny enough as it is, and I can’t afford to be seen as a place of violence and chaos,” Hux explained reasonably as he pulled one of Ren’s hands out of his lap and held it up for inspection. He couldn't help noticing that sheer size of Ren's hands and the strength in them.

“I received bad news,” Ren said. That really wasn’t a satisfactory explanation. Hux had received plenty of bad news in his life, delivered plenty as well. He had never destroyed a massive piece of furniture upon hearing bad news though.

“That is unfortunate, but still an unacceptable excuse. My clinic works on a limited budget. I can’t afford to replace things just because you receive bad news. I can’t afford to waste supplies because you tore up your hands destroying my office,” Hux said, gently wiping away the blood with gauze covered in antiseptic. Ren didn't make any indication that he even noticed the pain.

“Then why are you cleaning my hands?” Ren asked harshly.

“Because I am your doctor, and you’re injured. I may believe you deserve every cut you have on you right now, but my job is to see that you get care for it,” Hux told him. Hux justified a lot of things to himself with the oath he took. Every time he had to operate on someone he knew was a bad person, he reminded himself what he’d sworn when he became a doctor.

“You always keep your word?”

“A man is only as good as his word,” Hux told him, trading hands and beginning to disinfect Ren’s left one. “I will need to use tweezers to remove several splinters on this hand,” he noted as he inspected the damage once the blood was cleaned away.

Ren nodded, so Hux stood and retrieved a pair of tweezers to work the splinters out with. He held Ren’s hand steady as he carefully pulled each sliver out then disinfected the tiny wound before inspecting it for any other splinters. Ren didn’t flinch was Hux worked, in fact, he almost seemed to be meditating.

Hux looked up at Ren’s face when he’d pulled the last piece of wood free, and Ren had his eyes closed and was controlling his breathing. “I’ll put bandages over the worst of these, but the ones that have closed I’m going to leave as is,” Hux explained softly, pulling a bandage taut over the worst of the splinter sites. Ren’s breath caught as Hux smoothed down the adhesive, inadvertently massaging Ren’s palm.

Hux ignored the almost serene expression on Ren's face as he carefully bandaged his abused fingers. He wasn't even sure that there was a point to wrapping them, but if it meant that Ren didn't show up next week worried that the wounds were infected and gangrenous then it was worth it. Hux didn't think he would ever understand how a man that was basically a human bullet shield was also so worried about being ill. It was a contradiction.

“I expect that you will never do this again,” Hux said in his most authoritative voice once Ren's fingers were sufficiently tended. He dropped Ren's hand like it was on fire, no longer wanting to cradle it gently lest he give the man any ideas.

Ren grumbled under his breath, and Hux turned away so he couldn't be seen rolling his eyes if Ren ever opened his own. “I don't care if you've received the worst news imaginable, Ren. Try to have some professional integrity. You may leave,” Hux dismissed him with a wave of his hand, still turned away from the other man.

Hux heard Ren suck in a sharp breath and the crinkle of the paper over the table as Ren no doubt gripped it tightly. However, instead of arguing, Ren did as he was told and left the office.

“He's unpredictable,” Phasma said from the doorway. Hux glanced over at her, and she raised her eyebrow at him.

“I think he's very predictable,” Hux replied, pulling off his gloves and disposing them. “If there is a way he can make more work for me, he will.”

Phasma smirked at him as he walked toward her. “Careful Doctor, I might start to think you're enjoying all of this extra work.”

“I assure you that is far from the case, but his presence has been...effective,” Hux grudgingly admitted. People still came of course, and Hux had been spit at no less than three times this week, but his patients hadn't been threatened. For the most part, the picketers didn't loiter very long with Ren's sharp eyes watching them.

“You could get a guard dog from the shelter,” Phasma suggested, walking with him to her desk.

“What makes you think that people who terrorize and threaten young women would have any reservations about hurting a poor dog?” Hux asked, gripping the edge of the desk. He had too much to do today. He didn't want to spend it wondering if Ren could be replaced. “I'm going to make myself some tea while our waiting room is empty. Then I plan to hole up in my office and finish paperwork,” Hux said, letting go of the counter.

Phasma didn't say anything as he walked to the kitchenette across from his office. He did his best to block out all thoughts of Ren or his antics as he put the kettle on and waited for it to boil. Of course, that didn't work.

Instead, he found himself wondering just what kind of news would cause Ren to destroy an entire bench like he was snapping a damn pencil. It had been down right impressive to watch him lift the bench over his head like it weighed nothing. Unfortunately, now Hux was faced with a mess because of it. Still, Hux couldn't stop himself from imagining what else Ren could do with those strong hands.

\---

Ren was back again on Sunday morning, waiting patiently outside the office when Hux arrived. The remains of the bench had mysteriously vanished since Hux's last visit to the clinic, but he made no comment about it. Ren was seated on the cold ground, and only pushed himself to his feet when Hux began to unlock the door.

“You need something?” Hux asked. He'd planned to ignore Ren's existence today, not in the mood to deal with another possible tantrum. However, Ren's body language said he wasn't going to be ignored.

Ren looked up at him as he slowly rose to his feet. He seemed a little unsteady, using the brick facade to help himself stand. “Throat,” Ren rasped, much as he had the first time he came in without a voice.

Hux frowned. “Do you lose your voice often?” he asked, opening the door and motioning Ren inside. He couldn't possibly be sick again. It was beyond reason.

Ren shook his head as he walked past him into the warm lobby. Ren didn't even wait for Hux to tell him where to go; he walked straight to what had become _his_ exam room. Hux sighed. He had been planning to use his hour of solitude to finally get ahead all of the things that needed doing, but that looked to be out of the question.

Hux went to his office and traded his winter coat for his lab coat and joined Ren in the small room. Ren already had his own coat off. He was wearing a black button down that looked slept in, and his slacks were equally wrinkled.

Pulling on his gloves, Hux walked over expecting another adventure in attempting to understand why Ren was overreacting to ordinary conditions. “Tilt your head up,” Hux told him. Ren cooperated, lifting his chin up and looking up at the ceiling before closing his eyes.

Hux reached up and felt Ren's throat for any swelling. He barely glanced at what he was doing, so used to performing it on his patients. He made a mental note that there was a little swelling, but oddly it wasn't in the glands. “Let me just take a look inside your mouth,” Hux said, dropping his hands and turning to get a tongue depressor.

As he went to reach into the jar, he noticed something on his gloved fingers. He brought his hand up to look at his fingers which were coated in a beige film. Frowning, Hux turned back to Ren.

“Are you wearing makeup on your neck?” he asked sharply.

Ren's eyes widened, and he shook his head, but Hux could see it now. It was just a shade too dark, hard to tell in the shadow of his chin. Now that he noticed it though, it was impossible to miss—as though Ren had gone to the all night pharmacy and just grabbed something vaguely skin colored and slapped it on as heavily as he could without it cracking.

“Why in hell are you wearing concealer?” Hux asked, grabbing a sterile pad and saline before walking back over. He covered the pad in saline and then began cleaning away the makeup before Ren could stop him.

Ren's hands came up to grip his wrist tightly as Hux's breath caught. Deep bruising was hidden under the thick makeup. Hux was actually impressed that he had been successful is covering such a nasty bruise.

“Ligature marks,” Hux said, pulling his wrist free of Ren's grasp with a jerk and bringing the pad up again. He made sure that his touch was gentler this time. “Are you having difficulty breathing?” Hux asked softly when Ren let his hand fall back to his lap. A shake of his head was all Hux received in reply. “Did you lose consciousness?” he asked, turning to get another pad.

“No,” Ren whispered. He sounded miserable, and Hux couldn't really blame him.

“The last time you came in because of your throat had you been strangled then as well?” Hux asked, suddenly worrying that he had completely missed it. He prided himself on how observant he was, and yet he'd missed something so glaring.

Ren shook his head. “I yelled myself hoarse,” he admitted.

Hux bit the inside of his cheek. His mind immediately came up with the word torture, but he didn't say that out loud. He felt lucky that Ren was letting his see this much. He came back and cleaned the last of the concealer off of Ren. “Lie down,” Hux ordered softly. “I will be right back.”

Hux left the room and retrieved a couple ice packs from the supply room. He also took a thin towel as well. He cracked the ice packs as he walked and shook them until they became cold.

When he stepped back into the room, Ren was lying on his back on the exam table with his legs hanging off the end of it. Hux placed the towel over Ren's throat then put the packs on top of it.

Ren's eyes were on him as he checked his watch. “Don't move,” he said. Ren just blinked at him. Hux would've thought he'd like Ren better this way. It was hard to argue when the man couldn't speak, and this actually did constitute a medical condition—a serious one even. However, Hux didn't find the pleasure he would've hoped for as he looked down at Ren's placid face.

Hux left the room, closing the door quietly before going to the meager kitchenette across from his office. He put the kettle on and took out his favored mug and a tea bag while he waited for it to boil. He checked his watch once the water was poured, and he was adding honey to the mixture. He still had a minute or two until he should take the ice off of Ren's neck. So, he waited for the bag to steep before removing it and carrying the cup of tea back to the exam room.

Ren was right where he'd left him, staring up at the ceiling as Hux walked to the counter to place the tea down. He checked his watch again before going over to Ren and removing the ice pack and towel. He took a good look at the ligature marks and shook his head. He carefully ran his fingers over Ren's neck again, but it looked worse than it actually was. If Ren hadn't lose consciousness, then Hux wasn't too concerned.

“This could have killed you,” he said, keeping his touch as gentle as possible. Ren's eyes closed as he took a shuddering breath, and Hux didn't even care if the touch turned him on. He had bigger concerns. “Do you have any other injuries?” he asked.

Opening his eyes again, Ren gave him a flat look. Perhaps to Ren it was a stupid question, but Hux needed things confirmed. He couldn't just strip Ren, searching for injuries because he was worried—not that he'd _ever_ admit that it was worry he was feeling. It didn't work that way.

“May I check them?” he asked, offering his hand to help Ren sit up.

Ren slowly began to unbutton his shirt, and Hux went to pull on a clean pair of gloves. When he turned around, Ren's torso was free of any bruising. Hux frowned, but then Ren slipped off the table and turned his back. He lifted the bottom of his shirt to reveal his lower back. Someone had hit him in the kidney; while the bruising wasn't profound, that didn't mean the damage wasn't.

“This could have killed you as well if they hit you hard enough,” Hux told him flatly, though he felt his anger flare. Hux wanted to wrap his fingers around Ren's neck himself and throttle some sense into him. How could the man get such horrendous bruises and not think that he needed to seek medical attention? He came in because he had a runny nose, but when he actually was injured he tried to hide it. _Like an animal_ , Hux's brain supplied. Howling for attention until it was something serious and then hiding.

“Brace yourself,” Hux said, approaching to examine the damage. He could feel Ren tense as he applied pressure around the bruised area. He made note of the way Ren's breathing sped up as he touched him with gloved fingers. He helped Ren up onto the table again when he was finished and placed the ice over this injury as well.

“Is there blood in your urine?” Hux asked, though he knew the answer. Ren just nodded his head. “Nausea?”

“Not too bad,” Ren whispered.

Hux snorted. “Not too bad is not a measurable amount. Is it not too bad for a normal human or not too bad for a monster of a man who's used to getting beat up?” Hux retorted.

“I'm not going to be sick,” Ren said, balling his hands into fists as he laid still so as not to dislodge the ice pack.

Hux sighed, asking Ren more questions to make sure he hadn't missed any other injuries. Ren stuck mostly to nodding or shaking his head, sparing his throat. Hux had to stop himself from soothingly rubbing Ren's back—knowing personally just how painful the muscle spasms associated with a kidney injury could be. However, that would be crossing a line, and while Ren might not mind it Hux couldn't go there. When he was satisfied that Ren's injuries were limited to his back and throat, he ended his interrogation.

“If you're going to be doing anything that involves the possibility of injury, you should wear protection over that kidney,” Hux said. “I also don't think it is wise of you to stay—”

“I'm fine. I can keep watch,” Ren rasped, sounding worried that Hux would insist he leave.

“If you feel unwell, I expect you will come inside. If you feel any worse at all. I'll also want to check you again before you leave tonight. In five minutes, you can remove the ice and redress. The tea there is for your throat,” Hux said, pulling off his gloves and walking to the door. At least if Ren was out front, Hux could keep an eye on him. “Do these injuries have anything to do with the bad news that caused you to trash my bench the other day?” Hux asked, pausing with his hand on the doorknob.

“It's better that you don't know,” Ren said, straining his voice to be heard. That was an admission in itself.

“Perhaps so, but I'm your doctor and you volunteer here. I already know more than I should, I assume,” Hux said, knowing that Ren could very easily bring all sorts of trouble to his doorstep.

“I have it under control,” Ren insisted.

Hux scoffed. “Nearly being strangled to death hardly seems like any measure of control, unless it is some sort of auto-erotic thing, but then you probably didn't hit yourself in the kidney, so my point stands. I suggest you get your life in order, Ren. I don't appreciate having unnecessary trouble in my own life. This clinic is enough of a headache,” Hux told him sharply before walking out.

Hux prided himself on being a good doctor, not necessarily a good person. He had no problem treating Ren's injuries and ailments even if he got them from nefarious activities. His only problem was if Ren's troubles became his own troubles. If Ren wanted to go and get himself killed, Hux didn't care but he refused to die with him.

Phasma was sitting at her desk when Ren came out of the exam room. Hux was going over their plan for the day when Ren stopped in front of them.

“Yes?” Hux asked, looking at him expectantly.

Ren didn't so much as look at him. Instead he addressed Phasma. “Do you have makeup?” Ren asked in a whisper, lifting his chin enough to reveal his neck.

Phasma's eyes widened as she looked at the vibrant bruising. “I'm afraid not. Certainly nothing that would cover those,” she told him. “I'll run to the pharmacy though. They should be open,” she said, giving Hux a look that clearly said they'd be having words when she returned. She quickly pulled on her coat again and bustled out of the clinic.

Ren glared at Hux as she left. “You couldn't possibly expect me to have left it covered up,” Hux defended himself.

“It took an hour to get it to look right,” Ren said, gripping the desk.

“Trust me, it didn't look right. Though, I suppose it's a relief that you aren't skilled at using concealer. It gives one hope that this isn't going to be a common occurrence,” Hux retorted snidely.

“I didn't ask you for your help,” Ren told him.

“No, you lied about what was wrong. Did you want more cough syrup? It certainly can't fix what you've gone and done to yourself,” Hux told him. Ren didn't reply immediately, and Hux forced himself to check his comments. “Did you finish the tea?” he asked instead.

“Yes...it helped,” Ren admitted, lifting his hand to touch his abused throat.

“Centuries of medical advancement, but there are still some things that only a cup of tea with honey can help best,” Hux remarked, putting down the itinerary he'd been reading to Phasma. “I will get you a chair from the storage room, so you don't have to stand for hours. I expect it to still be in one piece by this evening.”

By the time Hux came back with an old but sturdy chair, Phasma had returned and was slapping Ren's hands away from the makeup. “You do it all wrong,” she told him exasperatedly, picking up the supplies herself. Hux went to his office, but he couldn't shake the worry he felt for Ren.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who commented on the last chapter. I had a really busy week and didn't get to respond to any of them (though I'll probably go do that now), but I just want you to know they really made my day.


	4. Chapter 4

Hux couldn't dismiss his concerns...nor his suspicions about Kylo's condition. Questions about where the injuries came from and how frequently plagued his thoughts. Questions about his own methods and his own attentiveness to patients swirled around in his mind. It was tedious and distracting.

Hux found his mind trailing to the pattern of the thick bruises on Kylo's long neck. He could see the purples and blues on the page he had been attempting to read. Hux pinched the bridge of his nose and attempted to read the same paragraph for the third time. When the blossom of bruising over Kylo's kidney sprang to mind unbidden, Hux finally shut the medical journal and removed his reading glasses.

He tossed the glasses onto his desk and leaned back in his chair. Sighing heavily, he rubbed at his eyes until he couldn't distinguish the stars behind the lids from Kylo's abused skin. He reach for the glass of wine he'd been drinking only to find it empty.

With a tired sigh, Hux got up from his desk and walked through his apartment to his kitchen. He stared out the large window at the lights as he refilled his glass. His thoughts drifted to whether he should have spotted Ren's injuries sooner. Had he really missed them, or had Ren just been overreacting to other things?

Hux's thoughts were interrupted by his phone ringing in his pocket. The “Flight of the Valkyries” played as he removed the device from his pants pocket. He looked at the screen to confirm that it was his father calling. It had begun as a joke between he and his mother, but he'd never changed the ringtone for his father even after years of it going off at the worst possible moments such as his cousin's baptism.

He looked at the clock on the wall and noted that it was later than he'd thought it was. His father's final class and any shared drinks afterward had likely ended over an hour ago.

“Good evening, Father,” he greeted as he accepted the call.

“I was honestly expecting to get your voicemail,” his father admitted after a moment's pause.

Hux chuckled softly. He could admit that he wasn't particularly disciplined about answering his personal phone. He answered his work phone no matter what—he'd jumped out of the shower to answer it in time more than once—but he ignored his personal phone, preferring to return calls on his own time. He supposed that said a lot about his investment in his personal life.

“I was just catching up on some reading. To what do I owe the call?” Hux asked. He held great respect for his father, but they weren’t close. His father had kept his distance while Hux was studying medicine, not wanting to be seen as showing favoritism to his son. Hux hadn’t needed any favoritism to be at the top of his class, but it had driven a wedge between them to see the way his father had his favorites who he would give incredible opportunities to. Opportunities that Hux would have killed for.

Hux knew his father didn’t notice the distance that had come between them. He saw their relationship as functional, but Hux’s mother had noticed. She’d call him frequently when she was alive, in a barely concealed plan to try to fill the void his father had created. Since her death, Hux didn’t expect calls unless it was an emergency or an event was coming up that he was expected to attend.

“I was hoped you’d be free for lunch tomorrow,” his father replied, sounding as though they set up this sort of thing all the time.

Hux pulled his phone away from his ear and shook it to light the screen. The phone clearly said it was his father on the line, but Hux didn’t believe it. “What’s the occasion?” he asked as nonchalant as he could manage.

“I haven’t seen you in three months, and you live only fifteen minutes away. I feel like I’ve hardly seen you at all since the funeral,” his father said. He sounded tired, and Hux felt guilty. His father and mother had been together nearly forty years, and while neither of them were particularly abundant in their affection for the other, there had been love there. He knew it had to be difficult for his father without her.

“Where would you like to meet?” Hux asked. It had been three months, but it wasn’t like Hux was purposely avoiding his father. They were both just very busy men.

“How about the little restaurant near the hospital. La Cantina?” his father suggested. Hux knew the place well enough. His previous girlfriend loved to drag him there after his shift. Many of the other doctors and nurses went there as well because of its proximity to the hospital. Hux didn't particularly like the noisy atmosphere or the crass music, but the food was decent enough and doctors tended to get a discount.

“Very well. I take lunch at one o’clock unless there is an emergency. I’ll call you if I have to cancel,” Hux said, creating a reminder in his phone since he often worked right through lunch without even realizing the passing of time.

“I look forward to it, Son,” his father said.

“As do I,” Hux replied. “I will see you tomorrow,” he said before hanging up.

He stared at the screen again until it went dark, leaving him alone again in his dimly light kitchen with nothing but a glass of wine and his maudlin thoughts to keep him company. He stared out the window again and wondered not for the first time if his father was right in keeping his distance from Hux. Perhaps he didn’t deserve the favor of his father; perhaps he wasn’t worthy of it.

Hux drained his glass and went to bed instead of trying to read any further. He honestly couldn't remember what the article had even been about in the first place.

\---

_There was blood on his hands, and he could hear screaming. His usual gloves were absent from his fingers, and he could feel the warmth of the arterial fluid as it coated his shaking hands._

_Hux looked around him frantically for something to stop the bleeding. He was in the OR, but there were no tools or bandages. The room was empty, even more sterile looking than normal, except for the body on the table. Hux couldn’t make out what they looked like, but blood seemed to pour from the dark figure._

_Rushing to the black cloaked body, he tried to locate the wound that was draining the life from them. The screams had become so dissonant that he wasn’t sure they were even human as they pierced his thoughts and disoriented him._

_Hux breathed heavily, looking for the wound but having little luck in locating it. The material was too thick and tangled almost like a burial shroud instead of clothing. Hux tore at it, ripping away strips of fabric, frantic to find the origin of the blood before it was too late._

_He gasped when he saw a strip of bloody flesh as he ripped away another layer of fabric. He pulled and pulled until the body was bare. However, the flesh was torn and pulpy, blood seeping from all over instead of a singular wound._

_Hux tore away the last of the black shroud to reveal the face of the man, only to stare into his own lifeless eyes. Their pale color was a stark contrast to the blood on his torn up face. He realized then that the screams were his own, and as he blinked down at himself his perspective changed._

_He looked up from the table then, feeling the overwhelming pain of his broken body, to see Ren standing above him, eyes wild and scared as he tried to help but every touch just tore away more of Hux’s flesh, his armor. His mouth was open in a scream, but Hux could no longer hear the animalistic sound._

_Hux realized that he hadn’t been tearing apart a shroud but his own body._

Hux gasped awake, a scream silent in his throat. He ended up choking on it as he rolled off his bed and to his knees. He scrambled to the bathroom just in time to collapse against the toilet and lose the meager dinner he’d forced himself to eat.

He gripped the rim of the toilet so hard that his fingers ached, and he tried to use the pain to keep him present. He gasped again before bringing up bile that burned his throat. He stayed like that for several minutes, waiting for his heart rate to slow and his stomach to calm.

Pulling himself to his feet, Hux staggered to the sink and rinsed out his mouth. He spit the water back into the basin and looked at himself in the mirror. He was so pale that the circles under his eyes made it look like he'd been punched. It didn't help him rid himself the images of his own torn up features from his dream.

Hux gritted his teeth and looked down at his hands instead. They gripped the sink much as they had the toilet, holding onto reality. When he squeezed his eyes shut, Kylo's face came to mind. The horror he'd seen on those odd features as Ren had torn into him.

Shaking himself from his thoughts, Hux went to the linen closet and removed the cleaning supplies he stored there. He set about cleaning the toilet and the sink. He even scrubbed the grout between the tiles with an old toothbrush in some places. When he was satisfied that the bathroom was clean, he stripped and showered.

This was Ren's fault—the dreams, the restless thoughts. Hux didn't know why he couldn't shake it, but he couldn't. No other patient had ever affected him like this, and he'd had some bizarre ones. He'd had others that he felt for more than he should, and even they hadn't plagued his mind like this when he clocked out.

He showered until the water ran cold, then he went and made himself a cup of tea. He sat in his dark apartment instead of attempting to sleep again, sipping his tea until it too became cold and was forgotten.

\---

“You look like hell,” his father said as Hux wove his way to the table he was sitting at.

Hux knew he looked like shit. He'd seen himself in the mirror before he left for work. Nothing could hide the shadows under his eyes or the slight tremor in his hands. He was grateful that it had been a light morning, more administrative duties than ones requiring steady fingers.

“It's been a long week,” Hux said calmly. He was used to his father's scrutiny and how to deal with it. Perhaps this time his father's words were warranted, but it made no difference. Hux merely brushed them off and moved on. “I assume you are well, and this isn't actually a plot to inform me that you are ill or remarrying a woman my age.” Hux took the seat across from his father at the unstable table. His father's drink shook as he accidentally knocked the leg of the table with his knee.

“I'm not looking to replace your mother, Bren, and I'm not dying,” his father told him, sounding exasperated. Hux figured the questions were warranted, but he just shrugged.

“Then what do you care to discuss?” he asked, motioning to the waitress.

“I just wanted to see that you're doing well. I know you took your mother's death hard...”

“Yes well, I was the one that took a sabbatical from work to see to her care. Seeing the strong woman who raised you depleted more every day until she couldn't even lift a spoon to her lips tends to stay with you,” Hux said sharply. He didn't speak of those six months he spent at his mother's bedside, tending to her every need. He never spoke of how it crushed him to clean the dribble from her chin when the treatments sapped her energy, or how sad it made him when she needed help bathing her papery skin.

“That is why I hired a nurse to see to her,” his father told him.

“A nurse,” Hux scoffed. “She didn't give all of herself to ensure our success and happiness just to be cared for by a stranger in her final hours.” Hux praised live-in and visiting nurses and end of life care, but not for his own mother when he had been perfectly capable of caring for her. He felt it would have been the ultimate betrayal to have let her waste away while he carried on as though nothing was amiss. Many things could be said about Hux's character, but he loved his mother and tried to be a good son to her.

“Of course, a stranger couldn't be trusted with her care, how then would you assist her suicide if there were other eyes watching?” Hux Sr. retorted, meeting Hux's eyes with a cold stare.

Hux sneered. He wouldn't justify his actions to his father who hadn't even seen his wife in her last days. He'd been away at a conference. Hux's mother couldn't even lift the spoon to her lips to sip her soup. No amount of painkillers could suppress the agony anymore, even breathing was painful to her.

She'd asked Hux to take her out to the garden, so she could see her roses one last time. He'd cut her one and tucked it behind her ear before giving her something to make her go to sleep. He'd read to her from her favorite book of poems as she drifted off.

Hux glanced around the restaurant, but no one was listening to their conversation. “I cared for her to the best of my abilities.” He told his father. No one had questioned how she'd gone. They all knew it was coming, and Hux had made it damn close to undetectable if anyone actually called for an autopsy. His father hadn't. He'd been relieved it happened while he was away.

“I didn't think you had it in you to do what was necessary, but I am proud of you.”

Hux didn't respond. He felt no guilt over her death. Even if he only saved her a single agonized breath, it was worth it to be able to ease the pain of the woman who'd spent years wiping his runny noses and soothing his fevered brow as a child.

“And how are you taking to being a widower?” Hux finally asked, glancing around the restaurant again for the waitress who never came over.

“I've never minded solitude,” his father said, sounding happy enough.

Hux nodded. He knew his father missed her, but he'd never show it not even to Hux. Hux was the same in that respect. He'd cried for his mother there in the garden, but by the time they came for her body, Hux was stoic as ever and had remained so ever since.

They moved away from touchy topics after that. They talked about work, the clinic, and the upcoming scholarship fundraiser they hosted. It was downright bland how they caught up with each other.

“I know you have a lot on your plate, especially as your getting back into everything after the sabbatical,” his father told him as they talked about the scholarship fund his mother had entrusted to Hux during her illness.

“I manage,” Hux retorted, never willing to show weakness.

“I know you always manage, but I'm here if you need me. I know your mother was always there for you, and now that she's gone I don't want you to feel like you've been abandoned.”

“I understand, Father.”

“I know the clinic can get crazy this time of year when people start getting sick, so if you want me to handle the fundraiser I wouldn't mind. Her book of contacts is still in her office along with all of the old plans,” his father offered.

Hux looked up at him. He'd been putting off worrying about the scholarship for months, hoping it would put itself together. It wasn't that he didn't believe it was important. It was that he loathed the event itself. His mother had always invited the top crust of people she knew, and they all donated throughout the night toward the fund. It was just a competition to see who could flash more wealth, and it turned Hux's stomach even if it was for a good cause.

“You have time to put it together?” Hux asked, feeling relief to a stress he hadn't even actively been aware of.

“It's nothing a couple TAs can't handle. The space is already booked, so it's just a matter of a mailing and some event planning. It's the sort of thing grad students live for,” his father told him. Hux disagreed. He would have been furious if he'd been put in charge of such an event while in med school, but his father's chosen students weren't exactly like Hux.

“If it isn't too much trouble, that would be a great help,” Hux admitted.

“No trouble at all. Though I do expect you to attend even if your aren't running it.”

“Of course. I wouldn't miss it,” Hux agreed.

By the time the waitress got to them, Hux didn't have time to order a lunch. So, he ordered a cup of soup to take with him. The poor woman was very flustered as she got to them, apologizing profusely about some sort of incident in the kitchen. Hux didn't really care. He wasn't very disciplined about eating lunch anyway, and the meeting with his father wasn't so uncomfortable that he needed the distraction.

When she brought out his soup, insisting it was on the house for how long he'd had to wait, he rose from his seat. “I should be going,” he told his father, holding out his hand.

His father rose and pulled him into a tight hug instead. “Don't be a stranger, Bren. She'd be proud that you're keeping the clinic in such good order,” he said, giving Hux a strong thump on the back.

Hux tried not to think about the mess he was currently dealing with at the clinic. Between the protesters and Kylo Ren, he didn't really feel like he was doing his mother's vision justice but he'd press on anyway.

“Thank you. I'll be in touch,” he said, stepping back and dropping a twenty on the table for the waitress.

His father sat back down, probably expecting another person to join him. He had an unfortunate tendency to book his lunch dates back to back. Hux was used to it by now.

Hux walked back through the restaurant toward the door. He glanced back at his father one last time before leaving with his container of soup in hand. He turned to take the shortcut back to the hospital, cutting through the alley beside the restaurant to get through to the next block where the hospital was located without having to walk all the way around.

He stopped short when he saw the alley wasn't vacant as usual. Kylo Ren stood beside the door to the kitchen, towering over another man who seemed to be begging for mercy. Hux had half a mind to turn around and go the long way, but Ren had inconvenienced his life too much as it was.

Hux began walking again, determined to walk right past the little scene just like anyone else might. Then Ren had to go an ruin everything as usual. As Hux approached them, Ren stepped away from the man he was terrifying and directly in front of Hux.

Pulling up short once again, Hux glared at Ren. He was unable to stop himself from taking inventory of Ren's face and body. There were no noticeable bruises, though the scarf around his neck prevented Hux from seeing whether the old damage had healed at all.

“Is there a reason you are blocking my path?” Hux asked sharply. He could see the restaurant employee flinch out of the corner of his eye. The man probably expected Ren to murder Hux on the spot. Part of Hux wished he would and save him the annoyance of another argument.

“You shouldn't be back here,” Ren told him, voice gruffer than usual. He was like a peacock, all puffed up to impress.

“It is the fastest way back to the hospital. Forgive me if I didn't realize there were threats of violence happening on my route to work,” Hux retorted. He certainly wasn't going to back down in front of this stranger. Dr. Brendol Hux did not get pushed around by mere thugs.

“What if it wasn't me? What if it was someone looking to mug you? What if it was one of those psychos that stands in front of your office?” Ren asked, seeming to have forgotten the man he'd been terrorizing.

“I am an adult, Ren. Adults make calculated decisions. I understand that that sort of thing may be beyond your levels of comprehension, but I decided the time it takes to walk all the way around the block could be put to better use. However, now it seems I've lost any and all advantage because you are determined to make a mess of my life,” Hux said, taking a step forward. Ren didn't move back, leaving them uncomfortably close to each other.

Ren was vibrating with anger. Hux could practically feel it radiating off of him as they stood glaring at each other. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the employee attempting to sneak back into the building. Hux weighed the benefits of using the man as a distraction and getting away versus messing up whatever Ren had been doing to him by letting him escape.

The choice was taken from him as Ren whirled around, clearly not nearly as distracted as either Hux or the employee had thought, and pinned the man to the wall. Hux watched Ren knock the man so hard that his head hit the brick wall.

“If he ends up on my operating table, I will be most displeased,” Hux said, walking again.

“This conversation isn't over,” Ren said over his shoulder.

“It is. You aren't my personal guard. I don't take your concerns into consideration as to how I conduct myself,” Hux told him flippantly as he strode away.

“Please, I promise I—” the employee's voice cut off as Ren choked him. Hux sighed in disgust but kept walking.

He felt a tremor crawl up his spine as he remembered his dream from the previous night. Ren's hands tearing him apart frantically. He glanced back as he got to the mouth of the alley. The man was on the ground again, cowering and attempting to protect his face. Hux wondered for a fleeting moment if that would be him one day. He shook his head as he crossed the street to the front doors of the hospital. Ren might not be the battered man that Hux saw days before, but that didn't mean Hux would ever fear him.

An hour later when the employee was admitted to the ER with a broken arm and a concussion, Hux didn't so much change his stance on fearing Ren, but he did change his stance on compassionate care for the man.

\---

That evening as Hux walked out of the hospital and across the employee lot, Ren was seated on one of the expensive SUVs many of the doctors favored. Hux stopped beside the bumper of the SVU, watching Ren as he stared into the middle distance.

“Do you expect me to feel flattered that you go out of your way to make my life difficult? My other patients don't feel the need to stalk me,” Hux said, checking his watch. He had plenty of things to get done before he succumbed to another bout of nightmares.

“If I could find you that means others could. What if it wasn't me sitting out here waiting for you?” Ren asked him, turning to look down at Hux.

Hux withheld his sigh of frustration. “I have not seen any of my detractors beat a man bloody in an alleyway. An intelligent man would fear your violent tendencies and seeming obsession more than they would a faceless what if,” Hux said. He was trying to be reasonable, but he knew that Ren didn't value reason as much as most.

“You fear me?” Ren asked, sounding almost afraid to hear the answer.

“Certainly not, but as it is you are the one out here lying in wait, not anyone else,” Hux said, adjusting his coat to fight the bitter wind blowing through the parking lot. “Is there a reason you are following me?”

“I'm not following you.”

“Oh? The restaurant and now the parking lot? What next? Will you be bagging my groceries tomorrow? Is the florist after me as well? Is my barber planning to slit my throat?” Hux asked him.

Ren's expression grew pinched as Hux spoke. “Don't laugh at me,” he warned.

“I'm not laughing, Ren. I do not have time to deal with your... _eccentricities_. I will not change my habits because they do not satisfy some bizarre fears you possess. And the next time I catch you roughing up some poor soul in an alley, I am calling the authorities. I specifically told you not to put that man in the ER, and yet he was checked in not an hour later.”

“You said, you didn't want him on your operating table. I didn't do anything to him that would require surgery...”

“Are you insane? No sane human would take what I said as a gauge for just how far they could take things.”

“I did as you asked,” Ren replied.

“Is that your way of saying it would have been worse had I not told you not to incapacitate him?” Hux practically hissed.

“He's not a good man, Doctor. Snoke—”

“I don't care what you shriveled pickle of a boss does, Ren. I'm not a good man either. Am I next? Piss off your boss, and you'll be waiting in my parking garage? Is this actually a threat?” Hux demanded.

“No. I wouldn't...” he looked straight into Hux's eyes as he tried to reassure him, but all Hux saw was an angry looking cut across Ren's cheek that hadn't been there that afternoon.

“Did the man fight back? Serves you right,” Hux said, nodding to the fresh cut.

Ren turned his head away again, putting the gash into shadow again. “No,” he said simply, but Hux heard the thousand things it didn't say.

“Your boss. What did you do to displease him?” Hux asked, already fearing the answer.

Ren glanced up at him with sad eyes before looking away again.

“I see. I won't apologize that my demand got you into trouble. I don't want to be in the middle of this. I've done my best to stay far away from men like Snoke. You won't be the one to change that. Stay away from me, Ren. I don't want to see you if you aren't on duty at the clinic. ,” Hux said, stepping away from the bumper and heading for his vehicle.

“Doctor, wait,” Ren called, sounding agonized.

Hux continued to walk. The small cut on Ren's cheek was burned into his memory, a glaring accusation that he'd done more harm than good. That night he dreamed of being torn apart by Ren again, but this time Snoke stood behind him. He demanded Ren continued to tear at Hux even as Ren begged him not to.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

Hux wished he could go back to being blissfully unaware. He wished he could still see Ren as the irritating patient who over exaggerated everything. Instead he was stuck with a man who came in with varying degrees of injuries and was overbearingly concerned that Hux was going to be harmed or murdered by fanatics.  

Ren no longer existed only in the bubble of the clinic. Ren existed outside, in his thoughts, and most unfortunately in his nightmares. Hux felt as though his mind never fully eased because Ren never stopped coming in hurt in some way.

The injuries weren't usually as serious as ligature marks on his neck or a bruised kidney; however, Ren often came in worse for wear. Most of the time, his excuse was 'training.' Hux didn't know what he was training for, but it seemed a bit counterproductive if Ren was constantly being injured. He never told Hux exactly what was wrong either. He'd ask for some painkillers or a cup of tea and honey. He'd ask for a bandage or a sling. He never outright said the problem because he was infuriatingly dramatic.

Which led to Hux's current situation.

He had Ren in his exam room stripped to his briefs. Ren had asked for a bandage, but he'd refused to say what was wrong. So, Hux had ordered him to strip. Hux was surprised that Ren had listened, and now he was faced with Ren's almost naked body searching for whatever was wrong with him.

“Is this necessary?” Ren demanded as Hux inspected his body with a critical eye.

The man was massive, not only were his shoulders broad and his chest powerful, but his legs were also thick and strong. Hux had trouble picturing anyone getting the better of him. Yet, here he was injured again.

“It wouldn't be if you would just tell me what was wrong,” Hux insisted, touching the almost faded bruise over Ren's kidney. Ren bit his lip at the probing touch, but he didn't tell Hux to stop. That damn bruise had caused Hux to spend more time worrying for Ren than he did worrying about the whole clinic.

“I can handle it myself,” Ren told him.

“I had to relocate three of your fingers last week. I don't trust your judgment of the situation,” Hux said, placing his hands on Ren's hips and getting him to turn. There it was; Ren favored his right leg. “You strained your...” Hux squinted at Ren's leg as though the name was printed on his skin.  He had a flawless memory for this sort of thing which had only helped to secure him perfect grades in medical school, and plenty of blackmail outside of the classroom. “...rectus femoris. You were chasing someone,” he guessed, leaning down and pressing his fingers into the muscle at the front of Ren's thigh; it was tight under his touch.

Ren groaned as Hux began to massage it. “Sit on the table,” Hux ordered.

“It's fine,” Ren insisted.

“Must you constantly argue with me? Who has the medical degree here?” Hux demanded, opening a drawer and removing kinesiology tape.  

“I’ve had injuries before I started coming here,” Ren retorted stubbornly.

“Yes, but now you are asking me for supplies that I need for patients. If I'm going to give them to you, I will know that they aren’t just being pilfered away. So, take a seat and let me tape that or leave,” Hux told him.  The tape wasn't actually something he commonly used at the clinic but when Phasma's plantar fasciitis started acting up, he'd purchased an entire supply of it to help her get through long shifts on her feet.  With Ren around now, Hux considered it to have been a smart investment.

Ren glared at him as he dressed himself and walked out. Hux sighed. That could have gone better, but it was policy. Hux wasn't about to start breaking his own rules for Kylo Ren of all people. It was bad enough that he had stopped keeping record of their visits. He'd be damned if he stopped asking questions.

\---

Ren stood and paced almost the entire shift before a leg spasm sent him stumbling in front of the clinic. Phasma happened to see the fall and went out to usher him inside before anyone saw it and realized he wasn't in full health.

Hux had been with a patient at the time. Mildred had been having difficulty breathing, and he was attempting to sort out all of her prescriptions because half of them interacted with each other and should not have been prescribed together. By the time he had sorted out exactly what she was taking and how much of it and basically told her to stop taking most of it, he was exhausted. He accepted her peck on his cheek, in thank you for his trouble, and sent her on her way.

“Ren is in Three with three ice packs and a bad attitude. Collapsed outside about a half hour ago and cursed me out when I helped him inside,” Phasma explained, sounding completely annoyed by the whole situation.

“Your displeasure is noted and will be reflected in whatever takeout we order this evening,” Hux said, walking to Room 3 and knocking. He heard cursing from inside and took that as permission to enter.

Ren was lying on the exam table without pants on, holding the ice packs to his leg without any barrier. Hux sighed, picking the towel up off the floor and stepping next to the table.

“You are worse than a child,” he said, pulling Ren's hands away from the injured leg and wrapping the packs in the towel. “If you had let me tape it before, you wouldn't have collapsed, and you wouldn't be in this much pain,” Hux reminded him, holding the covered ice to the injured leg. “Hold that while I get the tape.”

Ren did as he was told though his eyes nearly bore holes right through Hux. Hux ignored it. If Ren wanted to be childish then that was on him. Hux placed the tape down on the table beside Ren and took the ice from him. He placed it down on the counter behind them and gently felt Ren's thigh.

“Are you even qualified to treat this? Isn't this a sport's injury?” Ren asked, though he didn't stop Hux's probing fingers. Nor could he stop the reaction they caused his body.

“I am aware of how muscles work. I've performed surgery on them more times than I can count. I know what I'm doing,” Hux said, massaging the tension out of the aching muscle before stretching Ren's leg slightly. When he was satisfied that it wasn't cramped up from the fall, he had Ren keep the leg bent as he carefully taped up the thigh. “That should help support the muscle and allow you to walk more easily,” Hux said as he rubbed the tape to make sure it adhered to Ren's skin.

Ren watched his movements with intense eyes, but he said nothing. When Hux was finished, he helped Ren off the table and looked at him sternly. “Enough of this. I've told you already that I have enough headaches as it is. I really don't need to be fighting with you every step of the way. I appreciate what you do here. You have been a great help. I do not mind patching you up or prescribing what you need. I just need you to be honest with me. I don't care if your leg is strained. I don't care if you were choked. I care that you lie and make things harder,” Hux told him, forcing himself to be as civil as possible in hopes that Ren wouldn't snap at him.

Ren nodded though. “I will try,” he said, taking his pants from the table where he threw them and carefully stepping into them. Ren looked at him once he was completely dressed again. He just stood there for a moment, staring at Hux as though studying a piece of art he didn't quite grasp. “I'm unused to...” he paused, searching for the right words, “...showing vulnerability. Weakness is dangerous.”

“I won't hurt you,” Hux told him, though it felt like a lie on his tongue.

“I'll try,” Ren repeated, turning to the door.

Hux didn't say anything as Ren walked stiffly out of the office. Hux walked back to his own office and poured himself a glass of scotch. Ren was the last of his patients at least, and he could spend the evening drinking and going over things with Phasma.

He glanced up when she walked in, carrying a box of takeout clearly labeled from one of Hux's favorite restaurants. “I didn't think you'd choose Italian,” Hux said, rubbing at his temple.

“I figured that since you had to deal with Ren's moods frequently, perhaps you deserved what you like for dinner,” she told him, placing the box down on his desk and removing his favorite meal from it.

“How very considerate of you,” he remarked, opening his desk drawer and removing the bottle and an extra glass for her.

“Don't feel too honored. It happens to be next to the sushi place I like.” Phasma smiled, accepting the offering and taking her own food as she sat in the seat across from him. They ate in companionable silence.

\---

What had been a simple entreaty for Ren to be honest with him grew more and more complicated because nothing Ren did was simple. Hux had learned that rather quickly.

Hux soon found himself treating all manner of random injury Ren sustained. His hands probed injuries and assisted Ren in dressing and undressing when the injuries strained. They still sniped at each other constantly. Ren complained about Hux's manner of treatment, and Hux complained about how accident prone Ren had become.

Still, they found themselves constantly together in Exam Room Three—or as Hux had begun to mentally refer to it, The Torture Chamber—Ren in some state of undress and Hux with his gloved hands all over him. Hux suspected that Ren had a hand in whatever injuries he came in with. Self-flagellation taken to an extreme, he had determined though he had no real proof.

Ren could go from seemingly placid, if still menacing, to out of control at the drop of a hat, or the receipt of a text message as was usually the case. Hux had watched Ren punch the brick facade without so much as flinching as he fractured three bones in his hand. Hux had not been pleased when he had to bandage Ren’s swollen left hand.

It was the bruising that worried Hux. The deep bruises that would appear on Ren’s flesh like someone had used him as a piñata was too frequent to ignore. Hux would make Ren strip to his underwear Sunday mornings just to ensure that he hadn’t developed any new ones.

“Lie back,” Hux said, guiding Ren down onto the table. There was significant bruising all down Ren’s right side. “Let me know if the pain is too much,” Hux told him, reaching out to probe at the abused flesh.

Hux wasn’t often one to worry about pain being too great, but pain was a symptom after all. Hux ran his gloved fingers over Ren’s ribs, checking for any noticeable breaks. “You can’t let your body get abused like this constantly. You heal fast, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t doing lasting damage,” Hux began to lecture as he felt Ren’s belly where the bruising was a sickening yellow at the edges. He knew he shouldn’t care what Ren did to himself, but he did. He cared about every bump and bruise he found because they didn’t belong there.

“I don’t think your ribs are broken, but you seem to have the strongest bones I’ve ever encountered, so I shouldn’t be so surprised should I? I suppose that evolution has served you well in one respect because you’d certainly have died long ago if just left with your mental faculties and determination to destroy yourself,” Hux said, barely even registering the insults that tripped off his tongue.

Hux continued to berate Ren for his lack of self-preservation and his constant need for attention as he carefully wrapped Ren’s bruised ribs. “And furthermore…” Hux said as he tucked the dressing neatly into a fold. Ren’s breathing was unsteady and his fists were clenched. Hux had been chastising him for the better part of an hour. “It is—”

Ren struck with the speed of a viper, grabbing Hux around the back of his neck and pulling him down into a violent kiss. Hux didn’t know what hit him. One second he was about to tell Ren just how childish his outbursts were, and the next Ren was biting his bottom lip and pressing his tongue into Hux’s mouth. There was nothing tender about the kiss, not that there was anything tender about either one of them.

Ren dominated the kiss, more because Hux was so taken aback by it than anything else. He held Hux in place with his unwavering grip, fingers buried in Hux’s neatly styled hair. He never ceased his assault on Hux’s mouth, pressing his tongue in and pulling back before Hux thought to do anything drastic like bite it. Ren had no problem biting though. He bit Hux’s lips, angry little nips that smarted without breaking the skin. He nipped at Hux’s jaw when Hux gasped for breath and tried to pull back.

It was entirely the most violent kiss Hux had ever taken part in if you could even say he took part in it, wholly at the mercy of Ren’s determined mouth.

“What the hell are you doing?” Hux demanded, breathing unsteadily as Ren moved on to suck at Hux’s throat.

“You don’t shut up. I’d think you get off on the sound of your own voice, if I didn’t already think you don’t feel such emotions at all,” Ren all but growled into Hux’s ear. Hux suppressed a shiver, feeling far too many emotions for his own liking as Ren continued his assault.

“So you attacked me?” Hux questioned, though he’d stopped trying to pull away.

“I needed to shut you up; I couldn’t hear my own thoughts. Occupying your mouth seemed the best way to go about it,” Ren insisted, reaching into Hux’s open lab coat and resting his large hand on Hux’s hip. It was a secure weight, not demanding as the kiss had been but just holding Hux steady. Hux would viciously deny that he needed to be steadied, but that wouldn't make it true.

“You needed to hear—” He tried to defend himself.

“You know nothing of me or what I do…”

“I know that I patch you up far too often,” Hux retorted.

Ren sat up, still holding Hux in place as he moved his legs to bracket Hux between them. “Would you rather I came in asking you to touch me just because I want you to?” Ren asked, looking down at where Hux’s hand was still resting over his bandaged ribs.

Hux snatched his hand away, but Ren caught it in his and returned it to his body. Hux glared at him. “Is that what all of this is? Some elaborate ploy for me to touch you? I don’t appreciate having my time or medical expertise wasted on someone willing to hurt himself just to get off,” Hux said furiously.

Ren smirked at that, holding Hux’s fingers tightly against his body and seeming to enjoy the pain that must have been blossoming in his bruised flesh. “I won’t deny, it is a pleasant side effect,” Ren told him. “Your touch is so much different than your demeanor. How can someone constantly spewing so much vitriol have hands so gentle?” Ren asked him, running his thumb over Hux's hand.

Hux wanted to punch him. He wanted to show Ren how violent his hands could be. Hux had never been ashamed of his hands before. They performed tedious surgeries and were precise in every action. However, the way Ren spoke of them sounded like an insult, or maybe Hux just took it as such.

“Don’t get offended,” Ren said, squeezing his hand gently. “No one’s touched me that way in over a decade,” he admitted, looking away from Hux and releasing him completely.

Hux almost stumbled back at the sudden freedom, but he steadied himself. There was no point in letting Ren see just how much his touch had affected him. “I can’t imagine why,” Hux sneered, stepping away from Ren and all of the forbidden pleasures he held. “You are immature, self-involved, and prone to fits. Why anyone would get close enough to touch you is beyond me,” Hux told him.

“You still do,” Ren shot back.

Ren had him there. Hux still touched him. He even touched him with care for the most part. He told himself it was his oath, but most doctors with any sense would have sent Ren on his way by now. Ren was clearly a criminal. He destroyed property. His injuries and ailments were at least partially self-inflicted—if not by his own hand then by actions he clearly knew the consequences to. Still, Hux helped him undress, checked him for new bruises, wrapped his aching ribs or taped his sore muscles. Hux tried to deny it, but he’d grown to feel something for Ren. He just couldn’t determine what exactly. There were no warm feelings when he thought of him, but just the same Hux knew he would be devastated if anything dire happened to Ren.

“I took an oath,” Hux snapped, having nothing else to hide behind.

“We both know that’s not why you do this,” Ren said, getting off of the table and taking a step toward Hux. He looked like he wasn’t sure whether he wanted to escape Hux or get right into his space. The decision was made for him as he gasped at the way hopping off the table jarred his ribs. Hux pushed into his space immediately, hands going to check if the wrappings were too tight.

“There you go again,” Ren said, almost laughing as Hux growled.

“I can’t help it if you have no sense of self—”

“You’ve said all this already,” Ren pointed out.

Hux bit the inside of his cheek and closed his eyes, willing the massive problem in front of him to disappear. Instead, he felt Ren’s lips on his own again. This time there was no demand in the kiss, just the gentle press of too full lips against Hux’s own.

Hux didn’t fight this time either, and when Ren’s hands covered his own over Ren’s torso Hux gave in. He pressed back, kissing tentatively. Ren wasn’t very finessed about his kisses when he wasn’t using power to distract. In fact, the gentleness of the kiss seemed to be fumbling almost, unsure.

Hux moved his lips against Ren’s, adding pressure and intensity by angling his head. Ren pressed back, pulling Hux to him until their bodies were flush against each other.

“You’re much more tolerable when you aren’t talking,” Ren said as they pulled back for much needed breath.

“You’re much more tolerable when you aren’t destroying my clinic,” Hux retorted.

Ren huffed, but he leaned in to steal another kiss as though they were an addiction he couldn't fight. Just one more nip and he'd be fine. Hux allowed it. He hadn’t decided how he felt about this new development, but he was willing to ride this out for the time being. And then Ren had to go and guide Hux’s hand down his body to the waistband of his underwear. Hux went rigid, holding his arm tight.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

Ren’s breathing was heavy. It seemed like just the possibility of Hux’s touch was driving him mad. Still, Hux kept his hand from dipping further, even if Ren’s labored breaths were appealing.

“If I make up some problem will you touch me?” Ren asked, lips brushing Hux’s ear and breaths ghosting over it.

“If you punch yourself in the testicles, I’d consider it just for the satisfaction of it all,” Hux retorted, but his muscles loosened, and he let Ren push his fingertips below the band of his boxers. Hux felt his own breath catch as his fingertips trailed through the hair just above Ren’s cock.

Hux pulled back before Ren could move his hand any further, and he attempted to removed his glove. Ren grabbed his hand in both of his before he could take it off though. “Leave it. _Please_ ,” he asked, and Hux felt a tingle run up his spine.

“You really do get off on this,” he remarked, though he allowed Ren to guide his hand back into his pants. It was strange touching Ren for pleasure, and even stranger to do so with his glove on. Hux found nothing about his job sexually arousing. It was intellectually stimulating and often physically demanding, but Hux had never had any sexual thoughts even when close to patients’ most intimate parts. It was all just work to him, but it clearly wasn’t that way for Ren.

Hux’s thoughts trailed off as Ren grunted, and rutted up against Hux’s fingers. Ren was completely hard, and he felt shockingly large against Hux’s palm. Hux had seen him stark naked once or twice during his examinations, but it hadn’t been like this. There had been more shame and anxiousness than arousal those times. Ren had been hurting and refusing to comply. Now though, Ren was pushing against him with fervor.

Hux allowed himself to wrap his fingers around Ren’s length, and that left Ren biting down on Hux’s neck. Ren had let go of Hux’s hand in favor of holding his hips and keeping him close. Hux gasped as he felt Ren’s cock twitch in his hand. Even with the glove between their skin, Hux could feel how warm Ren’s flesh was.

“On the table,” Hux ordered, surprising even himself by how aroused he sounded. His voice was ragged and clipped.

Ren actually obeyed him which had to be the first time he’d done so without a fight. Hux turned around and walked to the counter and took the surgical lubricant that was at the back of it. He turned right back around and once again found his place between Ren’s thighs.

Ren had removed his briefs as he got on the table, and Hux took a moment to just look at him in this context. Ren's body was taut, developed pecs and a muscled stomach. His arms were twice the size of Hux's own. Even his cock was huge, leaking precome from the glistening head as he waited to be touched. The man was all power, but here he was at Hux's mercy desperate to be touched.

Hux hadn’t had sex in a while. His previous partner had gotten fed up with his unfortunately clinical sort of love making. Hux didn’t see his job as arousing, but his technique certainly was influenced by his profession. Impersonal, she had called it.

Hux doubted Ren would mind that. A doctor kink wasn’t exactly calling for being coddled and cherished. So, Hux pushed what few insecurities he had out of his mind as he brought his hand back to Ren’s thick erection. He wrapped his fingers around it and was pleased by the way Ren tensed.

Ren’s expressive eyes watched his every move as Hux slowly stroked up Ren’s cock, spreading the cool lubricant over the length of it. Hux bit his cheek at the number of personal and professional rules he was breaking as Ren gripped the edge of the table and pulled his knees together to brace against Hux’s hips.

Hux pushed all thoughts of his family’s disapproval or his oath out of his mind as he listened to the whimper that Ren made when he teased the head of his cock. He pressed against the slit with the tip of his thumb and let his eyes sweep Ren’s body as he convulsed at the sensation.

Hux realized that he too was hard as almost an afterthought. He could feel his own erection straining against his slacks. He could feel his own body humming with pleasure at the sounds Ren was making.

Stroking faster, Hux focused on every move and sound Ren made as Hux wrung them out of him one by one. “Don’t move,” Hux scolded as Ren tried to buck up into his fist as he got closer. Ren bit his lip at the command, gripping the table even tighter.

Ren grunted as Hux tightened his grip almost to the point that it had to be painful. Hux’s eyes were glued to the way Ren’s muscled stomach quivered each time he thumbed the head of his erection. It was mesmerizing, and Hux didn’t think he’d ever been so turned on as watching Ren fall apart beneath him.

It was a surprise when without warning Ren began to come, groaning loudly and almost doubling over until his forehead rested against Hux's shoulder. He came in thick dribbles over Hux’s gloved hand, and Hux was suddenly glad for the barrier between them not wanting to have to clean up Ren’s mess as usual.

Ren’s orgasm seemed to go on forever as Hux continued to stroke him until the last pulse of semen slipped from the head of his cock. Ren gasped when Hux quickly released him and tugged off his filthy glove, tossing it into the trash with his other still gloved hand. Hux pulled on another and tugged several tissues from the box on the counter. He cleaned off the remaining fluid spread over Ren’s softening cock then removed both of his gloves and stood several steps away from Ren.

“Get dressed and get out,” Hux ordered. “I don’t want to see you the rest of the day.” Hux felt foolish suddenly. What the hell had he been thinking to allow that to happen? He was still hard as a rock in his pants, but looking at the sex drunk face of Kylo Ren was terrifying.

Ren looked wounded for a second as Hux stood with his arms crossed. However, he quickly slid off the table—steadying himself when he staggered—and began to quickly dress. Hux felt a pang of guilt when Ren turned his back as he pulled on his underwear and pants, seemingly looking for some bit of privacy.

“Not going to lecture me about this as well?” Ren asked, though he sounded resigned instead of argumentative.

“I don’t lecture people on mistakes I myself made,” Hux told him. Hux was willing to take the blame for this. He was the one in control here—though Ren seemed to lay waste to any sort of control when he entered a room. Hux knew he should have immediately told Ren to stop and ended the examination. This was on Hux’s shoulders.

Ren clearly didn’t see it that way. Hux could sense Ren’s unrest, but there was nothing he was willing to do to sooth it. Ren was an adult. He would have to handle the consequences of his decisions on his own.

“If you need ice for your ribs, Phasma will provide you—”

“Just don’t talk, Hux. Everything that comes out of your mouth is poison anyway,” Ren said, tugging his shirt on and stalking out of the room without even buttoning it. The door to the exam room slammed behind him, and Hux let out a slow breath.

He looked at the crumpled paper on the table. He looked at the filthy gloves in the bottom of the trashcan. He looked at the state of his own body and sighed. He pressed his palm to his crotch, groaning in relief. Hux couldn’t remember the last time he took the time to get himself this aroused. Most often, he approached masturbation and sex just as he did any other chore. He did it with clinical precision, knowing the quickest way to reach fulfillment and move on with his day.

What he was feeling now was nothing like that.

Hux dug his nails into his palms as he balled his hands into fists. He stalked forward and tore the crumpled paper off the table and threw it in the trashcan. He disinfected the vinyl padding on the table then cleaned the entire room, using it as a way of cleansing himself of Kylo Ren.

It only helped marginally, but by the time he pulled down the paper to cover the table again he was at least pulled together enough to see patients. Phasma was sitting at her desk when he stepped out of the room, and she gave him a disapproving look before going back to her own work. All day, Hux second guessed every one of his decisions and diagnoses. One mistake, one slip up with Ren and he was no better than a wet behind the ears resident.

Ren didn’t make it easy on him either. He stood right in front of the window all day, so Hux couldn’t miss him any time he went to Phasma’s desk. It was a strange form of torture, and Hux just wanted the day to end but of course they were busier than usual.

When the last patient was finally out the door and safely to their car, Hux beat a hasty retreat to his own home. Ren didn’t even wait for him to get to his car as he would most nights. Hux stepped out the back door to a dark lot with only his car at the center of it. He looked around him as he walked to his vehicle, but no one jumped out of the bushes to attack him—not even Ren.

When he arrived at his apartment, he poured himself a glass of scotch and reviewed several recent medical journals that he’d been meaning to read. The articles on cutting edge techniques soothed Hux’s mind, but when he went into the bathroom to wash up for bed he was struck by flashes of Ren lying on the exam table covered in the flush of arousal.

Hux felt his body immediately respond to the memories that he had been trying to suppress all day. Hux couldn’t look himself in the mirror as he grew hard just at the thought of wrapping his fingers around Ren’s cock. Now in the privacy of his own home, he couldn’t deny that he wished he could have touched Ren without the glove—to have a memory of just how his skin felt.

Ever pragmatic, Hux reached into his boxer briefs and wrapped his fingers around his own cock. He wasted no time stroking himself, but it wasn’t right. He released himself and scoured the bathroom for the lubricant he knew he had, but he came up empty handed. He stalked out of the bathroom and into his walk-in closet, digging around in there until he found what he needed.

Hux laid a towel down on the bed, stripped out of his bedclothes, and laid down with the lubricant held tightly in his hand. He let himself remember exactly what he’d done to Ren, taking a squeeze of lubricant just as he had for Ren. Then he stroked himself. He considered using a glove, but that wasn’t for him; that was strictly for Ren. Still he mimicked the movements he’d used on Ren, recalling just how each of them had affected the large man.

Feeling his own body respond in kind to the way he stroked himself and teased the head of his cock was strange. He felt just as hungry for it as he’d been that morning, wanting to drag it out and enjoy it instead of pushing to the finish so he could get to sleep. The strangeness of that desire was perhaps why he indulged it, slowing his strokes and conjuring the image of Ren’s stomach quivering beautifully.

Hux’s own stomach fluttered as his breath caught. He circled the head with his thumb increasing the pressure, and he saw spots in his vision at the mixture of pain and pleasure. It was too good not to repeat, and as he did he felt his balls tighten. He came with a soft sigh as he saw Ren’s own satisfied expression in his mind’s eye. He continued to stroke himself through it, dragging out his pleasure just a little longer.

Even though he was consumed by his pleasure, Hux was careful not to make a mess of himself. His hand caught just about every drop of come to leak out of his cock, and he held it away from his body as he caught his breath. He didn’t bother berating himself for what he’d done. He just hoped that it would get Ren, and his awful attitude out of his system.

Hux swung his legs over the edge of the bed and stood, using the towel he’d laid on to clean up his body and the wipe off his hand before returning to the bathroom to finish his nightly rituals.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter specific warnings at the end

It didn’t simply end there. Honestly, Hux hadn’t expected Ren to come back to volunteer after what happened. Hux had humiliated him—he’d humiliated himself as well, but he doubted Ren cared about that—then cast him aside. Hux wouldn’t have come back again, but Hux and Ren were as different as two men could be.

The following Tuesday, Hux arrived in the evening after his shift at the hospital. Ren was outside, standing guard like nothing had happened. Hux’s breath caught in his throat just seeing Ren again, but he held himself back from showing it. He was the one in control of his emotions. He wouldn’t fly off the handle the way Ren might.

“Doctor,” Ren said by way of greeting as Hux walked to the door.

“Good evening, Mr. Ren,” Hux replied, keeping his voice steady and devoid of emotion. They shared a stilted nod before Hux disappeared into the safety of his clinic. Hux told himself there was nothing else to be said. They were both adults, and they had used each other for what they needed. They would both just move on with their lives and forget all about their moment of weakness.

Ren didn’t come to him that night complaining of one ailment or another. He didn't come in the following Sunday either. It was strange to Hux to suddenly not have Ren's mumbled concerns filling his mornings or evenings, depending on the day of the week. Hux was loathe to admit he missed it.

Ren's sudden distance hadn't eased Hux's concerns for the man's health and safety. Hux still noticed if Ren was moving stiffly or favoring a part of his body as he paced the front of the clinic. He still had nightmares about Ren's continued presence, but now he also had dreams that ended in frustration and embarrassment as Hux changed his boxers then paced his apartment for hours.

Hux didn't know what was worse, Ren constantly needing his attention or Ren always being around but staying out of the way. Hux felt haunted now, and he couldn't even say he blamed Ren for it. He had tossed the man out directly after wringing an orgasm from him. Hux could be cold to his sexual partners, but he had never been that cold before.

The following Tuesday, Ren was once again gone before Hux was ready to leave the clinic. It had been a long day, first at the hospital and then at the clinic. Ren had thrown a fit out front when a protester confronted him, which led to Hux hearing from three middle aged patients that he should be careful about the screening process for volunteers—as though he had the privilege of screening people when Ren was literally the only volunteer he'd had in ages. According to Phasma, a protester had asked Ren how it felt to work for a monster and a murderer. Evidently, Ren hadn't taken kindly to her words and unleashed a verbal arsenal on the woman that had even left Phasma impressed, and she'd put in six years in the army.

The whole thing was just another headache for Hux. Perhaps telling Ren that if he was going to behave like an animal that they would have to chain him up was not an appropriate response to the man. Hux wasn't sure there was an appropriate response to Ren, but he knew he'd covered the gamut of inappropriate ones.

Hux locked the back door of the clinic, juggling his briefcase and keys before walking toward his car. He was halfway across the lot when he heard something behind him. The footsteps were heavy and coming in Hux's direction. Hux gripped his bag tightly, calculating if he could make it to his car and inside before he they were upon him.

It wasn’t likely, and he had no guarantee that whoever was waiting for him out here hadn’t cut his brake lines. He’d read about that happening once. The person thought they were escaping their attacker only to have an accident when the brakes didn’t work.

Hux's stomach churned as his brain went through his options. He could run, but he didn't know who or what was behind him. Perhaps they were faster than him, and running would only wear Hux down for the inevitable encounter. He could turn and confront them, but they could be Ren's size or armed. It could be Ren himself, finally fed up with Hux's bad attitude. He could scream, but Hux's pride wouldn't let him. No one answered screams in this neighborhood, and he wouldn't die begging for help.

Hux didn’t turn until they were close. He swung his briefcase up as he came around, knocking the person across the face. He was disappointed to find that it wasn’t just Ren being an idiot. It was actually a strong-looking man holding a knife. Hux didn't have much time to evaluate the threat as the man lunged at him.

Using his briefcase as a shield, Hux defended himself against the man’s attacks. The man kept coming, sending Hux further into the lot and away from the door of the clinic. Hux focused on the man’s moves, but they were unpredictable. He'd lunge one way then jab or stop short then all out jump at Hux. Whenever the man got close, Hux smelled alcohol on him which only made him less predictable.

The man was probably not an opportunistic fanatic at least, just an addict looking for a fix. Phasma had had to deal with a few of those when they first took over control of the clinic, but when word got around that the six foot three inch nurse packed a mean punch, they’d kept their distance. Phasma had become a registered nurse in the military, and she still kept herself in the same amazing shape she’d been then. Perhaps Phasma had even sent him on his way this evening after smelling to alcohol on him, and he decided to come back and take what he needed. Not that there was anything that strong in the clinic. If word got around that they kept expensive pharmaceuticals then even Ren wouldn't be able to keep the opportunists away.

It didn't matter why the man was here though, only that each swing of his arm got him just a little closer to forcing Hux into a misstep. Hux wished that he built muscle the way Phasma or Ren did. Then maybe he could have knocked this man out cold with one punch and get on with his evening. Instead, he was trying to protect himself from jab after jab of an undoubtedly dirty knife.

Hux tripped as they came to a curb where there were several plantings—an aborted attempt by the city to “beautify” the neighborhood. He felt himself stumble back, and he let briefcase go flying in favor of using his hands to break his fall. The man followed him down, and Hux felt the knife slash his shoulder and collarbone through his coat, but Hux quickly got a hand on the man’s arm, digging his nails into the tendons in the man’s wrist as hard as he could until the man had no choice but to drop the knife.

Hux kneed the man in the groin as he straddled Hux, and the man grunted in pain. Hux received a sharp punch to the right cheek, but the blow was less coordinated without a weapon. It smarted like hell, but Hux knew nothing was broken. He used his arm which trapped between their bodies keeping the bulk of the man's weight off his chest, shoving up fast and hammering the man in the throat with the side of his hand.

The man choked, unable to take a breath from the force with which Hux had hit him. Hux shoved him off and staggered to his feet. He could feel blood seeping from his shoulder, and the contents of his briefcase were strewn about the lot.

Hux's pulse pounded in his ears as he stumbled back to the clinic’s door. He glanced over his shoulder to see the man was still on the ground as Hux unlocked the door as quickly as possible. He pulled the door closed behind him and locked it again before hurrying into his office.

He called the police as he shoved off his coat to look at the damage. When the dispatch picked up, Hux spoke quickly and concisely, having called them many times in the past. The woman assured him that a patrol car was on the way and would be there soon. When she asked him if he was injured, he told her he was already inside a clinic and hung up on her. He certainly wasn’t spending his evening at the hospital when he could patch himself up.

Hux looked out the back door to see if the man would try again, but there was no one out there. His papers were blowing in the wind, but Hux didn’t want to have to fend off another attack just to get a bunch of papers that weren’t even that important. There was no personal information in the bag. It was mostly just articles he’d copied on the hospital’s machine, so he didn’t have to use his own paper and ink.

The police arrived as Hux was disinfecting the gash across his collarbone and cursing himself for not being more aware of his surroundings as he left. Ren's vigilance had made him lazy. He tugged his scrub top on before walking to the back door where he found Poe looking serious.

“You okay?” Poe asked, pushing right inside as soon as the door was unlocked. “You hung up on dispatch again and refused to answer again. You really need to stop hanging up on Babette when you don't like her questions.”

“I was busy. Anyway a robot could do a better job than she could,” Hux said primly, walking back into his office where he had some supplies laid out. “And had I known they’d send you and the med school dropout, I would have saved myself the call,” Hux remarked, pulling his shirt up over his head again and hissing as his wound ached. He didn’t care if Poe saw him like this. He’d patched the sergeant up more times than he could count, even though their relationship was frosty. Hux asked fewer questions than the hospital, and he would clear them for duty if he thought them capable of it.

Hux wasn’t even sure why exactly they hated each other. He recognized Poe as an intelligent and honorable man who was extremely good at what he did. Poe recognized Hux as the same—perhaps not honorable, but Hux wasn't worried about that—but still they disagreed on things so fundamentally. Yet, Hux wouldn’t have wanted anyone else to respond, even if he said otherwise.

“Got you good. You should probably get Phasma to put a few stitches in that,” Poe said, leaning against the doorway of Hux’s office. Poe wasn’t one to pry, and he knew how Hux was about his space. “Finn’s taking pictures of the scene you left then he’ll bring your papers in for you. You care to tell me what the hell happened?”

“I was attacked,” Hux said, carefully inspecting his wound to determine if it did in fact need to be stitched closed. He didn’t want to call Phasma. He really didn’t want to tell her any of this happened.

“No shit. I know you’re a little off, but I wasn’t about to peg you for hosting a fight club in your parking lot. Who attacked you? Man? Woman? Homicidal robot? Dog?” Poe asked, removing a pad from his pocket.

Hux scowled at the man. Hux didn’t have much of a sense of humor, but life was a joke to Poe. That was one of their fundamental differences. All of the shit Poe had seen made him cherish every moment. The things Hux had seen and experienced closed him off from others and life’s pleasures.

“It was a man. He had a knife, and he smelled like alcohol,” Hux told him.

“And when did you become aware of the guy? Was he waiting for you or did you bump into him…”

“I was walking to my vehicle. I was about halfway to it when I heard footsteps behind me. I waited until he was almost upon me and hit him with my briefcase,” Hux explained, reaching into his desk for his bottle of scotch. He felt numb, but he also didn’t feel like rehashing the whole ordeal. He'd won. The other man was probably still having trouble catching his breath. Hux wanted to move on.

“Man, I know going through it sucks. I’m just trying to get some info, so we can go find the guy,” Poe assured him.

“I—”

They both turned when they heard Finn yelling at someone. The next moment, Kylo Ren was storming through the back door, looking crazed. His black coat fluttered behind him as he moved swiftly.

“What happened?” he asked, pushing past Poe into the office like he had any right to be there.

“We’re conducting a police investigation. I’m going to have to ask you to leave,” Poe said, still leaning in the doorway like he hadn’t just been shoved out of the way. Once again, Hux could feel the animosity that Poe felt for Ren like it polluted the air.

“What are you doing here?” Hux asked, taking a sip of scotch straight from the bottle.

“I was walking home and I saw the police lights heading for the clinic,” Ren said, stepping right into Hux’s space and reaching out to touch his bare arm. Now Hux felt exposed. Ren hadn't even seen him this undressed when Hux was jerking him off. It made him feel unbalanced, and he'd already been feeling enough of that.

“You sure you weren’t the one to do this to him?” Poe asked as Finn stepped inside as well.

Ren whirled around, and Hux could sense the storm brewing right below the surface. “I’d watch my tongue if I were you, Dameron,” Ren said darkly.

“Ren,” Hux said in warning, reaching up to hold Ren’s wrist tightly. Ren's temper he could deal with; the familiarity of it was almost comforting.

“Is that a threat?” Officer Finn asked, and Hux sighed. He just wanted to be in his apartment, asleep in his bed, but now his evening had gone to hell.

“Ren, you need to leave,” Hux said softly, giving Ren’s wrist a light squeeze. He kept his tone gentle unlike the last time Hux threw Rent out. As much as he hated being vulnerable, Ren’s presence was a small relief.

“You’re injured,” Ren replied.

Hux huffed at that. “Yes, I am. I’m also the doctor. You aren’t,” Hux said sharply, taking another sip from the bottle as he felt his wound pull.

Ren turned to look at him again, opening his mouth like he wanted to say something, but then closing it again when he got a good look at Hux. “I’ll wait outside, but I’m not leaving until you’re safely in your car,” he said.

“I have these two fine officers to look after me,” Hux retorted, though his words were laced with sarcasm.

“I’ll be outside,” Ren repeated, pulling away from Hux and taking the bottle of scotch with him. Hux changed his mind about the relief he'd been feeling. Who did the asshole think he was anyway?

Poe and Ren glared at each other as Ren stepped around him and passed Finn to get outside again.

“Some watchdog you have if he isn’t even around when you need him,” Poe commented loud enough for Ren to hear as he gave Hux a steady look.

“I don’t need a bodyguard,” Hux replied, though tonight he wouldn’t have minded one. Hux could handle himself, and he wasn’t afraid to fight dirty, but it was exhausting. He was already sleep deprived and overworked. He didn’t need an injury on top of that.

“Maybe let him walk you out while you’re healing,” Finn suggested. Hux felt like he was being laughed at by them, even though he knew that wasn't the case. He just wanted to go home. He even answered their questions as honestly as he could. He got testy when they asked why he stayed so late or if they’d had any other incidents that went unreported.

By the time that Poe deemed them ready to leave, Hux had a headache and still wasn’t sure whether a few stitches weren’t necessary. Instead of dealing with it, Hux pulled on his slashed shirt then his jacket. He’d get it looked at in the morning when he went to work, take the necessary antibiotics and all that. For now, he was going home.

Poe and Finn left before Hux did, so when he walked outside he startled violently as Ren stepped out from against the wall of the building. He'd forgotten Ren among the dozen other worries he'd been focusing on.

“Sorry,” Ren apologized, coming to stand a hair too close to Hux.

“It’s just been a long night, and you took my scotch away from me, so I couldn’t even—” Hux waved his hang in a vague motion as he wasn't even sure what he was getting at. He had too many thoughts racing through his head to focus on any long enough to make them coherent, though one kept pushing to the front. He should have handled this better. He should have had the whole situation wrapped up before he was injured, before the police were involved, and most certainly before Ren was looking at him with this much concern. They _hated_ each other for heaven's sake.

“I didn’t want you to be unable to drive,” said, holding up the bottle he’d taken from him.

“How very adult of you,” Hux sneered, but he couldn’t deny that he felt a little bit of warmth inside his numb body from Ren’s concern. He needed to get home before he made a bigger fool of himself.

“I’ll let you have the bottle if you let me drive you home,” Ren offered.

Hux frowned. No one went home with him. That was his sacred space, and not even Phasma or his father invaded it without good reason.

“I am perfectly capable of driving,” Hux said, though he knew it was probably a lie. Ren followed close on his heels as he started off in the direction of his car. Hux stopped, waiting for Ren to step beside him because he couldn't handle anyone—even, or perhaps especially Ren—at his back right then. “Are you going to follow me around like a lost puppy now? I assure you that that will get tiresome very quickly,” Hux remarked, pressing the button to unlock his car door.

Ren growled, but he didn’t argue. Hux was actually surprised at how much control he was showing, especially in the face of Hux's lack of control. He even held the door open as Hux gingerly slid into the seat, trying not to aggravate his shoulder.

“Drive safely, Doctor,” Ren told him before shutting the door and stepping back.

Hux rolled his eyes at him through the side window, then he carefully pulled out of the spot.

\---

The following day was hell. His wound opened up every time he tried to do something. It opened getting out of bed. It burned like hell in the shower. It started bleeding in earnest as he tried to dress in his suit.

Hux left it with just a button up and not even an undershirt because getting anything over his head was impossible. Then he covered the gash in butterfly bandages to hold it shut and taped gauze over it in case it still bled. It wasn’t a very pretty fix. It didn’t help that it was his right side that was injured, but it would get him to the hospital.

He knew they wouldn’t let him in the OR like this, but he was still annoyed when the nurse took one look at him and shook her head. “You’ll be out of service until those stitches come out, and you’re damn lucky it wasn’t any worse or you’d be the one in on the table in there,” she told him, sitting in front of him as she got ready to suture the wound closed. “And you should’ve come in last night, you stubborn idiot.”

Hux gave her a sharp look, and she held her tongue. He was still in charge, and she would be smart to remember her place. Still, he kept quiet as she quickly stitched him up. He would have preferred to have Phasma do it; her hand was so steady, and her sutures so neat. He let the hospital handle it though because Phasma would have been furious at what happened, and he didn’t like being seen as weak in front of her. Here he could still yell at the nurses if they looked at him with pity, but he couldn’t do that with Phasma. It just didn’t work, not that she ever showed him pity.

There wasn’t anything to be done about his face. They confirmed what he already knew; nothing was broken, and that was it. His palms were scraped up from the fall, but there wasn't much that could be done for them either. Hux went to his office and did some paperwork and rearranged the schedule so the other surgeons would cover his absence. He did leave himself on for consultations even though the staff urged him to take medical leave. He refused, and if anyone mentioned protocol to him he practically growled at them. Perhaps delicate surgeries were out until he got his range of motion back, but he wanted to work even if it was in a limited capacity.

Around two in the afternoon, he was politely kicked out and told to get some rest. If he hadn’t truly been exhausted from that utter lack of sleep he’d gotten after the attack, he might have put up more of a fight. Still, instead of driving home, he went to the clinic. He parked in the patient lot which was better lit than the employee lot in the back.

He was surprised to see Ren sitting out front in the ancient folding chair Hux had been letting him use since the bench incident. Ren rose as soon as he saw Hux approaching, and a small part of Hux was relieved. He didn’t need protection, but he wouldn’t put his patients or clinic at risk. The whole point of the venture was to provide services to those who would not otherwise get treatment, so Hux refused to risk the safety of his patients which could mean them not returning.

“Are you haunting us now?” Hux asked sharply, even if he did appreciate Ren’s presence, he wasn’t about to let Ren know that. He didn’t want to give the man any ideas, especially not after what had happened between them only days earlier.

“I came to see if Nurse Phasma had any information on your condition,” Ren said, making it sound like he had some right to the information. They weren’t friends, and they were barely coworkers.

“Are you concerned I may be incapable of examining you if I’m gravely injured?” Hux retorted.

Ren looked angry at the insinuation, and for a moment Hux wondered if perhaps Ren truly did care that he was well. It was a strange thought, and Hux pushed it away in favor of focusing on the fact that Phasma now knew what had happened—at least as much as Ren knew. She was going to be furious that he hadn’t called her.

“You were shaken up last night. I merely wanted to know that you had gotten home safely and gotten proper treatment,” Ren replied, keeping his voice very level. It was as though he was trying his damnedest not to start a fight. Hux felt like he was being coddled, and he hated it.

“In case you have forgotten, I am a doctor who is completely capable of overseeing his own treatment,” Hux insisted. Hux walked past Ren into the waiting room, and he immediately felt the eyes of the patients waiting to be seen by Phasma or Doctor Mitaka as they stared at him. They could probably hear everything they'd been saying outside.

Hux ignored them, walking briskly past the front desk and into his office. It didn’t take Phasma more than five minutes to join him, closing the door behind her.

“The bruising goes well with your hair, Doctor,” she told him. Normally, Hux appreciated her dry humor, but he wasn’t in the mood to be laughed at today.

“If you have aspirations to become a comedian then I can help you along by firing you right now,” Hux told her sharply.

“You should’ve called.”

“I don’t need to check in with you,” Hux reminded her.

“You could’ve been killed.”

“I was barely scratched,” he said defensively.

“And you could have just as easily been stabbed.”

“Do you doubt my ability to defend myself that much?” He was honestly offended by that.

“It has nothing to do with ability, Hux. What if that man had had a gun instead? What if he wasn’t quite so drunk? He was armed, and you weren’t. That isn’t a fair fight even if you’re Kylo Ren,” she insisted.

Hux snorted. Something told him that Ren would have had little trouble dispensing of the assailant even if the man had been sober and had a gun, and Ren had had little more than his hands. Hux hated him for that. Ren was intimidating even without the dark clothes or moody attitude. Hux had to work hard to cultivate the cold exterior that bred respect. Ren had to do little more than exist in a space in order to send people fleeing.

“I'm fine. I’m just a bit bruised and have a few stitches because the slash is unfortunately placed. Did you let Ren stay?” he asked.

“He refused to leave,” Phasma informed him, arms crossed like she wasn’t finished arguing with him.

Hux had suspected as much. He didn’t know what to do about Ren. He also wasn’t entirely sure that Ren wasn’t coming by to spy on them for Snoke. The old bastard had tried to push his pharmaceuticals on their clinic in the past, but Hux had adamantly denied him. Hux wouldn’t put it past the man to send one of his own in to see if he could bully Hux into doing his bidding. It was how he did politics after all.

“Should I tell him to leave?” she asked him.

“If he behaves himself, I don’t care what he does,” Hux admitted. He didn’t have the energy to fight with Ren today. If Ren wanted to spend his day sitting in that damn folding chair, then so be it. Hux had more important things to worry about.

At least, Hux told himself he had important things to do. Truth be told, he’d caught up on everything that needed doing the night before. He was even ahead on most things, such as the reports for the grants the clinic received. He didn’t even have his journals to read because half of the pages were missing after last night’s incident.

Hux ended up taking patients. Doctor Mitaka had so much esteem for Hux that he didn’t say a thing when Hux started seeing patients as well. Phasma grumbled, but she didn’t stop him either. She would know that just sitting there would only make things worse.

Hux was efficient even in his exhaustion. Perhaps, he was even a gentler in his care because of it. Hux was actually starting to feel a little better as he settled into the routine of seeing patients when he plucked the file from Room 3 around five o’clock. Middle aged man who was complaining of throat pain. Hux didn’t think twice as he knocked and stepped inside.

He dropped the file as soon as he got a look at the man. He felt his hands shaking as he stared at his attacker. The man didn’t even seem to notice Hux’s reaction. “Need medicine, Doc,” the man rasped. Hux knew exactly why the man’s words were garbled and rough.

“I—‘’ Hux didn’t know what to do. The man was looking at him like he’d never seen Hux before in his life. He couldn’t imagine the man was so good an actor as to walk in here with the mind to get drugs and have the balls to play sick to the man he assaulted at knife-point. However, the only other option was that he didn’t recall the incident, in which case Hux didn’t know how to proceed.

“What for?” Hux found himself asking. Hux fell back on his training. No matter his personal experience, he could still go through the motions. This is what years of study and practice had given him.

“Woke up with this pain in my throat,” the man said, pointing to the spot where Hux had hit him. Hux bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself from snapping that he wouldn’t be in pain if he hadn’t attacked a complete stranger. Hux felt his anger rising as he realized by the man’s statements that he hadn’t a clue what had transpired at this very place the night before. The man could have killed Hux, and he would have woken with a clean conscience.

Hux felt sick. He wanted more than anything to wrap his fingers around the man’s neck and squeeze the life out of him. It would be a service to the community. If he attacked Hux, he’d probably attacked others in the past.

Hands shaking and pulse pounding, Hux was rapidly losing control of himself. He just stared at the man as he listed off his ailments. Hux hadn’t even approached him yet. Hux didn’t think that he could without breaking down or attacking him. He wasn’t sure which would be worse. No, he knew which would be worse, but he also knew which he refused to risk.

“Give me a moment please,” Hux told him once he finished his litany of complaints. The man was clearly looking for painkillers. He’d probably been looking for them the day before when he came at Hux.

Hux actually staggered as he closed the door of the room behind him. Phasma looked up at him when she heard the unusual step. “You shouldn’t be—” she stopped mid-sentence when she got a good look at Hux’s ashen face.

“I need you to call Sergeant Dameron, and tell him to come right away,” Hux told her, gripping the edge of her desk like his life depended on it. His dignity certainly did. He doubted his legs would keep him up without its assistance.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, though she was already calling the sergeant’s number which they had on hand from his previous visits.

“Just do it,” he commanded.

“No, what the hell is going on, Hux?” she asked. Her voice was low, but he could see that she wouldn’t drop this.

“It’s _him_ ,” Hux whispered.

“Him? Him who…Hux no! You are not going back in there,” she commanded when she realized what he meant. Hux ignored her, turning around and walking right back into the exam room. He would stall the man until Dameron showed up. He was not weak. This man held nothing over him.

As soon as Hux walked back into the room, he felt himself shaking again. He probably hadn’t actually stopped, but he’d been distracted. Hux steeled himself, preparing to wait this out. Poe would come quickly, especially if Phasma explained the situation. Poe wasn’t the kind of man that would torture Hux just because he could. That was Hux’s style not his.

Hux half expected Phasma to barge in once she was off the phone, but she didn’t. Hux was going over the man’s symptoms with him when the door did burst open. Hux was on his feet as soon as he saw Ren standing in the doorway looking murderous. Hux would never admit that he stopped shaking as soon as Ren appeared.

“Get out!” Hux ordered, but Ren ignored him, striding forward and grabbing Hux’s attacker then pinning him to the table.

“You will regret ever coming here,” Ren threatened quietly as he held down the struggling man.

“Ren,” Hux growled, but Ren continued to ignore him. Hux moved forward, trying to pull Ren off the flailing man, but it was no use. Ren was immovable when he wanted to be. “Ren, he doesn’t remember. Ren, let him go,” Hux demanded.

Ren glared at Hux over his shoulder, and Hux stepped back at the fire he saw burning in Ren’s eyes. He didn’t realize he could incite such fury in the man, and he’d been pissing Ren off for months now. This was different than Ren's indignant fury when Hux called out his shortcomings. This was pure and raw.

“Please stop,” Hux said softly, and just like that Ren’s gaze changed. It wasn’t pity that Hux saw, but Ren’s eyes were softer. He didn’t release the man, but he wasn’t hurting him anymore—just holding him in place.

“Step outside, Doctor,” Ren told him. That made the man struggle more. Hux knew Ren meant to spare him the trauma of seeing his attacker or maybe the trauma of seeing Ren defending him like he couldn’t do so himself. The patient most likely thought Ren intended to kill him and wanted fewer witnesses.

“I can’t do that,” Hux told him.

“Hux, outside now,” Phasma told him from the door. “I’ll stay,” she offered.

Hux realized they were actually protecting the clinic and Hux’s career. If he was seen as condoning such behavior, it could put them in jeopardy. It could put his license in jeopardy.

Phasma pushed him out of the room and firmly shut the door. Mitaka was standing there with a hot cup of tea and a solemn expression. “It was good you were here,” the younger doctor told him. “I wouldn’t have been the wiser, and I probably would have prescribed him medication and sent him on his way. This way, you get justice.”

“It doesn’t feel that way,” Hux told him coldly. He appreciated Mitaka’s words though. It was true. This was the best possible outcome, even if he felt like he’d been attacked again. “Thank you for the tea,” Hux forced himself to say. Mitaka was a good doctor, and they were lucky to have him. It wouldn’t do any good to alienate him.

“You’re welcome,” Mitaka replied, sounding pleased that Hux appreciated it. The man was constantly looking for Hux’s approval, but Hux was so rare to give it.

“I will be in my office,” Hux said, carrying his cup of tea—prepared just the way he liked it—back to his office where he collapsed into his chair. He wished he was in the OR where he could be useful and where he would never freeze up in the face of a challenge. Hux cursed his own failings. His father would berate him for how weak he’d been today. First, he’d let himself be injured by an uncoordinated drunk. Then, he’d practically crumpled in the face of the man who couldn’t even remember the incident. It was shameful.

“Hux?” It was Poe, standing in the door looking weary. Hux looked up at him, realizing he’d either nodded off or just been lost in his own mind. Both were unforgivable.

“Yes?” he asked, hating how meek his voice sounded.

“We’re taking the perp and Ren down to the station,” Poe told him, not coming into the room. “We’re going to need you to identify him at the station…”

“Yes, of course,” Hux said, keeping his tone cold and clipped. “Why are you taking Ren?”

“Assault.”

“He was protecting my clinic.”

“He still attacked a patient. I’m sure it will all be dropped, but right now without an identification or any evidence, Ren might as well have attacked a random stranger,” Poe explained.

Hux sighed. “Will he need to be bailed out or will he be released?” he asked, calculating how much money he had available to put down for Ren’s bail. He should have plenty, but he didn’t doubt that Ren had priors.

“Don’t worry about Ren. He’ll make bail before you’re done giving your statement,” Poe said, sounding frustrated.

“Very well. I will drive myself down as soon as everything is handled here,” Hux assured him.

“Good. And Hux, don’t beat yourself up,” Poe told him. Hux gritted his teeth, but he nodded. Poe disappeared back toward the front of the clinic, and Hux put his head in his hands. Running a successful clinic wasn’t easy on the best of days, but days like this made it feel impossible.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Assault (non-sexual), some intrusive thoughts, minimization, facing one's attacker


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is really late, but I got way more involved with my kylux exchange fic than I had first imagined, and so I had to get that written and edited before the fourth. However, now that that's finished and posted, I'm back to giving this my attention.

Hux walked into the police station with a pounding headache and a deep anger burning in his chest. He’d gotten past the shock of the last twenty-four hours while finishing his tepid tea, and the only thing left was fury. Someone had attacked him at his own clinic. That person had come back and tried again, perhaps not to attack Hux but certainly to receive narcotics. He had contaminated Hux’s sacred space, and Hux would watch him burn.

“Hey, Doctor Hux. You sure you’re ready for this?” Finn asked him, coming out from the back offices to meet Hux.

“Let’s get this over with,” Hux insisted.

“If you aren’t ready, that’s okay,” Finn said, reaching out to pat Hux’s shoulder. Hux sidestepped out of the way.

He didn’t know why Finn was attempting to be so nice to him. Finn had failed out of medical school in no small part due to Hux’s father. Finn claimed that it just wasn’t a good fit, but if Hux had suffered the humiliation that Dr. Hux Sr. had inflicted on Finn he would never have forgiven the man’s bloodline. Finn wasn’t like that though. He was kind even when Hux and Poe were having it out. The man probably would’ve made a good doctor. He would’ve been great with kids or at a clinic like Hux’s. Instead, he was fighting the good fight with Poe Dameron or at least trying to.

“I want to see his face, and I want him arrested,” Hux said, clenching his fists. He needed this. He needed to take back control and restore balance to his life.

“Follow me. You want coffee or anything? I’d offer you tea, but no one around here drinks it so we don’t have any on hand,” Finn apologized as they wove through the maze that was the precinct.

“I don’t need anything. Is Kylo Ren being charged?” Hux asked, trying to maintain his calm by distracting himself with other matters. He told himself he shouldn't need to distract himself. He was fine, and he was going to see the man rot. There was nothing to fret over, but that didn't work as well in practice.

“I’m sure it’ll all be taken care of. Poe’s always annoyed at how easy he gets off, but he hasn’t had it easy no matter what it seems like,” Finn said. “But don’t worry about Ren. He’s always got his ways out of things,” he assured Hux. Hux wasn’t entirely worried, but he didn’t really want to be the reason Ren was arrested and charged with assault.

When the lineup stood in front of Hux, he had no doubt in his mind who the man was. He could even see the bruise on the man’s throat from his punch. He coldly pointed the man out, confirming his answer each time he was asked.

Hux provided his statement in cold, precise recollection. He brought up every detail he remembered and told Dameron exactly what he’d experienced. When he was finished, Poe had him sign the papers and told him to get some rest.

“Don't worry, we deal with this stuff every day. I doubt this guy's gonna make bail, so he won't be out until the trial rolls around unlike some people around here,” Poe told him, and while he sounded like he was trying to be reassuring, it came out more disgusted.

“You're talking about Ren, aren't you? You think he deserves to be in here more than the man who attacked me?” Hux asked, pushing himself out of his seat.

“Kylo Ren,” Poe scoffed. “ _Ben's_ not a nice guy, Doctor. If you'd had a run in with him instead of that drunk, you'd have a lot more than a few stitches and bruised ego to worry about, but he slips through every damn time,” Poe told him.

Hux gave him an odd look.

Poe rolled his eyes. “Kylo Ren is an alias, Hux. Do you really think someone would name their child that?”

“When I was an EMT I delivered multiple children that were given much stranger name's than Kylo, Detective. But I digress, Mr. Ren was not the one waiting for me last night, and today he intervened when I was once again put in danger because my assailant remained at large. Perhaps he isn't a good person, but he has stood by me.”

“Yeah, and look at the other man he stands by. What does that say about you?”

“Thank you for your help, Detective Dameron, but I think it is best that I leave before I'm tempted to assault a police office,” Hux said, turning to the door. Poe actually laughed as Hux walked away.

“You may be an asshole, Hux, but at least you're honest,” Poe said. “Try to take care of yourself.”

It was strange trusting his vengeance to Poe. It was uncomfortable, depending on him to push the case along and get him any semblance of justice. Hux hated it, and after their conversation he believed that Poe hated it as well.

So, he did the only thing he knew that would calm his mind and anger. He went back to work.

\---

“You need to go home,” Phasma told him as he went through their entire supply room, rearranging everything to be as efficient as possible.

“I am your superior. You can’t give me orders,” Hux retorted. He could feel Phasma’s disapproval from across the room.

“You aren’t helping yourself or this clinic by being stubborn,” she said, arms folded and standing her full height. She was irritatingly tall. It made intimidating her very difficult. Though her inability to be intimidated was what made them such good coworkers. Hux had a tendency to steamroll right over anyone who showed any sort of weakness.

“Go, I need to finish this.”

Phasma sighed, but she stepped back out of the room. Hux figured that she probably wouldn’t leave until he did, but that was on her. He wasn’t about to stop in the middle of organizing just because she was putting herself out. He hadn't asked her to after all.

Hux stepped out of the supply room over an hour later. The clinic was dark save for the hall light. He frowned a he realized that Phasma had left him.

“She told me not to bother you while you were in there.”

Hux nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of Ren’s deep voice as he stepped out of the shadow of the waiting room.

“I see you made bail,” Hux said, irritated that he'd been taken by surprise.

“You’re shaking,” Ren pointed out, and Hux wanted to punch him for that. Of course, he was shaking; Ren had no sense to warn someone of his presence.

“I’m fine. Go home, and leave me in peace,” Hux told him, scowling as Ren kept moving toward him.

“Poe said you weren’t doing well,” Ren said, stepping into Hux’s space.

Hux took a step back, but there was a wall behind him and he quickly bumped into the door to one of them. “What does Poe know, and why were you discussing me?” he snapped.

“Phasma was worried too,” Ren continued, taking another step forward. They were practically nose to nose.

“Do you think attacking me is going to help?”

“I’m not attacking you. I’m trying to determine what’s wrong,” Ren insisted, tilting his head like he was a robot scanning Hux for an answer.

“You’re in my space.” Hux was fed up. He wasn’t weak. He wasn’t doing poorly as people seemed to think. Hux flinched when Ren brought his hand up to touch Hux’s chest where the bandages hid beneath his shirt. Hux’s heart pounded.

“Are you in pain?” Ren asked softly. Hux hadn’t allowed himself to think of pain all day. Pain was weakness, and Hux hadn’t had time for that while getting himself together. However, now that Ren mentioned it, Hux was reminded of just how much his whole body hurt from his bruised face and slashed chest to his aching back where he’d landed on it too hard.

“Some,” Hux admitted without meaning to. That was a symptom of his exhaustion.

“Let me take a look,” Ren said, twisting the doorknob beside Hux’s hip and pushing Hux into the exam room.

“Now _you_ want to play doctor?” Hux asked, too tired to argue too much.

“I want to make sure you’re okay,” Ren corrected, guiding Hux back until he was against the exam table. Hux almost shouted at Ren when Ren lifted him onto the table, but he sat there, staring into Ren’s concerned eyes.

Hux was confused by Ren’s demeanor. This wasn’t the argumentative and explosive man-child that came in complaining about throat aches and imagined ailments. This man seemed focused and even gentle as he unbuttoned Hux’s shirt to reveal the clean white bandages. It was even more peculiar considering that Ren had spent the afternoon at the police station as well.

“What are you doing?” Hux asked, trying to get a hold of himself.

“Changing the bandage. You should cover it in fresh ones at least once or twice a day,” Ren told him as though _he_ was the medical expert. Hux didn’t doubt that Ren had handled his share of injuries, but it was still insulting to have his own expertise explained to him.

“I'm aware of how to care for it. I'm curious as to why you think you should be doing this?”

“Because you won’t be able to do it without pulling your stitches,” Ren told him, and Hux grudgingly realized he was right. He wanted to curse, but that would be admitting defeat.

“And what makes you think I don’t have someone waiting at home ready to take care of this for me?” Hux retorted. The truth was that if Hux had had someone waiting at home to take care of him, he would have gotten himself a hotel room for the night instead.

Ren gave him a measuring look before tearing away the tape that held down the bandage. Hux did curse this time, and that made Ren smile. The man was a prick, Hux told himself.

“I don’t need to be coddled,” he insisted.

“Not coddling. Just making sure that you take care of yourself,” Ren told him.

“Why?” Hux felt like they were just walking in circles.

Ren studied his stitched up wound before looking up at him with those deep brown eyes. “Because you take care of me.” He said it so matter-of-fact that Hux frowned.

Hux felt a weird burning under his skin, as though it was too tight and he might just explode. Ren’s movements were so gentle it only made the feeling worse, but he allowed Ren to cover his wound again.

“Good as new,” Ren said when he was finished. He frowned, reaching up to gently touch Hux’s bruised cheek with the pad of his thumb, but Hux caught his wrist and held it there. This had gone far enough.

“Take your clothes off,” Hux ordered, voice flat.

Ren’s eyebrows rose at the command, but he didn’t move an inch.

“You heard me, take them off,” Hux repeated himself. He didn’t know why, but he needed Ren naked. He needed to have Ren at _his_ mercy.

Ren stepped back, shrugging off his coat which was followed by his shirt and the rest of his clothing until he was standing in front of Hux stark naked. He was almost shy about it, standing with shoulders curled forward and hands cupping himself. The room was cold though, so Hux reasoned he could just be defending himself from the chill.

Hux slipped off the table and strode past Ren to the counter. He tugged two gloves out of the box and pulled them on, snapping them as loudly as he could. He watched the shiver run through Ren’s body.

“Do you want this?” Hux asked, stepping behind Ren and placing his gloved hands on Ren’s hips.

“You know I do,” Ren replied, voice almost breathless as Hux trailed his hands over Ren’s hips and down to where Ren cupped himself.

“Then you should brace yourself on the table,” Hux told him, stepping back to retrieve the lubricant. Hux didn’t think about the implications of what he was doing for the second time that week. Right then, he needed Ren to whimper for him. He needed to know that he had some power, _any_ power.

Ren stepped in front of the table, spreading his legs apart and bracing his hands on the exam table. Hux just stared at his back for a moment. He admired the strength in his frame, the well-developed muscles and the sheer size of him. Ren was impressive whether he was dressed or not.

Hux stepped directly behind Ren, squeezing lubricant onto his fingers before pressing one to Ren’s ass. Ren shivered, but he didn’t complain. He gripped the vinyl padding of the table until his knuckles turned white as Hux pressed his index finger into him with little preamble. Hux needed this now, and he had no intention of being tender.

Hux wondered for a moment if he should attempt some sort of dialog in order to feed Ren’s doctor fetish. He wasn’t one for dirty talk, and trying to search his brain for what to say was daunting. He certainly wasn’t going to pretend to give Ren a prostate exam, whether or not Ren would enjoy that. It simply wasn’t something Hux could do without calling to mind every awkward exam he’d ever been a party to.

Hux decided against attempting to weave a fantasy. Ordinarily, Hux was all about talking, but during sex he had a particular focus. Instead, he pumped his gloved finger in and out of Ren almost roughly, enjoying every grunt and groan the man made at the intrusion.

“You like that?” Hux did ask as he added a second finger.

“More,” Ren said through gritted teeth. Hux smirked, pressing further and faster. Ren spread his legs a little more to keep himself steady. It was satisfying to Hux that he had him off balance.

Hux removed his fingers when he that felt Ren was ready for him. He didn’t wait for the other man’s confirmation. He instinctively knew Ren would stop him if something wasn’t right. Hux was so lightheaded with how good this felt, he pumped more lubricant onto his fingers and gave his hard cock several quick strokes. He could feel Ren’s anticipation as he kept his head down and his shoulders tense. He was trembling from the fingers Hux had fucked him with. It made Hux feel powerful which he sorely needed right then.

Hux pressed up close to Ren, and he positioned his cock at Ren’s entrance before sinking into him in one long push. Ren gasped, hips stuttering as he was filled. Hux smiled to himself, gripping Ren’s hip in one hand and his shoulder in the other. He paused only a moment to adjust to the hot pressure around him before pulling back and thrusting in again with determination.

Ren grunted as Hux tried to find his rhythm. He pushed Ren’s shoulder until he was bent over, his face practically pressed to the table as Hux rocked into him. Hux’s own breath was coming in harsh pants as he looked down at the beautiful expanse of Ren’s back. He could see the lines of his muscles and the ridges of his spine as well as the smattering of beauty marks at covered his skin, and it was breathtaking.

Hux couldn’t deny that Ren had an incredible body, and while Hux wasn’t often swayed by such things Ren was truly a perfect specimen. His skin begged to be touched, and Hux found himself lifting his hand from Ren’s hip to trail his fingers down Ren’s spine. Pleasure curled deep in his belly as Ren moaned loudly from the caress.

Hux’s mind was scattered, soaking in the powerful pleasure Ren’s body was giving to him as well as the beautiful visual he had taking Ren from behind. It was too much really. Hux groped for the lube and managed to get a little onto his gloved hand before reaching around Ren to stroke his dick. He used his other hand to grip Ren's thick hair tightly.

Ren was already grinding against the side of the table, looking for friction, but as soon as Hux touched him he melted into it. He whimpered as Hux gripped him firmly and began to stroke him in time with his thrusts.

Hux grunted with each push of his hips, and he gritted his teeth as he tried to hold back the inevitable. He’d never tried to hold himself back before. He’d rarely worried about finishing quick. Satisfaction was the key, prolonging it was counterproductive. However, right now, he knew he needed Ren to come before him. He needed to see Ren fall apart, to know that he’d done that to him.

So, Hux bit his lip and kept up his punishing pace, listening to Ren’s every sound and feeling his body’s every shake and shudder. Sweat beaded on his forehead, and his hair had long ago lost its smoothed back style. Hux felt like he was the one being taken apart as his hips snapped forward again and again.

Hux twisted his wrist as he stroked Ren and made sure to thumb the head of his cock on each pass. Ren’s moans only grew louder at the attention, and soon he was shaking in Hux’s arms. His come painted the side of the table as his body clenched down on Hux’s cock, sending him over the edge as well in the most powerful orgasm Hux believed he’d ever had. He continued to pin Ren to the table as he shook behind him, and when he finally came down enough to pull out, he staggered away from Ren.

Hux’s mind seemed to come back online as he stumbled backward. He looked down at himself in horror, realizing he wasn’t wearing a condom. Hux felt all of the control he’d had during their rutting slip away as he realized he hadn’t really been in control at all, especially not of himself.

Ren glanced over his sweat slicked shoulder at Hux with a lazy expression on his face. However, as soon as his eyes met Hux’s, he straightened up and turned around. Hux could tell that memories of last time were coming back to him, and he could read the tension quickly flooding into his posture.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, surprisingly steady considering the circumstances and how Hux had acted las time.

Hux pointed down at his flagging erection in disgust. Ren frowned, and Hux swallowed back his shame. “I wasn’t wearing…I was negligent…”

“I’m clean,” Ren told him as though it wasn’t a concern.

“I was just stabbed by a drug addict wielding a dirty knife not 24 hours ago,” Hux hissed. “I have no way—”

“So, when your tests come back let me know,” Ren said, shrugging his massive shoulders. Hux was appalled by how easily Ren took that news. “Look, I’ve been covered in other people’s blood more times than I can count. I get tested, but I wouldn’t be good at what I do if I was afraid of bodily fluids. Your come in my ass is honestly the least of my worries,” Ren told him, stepping forward and holding Hux’s biceps. “I’m more worried that you tore your stitches while fucking me,” he said, pointing to the splash of crimson on the crisp white bandage.

Hux sighed. He didn’t want to deal with that or anything now. Hux pulled off his gloves and dropped them in the trash. “I need a scotch,” Hux said, looking at Ren's naked body and his own half clothed one.

“I’ll handle the stitches, just let me clean us up,” Ren said with surprising steadiness. He wasn’t being gentle with Hux, and there was no pity in his voice. He was being pragmatic, something that was usually Hux’s specialty. Hux was too exhausted to stop him though, and he staggered over to his stool. He collapsed on it with a heavy sigh. He hadn’t even taken his pants off to fuck Ren, but Ren was stark naked.

Ren didn’t waste any time helping himself to Hux’s supplies. First he took several tissues and cleaned up Hux’s spent cock. He didn’t even look at Hux as he wiped away the evidence of their encounter, though he was careful not to overstimulate Hux. Then he cleaned himself up with several more tissues, followed by cleaning the side of the table. He even went so far as to disinfect the table for Hux.

When that was done, he pulled his clothing back on. He no longer seemed shy as he took his time pulling on each article. He wasn’t being showy about it or looking for attention; he just wasn’t rushed. It was incredible how much confidence he gained when he had a specific goal.

Ren approached him gingerly once he was back to rights, and Hux realized with a little pride that he was the reason Ren was walking that way. It was enough of a boost that Hux allowed Ren to pull his shirt away from the wound again and go about cleaning the blood away once the new bandage was removed. Hux was surprised when Ren gathered the supplies to redo his sutures. He cleaned away the mess that the torn ones left behind, and he deftly closed Hux’s wound with precise stitches. Hux watched his every movement, and it was too practiced for a man who’d never attended medical school of any sort.

“How many people have you sewn up?” Hux asked as Ren reapplied a bandage to ward off infection.

“Enough to know what I’m doing,” Ren replied, but he wasn’t boasting—just stating a fact.

“I can see that,” Hux said, running his fingers over the new bandage once Ren leaned back. Ren smiled at him, and the expression looked odd on his often sullen face.

“Let me take you home,” Ren offered, leaning down so that he was eye level with Hux.

“I can drive myself home,” Hux insisted. No one went home with him. His last girlfriend had only been to his apartment three times during their entire nine month relationship, and one of those times was to drop off his belongs because she was ending it.

“You’re dead on your feet. I won’t even go inside. I just want to know—”

“Fine, if it will get you to shut up,” Hux said, pushing himself to his feet. He just wanted to sleep for a week, though he knew that he’d likely only sleep a couple hours before he was up and going again.

“Is there anything you need to do before we go?” Ren asked, pulling on his own coat as Hux buttoned up his shirt. Hux growled as he realized he did them up wrong and had to start over.

“You mean like tender my resignation for complete disregard for ethical boundaries? I’m afraid that will have to wait until I’ve had some sleep,” Hux retorted, though he had no such plans. Ren wasn’t good for him. He made Hux forget his place. He made him feel out of control, and worst of all Hux enjoyed it—even when they were at each other’s throats.

Ren snorted, but he made no comment about Hux’s shitty joke. Instead, he stepped aside and allowed Hux to pull himself together and close up before leaving. When they got to the front door, Ren took Hux’s keys from him and stepped outside first, glancing around.

Hux didn’t appreciate the whole bodyguard routine, but he was too drained to fight it. He checked that the door locked behind them, then he followed Ren to the only car in the lot.

“Not what I would’ve expected,” Ren said, taking a long look at the black Crown Vic. Hux had actually bought it off the police when they were getting rid of it. He kept as many of the alterations they made to it as he was allowed. It was a piece of shit, but he kept him safe.

“You don’t think I’m foolish enough to drive my Viper to a volunteer clinic in the shitty part of town, do you?” Hux retorted. He did in fact have a Viper, and he'd splurged on all the bells and whistles he could get away with. It was his pride and joy, and there was no way in hell that Hux would _ever_ allow Ren behind the wheel of it. Hux could be bleeding out, and he still wouldn’t let Ren control that vehicle.

“Of course not,” Ren replied, and Hux could tell he was being laughed at. He didn’t snipe back though. He was a star surgeon with a fancy sports car; he really didn’t have a leg to stand on with how cliché that was.

Hux was actually impressed by Ren’s driving as he followed Hux’s directions back to his apartment building. Hux didn’t live in the high-end section of the city. His family was respected, but they hadn’t been rich when Hux was young. His father had taken years to become a successful surgeon, and by the time he’d made it he was being forced to retire. Then teaching hadn’t been the most lucrative career, especially not with the cost of living in the city.

They had always been comfortable, but there had been little excess in Hux’s life. His father had a very strict budget, and anything Hux wanted had to be assessed by how useful it would be. Hux had never learned to ride a bike because his father had decided that a bicycle would have been an unnecessary expense. Hux had learned to live an austere life, so the indulgence in a fancy car when he could afford one by his own merit had been a very large step for him.

So, Hux lived comfortably in a decent building with a spacious if dated apartment. The area was neither new nor wealthy, but his neighbors were good hardworking people, and they tended to keep the noise down. It was everything he could ever want.

Ren made no comment about the area as he pulled the car into Hux’s designated spot beneath the building. He did frown when he saw the gleaming black Viper parked in the spot beside his.

“You thought I was joking,” Hux remarked, opening the door and slowly getting out of the vehicle.

“Such a pointless toy,” Ren said, slamming the driver’s side door shut and studying Hux over the roof of the car. He tossed the keys to Hux, and Hux caught them easily.

Hux snorted. “I wouldn’t expect you to understand,” he said, walking toward the elevator that would lead up to his floor. “I will see you Sunday,” Hux said dismissively. “If I get my results sooner, I will contact you.”

Ren didn’t say anything, and Hux slipped onto the elevator before he did something stupid and invited Ren up. He’d already done far too many stupid things for one day as it was. Hux stumbled into his apartment and straight to his bed. His sleep was plagued with dreams of Ren’s smooth skin and pleasured whimpers.

When Hux woke at four in the morning, it was with a boner and too many memories to ignore. He was actually grateful for it because the night before he'd woken screaming from the thirty minutes of sleep he'd managed to get. Hux even indulged himself and jerked off before getting up and taking a shower to start his day.


	8. Chapter 8

Hux's bizarre dreams of Ren hadn't stopped, but now he also dreamed of the assault.  Sometimes, he dreamed that Ren had been there to intervene.  His rage was palpable as he practically tore the man apart.  It always seemed to end with a sickening crack as Ren broke the man's neck with his bare hands.  Hux stood to the side, holding his bleeding shoulder as he watched Ren stand above the man's crumpled body.  When Ren finally looked up at him, his expression was tortured and Hux felt guilt for what Ren had done—not for the man he killed, but for Ren himself.

Other times, Hux dreamed that Ren was the assailant.  He waited in the shadows for Hux and attacked him with such stealth that Hux was sent reeling to the pavement before he even registered what hit him.  Hux hated these dreams as he desperately tried to defend himself, but Ren hit him continuously until Hux woke screaming.  Hux would bring his arms up to protect himself, but there was no one there.  He'd lie in bed as he tried to catch his breath, but he couldn't fall asleep after those.

The worst part was that a piece of Hux felt like he deserved Ren's attack.  He'd felt as much the night he'd been assaulted.  He'd thought that it was Ren following him to get revenge for how Hux had treated him, but it hadn't been. 

Hux couldn't take his mind off the incident, and the fact that he was stuck in his apartment only made it worse.  He knew he couldn't keep going to the clinic because then Phasma would see how rundown he was becoming.  She'd know he wasn't sleeping, and she'd intervene. 

Instead, Hux went over everything he'd done, starting with kicking Ren out.  He'd come to terms with the fact that he'd given Ren a handjob, but his reaction still gave him pause.  He wondered if he'd been something other than an asshole to Ren that maybe Ren would have been there that night and frightened the man off.  However, as soon as he thought that, he hated himself for wanting someone to protect him.  He'd always looked out for himself before Ren came along.  He'd even weathered multiple attacks on his clinic without faltering.

For days, Hux didn't sleep as he picked apart his every move.  He went over his recent surgeries, in case he'd ruined them as well.  He called the hospital daily about the results of his blood tests, and he could tell the nurses were becoming annoyed with him.  However, the more he worried over it, the less any of it made sense. 

Hux was half delirious on Friday night when he staggered down to the bar two blocks over.  He ordered himself a glass of wine, since he doubted he could stomach anything stronger than that.  He tried not to spill it as he sat with his back to the wall. Some of the regulars greeted him, but when they got a good look at him they didn't try to carry on a conversation. 

Hux was blinking repeatedly to keep his eyes open when a large shadow fell across his table.  He gripped the cutlery as he looked up, but he sighed when he realized it was just Phasma.

“You haven't been answering my calls,” she said, taking a seat across from him.

“I've been busy,” Hux told her, straightening his utensils as though he'd meant to all along.  She wasn't fooled by it.

“You can't do this to yourself, Hux.  I can't watch you fall apart slowly the way I did after your mother's passing,” Phasma said, folding her arms across the table.  Hux hated the word ‘passing.’  All it said was that the person using it didn’t have the courage to say death.

“I don't know what you're talking about.  I'm fine,” Hux insisted.

Phasma rolled her eyes at him.  She got their next round of drinks and didn't even pester him as he sat morosely sipping his over-priced wine.  She nursed her own glass, seemingly content to watch Hux wallow for a while. 

Hux was dizzy by the fourth drink.  He couldn't really remember the last full meal he'd had.  The feeling only got worse when he rose to go to the bathroom.  He was pretty sure he managed not to piss on his shoes, but he had a close call when he almost tipped over.  The other guy in the restroom gave him a knowing look as he walked to the farthest urinal from Hux, who'd stood very close to the door—not trusting himself to make it further.

When he stepped out of the bathroom, Phasma was standing there holding his coat open for him.  “We aren't leaving yet,” Hux told her, but the words were heavy on his tongue.  He couldn't leave now.  It was the first time in weeks that his constant anxiety had dulled.

“We'll keep drinking at my place,” she promised.  Hux didn't really believe her, but he followed her out of the bar and down the block to her car. 

\---

Hux woke on an unfamiliar surface with a painful headache and a roiling gut.  He opened his eyes, and immediately recognized Phasma's living room.  He was mildly insulted that she didn't bother to put him in the guest room, but he got over it quickly as he stood up and staggered to the open kitchen. 

“You haven't slept in days,” Phasma said, stepping out of her room with a towel over her shoulders to catch the droplets of water in her hair.  She'd clearly just finished her morning workout then showered.  She'd probably be heading to the clinic soon.  Hux didn't want to think about the clinic.

“What makes you say that?” he asked, rifling through her cupboards for the tea she kept for him.

“You are the lightest sleeper I know even when you're drunk off your ass, but last night I carried you up here after you passed out in my car.  I dropped you on the sofa and nothing.  I made myself a midnight snack, banging around in here, and you didn't even stir.  Why aren't you sleeping?” she asked, clearly over the quiet show of support she'd given him last night.

“It's—”

“—every bit my concern, Hux.  You could barely make it to my car last night, and we weren't drinking hard.  You had four glasses in three hours.  That isn't nearly enough to warrant you being fall down drunk.”

Hux pinched the bridge of his nose.  He shouldn't have gone out in the first place.  He should have just stayed in his apartment where no one was asking him what was wrong.

“Bren,” Phasma said softly, clearly changing tactics.  “It's okay to be shaken up after what happened.  Even you can only take so much before it starts to affect you,” she told him.

“I'm fine,” Hux repeated himself.

“That's bullshit.  I'm not your father; that nonsense isn't going to work with me.  Either talk to me or talk to someone else, but you need to talk to someone other than yourself.  You're only making it worse on yourself,” she insisted, taking pity on him and opening one of the drawers beneath the counter and pulling out his tin of tea.

Hux sighed, taking it and setting the kettle on the stove.  Like the tea, she kept the kettle just for him after he complained for nearly an hour about people who made tea in the microwave.  She hadn't been impressed, but she'd bought the kettle anyway.  Hux couldn't remember the last thing he'd done just because he knew it would make someone happy.  However, a flash of Ren's satisfied expression after Hux touched him with his gloves came to mind.  Hux ignored it.

“Ren's been at the clinic all week,” Phasma told him as she pulled several eggs out of the refrigerator and began preparing breakfast.

“And you let him stay?” Hux asked, surprised that Phasma would put up with Ren's theatrics for more than the hour or two she saw him on Tuesday evenings and Sunday mornings. 

“He's worried and, unlike someone I have to put up with, he isn't locking himself in his apartment,” Phasma said, cracking an egg one handed and dropping it into the pan.

“So, you'd let me stay if I showed up?”

“I'd give you a chair and let you sit out front with Kylo,” she retorted. 

Hux frowned.  “What does he even have to worry about?” he grumbled, waiting impatiently for his water to boil.

“Don't be an ass.  He cares a lot...about _everything_ it would seem.”

“I thought you hated him.”

“I think he's bad news, but I don't hate him.  I'd prefer he hung out somewhere else, but as long as he's doing what he's supposed to and not getting in the way, I'm not going to be the one that tells him to leave.”

Hux shook his head.  To him, it seemed that everyone’s approach to Kylo Ren was to let him do what he wanted so long as he wasn’t breaking things, or maybe it was to let him do what he wanted so he wouldn’t break things.  Hux didn’t know which was more ridiculous.

“I expected more from you,” Hux told Phasma, but she gave him a deadpan look that said she thought the same of him.

“He’s worried about _you_ , Doctor.  I don’t know too many people that give a damn about you or our clinic, and as much as I might hate what he stands for and what he does for a living, I’m not going to push away the only other friend you have,” she told him pointedly.

“We aren’t friends,” Hux said sharply.

“Then maybe he’s the one you should talk to because he certainly feels differently.  Now, eat your breakfast.  Don’t think I haven’t noticed you’ve lost weight,” she said, putting a plate of scrambled eggs down in front of him.

Hux sighed.  He wanted to ask when she’d leave for work, but he didn’t want her to take a day off just to spite him. She took her time eating and getting ready, but she still left with plenty of time to get to the office before it opened at eleven. 

Hux sat on the couch staring out at the gloomy morning, feeling marginally better than he had the day before which was a feat considering how hungover he felt.  He considered Phasma’s words; he always considered her concerns because as much as he hated taking direction he did trust her completely.  He considered what she said about talking to someone, but he couldn’t do it.  He certainly wasn’t going to talk to Ren even if the man was worried about him, and he didn’t want to talk to Phasma.  While he trusted her, he just couldn’t tell her how much he’d fucked up over the last few months.  He finished his tea then called a cab to take him home.

\---

Hux stepped out of the sleek black sports car into the crisp air.  He looked around at the quiet cemetery as the wind tried to unsettle his hair.  Hux turned up the collar of his long coat to keep the chill out.  The sun peeked out from behind the clouds every so often, but it wasn't enough to bring warmth to the fall air.

Hux stepped around to the passenger side and opened the door.  He'd covered the entire side of the car in towels, so he could transport the poinsettia he'd purchased on the way.  He was careful with the planting as he lifted it out of the car, careful not to accidentally knock any dirt onto or into the vehicle. 

He closed the door with a push of his hip, and he looked across the sea of headstones.  He spotted his mother's grave easily.  He'd chosen the headstone and, in a moment of particular weakness, he picked one with an angel perched atop the stone weeping.  He'd told his farther that she'd deserved a custom headstone, and that the design was very tasteful.  What he hadn't said was that he'd chosen the sobbing child with wings because he felt like he himself wasn't allowed to cry for her.  His father had agreed because he hadn't really cared, and since it was Hux's money he wouldn't tell him how to spend it.

Part of Hux hated that stone.  It was the face of his own weakness that stared back at him every time he went to tidy up his mother's grave.  Phasma had been right.  He'd been in a downward spiral after her death even if he kept up appearances.  Looking back on the decisions he'd made then made him fearful for the ones he'd made recently.

Hux sighed, walking forward through the rows upon rows of graves.  The solemn quiet of the cemetery always brought him some semblance of clarity.

He stopped in front of his mother's headstone, reading it as he always did.

 

Eleanor Birch-Hux (1956-2015)  
Faithful Wife  
Beloved Mother

 

He knelt down and began to clear away the remains of his last offering.  He tore the dead flowers out with his gloves fingers, then dug into the hard dirty without any tools.  He just scraped and scratched until the dirt cleared away.  He eyed the hole, trying to determine if he had to dig it deeper for the plant.

“That's a death sentence,” a gentle feminine voice said from over Hux's shoulder.

Hux spun around, having heard no one approaching.  He blinked when his eyes landed on Rey, who was wearing the stupid looking leather jacket that belonged to either Poe or Finn. 

“What did you say?” he asked her, attempting to calm his racing heart.  After all that had happened, he should have been aware of her.  He tried to tell himself that she wasn't a threat, so he didn't register her.  It didn't work.

“Poinsettias are basically tropical plants.  Planting it outside in the middle of winter is a death sentence.  It's a stupid tradition born of ignorance.  Just because they bloom at Christmas time in Central America doesn't mean they can survive our winters,” Rey explained, looking at the plant in question then around at the other graves covered in decorative red flowers.

Hux actually blushed.  The lady at the grocery store had told him it would be perfect for a grave decoration.  He'd been taken for a fool.  Perhaps he was a fool.

“What are you doing here, Rey?” he asked, changing the subject instead.  He didn't put the plant in the hole he'd made though.  His mother had loved flowers, and she'd probably hit him upside the head for ‘sentencing one to death’ as Rey had put it.

“Oh, I sometimes come through and tidy up the graves that don't get much attention,” she said, shrugging.  The oversized coat made her look small, and the smudge of dirt on her cheek made her look particularly young.

“That's very kind of you,” Hux told her, rising from the cold ground and dusting off his knees.

“I guess I relate is all.  They're just waiting here for someone to come back, and maybe their loved ones can't make it as often as they'd like to.  So, I look out for them when I can,” she said, pushing a loose strand of hair out of her face.

Hux looked at Rey for a long moment, wondering at how she related more to the dead than the living.  Though even if her words were morbid, she was still smiling at him.

“In your expert opinion, what would be a good to plant?” Hux asked her, looking down at his mother's grave again.

“You have a little rose bush on the one side...”

“Yes, she loved roses.  I didn't know if the little plant would take, but it seems to have taken its new home,” Hux said, easily telling Rey about his mother's passion.

“Maybe a Christmas rose?  It's not really a rose, but they look similar and bloom in the winter.  Then she'd have roses to keep her company all year,” Rey suggested, kneeling down and clearing debris away from the rose plant. 

“And where would one get a Christmas rose?” Hux asked.

“I could get one for you, if you like.  I could look after her grave for you too if you want,” Rey offered.

Hux paused.  He couldn't imagine leaving his mother's grave to someone else's care, but he didn't get to visit as often as he would've liked.

“I'll pay you for it.  How much will the plant be?  And a bi monthly visit...”

“I don't want your money, Doctor Hux,” Rey said, giving him an odd sort of look.

“But it will cost you money to take care of her grave, and your time,” Hux insisted.

“You can't put a price on kindness.  Has no one ever done you a kindness, Doctor?”

Hux scoffed.  “People don't do things out of the kindness of their hearts, Rey.  Everyone has ulterior motives,” Hux told her.

“You do it every day.  You run the clinic.”

“It was my mother's.”

“So?  You could sell it.  You could appoint someone else to run it, but you don't.”

“It was my mother's wish...”

“Call it what you want, but you wouldn't be doing it if you didn't want to.  You wouldn't put up with protesters if you didn't care.  So no, I don't want your money, Doctor Hux.  You've never taken mine,” Rey told him, picking up the poinsettia and pushing it into his hands.  “You should take this home, or maybe to the office.”  She smiled at him as he accepted the plant from her.

“I suppose it would look nice on Phasma's desk,” Hux said, looking at the vibrant red flower in his hands.  If he put it on Phasma's desk, then she would be responsible for not killing it.

Rey laughed as though she knew exactly what he was thinking.  “I'll stop by the clinic and let you know when I have the winter rose planted.  See you later, Doctor Hux,” Rey said, waving as she moved along the row of headstones being mindful never to tread over an actual grave.

Hux watched her go, weaving gracefully as though she knew exactly where every coffin ended six feet below, and she walked a tightrope between them.  She didn't go very far before stopping to clean off another grave.  He could see her lips moving, but her words were taken by the wind and Hux couldn't hear the secrets she shared with the dead.

Looking back at his mother's grave, he remembered why he'd come here after several months of avoiding it.  He glanced back at Rey, but she was far too involved in her self-appointed duties to pay him any mind. 

“I have made mistakes mother.  I can't even seem to choose a proper plant for your grave these days,” Hux told the stone cherub that perpetually sobbed over his mother's resting place.  “I fear father knew all along the treacherous nature of the world.  I've opened myself to weakness, and it is devouring me.  Losing you has made me realize my own fallibility.  I wonder every day if I had read the signs sooner that you might still live, or if I had taken sabbatical earlier that I might have managed your pain better,” Hux said, placing the poinsettia upon the headstone beside the angel.  He pulled his coat more tightly around his body and looking up at the sky blinking away the sting in his eyes.

“When it was just my choices surrounding you that I questioned, I accepted it as penance for what I had done.  I could accept that burden, but now there is so much to question.  I cannot discern what is weakness and what is strength.”  Hux paused, trying to find the correct words even if it was just stone to which he spoke. 

Hux sighed, rolling his eyes at himself.  “There is a man, Mother.  He is bizarre and infuriating, and he uses the services of the clinic for his own... _pleasure_.  It is disgusting, and disgraceful because I have entertained these appetites of his.  But other than arguing, he has been kind to me and has offered his services to the clinic.  I fear I was unjustly cruel to him, and since then I have questioned myself.  I was attacked, and I don't know if it has shaken me because I fear what could have happened or because I believe I deserved much worse for the things I've done.”

Hux clenched his fists, feeling utterly foolish for turning to his dead mother for guidance.  He wasn't one to believe in intervention beyond the grave.  He didn't even believe in an afterlife, but speaking to the dirt was easier that speaking to his father and less humiliating that speaking for Phasma.  Guilt was such a strange feeling for him in the first place.  He had done plenty of underhanded things in his time, but he never felt guilty for it. 

“I don't know what to do.  I feel like—”

“Hey, Doctor Hux, sorry to interrupt you again,” Rey said, skittering back toward Hux.  Her pants were far too thin to block the bitter wind, and she looked half frozen. 

“What do you need, Rey?” Hux asked, trying not to sound snappish because he was actually pleased by the distraction from his turmoil.

“It's really cold out here.  You wouldn't happen to have a couple bucks to spare for a coffee would you?” she asked, rubbing her arms.

Hux looked at her for a long moment, remembering the only time he'd met her parents.  They'd brought her into the clinic when his mother ran it.  They'd been so worried, and his mother had assured them that she was a fighter and would be okay.  It had been over ten years ago, but he remembered how his mother had handled Rey's family with care while Hux had entertained a sick Rey as they waited for the doctor to arrive.

“I'll buy you lunch,” Hux said, surprising even himself.

“Oh, that's okay, Doctor.  I know you're busy.  I don't want to be a bother,” Rey insisted.

“No bother at all.  I actually have the week off,” Hux admitted.

“If you're on vacation, why aren't you on some fancy island?” she asked as Hux led her back to his car. 

“It was an unplanned absence from work,” Hux said, opening the passenger door and bending to remove the towels before glancing back to see that Rey was actually quite dirty herself.  He looked down at the towel and cringed to himself as he removed it anyway.  He carried it and the poinsettia to the small trunk and placed them inside as Rey slid into the car.

“Nice wheels,” she said as Hux got behind the wheel.

“Thank you,” Hux said, turning the car on and shifting the gear to pull out of the spot he'd parked in.  Hux wasn't sure where to take Rey for lunch.  He didn't want to take her somewhere upscale because she didn't seem like the kind of person who would enjoy having to wait thirty minutes between overly small courses.  She was also covered in mud.

Hux settled on a small deli near the clinic that he and Phasma frequented far too often for it to be healthy.  Rey's eyes lit up as Hux pulled the car in front of the small storefront.  Hux didn't particularly want to leave his car there on the street where anyone could deface it, but he told himself the car would be in full view of any table they picked.

Rey took a window seat as though she knew his concerns.  Hux went to the counter and picked up two of the paper menus that were more for people to take with them than actual sit-down menus, but he didn't particularly car.  He handed one to Rey as he took the seat across from her. 

“If you tell me what you'd like, I'll go order,” Hux said for lack of anything better to say.  Rey didn't even look up, studying the menu carefully.  “Get anything you want.  Don't worry about cost,” he told her, seeing her browse the soup section.

“Thanks, Doctor Hux,” she said, putting the menu down on the table and pointing to the sandwich she wanted.  “Give it the works, and can I have a bowl of chicken noodle too?” she asked sheepishly.

“Of course,” Hux told her, getting up and walking to the counter.  He ordered his usual Reuben, light on the sauerkraut and dressing on the side.  Then he added her order, before returning to their table.

Rey was looking out the window wistfully as Hux took his seat again.  Hux didn't know what to say to her.  It wasn't like they were friends.  She was a patient; one he saw fairly frequently for minor things like getting her flu shot or updating her birth control.  He knew more about her menstrual cycle than he did about her as a person, and he certainly wasn't going to ask her how her cramps were lately.

It was awkward, but he didn't want to just walk out.  She could use a good meal.  She looked healthy, but he doubted she ate particularly healthy. 

“Do you enjoy winter, Doctor Hux?” she asked out of nowhere, turning away from the gray skies outside.

“I like it about as much as I like any other time of year,” he replied, though he wasn't particularly fond of the chill that settled in his bones and wouldn't go away until the first wisps of spring thawed the ground.

“I like summer, but the dry weather.  No one likes to be hot and sweat all day and night,” Rey commented. 

They were actually talking about the weather.  Hux felt like a fraud of a person that Rey felt the need to turn to comments about the weather to have something to say to him.  “No, that isn't something I particularly enjoy,” Hux agreed for lack of a better topic.

“I miss your mother sometimes.  She used to give me lollipops after my visits even when I was too old for them.

“Phasma has a candy bowl on the front desk,” Hux pointed out.  Phasma always picked the good things out before patients arrived, but it was there.

“It's not the same.  That's like congratulating yourself, but when she'd slip on into my pocket it was like a secret between us.  She was proud of me,” Rey explained, playing with the ketchup bottle on the table.

Hux stared at her.  He remembered one of his early doctor's visits.  He couldn't have been much older than four.  He'd needed to get a few shots before he started school, and he'd cried through it all.  When it was finally over, the nurse had come in with a big red lollipop for him.  She'd told him he'd earned it for being so brave, and his father had taken it instead.  He'd told Hux on the way home as he continued to sob without his prize that he hadn't deserved if because he'd cried the whole time.  That night, after his father had retired to his office, Hux's mother had slipped into Hux's room and placed a red lollipop on the pillow beside him.

“She was proud of all of her patients,” Hux said, looking out the window as well.

“She was proud of you too, Doctor Hux.  She always talked about what a brilliant doctor you were or were gonna be.”

Hux smiled at Rey for that.  His father never said things to reassure him, and Hux tried not to need reassurance.  However, without his mother's gentle reminders that she believed in him, he often forgot how much she had cared.

“Doc, order's ready,” the owner called over the counter, and Hux was thankful for the diversion.  He walked over to the counter and collected their food and paid for it before taking his seat again.

They ate in silence, which Hux appreciated.  Rey ate with gusto, drinking her soup quickly then devouring the massive sandwich she'd ordered.  Hux at primly, cutting his Reuben into pieces then dipping them into his dressing with his fork.  Rey was finished far faster than he was, and she giggled as she watched him eat.  Hux ignored her.  He hated getting grease on his fingers, but his sandwich of choice happened to be a mess of grease.

“I've been seeing Kylo Ren outside the clinic a lot lately,” Rey commented innocently as Hux dabbed at his lips with one of the napkins from the stack they’d been given.

“Yes, he's been volunteering as security,” Hux replied, continuing his meal.  Ren’s position wasn’t a secret.  It would be pointless to try to deny that the massive man who sat out front was there in an official capacity.  Hux always assured patients that Ren was there for their safety, and when he was volunteering he was not on Snoke’s timecard. 

“He used to scare me when I was younger.  He used to come into the shelter every once in a while looking for a blanket or a hot meal.  He’d snarl if people got too close, so they’d just give him what he asked for so he’d leave.  He always seemed so lonely. Now, when he isn't working he's actually kinda nice,” Rey said, stealing a potato chip from Hux's bag.  Hux didn't stop her.

“Is that when I need to speak to him if I want him to be civil?” Hux joked, trying to lighten the suddenly heavy mood.  Rey laughed, stealing another chip, and Hux stored that information away for another time.

“Don't be silly.  He's always nice to you,” Rey said, probably remembering the incident with the eggs.  If only she'd seen their argument prior to that, she likely wouldn't feel the same.  “Word around is that he protected you when you were attacked,” she said conspiratorially. 

Hux sighed.  It was part of working with such a community that word got around fast.  “It wasn't anything.  Don't believe everything you hear, Rey,” Hux told her, pushing the pickle she'd been eyeing in her direction.  She smiled at him and picked it up, taking a crisp bite of it.

“I don't, but I know enough about Ren to know he doesn't just do nice things for people.  He likes you, Doctor Hux, or he wouldn't volunteer his time to help you.”

“I probably don't deserve his help,” Hux spoke without thinking.  He blamed the visit to his mother's grave, and his damn conscience for the slip, but Rey didn't seem to hold it against him.

“I didn't used to think that I deserved the help Poe and Finn tried to give me.  I didn't think I deserved any help, and I pushed them away.  But they've taught me that everyone deserves help even if we don't think we do.  Maybe you should just apologize to him for whatever you did or said,” Rey told him, pointing the half eaten pickle at him and smiling.

“Perha—

“Hey, Mr. your order,” the owner shouted as Hux became aware of a dark figure stalking across the deli from the back door that Hux often used when he came from the clinic.  Hux was surprised as Kylo Ren stormed past them and out the front door. 

“Speak of the devil,” Hux sighed.  “Give me a second.  Feel free to finish the chips,” Hux told her, getting out of his seat and taking the order from the owner.  “Put it on my tab, Frank,” Hux said, walking out the door.

Hux wasn't entirely surprised when Ren was standing next to his vehicle, kicking the hubcap with his heavy boot.  “What the hell are you doing, Ren?” Hux asked, trying not to blow up at him for touching his car. 

“What are you doing in there?” Ren demanded, pointing at Rey through the window.  Rey, for her part, pretended not to be watching their every move.  She could probably hear pretty well too since Ren was shouting.

“I was eating lunch,” Hux replied, annoyed by Ren's theatrics.

“You're eating with her.  She's a patient,” Ren told him.

“Yes, and she was cold and hungry, so I offered to buy her lunch.  What is your point, Ren?”

“She's like half your age!”

Hux stopped short.  He didn't understand what Rey's age had to do with anything, but then it hit him.  A shudder went through him at even the thought of it.  “Are you jealous?” Hux hissed, making sure to keep his voice down.  This was highly inappropriate.  Anyone could see them out here, but Ren didn't look to be going anywhere.

Ren brought his fist down on the hood of Hux's car, leaving a dent in it.  Hux blinked at the damage Ren easily did with just his bare hand.  “I'm not jealous,” Ren said, slamming his fist down again, but this time he cursed and clenched and unclenched his hand.

“Stop that this instant, Ren.  Give me your damn hand,” Hux said, reaching for his abused hand.  Hux wanted to punch Ren, but he held himself together.  There were witnesses here, and someone would certainly call the police if they started to brawl.  He could get his car fix, but he couldn’t afford to be arrested for assault…or so he told himself.

“Fuck you,” Ren shouted. 

Hux sighed, and grabbed Ren's wrist, checking the side of his hand for damage.  This was definitely not what Phasma had meant when she said to speak to Ren. 

“I'm sorry,” Hux said so softly that the wind threatened to carry the apology away.  Ren stopped his tantrum though.

“What for?” Ren sounded so bewildered that his anger just evaporated.

“I'm sorry for the way I treated you after our…first time.  It was a poor decision, but I made it worse by treating you that way.  I'm sorry for the way I treated you before and since.  You have stood by me in your own way, and I have fought that,” Hux told him, letting him have his hand back.

Before Ren could respond, the owner of the deli stuck his head out the door.  “Do I need to call the cops?” he asked Hux, but Hux shook his head.  Ren glared at the man, but Hux pulled his attention back by stroking his aching palm.

“We are not together, Ren, but even so I want you to know that I have no interest in Rey.  I saw her while I was out today, and she asked if I could spare some change for coffee.”

“Shit, I fucked up your car,” Ren said instead of replying to Hux's statement.  He didn’t seem comfortable admitting he was jealous, but Hux couldn’t blame him.

“I'm sure the repair shop will be thrilled to fix it for an exorbitant cost,” Hux told him.  He looked at the dent in the sleek black finish, and sighed.  Even without letting Ren behind the wheel, he could still find a way to destroy the car.  Hux regretted indulging the whim to take it out for a drive today, but that was his fault.  He knew the risks. Ren just happened to exacerbate any and all risks.

“I'll pay for it.  I wasn't thinking.  I didn't mean to dent it,” Ren told him, sounded truly upset with himself.

“Stop, Ren.  Take your food, and I'll see you tomorrow.  I still haven't heard from the hospital, but I will call them again when I get home,” Hux said.

“Hux?” Ren asked, settling the bag of food in his arms. 

“Hey, thanks for lunch, Doctor Hux.  I’m gonna head out, and see if I can get you that plant.  Don’t forget the poinsettia in your trunk,” Rey interrupted them, squeezing past them on the sidewalk with a knowing smile.  Hux wanted to correct any assumptions she’d made, but he fought the urge down.  That would only make it look more suspicious.

“You’re welcome, Rey.  Don’t catch cold,” he said stiffly, trying to be the staunch professional he usually was…when he wasn’t having an argument with a lover on the sidewalk for all to see.  She waved at them and headed off in the opposite direction of the clinic, and Hux turned back to Ren.  “What Ren?”

Ren looked torn for a moment, but he shook his head.  “It doesn't matter.  Thanks for the apology, and sorry I dented your car,” Ren told him instead.  He sounded sad, but Hux didn’t have a clue as to why.

“Ren,” Hux called as Ren began to walk away.  Ren turned his head to look at Hux, but he didn’t say anything.  “Get in the car.  I’ll drive you back to the clinic,” Hux told him.

Ren looking like he might refuse, but he stepped around the passenger side and waited as Hux ran into the deli to retrieve his coat and keys.  He hit the unlock button even before he was out the door, afraid Ren would change his mind.  Hux tried not to think about how this looked after the fight they’d had.When they were both in the vehicle, Hux eased out of his spot and pulled around the corner toward the clinic.  “How do you know I’m going to the clinic?” Ren asked, staring at the bag of food that was too large for one person.

“Phasma said you’ve been coming every day,” Hux replied. 

“I haven’t had anything better to do,” Ren told him.  Hux knew that was a lie, but he didn’t call him on it.  He studied Ren out of the corner of his eye, noting the dark circles under his eyes that matched those beneath Hux’s.  Phasma’s comments about Ren’s worry itched at the back of his mind.

“I want to thank you for the other day,” Hux said as they got close to the clinic.  He pulled around the back where his designated spot was even if he didn’t plan to stay.  They’d have privacy back here if nothing else.

Ren looked at him in confusion, but he didn’t say anything.  Hux gritted his teeth.  Ren was going to make him spell it out.  “When you came in and separated me from the patie—”

“The man who attacked you,” Ren corrected him.

“Yes, the man who assaulted me.  I want to thank you for doing that…I have great difficulty talking about these sorts of…weaknesses…”

“I don’t see how what you did was a weakness.  You faced him down in a closed room,” Ren told him.

“I can’t stop the nightmares though.”  It slipped out.  He didn’t know if he had to prove to Ren that his faith in Hux was misplaced or if Ren’s faith in him made it too easy to talk.  Either way, Hux regretted the words as soon as they passed his lips.  “Forget it.  Thank you for stepping in.  That’s all I wanted to say.”

“No, what’s wrong?” Ren asked, but Hux shook his head.  He hated Phasma for putting the idea that he should speak to someone in his head.  This felt wrong and invasive, like a splinter beneath his skin that needed to come out but hurt more when touched.

“I don’t share feelings, Ren.  I’m not about to cry on your shoulder—”

“Stop it!” Ren snapped, gripping the bag of food in his lap too hard.  “Be a human for ten good damn seconds, Hux.  I’m not going to be disgusted by you having emotions,” Ren told him.

“I dream that you kill me!” Hux shouted back at him.  “Is that what you want to hear?  I dream that you hate me so much that you’re itching to kill me.  I can’t stop thinking I deserve it, and one of these days you’re just going to do it already.  I thought you were going to do it that night.”  Hux felt his heart pounding in his chest as he released all of his pent up frustrations.  He finally looked at Ren once he’d finished, and the younger man looked stricken.  “What?” Hux snapped.

“I’d never hurt you,” Ren said it softly, as though if he said it too loud it would shatter whatever spell had loosened Hux up enough to speak.

“You tear apart my clinic.  You just vandalize my car.  Every time I speak to you, you want to hit me,” Hux said, looking at Ren like he had three heads.

“Those are _things_.  I wouldn't hurt _you_.  If I'm upset break things, I'm upset with myself.  It has nothing to do with you.  I'd never wait outside to hurt you.  I wouldn’t keep coming back if I hated you,” Ren told him, still gripping his lunch too tightly.

Hux stared at the steering wheel, unsure how to respond.  He felt like something had dislodged in his chest, and suddenly after days he could breathe again.  He startled when Ren's hand touched his thigh lightly.  The contrast between Ren’s touch and his grip on his lunch seemed to demonstrate his point. Hux glanced at Ren's strong fingers then up at Ren's face.

“Even if I was made at you that night, if I had been there I would've killed that man and I wouldn't have regretted it,” Ren told him.  The sincerity in his eyes was almost frightening.

“I know you would've,” Hux whispered, letting go of the steering wheel to pulled Ren’s fingers from his leg.  “Get inside, they'll be wondering where their food is.  I will see you tomorrow morning,” Hux told him.

Ren squeezed Hux's fingers before sliding out of the car.  Hux waited until Phasma let Ren in the back door before starting the car again.  She stood in the doorway with folded arms, watching him with a knowing look.  Hux pulled out of the lot and drove himself home before he had to face anyone else.

He was exhausted as he rode the elevator up to his apartment.  Ren's words had drained the tension that had been sustaining him for days, and now Hux was left with nothing.  He stumbled shuffled through his apartment, placing the poinsettia on his counter before going to his bedroom.  He collapsed onto the unmade bed and fell into the first dreamless sleep he'd had in a week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few people mentioned wanting to see more Rey, so I hope this was enough to whet your appetite.


	9. Chapter 9

“I’m clean,” Hux said, running his gloved fingers over Kylo’s heaving chest. There was a bruise there as though someone had punched him right in the sternum for some reason. Hux doubted that was very effective just based upon how substantial Ren's pecs were, but he questioned the intelligence of anyone that went up against Ren thinking that they had a chance at coming away victorious.

Hux didn’t know how they’d ended up here again. One minute they were stepping inside as they did every Sunday morning, and the next Hux was pushing Ren into Room Three and pulling on a pair of gloves. Ren had his coat off even before Hux could cover his fingers properly. Hux would blame it on his stressful week, but it was little use lying to himself at this point.

“Good to know,” Ren responded mildly, taking the time to undo the buttons on Hux’s shirt since they both had to work after this. It would not be good for them to wear the evidence of their transgressions for all to see.

“You should be more careful with your health, Ren,” Hux told him.

“That's why I come to you, _Doctor_ ,” Ren retorted. Hux wanted to slap him for his cheeky response. Maybe Hux was a little worried for himself since Ren seemed so careless about his own body and health, but that didn’t stop him from pushing Ren toward the exam table.

“I want you on your knees, sucking my cock,” Hux told him, pressing two fingers into Ren’s mouth and curling them down. Hux wasn't sure where Ren's limit was. He was always half expecting Ren to glare and him and refuse, maybe even take control for himself. Hux feared it a little—not Ren of course, but the prospect of giving up any of the control he had—but the possibility of it also ignited something inside of him.

Ren’s breath caught as he sank to his knees as instructed. He looked up at Hux as Hux unzipped his fly and pulled himself free.

Hux watched stoically as Ren opened his mouth and wrapped it around the length his cock. It sent the most thrilling shiver down Hux’s spine and a pleasant heat curling in his belly.

Hux would never admit that he'd woken more than once that week to fading bits of dreams about Ren's lips wrapped around his cock. It was pathetic really, but Hux had cherished those moments because they were the only reprieve he had from nightmares. Hux had never been a slave to his baser needs before, but Ren was a strange addiction that he couldn't seem to kick.

“You look good like this,” Hux said, running his fingers though Ren's thick hair. “How does your throat feel?” Hux asked, feeling a bit mischievous.

Ren looked up at him, dark eyes blazing with mischief of his own. Hux gasped loudly as Ren took his length all the way into his mouth. Hux gripped Ren's shoulders to steady himself as his legs felt like they were suddenly made of gelatin.

“Bastard,” Hux whispered, fingers digging into the bare skin of Ren's shoulders.

Ren's lips spread in a grin around Hux's cock, and Hux felt like he might come right then and there.

“What would you do if I came on your lips and face?” Hux asked. He didn't know where the question came from. Ren's presence had loosened his tongue. He'd never thought to ask such a shameful thing to a partner before.

Ren's shoulders rose and fell in a lazy shrug. Hux studied him carefully, but nothing about his demeanor seemed to mind the suggestion at all. In fact, he seemed to suck Hux more greedily at the mention of it. Hux tipped his head back and enjoyed what Ren offered him. When he felt himself getting close, he pulled back from Ren's swollen lips and stroked himself with gloved fingers.

Ren tipped his chin up as Hux brought himself to the edge. Hux didn't warn him as he felt his body tighten just before letting go. He forced himself to keep his eyes open and watch as his come painted Ren's lips and chin in white streaks.

It was sinful the way Ren's tongue darted out to lick at his puffy bottom lip, swiping away a taste of Hux's come. “Disgusting,” Hux said, though he didn't mean it at all. It was gorgeous. It was better than any dream.

Ren grinned. “It's _your_ come...and your fantasy,” he retorted. Hux felt the tips of his ears heat at that. It was true.

“Get on the table. I'll take care of you,” Hux said instead, choosing to ignore Ren's words.

Ren huffed in amusement, but he stood up and walked to the table dropping his pants before hopping up. Hux covered his hand in lubricant before walking over and hastily stroking Ren off. When he was finished and Ren was covered in both their come, Hux gently cleaned his body before helping him dress.

“After work tonight, you’re getting tested. I’m not just taking your word for it from now on,” Hux told him. Ren looked up at him from where he where tying his boots. His eyes were a little wide, and Hux wasn’t sure if the idea of STI tests were a turn on or a fear of his.

“Okay,” he said, standing up and taking the coat Hux held out for him. “Does this mean you plan to keep having sex with me?” he asked, and Hux tried his hardest to ignore the hope he heard in Ren’s words.

“Dear God, Ren. It’s nothing to get worked up about,” Hux told him, but Ren seemed like he’d heard the best news of his life. It was disgusting really.

Hux pushed Ren out the door with a grumpy statement about not getting any work done when Ren was around. Ren replied with an equally snarky comment about cocky surgeons that believed the whole world revolved around them. Hux thought that was rich coming from Ren, but he didn't say it.

\---

Hux would never admit that he felt anything but lust for Kylo Ren. The man was simply infuriating after all. He had thrown three tantrums both in and outside the clinic in as many months, not including what he’d done to Hux’s car which had cost enough to truly irritate Hux for several days. When it was taken into consideration that the man was only there twice a week, it was entirely too common.

Hux's anxiety was only worsened by Kylo, or that's what he told himself. He forgot what anxiousness was when he watched Ren fall apart at his command. It was balancing that with his duties that created the fissure in Hux's composure.

“Something's different about you lately,” Phasma told him one night while they went over their numbers and statistics.

“I can't imagine what. I'm still doing the same number of surgeries per week. I keep the same hours here, see the same patients...”

“Has nothing to do with work,” she said, pointing her highlighter at him and narrowing her eyes.

“My entire life is work, Coleen,” he retorted. He never used her given name. He wouldn't have been surprised if she'd forgotten it. She'd been Phasma since her Army days, and it had stuck even as a nurse.

“Mm, whatever you say, _Doctor_ ,” she told him, circling the order for a new shipment of surgical lubricant and raising an eyebrow.

“Who the hell authorized that purchase?” Hux asked, trying to control the blush that threatened to overtake his entire face.

“I did. We're running short for some reason,” she said, sounding far too smug for Hux's liking.

“Did you question Mitaka about it? I won't have anyone pilfering our supplies,” Hux insisted. He was doing mental calculations about just how much lubricant they could have possibly used in the entirety of their trysts, and he wasn't liking the answer his brain was supplying.

“I'll be sure to warn the young doctor that we don't approve of such behaviors, but perhaps it would be more meaningful coming from you. After all, you would never stoop to such behavior,” Phasma said, pulling the record of purchase back toward her with a smug smile.

Hux sighed. Of course, Phasma knew. The woman was clever. She didn't miss a thing, and Kylo Ren was hard to miss. Especially when he was sporting swollen lips after sucking down Hux's cock. Hux put his head in his hands, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his palms.

“Let's just get this done with,” he said, sitting up again.

Phasma gave him one last measured look before going back to the figures. Hux appreciated that she'd let him off the hook with only a mild warning, even if he was in charge and therefore allowed to allocate supplies as he saw fit. Hux was truly embarrassed by just how much they'd used though. He would have to be more conscientious.

Who was he kidding? He should stop the whole thing all together.

\---

They started fucking twice a week. On Sundays, Ren would be waiting at the clinic when Hux arrived. He'd always have a cup of coffee for himself and a cup of tea for Hux. Hux would let him inside, and there was no pretense. Those mornings were almost exclusively reserved for frantic grinding, partially naked bodies pressed together searching for release.

Tuesday evenings after everyone had gone, Ren would come inside and tell Hux just how sick he was feeling. Sometimes the ailments were real, and sometimes Hux suspected Ren just liked the spectacle of Hux questioning him and taking his blood pressure or listening to his breathing. Ren had become more bold as he realized Hux wasn't likely to just kick him out and be done with him. That didn't mean Hux didn't constantly threaten to when Ren came up with his latest malady.

Once that was out of the way Hux would order Ren to strip and he'd pleasure Ren as he saw fit. Ren never complained. Sometimes Hux would just jerk him off and tell him to leave like their first encounter. Other times, he'd fuck Ren hard and fast which left them both exhausted and pleased with themselves. And sometimes he'd have Ren pleasure him.

Ren seemed to eat up anything Hux had to offer. Even the nights when Hux was too tired to hold back and came far too soon, Ren never complained. In fact, he seemed completely content to lean against Hux as he recovered from the embarrassment of coming early. Hux had never felt embarrassed by reaching completion before Rent came along. With Ren, he wanted to see the other man come apart even more than he wanted to get there, and it was a new and strange feeling. And it was particularly humiliating because Hux prided himself on his control, but Ren didn't seem to think it strange or frustrating at all. Ren ,on the other hand, could seemingly go for hours without ever stopping for a breather. He had incredible control of his body when he wanted to, though Hux suspected he didn’t maintain it completely around him out of pity for Hux’s poor libido.

Hux had never had so much sex in his life as he did now with Ren, and Hux had had multiple long term relationships over his adult life. Sex had always seemed like one of the chores around the house though. He’d scheduled it for Saturday evenings after he got off work and took his significant other for their weekly dinner. He did it in a bed with the lights out then promptly went to sleep before the euphoria faded. He’d rarely felt an undeniable urge for it in the past.

Work had always taken precedence over physical pleasure. He'd made it abundantly clear to partners that if his work life was stressful there was little chance he'd be in the mood for any sort of company and certainly not intercourse. Partners had bore it for a while, but eventually they always left him. Hux never felt much distress for their leaving.

Now though, Hux couldn’t deny that he wanted Ren. His libido still wasn’t all that active. He couldn’t imagine having sex with Ren every day or even every other day. It was a daunting thought. However, twice a week was nice, and if he took care of himself a few more nights a week he didn’t even mind it.

Hux still felt anxiety about the whole situation. He still felt anxious about Ren being his patient, but now, he also felt anxious about not pleasing Ren. He worried that if he couldn’t keep up then Ren would move on, and Hux’s pride could not withstand Ren casting him aside. However, Ren kept coming back, and he never commented on Hux’s shortcomings—other than those pertaining to his bedside manner.

\---

It was a Tuesday evening that things changed. Hux had had a long night and was utterly exhausted when Ren came inside to find him. He was just catching up from the time he'd taken for his injury. Even though the stitches were long gone and he was back to both working at the hospital and the clinic, he was still getting too little sleep and taking on too much work.

Ren took up the whole doorway to his office as Hux attempted to get through the things that needed his signature. “Want me to wait in Three?” he asked when Hux finally looked up at him.

“Is it serious?” Hux asked, fighting the heaviness of his own eyelids.

“Ribs are killing me,” Ren said, no dramatic need for attention in his voice for once. Maybe he could sense that there was no way Hux was getting it up for him.

“Come here,” Hux said, waving Ren to his side. Ren did as he was told, pulling his black t-shirt up over his head as he walked over to Hux. Hux ran his hands over Ren's ribs once he was in front of him. He pressed gently and focused, but they seemed intact. “My professional opinion is that you should try to avoid getting hit in them if you want them to stop hurting,” Hux told him, fighting a yawn that tried to break free.

“Wow, Doctor, what brilliant advice. What do I owe you for that?” Ren retorted grumpily.

“Sit. I'll give you something for the pain when I'm done,” Hux said, pointing to the chair on the other side of his desk. He wasn't even up for their usual banter.

“You sound beat,” Ren said, sitting in the chair, but tapping his foot restlessly.

“Just a long day. Don't concern yourself,” Hux said offhandedly, paying attention to his paperwork instead of Ren.

“I won't be in on Sunday,” Ren said after a long pause. Hux just nodded. Ren was a volunteer. Hux wasn't going to hold a gun to his head to show up. If he had other things to do, that was on him. “Snoke is going to be traveling, and I always travel with him. I should be back for Tuesday...”

“We will survive without you for however long you are away,” Hux said, signing the last of the forms and stacking them neatly.

“Of course,” Ren said, pushing himself to his feet at the same time Hux did.

Hux blinked several times to get his eyes to cooperate. Ren fell into step beside him as he walked to the supply room and over to the medications they had on hand. Hux pulled down a bottle, opened it, and tapped out two capsules.

“Get yourself some water to take these,” he said, dropping them into Ren's palm. Hux put the bottle on the shelf again and locked the cabinet as Ren went to get a cup of water from the kitchenette. He realized his hands were shaking from his exhaustion when the glass of the cabinet rattled as he turned the key to lock it. He took a few breaths and ignored that he'd been working his body to the bone. There was no time for this sort of weakness.

“Hux?” Ren's voice came from just behind him, and Hux jumped in surprise. He gripped the counter tightly as his anger got the best of him.

“Must you sneak around silently? Would it hurt you to make a little noise once in a while?” he snapped.

“I knocked on the door, but you didn't respond,” Ren said, sounding concerned.

Hux hated it. He didn't need Ren's concern. He didn't want his pity. He balled his hands into fists as he whirled around.

“What are you still doing here anyway? You got what you needed, or are you waiting for me to stick my fingers up your ass? Can you not go a single shift without sexual payment for your services?” Hux demanded, standing his full height with his shoulders squared.

Ren wasn't swayed by Hux's posturing. For perhaps the first time in his life, Ren didn't take the bait and snap at Hux. He studied Hux's face, keeping his own anger in check. “Come back to my apartment. It's only two blocks over,” Ren said, like it had anything to do with their conversation.

“What?” Hux asked, confusion replacing his anger.

“Your eyes are unfocused. You can't drive,” Ren told him, reaching out and taking hold of Hux's arms. Hux realized a moment too late that Ren was doing it to steady him because he was listing to the side. He staggered as Ren gently helped him find his balance again. He felt impotent, and it was horrible. He wanted to claw at Ren's hands just for touching him, but he sagged into the embrace instead.

“I'm going to sleep. I'm not fucking you no matter what bizarre sickness you come up with that only my cock can cure,” Hux said as Ren guided him out of the supply room and back to the office. Hux tugged on his coat and handed over his car keys, so Ren could drive them to his place. Hux would have insisted on walking if he thought he could make it that far. Belatedly, he realized he should've insisted that Ren drive him home as he'd done before. That way he could kick him out and be left in peace.

The drive was mercifully short, and Kylo made quick work of parking the old car beside the derelict building. It looked like it had been condemned before Hux had been born, but Hux wasn't entirely surprised after what Rey had told him about seeing Ren at the shelter. Not to mention, Ren didn't seem like the type to require extravagant amenities.

“You're a squatter,” Hux said for the sake of breaking the heavy silence that hung over them.

“Technically no, Snoke owns the property,” Kylo told him, guiding him to a window on the first floor that was only half boarded up. The front of the building was completely boarded, and Hux found himself wondering if it would've been safer to risk driving home on his own. “There's nothing to worry about,” Ren promised him.

“I didn't say anything,” Hux retorted.

“You're thinking too loud. I can practically hear your scornful words the way you’re looking around,” Ren said, guiding him through the first floor to a half rotted set of stairs. “Just follow my lead.”

“Nothing to worry about, my ass,” Hux grumbled, following Ren's every step up the staircase and trying not to get anxious about the state of the building. He could practically feel the decay all around him.

“You get used to it...”

“You shouldn't have to. You work for one of the richest men in the state, probably the country. There is no excuse for this,” Hux said through gritted teeth as they came to a door on the third floor. Hux assumed that this was Kylo's apartment. The door looked newer than anything else in the building, and Hux assumed Ren had actually taken the time to reinforce it. At least, the man wasn't _completely_ reckless.

“You wouldn't understand,” Ren said dismissively.

Hux suddenly felt what it was to be a patient who was talked down to by their physician. “Perhaps because you neglected to explain yourself,” he said, watching as Ren opened the door and stepped into the apartment. Hux was shocked when a flip of a switch turned a dim overhead on. It wasn't nearly enough, but there was some power.

Ren sighed heavily like Hux had asked him to give up a kidney. “Living without distraction hones focus,” Ren said, but Hux knew those weren't Ren's words.

He knew this because Ren was the least focused person he’d ever met. Sure, he could focus his anger into destroying things, but if he had proper focus he wouldn't blow up in anger in the first place. Hux kept this to himself though.

“I invited you here to sleep not criticize me,” Ren said, sounding almost hurt by Hux's opinion of his home.

“Apologies,” Hux told him, too tired to parse out Ren's underlying troubles. “The bed or a blanket?” Hux asked, looking around the mess of what once had been an apartment.

Ren led him to the bedroom, and Hux wasn't surprised with the accommodations he found.

“I know it isn't much of a bed...”

“Ren, it is a rotting mattress on a rotting floor. It is not a bed,” Hux said. He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting after getting a look at the rest of the place, but this was pitiful even for Ren.

“Well, I can't exactly bring a bed up the stairs or—”

“It's fine. Good night,” Hux said, pushing down every rude thought he had about bugs and diseases lurking in this dump. If Kylo Ren, with his fear of pneumonia and other illnesses could live here, then Hux would survive a night.

He walked over to the bed, laid his coat down and laid down on top of it. The apartment wasn't exactly warm, but Hux would manage. Upon closer inspection, the bed was actually in better shape than he thought, and was at least covered in a semi clean sheet.

“I'm just gonna...” Ren trailed off, gesturing to the living area of the apartment. Hux didn't bother replying. He wasn't there to keep Ren company. He was there to catch up on some much needed sleep. He doubted he'd be able to sleep well in this hovel, but he ended up drifting off quickly—clearly needing sleep even more than he realized.

\---

Hux woke with a start while it was still dark in the room. He tensed, feeling a weight pressed against his back. The tension didn't leave him when the arm wrapped around him tightened.

“Jus' me,” Ren's deep voice mumbled against the nape of his neck.

“And what exactly are you doing?” Hux asked sharply, though he kept his voice to a whisper.

That seemed to wake Ren from his half-slumbering state. Hux could feel the whisper of Ren's eyelashes against his neck as he blinked the sleep away.

“Spooning?”

“I don't spoon. I am not a piece of cutlery that needs to be fit in an overly crowded drawer,” Hux insisted.

“Sorry,” Ren said, pulling away and rolling onto the other side of the mattress. He sounded wounded, and Hux hated the way that tugged in his chest. He'd never cuddled or “spooned” with his partners before. He stayed on his side of the bed and they on theirs. There was no crossing the invisible territory lines except for previously sanctioned activities.

Hux sighed, rolling over to follow Ren. He cursed himself as he tentatively wrapped his arm around Ren's waist and pressed himself against Ren's muscled back.

“You don't have to,” Ren said, sounding like he might just pull away.

“I was being an ass,” Hux said, stroking his thumb over the line of hair just below Ren's navel. He could feel the shudder as it traversed Ren's entire body. Hux smiled against Ren's shoulder, letting his fingers dip just a little bit lower.

There was really no hope of him falling back to sleep now. He rarely got more than three or four hours of sleep at a time, and now Hux was very aware of Ren's body. Threats of no sex slipped from Hux's mind as Ren responded to his every touch.

Hux ran the pad of his thumb over Ren's hipbone, and he was very pleased with the soft whimper it pulled from Ren's lips. Hux didn't dip his fingers any lower, fueled by the tease rather than the finish. Instead, he pressed the flat of his palm directly between Ren's navel and cock, feeling every flutter of pleasure there as Ren shuddered and gasped.

“You like that?” Hux asked, adding just a little pressure.

“Yeah,” Ren agreed, arching into the touch with a whine. Hux pressed his hips to Ren's ass, sandwiching him between the two touches. Ren's hand came down to grip Hux's forearm, but he didn't try to move Hux's hand. He just seemed to ground himself with the touch.

Hux moved against him slowly, grinding his hips against Ren and cataloging each of the soft noises that he made. He brought his hand up Ren's stomach, dragging his nails gently. That left Ren arching against him. When he got to Ren's chest, he thumbed at his right nipple before pinching it softly.

Ren groaned catching Hux's hand as he tried to move his touch along. “More,” he begged, pressing Hux's hand back to his pert nipple.

“Greedy,” Hux mumbled, but he thumbed at the small bud again and smiled at the way it seemed to drive Ren crazy. Hux moved his hand to the other nipple, teasing it just as gently as the first. Ren shook in his arms as Hux touched him. He didn't seem self-conscious about his pleasure at all. Hux had always been self-conscious about opening up to a lover. It was part of why he got off and was done with the whole mess, but Ren was just so different. “You have any supplies?” Hux asked.

He was more interested in lube than condoms since they'd already fucked that up more than once, and he happened to be in possession of the paperwork that proclaimed Ren free of anything Hux didn't want coming in contact with his genitals. Still, he wouldn't turn down anything Ren had. From the look of the place, he wasn't exactly expecting much.

So, it was a surprise when Ren shifted up to the top of the mattress and pulled down both a tube of lubricant and a handful of condoms. Hux squinted in the dark at the tube only to realize it was the medical lubricant that they had at the clinic.

“You stole our lube...and our condoms, no doubt,” Hux said, though to be fair they did hand out the condoms for free. They even handed out packets of personal lubricant, but not entire tubes of surgical lube. Hux recalled Phasma calling him out for the dwindling lube supply, and he was very close to killing Ren for making him sit through that terribly awkward conversation.

“Phasma said it was okay,” Ren defended.

Hux paused at that. Phasma was tricky. She was far too smart for her own good, and while she was very dedicated to him and the clinic, she certainly had her own motives. “I will need to have words with her,” he said, but he opened the half empty tube and squeezed some onto his fingers. She'd clearly given him a brand new one, and still Ren had gone through half of it. Hux chose not to comment on it though, since it wasn't any of his business. Though it needled at the back of his mind that Ren was going through that much of it when they were already having sex regularly.

Wrapping his slicked hand around Ren's straining cock, Hux gave it a few slow pumps. Ren seemed to deflate in his arms as soon as Hux took him in hand. The quiet sigh that slipped from his lips was nothing short of beautiful.

Hux stroked him languidly for several minutes, keeping him aroused but relaxed before putting more lube on his fingers and moving them behind Ren. They'd only ever had rough, frantic sex before. Hux would prep him fast then take him hard, and Ren would be chomping at the bit the entire time.

So, when Ren whimpered softly as Hux gently pressed his forefinger inside him, Hux was surprised by how weak it sounded. He took his time pressing the digit all the way inside Ren and slowly dragged it back out, twisting it back and forth. Ren panted roughly, but he didn't urge Hux to go faster.

Ren was spilling a constant stream of whimpers and moans by the time Hux had two fingers gliding in and out of him. He dragged his fingers over Ren's prostate as he adjusted his hand, and Ren shook violently as he gripped the sheets.

Hux made sure to maintain Ren's arousal as he slowly coaxed him open with varying movements. He twisted his fingers then spread them slightly while inside Ren. Everything was met with enthusiastic sounds from Ren as he gripped the sheets tightly.

“On your back,” Hux ordered softly, removing his fingers and ignoring Ren's whimper at the loss. He guided Ren onto his back and positioned himself between Ren's strong thighs. Ren didn't seem to know what to do on his back. He laid there with his legs bent and spread to accommodate Hux, but he didn't move to reel Hux in or get things moving.

Hux slipped his right arm beneath Ren's knee and guided it up to give himself some room to work with. Ren just looked up at him in the dark as Hux positioned himself at Ren's entrance.

“This okay?” Hux asked. He could take Ren from behind as he usually did, but after the tender foreplay this seemed the proper option. Not to mention, the fact that the lights were out made Hux more comfortable with facing Ren.

“Yes?” Ren agreed, though it sounded more like a question.

“If you don't like it we can change positions,” Hux offered, nudging gently against Ren's entrance.

“No, it's good,” Ren said, bucking his hips slightly in invitation. Hux didn't need any further reassurance and slowly guided himself into Ren's body.

They both gasped as Hux sank further and further into Ren until he couldn't anymore. They stayed like that for nearly a minute, panting in time with each other as they became used to the position. Hux slowly pulled back and pressed in again, wringing a long moan out of Ren.

Hux's own body was singing with pleasure as he felt the snug pressure around his cock. He adjusted Ren's leg a little higher on the next thrust, and they both groaned as it gave him a better angle.

Not rushing himself, Hux built a steady pace. He didn't pound Ren into the bed as he did in the clinic. There was no time constraint or fear of discovery here in this rundown building in the bad part of town. It was just them. Hux wasn't even entirely sure that this was them, per se, or just a shared dream where they could be tender lovers instead of the men they truly were.

“This good?” Hux asked again as he felt his own pleasure building in his gut. The feeling of Ren's body alone was enough to have him completely aroused, but to be inside of him and wringing moans from him was a delicious torture.

Ren didn't answer other than to whimper loudly as Hux's angle brought his cock against Ren's prostate again. It was gratifying that he'd stolen Ren's ability to speak. A little twitch in the back of Hux's mind told him their relationship would be much less strained if Hux could just always keep his cock in Ren's ass.

Hux bent to take Ren's nipple between his teeth as he continued to move inside of him. Ren arched off the bed as his arms finally caught up with the proceedings and wrapped his arms around Hux's shoulders.

“Please,” Ren begged, gripping the back of Hux's neck to keep him there. Hux worried the bud between his teeth then soothed it with his tongue, feeding off Ren's desperate cries. He paid the same attention to the other side, and Ren was a whimpering mess by the time he pulled back.

Balancing carefully, Hux slipped his other arm under the leg pressing against his hip. He brought it up like the other one and sank back into Ren. Ren couldn't seem to control the roar that came out of him as Hux took advantage of this position, sinking as deep as he could go with each thrust.

Hux was thankful that the building was vacant because Ren was loud, and Hux didn't have any desire to quiet him. Ren's cries fueled his own pleasure until he was grunting with each firm thrust, increasing his pace and changing up his rhythm.

Hux didn't know what made him do it. It wasn't something they'd ever done before during the act. It wasn't exactly a conscious decision that prompted it, but Hux found himself leaning in as he felt himself getting close. It was a little bit of a stretch since Ren had a slight height advantage even when Hux wasn't kneeling between his legs. However, Hux leaned up and first pressed his lips to Ren's jaw, letting him know his intentions.

Ren gasped, body going still at the gentle touch of lips. He tilted his head down just enough that Hux could capture his lips as he continued to move. Hux started slow, just pressing against Ren's plump lips and licking at the full bottom one. Ren seemed incapable of doing more than sighing into Hux's mouth, so Hux took control pushing his tongue into Ren's mouth as he continued to thrust into him.

It was a slow, no force behind it. It was gentler than any kiss Hux had ever taken part in, and it was strange that it would be this rage-filled man that would pull such tenderness from him.

“Stroke yourself,” Hux whispered against Ren's lips as they parted briefly.

Ren pulled his hand away from the death grip he'd had on Hux's arm and reached between them. He'd barely touched himself when he gasped, and his entire body went rigid. Hux grunted as Ren tightened around him, pulling him over the edge with him as pleasure washed over him. Hux's lips sought out Ren's as he continued to grind against him—both of them still shaking.

Hux pulled out and collapsed on top of Ren as he came back down. He didn't even cringe at the mess now trapped between them. Ren was still breathing erratically as Hux lowered his legs back to the mattress. He was a little concerned by the unsteady rise and fall of Ren's chest. He almost sounded as though he was drowning.

“You okay?” Hux asked, pressing his hand to Ren's chest.

“Y-yeah,” Ren stuttered as another breath cut his words.

“On your side,” Hux commanded, rolling off Ren and moving to spoon him again. Ren's come was smeared over Hux's stomach, and as Hux pressed against his back again, it smeared there too. It was disgusting, but Hux was more interested in the way Ren seemed to relax again in this position. “Steady breaths,” Hux reminded him, feeling an odd weight in his chest as he held Ren to him.

The sound of their breathing was the only sound in the room for a long time as they laid there. Hux was actually content. He felt sated and exhausted, but it was a pleasant exhaustion. It was like the exhaustion that came after a long but successful surgery.

“No one's ever done that to me before,” Ren mumbled after some time had passed. Hux had actually been on the brink of sleep again, but that got his attention.

“Ren, stop being dramatic. We had sex two days ago,” Hux grumbled. He had never met a man more desperate for attention than Kylo Ren. Everything he did seemed to demand it. Ordinarily, Hux would ignore such desperation, but there was just something about Ren that Hux _couldn't_ ignore.

Ren sighed dramatically, and Hux almost laughed at him. He squeezed his waist slightly instead, and it seemed to get Ren to lighten up.

“I didn't mean sex...” Ren said.

“What then? Your nipples?” Hux asked, rolling onto his back. He really wasn't up for a play-by-play of the event. It was bad enough he'd kissed Ren in the heat of the moment. He certainly didn't need to be reminded that he'd given into a sentimental need to watch Ren's pleasure.

“The nipples, the spooning...the kissing,” Ren listed awkwardly, rolling onto his back as well.

“You can't be serious,” Hux said, staring up at the ceiling. He'd made a catastrophic error in going home with Ren. He could have avoided this awkward revelation forever if he'd kept it to frantic sex at the office. He could have kept it to the weird fetish Ren got him to play along with. “You've never been kissed during sex before? Had you had sex before me?”

“What do you care?” Ren asked.

“I just do.”

“Yes,” Ren admitted, and it relieved some of the ache that was suddenly constricting Hux's chest.

“But you've never kissed anyone during it.” It was a statement. He was just trying to reason out what Ren had told him, not wanting to drag out questioning Ren because Hux knew that led nowhere from the numerous times Ren had seen him as a patient.

Ren sighed again like somehow Hux was being the one that was overly dramatic. Hux almost punched him in the shoulder, but after having Ren naked beneath him he knew that Ren could probably retaliate with something much worse given the muscles he'd felt.

“Sometimes Snoke will have prostitutes. When he's done, sometimes he'll give them extra and let me...”

Hux lifted his hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. “No girlfriend in high school? Boyfriend?”

“Dropped out when I ran away from home,” Ren replied.

Hux's mind was reeling. This was too much information. This was just too much in general. He didn't want to know Ren's history. He didn't want to know he'd inadvertently been the man's first real kiss. He didn't want to know the man was desperately touch starved. Yet, he did. He found himself needing to know more. He felt the knot in his stomach beg to know Ren and his history.

“When did you run away from home? Why?” Hux asked, never turning his head to look at Ren's silhouette.

“You don't care,” Ren said, sounding bitter.

“I do. I wouldn't ask if I didn't. Trust me, I wouldn't ask if I didn't care,” Hux told truthfully. Hux cared too much, and he cursed himself for giving in to it but that was simply the reality of it.

Ren didn't answer right away, and Hux assumed he'd found Hux's answer wanting. However, eventually Ren spoke. “I was sixteen. It was complicated, but my parents had sent me to a boarding school when I was pretty young because I was testing off the charts. I never fit in there though. They teased me because of who my parents were. They teased me because of my ears and nose. They played tricks on me. My uncle was the headmaster, and he was blind to it all. I felt so...”

“Isolated,” Hux said, taking a look around him and realizing that things hadn't gotten any less isolated for Kylo.

“It was agonizing.”

“Adolescence is agonizing,” Hux told him. His own childhood had been far from warm and cheerful, though his mother had been doting. It was his father's expectations and discipline that had been painful. “Did you have no friends at all?” Hux asked.

“Not at the academy. I'd had friends at home, but when I stopped going to school with them...we grew apart.”

Hux bit the inside of his cheek, imagining how lonely it would have to be to go from living at home and having friends nearby to living away at school with no one.

“Snoke visited the academy when I was twelve. I think he was a benefactor or something. I don't remember. My uncle asked me to give him a tour of the campus, and we got to talking. He told me that he could use a man like me. We talked for a long time, and he really listened to me. We ended up writing to each other, and I'd use my time to call my parents to call him because my parents were always too busy to really talk. When I was sixteen I had a meltdown. Snoke said he had a place to stay if I needed some time, so I ran away...after I set fire to the academy,” Ren told him.

Something clicked in Hux's mind at that. He remembered an old headline. His father had laughed about it, calling the Skywalker Academy a complete waste of resources and saying the boy who'd burned it to the ground deserved a medal.

“Your uncle is Luke Skywalker?” Hux asked, finally turning his head to look at Ren. He was trying to recall what the article had said, but it was so long ago.

“I have no family,” Ren hissed, rolling so his back was to Hux again.

“Ben. That's your name. That's why Poe knows you and called you Ben. You were presumed dead though,” Hux said, remembering the constant headlines about Senator Organa mourning the loss of her son. He remembered the stories about her husband leaving her afterward, though there had been speculation of a separation for years before that. It had been news every election season since then. By the time she'd become governor two years ago, it wasn't shocking anymore.

“My name is Kylo Ren,” Ren corrected him.

“Yes, Ren, I am aware. I am just trying to piece things together because you've been _so_ forthcoming with information up to now,” Hux said, running his fingers through his hair in frustration. “Where did you go when you ran away? Surely Snoke wouldn't be so reckless as to harbor the missing son of _Leia Organa_.”

“I came here,” Ren said as though it was obvious.

“You lived in this dump when you were sixteen?” Hux asked in disbelief, sitting up abruptly.

“Yes,” Ren replied, sounding as though he saw nothing wrong with that.

“His place to stay was a condemned apartment building in the most dangerous section of the city?” Hux asked loudly, becoming agitated.

“It has a bed and—”

“This isn't a bed, Ren. This is an old mattress. It's the sort of thing junkies die on when they're at rock bottom and mess up their dose. It is not a bed for a child,” Hux insisted.

“I wasn't a child!” Ren shouted back, sitting up as well to face off with Hux.

“You _were_ a child. You mother mourned her child, and Snoke let you sleep here with hardly any electric, on an old mattress. How was _this_ better than boarding school?” Hux asked him, horrified that Ren had been living here for years with nothing to show for it.

“You don't know anything about me,” Ren said, gripping the sheets tightly.

“What did he have you do for him back then?” Hux asked, not sure he could stomach the answer.

“I ran errands.”

“Errands. You mean you delivered his bribes and collected his blackmail.” Hux snorted. He couldn't believe his ears. What a waste.

“I don't care what you think. You're just—”

“I'm just a doctor with questionable ethics. I have no illusions about what I am, Ren. You can't throw this in my face. _This_ shouldn't be home for you. Tell me, does Snoke pay you or does he take care of your banking?” Hux asked. He was fighting every instinct that told him to get out and forget Ren ever existed. Ren had more baggage that Hux knew how to handle.

“I've got money,” Ren insisted.

“How much?”

Ren paused, and Hux felt cold dread trickle down his spine. “I have a credit card and a debit—”

“How much in your debit account? How do you pay your credit card bill?”

“I don't know, Snoke takes care of it,” Ren snapped.

Hux felt like his head might just explode; the pressure in his skull was incredible. “Ren...” Hux had to stop himself before he said anything that couldn't be taken back. Ren was prone to rages, and Hux didn't want to set him off any more than he already had. “Ren, it may not be my place to say this, but I don't believe it is a good idea to let Mr. Snoke handle your finances.”

“He looks out for me.”

“He's using you. You come to me beaten and bloody. You live in a condemned building. You have no personal relationships other than with your doctor.”

“Snoke knows a lot, Hux. He's teaching me.”

“He knew how to manipulate a child, and now he's using you for his own gain. You're willfully ignorant if you don't see that.” Hux wouldn't back down. He'd overlooked a lot of things for Ren, starting with the injuries that were clearly signs of recurring physical abuse. However, he couldn't overlook the way Ren lived in conditions unfit for anyone when Snoke lived in a multi-million dollar estate just outside the city.

“Get out,” Ren practically growled.

“Ren...”

“I said—” Ren's words died on his lips as Hux reached up and gently touched his bare chest with the tips of his fingers. “Don't use this against me,” Ren begged, unable to control his body's desire for touch.

“I'm not using it against you. I want you to listen to me, but you're shutting me out,” Hux said softly.

“Because you don't know what you're talking about,” Ren insisted.

“I've been volunteering at the clinic since I was the age you were when you ran away. I've seen more people down on their luck than you can imagine. I've heard it all. Maybe I don't cry for every sob story that walks through my doors, but I know what it looks like.”

“I'm not a sob story,” Ren snapped.

“No, but you're going to be a body in the morgue if you let Snoke bleed you dry.”

“What do you care?”

“Against my better judgment, I find I care very much,” Hux said, wrapping his hand around the back of Kylo's neck and pulling him in for a kiss. Ren went with it, mimicking Hux's movements. Hux guided Ren down again until he was lying against Hux's side, half draped over him.

“What are you doing?” Ren asked when they pulled apart.

“Paving my own path to hell, Ren. What does it look like I'm doing?”

“I don't want your pity.”

“I don't do pity,” Hux assured him, shutting him up with a nip to his bottom lip. “I'm not a mother bird, Ren. I'm not going to regurgitate a healthy adolescence for you.”

Ren actually laughed at that. “What are you going to do?”

“I'm going to hold you until the sun comes up, then I am going to go to work, and when you come back from whatever business you have with Snoke, things will return to what they were if you aren't ready to face the fact that Snoke is using you,” Hux said.

“What if I don't want that?”

“What do you want, Ren? I'm not sentimental. I don't—”

“I know that. I just—I just don't know right now,” Ren told him, wrapping his around Hux's waist tightly.

Hux sighed. This was going to be the end of him. It would be the end of his ambitions, his successes, possibly his career. And he was incapable of stopping it. “Think about it. You know where to find me,” Hux told him, running his fingers though Ren's thick hair.

Hux couldn't sleep after everything Ren had told him. He wanted to hurt everyone who'd neglected or used or misunderstood Kylo. He'd never felt protective of another human being, other than perhaps his mother. It was unsettling how much he wanted to protect Ren even if he knew that the man could handle himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who left awesome comments on the last chapter. I'm still going through them trying to leave responses a little more coherent than, "oh my god thank you. you are the best person ever for saying that. please let me hug you," which is usually my first reaction.


	10. Chapter 10

“You gave an entire box of lubricant to Ren, then you had the gall to blame it on me,” Hux said on Sunday as he stood at Phasma's desk between patients. Hux had found an entire box of tubes while dressing himself in the morning, and he couldn't believe Phasma's nerve.

“I did nothing of the sort. If you took it personally, that's your own conscience at work,” she said, not even glancing up from what she was doing.

“Why did you give him an _entire box_?”

“I was hoping if he burned off a little steam he might stop breaking the place, or maybe he'd get over his infatuation with our head doctor,” she replied, continuing to scribble away at the chart in front of her.

“Your concerns are noted but unnecessary,” Hux said, dropping the prescription he'd been writing in front of her and turning to go back to his work.

“I hope it is, Doctor, but I don't see things ending well for any of us as far as Ren is concerned,” she said, looking up at him suddenly.

“I have it handled.”

“I just want to clarify that when I said speak to him, I meant actually use words. Swapping bodily fluids with a patient and coworker wasn't a part of that statement,” she said completely deadpan.

“I have it handled,” Hux repeated.

Phasma didn't make further comment, going back to her work as he went back to his.

Hux didn't have anything handled. He was still seething from what Ren had divulged to him earlier in the week. Hux couldn't wrap his head around Ren's loyalty to Snoke, but worse than that was the complete isolation Ren was living in.

It wasn't healthy, and while Hux was not the paradigm of mental health, even he could see that Ren's life was not optimal. Hux wanted to put his fist through the wall every time he thought about the fact that he had been the first person to ever touch Ren like he was worth affection—Hux, who was anti-affection in all forms. It just wasn't right.

“Wrong room, Doctor,” Phasma called as Hux stepped toward the empty exam room. Room Three—Ren's exam room. Hux had all but officially stopped seeing patients in that room. He told himself it was for sanitary reasons, but it was more territorial than anything.

Hux shook his head and turned to the correct door instead. He was in too deep. He should end it, but Hux knew that wasn't going to happen. He had to wait to see what Ren said when he returned...if he returned. Hux forced him not to think about the fact that Ren not returning was a possibility. There were plenty of people out there that would love to see Mr. Snoke dead, and Hux was one of them. However, that was a task that required going through Ren first.

\---

Tuesday came too soon and not soon enough. Hux went to the hospital and worked the entire day before heading to the clinic at five. When he walked through the back door of the clinic, it was bustling. Mitaka looked frazzled as he walked past Hux to Phasma's desk. Phasma was speaking to a walk-in. Everything seemed normal until Phasma pointed him to the waiting room.

Hux didn't think anything of it as he walked down the hall to the door that separated the back of the clinic from the waiting area. As he opened the door, he was immediately met with the sight of Kylo Ren sitting between two men who looked as though they'd been beaten to a bloody pulp.

Hux's eyes didn't linger on them too long, instead looking at the other side of the waiting room where half a dozen patients were clustered as far from the three men as possible. Hux's eyes narrowed.

“Mr. Ren, a word please,” Hux said, motioning for Ren to step through the door with him. The other men looked as if they meant to follow, but Ren waved them off, whispering something to the one that could actually sit up straight. Then he walked across the room and past Hux. Hux shut the door behind them gently, rounding on Ren.

“Are you out of your goddamn mind, Ren?” Hux demanded as soon as the door was closed. “You brought criminals into my clinic for treatment in the broad light of day!”

“They need medical attention,” Ren said, shrugging like it wasn't anything to be concerned about.

“You have my entire waiting room cowering in fear.” Hux clenched his fists at his sides, nails digging into his already scarred palms. It was either that or risk taking a swing at Ren.

“That isn't my problem.”

“It's _my_ problem, and I'm making it your problem. Get those thugs out of my waiting room,” Hux ordered.

“No, they need medical attention,” Ren insisted.

“That is what hospitals are for. I am not putting my staff or this clinic at risk because you can't answer the questions a hospital is going to ask,” Hux told him, standing as straight as he could. It worked on most people, but Ren was just massive and knew he could probably take on a grizzly bear.

“But you'll risk them to get your dick—”

Hux grabbed Ren by the front of his shirt and shoved him into the wall of the corridor. Ren hit it with a loud thump, doubling over as the molding hit him in the kidneys.

“I am not some unsuspecting local who's afraid of you and your boss. I'm not a small businessman you can lean on to get your way. I will not be talked to that way. You want to have a tantrum because I'm doing my job and drawing the line at treating patients that shouldn't be here, do it somewhere else,” Hux told him, practically shouting in Ren's ear as he leaned down over him. “Now, get out of my clinic and take your friends with you.”

Ren looked up at him like he might just hit him, but he didn't. He straightened up slowly, and Hux could see the dark circles under his eyes. He looked like he hadn't slept since the night they spent together. A part of Hux, that he would like to smother for its weakness, wanted to cradle Ren's face and smooth the lines of tension from his brow. Instead, he stood his ground with his fists firmly at his sides.

Hux actually flinched when Ren punched the wall beside his head. Hux knew that Ren wouldn't hit him, but it was a message about what Ren thought of the clinic and Hux's rules.

“Your displeasure is noted,” Hux said calmly. “Now, get out before I call the authorities.” He stepped around Ren. Phasma was watching the exchange, standing ready to intervene, but she let Hux see it through. Hux sighed when the door to the waiting room slammed shut. “I'll go out and make sure they leave without a scene,” Phasma said, but Hux waved her off.

“He won't do anything that would jeopardize his welcome here,” Hux said, praying that his faith in Ren was not misplaced.

“You mean like choking Mitaka against a wall for refusing to see his friends?” Phasma asked him skeptically.

Hux sighed. Had he known that before seeing Ren, things would have gone differently. “Nothing _else_.”

“He's going to be back,” Phasma pointed out.

“Then you better buy spackle for the wall, so he can fix it himself,” Hux snapped. He walked past her to his office and shut the door with a slam. He wanted to wring Ren's neck, but he also wanted to grab him and check that he wasn't injured the way his friends were.

Hux took more time than he would have liked to calm down before he saw patients. He couldn't just walk into an exam room with a red face and anger still brewing beneath his skin. He eventually got up and went to work. He started by catching Mitaka as he came out of one exam room.

“How is your throat?” Hux asked, cornering Mitaka in the supply room so no one could overhear them.

“I’ll be fine, but I’m not treating him or his friends again,” the younger man said, bringing his hand up to touch his abused neck.

“I wouldn't ask you to. What did he do exactly?”

“He came in and demanded to see you. I came out and informed him that you weren’t in yet when he wouldn’t listen to Phasma. He demanded I treat his friends then, and I told him that I couldn’t treat them if he was going to make a scene. He threatened me then choked me against the wall. Everyone was a little wary of him after that,” Mitaka said, looking down at his boots. He clearly hadn’t been prepared to handle Ren’s volatile moods.

“You won’t have to deal with him again. If he comes in while you’re here, call me. I will handle it,” Hux told him.

“If you’re in surgery?”

“Tell him that you’re calling Sergeant Dameron. He’ll leave if he hears that,” Hux said, opening the door to the supply room.

“Doctor, not to overstep my place, but shouldn’t we call the authorities? Mr. Ren is dangerous. I understand that he provides a service to the clinic, but at what cost?”

“I will handle Ren. Head home,” Hux told him coldly.

Hux went to work, seeing the patients that Ren had terrified and promising them that they were perfectly safe at his clinic. Most of them looked skeptical, but Hux didn’t know what else to tell them.

In the middle of one visit, Hux felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He ignored it until he was finished, and by the time he saw the patient out, he had seven text messages and three voicemails from Ren. Hux sighed. He didn’t recall giving the man his number, but that meant nothing around here.

Hux opened the one sided conversation and rolled his eyes.

_-I need you to come to the apartment when you’re done.-_

_-Don’t ignore me.-_

_-Bring a suture kit.-_

_-Are you getting these? I need you to come to my building when you finish.-_

_-I’m sorry. Does that make you happy?-_

_-Hux I meant it. I was angry. I shouldn’t have made a scene. I’m sorry about the wall and your doctor.-_

_-Don’t ignore me. I will come back there and you will not be happy.-_

Leave it to Ren to get upset with him for seeing patients that he’d already scared half to death. Then to demand that Hux go to his building after work to do what he’d already refused.

Hux went to the voicemails against his better judgment.

“Hux don’t ignore me. I need you to come. They aren’t doing well. I can’t get his shoulder to stop bleeding. Every time I do, it opens back up. And I think the other has broken ribs. I need you to make sure they’re okay. I expect you to come when you close the clinic.”

The second: “Hux, please come. I’m sorry. I didn’t handle it well at the clinic. I shouldn’t have done that. I’ll make it up to you. It’s just…I did something stupid. It’s on me, and I shouldn’t have taken it out on your clinic.”

Finally: “I missed you. Is that what you want me to say? I haven’t slept for days. I can’t stop thinking about your hands and lips. I can still feel them when I meditate. I thought about what you told me to. I know what I want, but…I don’t think I can have it. I don’t even think I deserve it. Please, come by tonight. Please—”

The entire message was whispered as though Ren hadn’t wanted to be overheard. Hux assumed that his friends knew nothing of their relationship—though Hux was loathe to use that term for it. Hux sighed, finger hovering over the delete key. He didn't erase it.

He’d seen to all of his patients. He could pack up and go to Ren, but it was only eight o’clock. The clinic was supposed to be open for another hour, and Hux wasn’t about to let his personal desires override his responsibilities. He sat at Phasma’s desk for the entire hour, resisting the urge to call Ren. He didn’t deserve to have his worries eased. He didn’t deserve to get a response from Hux, not after his display in the middle of Hux’s office.

At two minutes to nine, Ren walked through the front door looking exhausted.

“You have some nerve coming back here,” Hux said, closing down the computer in front of him and getting everything in order for Phasma in the morning.

“You didn’t respond to any of my messages,” Ren said.

“I was working,” Hux made the easiest excuse. He wasn’t in the mood for a fight. It had been a long day, and he just wanted to go to bed.

“Are you going to make me apologize again?” Ren asked, coming to the desk and leaning in.

“I would prefer it if you stopped doing things that required apologies afterward.”

“You know that isn’t going to happen,” Ren told him, a hint of a smile crossing his face.

“Where are your friends?” Hux changed the subject before he forgave Ren for simply showing up and making a nuisance of himself.

“My apartment. I said I’d make sure you came back with me. I really just wanted a moment with you to myself,” Ren told him in a conspiratorial whisper, even though no one else was in the building.

“You’re horny, so your friends’ injuries can wait?”

“I was actually looking more for this,” Ren said, tentatively reaching across the divide and touching Hux’s hand where he braced it against his desk.

Hux looked down at where Ren’s fingers brushed his own. They were bruised and scraped from punching the wall. He should pull his hand away. This was pathetic. The massive watch dog in front of him wanted to hold hands. It was just ridiculous, and Hux should be stronger than this nonsense.

“I told you I don’t hold hands,” Hux remarked, even as he laced his fingers with Ren’s own. He was going insane, it seemed. At least he'd have a legal defense when this all went sideways.

“I know.” Ren made no move to take his fingers back either.

“What do I need to bring with me?” Hux changed the subject, ignoring the way Ren’s thumb brushed the back of his hand.

“One needs stitches. The other has been cradling his middle all day.”

“Do I ask how this happened?”

“It was my fault.”

“Well that clears it up,” Hux said, pulling his hand back and nodding to the door beside the desk. Ren took the cue and joined him in the back of the clinic. Hux went and gathered his own medical kit and packed it with everything he thought he could possibly need.

Ren hovered, but he didn’t say much. Hux could tell he wanted to touch, but he wasn’t bold enough to just hold Hux from behind or grab him. For a man who had no problem touching people to cause injury, he certainly was shy about seeking comfort.

“Stop hovering. Just do it. You are a distraction back there,” Hux grunted, as he went through the prescriptions they had in the cabinet.

Ren stepped behind him, pressing their bodies together and wrapping his arms around Hux’s waist. Hux didn’t tense up like he often did at displays of affection. He kept doing what he had been, allowing Ren to take what he needed from him. Hux almost jumped when Ren pressed his lips to his neck though. That was unexpected, though not unpleasant.

“Do you require attention?” Hux asked, closing the cabinet but making no move to step out of Ren's embrace.

“I'm fine,” Ren said, lips brushing Hux's neck. Bold for a man who moments ago was afraid to touch Hux.

“That must be a first,” Hux retorted, shifting back to press more firmly against Ren's chest.

“Shut up.”

Hux snorted at Ren's petulant reply. “Let me go, so I can get this over with and get some rest.” Hux stepped away from Ren and lifted his bag up. Ren followed him out the back door once the clinic was locked up.

Ren didn't say anything on the short drive to his apartment. He kept his hands to himself and seemed to slip back into the moody man that Hux was used to. Hux grabbed his hand before he could step out of the car.

“Some rules before I do this,” Hux said, keeping his voice serious. Ren nodded, shutting the door again. “This is a onetime thing. I am not on retainer for every bump or bruise you and your friends get doing whatever the hell men like you do. I will not tolerate you friends showing up and demanding attention because they know you, so somehow I owe them. Is that understood? I go in there and stitch them up, and that's it. Never again.”

Ren nodded, his bottom lip jutting out just slightly as though he were a scolded puppy. He pulled his hand from Hux's grip and opened the door again.

“And Ren?” Hux said as Ren turned to the door. Ren glanced over his shoulder at Hux. “If you ever touch or threaten one of my staff again, I will personally see to it that you cannot walk out of my clinic.” With that said, Hux got out of the car as well and followed Ren up to his apartment.

Hux could feel Ren's eyes on him the entire time he saw to Ren's friends. As Hux carefully felt the one man's stomach—Ren had refused to give him either man's name—Ren excused himself for about fifteen minutes. Hux didn't like being left alone with the two men, and it was actually unnerving that they didn't say a word to him unless he was asking how something felt.

When Ren came back, he was flushed and breathing a little unsteadily. Hux wanted to hit him for leaving just to masturbate. Certainly the man had to have more self-control than that. Hux held his tongue until Ren's friends showed themselves out, both looking worse for wear.

“You are pathetic,” Hux said as he packed up his briefcase.

“You're b...your hands are beautiful when you work,” Ren told him. Hux wasn't sure if that was Ren's defense or if he was trying to be romantic or something.

“Are you listening to yourself?” Hux asked. “Two of your friends sustained moderately serious injuries, you scared half my patients today, you assaulted one of my doctors, but now you're waxing poetic about my hands and sneaking out to tug your cock.” Hux wasn't sure which part angered him most, but he was definitely irritated.

Ren didn't say anything, and Hux was more than a little surprised by that.

“Don't you have anything to say?”

“You're right.”

Hux paused. Ren sounded ashamed of himself, and Hux bit the inside of his cheek. It was too easy to forget Ren's past or his relationship with Snoke. It was too easy to treat him like he shouldn't have feelings or needs because that was what Snoke had conditioned into him. Hux reminded himself of the weeks of visits where Ren lied about symptoms and hid his actual ailments. He reminded himself that even if Ren wasn't his patient, his behavior often needed to be approached like a symptom. The truth was Ren certainly did have more self-control than to need to sneak out for a quick jerk. Something else was putting him on edge that needed him to relieve tension.

“May I stay the night?” Hux asked.

Ren looked at him skeptically, but he didn't outright refuse.

“You have a large enough bed, and it's easier than going home,” Hux said in a half-assed defense.

“You're welcome to stay,” Ren told him, still seeming confused by the sudden request. “You know where the bed is. I have somethings I need to do tonight,” Ren told him.

“Very well,” Hux said, retreating to Ren's room. He made no demands that Ren join him. If Ren didn't take the obvious invitation, then that was fine.

Hux wasn't even finished untying his tie when Ren stepped into the room. He glanced over his shoulder but didn't ask about those things Ren needed to do. Ren's eyes were locked on Hux's fingers as he undressed himself. When he was stripped down to his boxers, Ren grabbed him around the waist and pulled him down onto the bed. Hux forced himself to relax and not fight it. Ren didn't let him go, holding their bodies flush against each other.

“Change of plans?” Hux asked innocently as Ren shifted against his back.

“It can wait,” Ren told him, pressing his face to Hux's neck and breathing in deeply. Hux didn't comment on the possessive behavior. Instead, he carefully laced his fingers with the hand that was wrapped around his bare stomach.

Hux thought of his conversation with Phasma as he drifted off to sleep. He certainly didn't have things handled.

\---

It wasn't for another two weeks that Ren told Hux what he wanted from him, and it happened in usual Kylo fashion with a blow up and plenty of drama. However, surprisingly enough, Hux wasn't angry with Ren because of it all.

There had been a pro-life rally the day before. For some reason, those always brought out the protesters for a few days. Hux assumed that they didn't want all of the time spent making signs to go to waste on just one event. The pragmatic side of him told him that it was responsible of them not to waste time and resources like that. The side of him that was forced to deal with an increased number of irate picketers wanted to burn every last sign in front of his clinic.

Phasma had warned him the night before. She'd told him that several had showed up late, and she'd had to escort three patients to their cars personally by the end of the night. So, it wasn't like Hux hadn't been somewhat prepared.

He went to the back door unlike most Sundays. Usually, he would go around front and let Ren inside, but he decided that that would be a bad idea if the protesters had gotten an early start. He didn't want Ren to feel the need to get protective.

Hux wasn't expecting the pair that was waiting around back. They were fairly young, and they started yelling even before Hux was fully out of his car. He'd heard it all before, but they were blocking his entrance.

A flash from weeks earlier crossed his mind. The aggressive drunk coming at him with a knife. Hux gripped his briefcase and stood up straight. He marched right for them, determination etched into his features. They yelled until he got close, never slowing his pace. When they realized that he wasn't going to stop, they jumped out of his way.

He unlocked the door quickly before turning on them. “If I catch you on my property again, I will have you arrested. I will call your schools personally to enlighten them about your harassment of medical professionals. I will call your advisers and your supervisors, your housing directors and landlords. Ten years from now when you go to buy a house, the bank will know when you ask for a loan. You think you can scare me? I'll make sure you never forget just how much of a monster I can be,” Hux told them.

They went as white as sheets. Hux liked the young ones. They still feared authority and for their futures even if they pretended they didn't.

“Go,” he shouted, and they both ran around the front of the building. Hux smiled to himself. He wouldn't forget their faces, and he had no problem following through on his threats. Spending a few hundred dollars on a private investigator would be worth the petty satisfaction.

Hux's mood took a sharp turn when he walked into the waiting room to see red paint covering the front windows. He cursed as he quickly unlocked the front door. He half expected to be showered in pig's blood as he rushed out the door because that had happened once before. However, Ren was standing there making anyone think twice about any sort of attack.

Ren looked apologetic as Hux stared at the front of his clinic. He wanted to make them all suffer. The amount of time and money it would take to get the offensive words off the window and the red paint off the facade would be staggering to the budget he'd so meticulously compiled.

Hux felt his temper flair, and he clenched his fists rounding on the early comers. He could see the two people from behind the clinic trying to mix with the others.

“You'll pay for this. All of you. I will find out who did this, and I will make your lives hell,” Hux threatened, but before he could truly work himself up into a vicious speech, Ren was in his space attempting to drag him back inside.

“Let go of me,” Hux insisted once the front door was closed behind them. Ren didn't stop though until they were firmly in the back of the clinic where no one could see them.

“You can't threaten people outside your clinic,” Ren told him.

“You do. Let me go out there. They'll never—”

“Hux, look at me,” Ren said, shaking Hux slightly. “I'll clean it up, and I'll get them to leave. Just stay in here,” Ren told him, pressing his forehead to Hux's.

“You aren't in charge here, I am. I will go out there and...”

Ren cut him off with a kiss, and Hux was tempted to bite him for it. He allowed it though since Ren was always so tentative about initiating physical affection. It was so out of the ordinary that it put Hux's anger on lockdown until Ren pulled back again.

“Don't try to distract me.”

“I just want you to list to me. I don't want you getting arrested because they did something awful.”

“And if _you_ get arrested?” Hux asked, tilting his head to nip at Ren's jaw. Ren shuddered against him.

“Then it's just another mark on my record. Won't be the last,” Ren told him, sounding completely okay with that.

“One of these days the charges are going to stick, and you're going to be locked up for a long time,” Hux told him.

Ren shrugged. “Maybe.”

Hux sighed. “I can't sit back and watch while they destroy everything I've worked for. This is my mother's legacy they are defacing,” Hux told him, gripping Ren's waist tightly.

“I'll handle it. Let me do this for you. You do so much for me...”

“Ren, I fuck you while wearing gloves and a lab coat, I wouldn't exactly call that _so much_ —”

“Shut up for ten seconds, will you? You love the sound of your own goddamn voice more than anything,” Ren sniped, but he kept his arms securely around Hux's shoulders. “It's more than the gloves or sex, asshole. You asked me what I wanted, and this is what I want.”

“You want me to sit inside and let you chase some young adults off with a stick?” Hux wouldn't put it past Ren to use an actual stick to scare them off. It was actually an amusing image that he couldn't get out of his mind once he thought of it.

“Christ, Hux, not a literal ten seconds,” Ren complained, shaking Hux hard. Hux smirked at him. He could feel Ren's fingers digging into his arms. Ren was just as tense as he was even if this clinic meant nothing to him personally.

“What do you want, Ren?” Hux asked, trying to separate his anger from their present situation. He wasn't angry with Ren for once. Taking his frustration out on him wouldn't change what those people had done, nor would it fix it any faster.

“I want to be able to do things for you too. I know I usually end up pissing you off when I try, like when I broke the bench while watching the front...”

“You have destructive tendencies, yes.”

“Just let me take care of this, so you don't have to worry,” Ren said, stepping back.

“I won't worry any less if you're out there. How will I know you're doing a sufficient job? What if one of them is armed?”

“I'm armed,” Ren said it like it was the most commonplace thing in the world. Hux bit his cheek instead of telling Ren what he was really thinking.

“Fine, but I'm calling Dameron, so don't shoot anyone if you can help it,” Hux said, turning to Phasma's desk.

“Must you call him?” Ren asked, coming out almost like a whine.

“For as much as I dislike Sergeant Dameron, he shows up when I call and actually does his job. I could do without his jokes, but we can't have everything we want, can we Ren?”

Ren didn't answer, walking out the front door again. Hux wasn't surprised when he heard Ren start shouting. It was more a roar than actual speech, but that was Ren—rage with little thought behind it. Except when it wasn't which was more and more often as Hux got to know him.

Hux sighed and went back to his office once he called the police. He looked at his bloody palms until he heard a knock on the door, and he felt a sick sense of deja-vu as Poe stood there with his arms crossed.

“Your guard dog scared most of them away before we got here. I can't promise they won't come back, but I'll send a patrol around periodically. You have any...you know...scheduled today?” Poe asked, looking uncomfortable.

“Are you referring to abortions, Sergeant Dameron?” Hux asked.

“Yeah.”

“While it is none of your business what procedures I have scheduled, no I do not. That doesn't mean there won't be women who show up for any number of reasons, none of which deserve to be attacked. It _is_ a walk-in clinic.”

“Maybe consider—”

“I will not disrupt my clinic because some individuals threaten me. I will not close my doors because of these bullies. We have never closed our doors because of intimidation in fifteen years, and today will not be the day we start. Make arrests, and stop telling me to give in,” Hux practically growled as he slammed his palms down on his desk and stood.

“Calm down, Hux. I'm just saying until we get photos and take statements. Maybe until someone cleans the front window...”

“Ren will handle it. You can take his statement while he works. Lord knows that he doesn't do anything of substance while he's moping out front. Now, if you please, get out of my office,” Hux ordered, looking down at the bloody palm print on one of his papers.

As soon as Poe left, Hux put his head down on the desk until he heard Phasma arrive.

 


	11. Chapter 11

Ren was quite dedicated to his desire to balance their relationship. Hux was against it at first as he was with most things pertaining to Ren. He liked to have the power. He liked to be owed rather than to owe, and he'd never been a part of balanced relationship in his life, so it was not easy to get used to.

Hux had no delusions that what they had was healthy, but it also was better than Hux's life prior to Ren. Hux refused to admit that at first as well, but Ren focused a lot of Hux's anxious energy. It was often a negative focus, but he was still something that took it off Hux's shoulders.

“Your phone has been vibrating almost constantly for hours,” Phasma said as Hux stepped out of the exam room.

Hux sighed. “That is precisely why I left it out here instead of in my pocket,” Hux told her.

“Oh, it's _him_ then. What does he want?” she asked, leaning against her desk casually. It wasn't even Hux's day to be here, but Mitaka was sick so he'd come in after work.

“Clearly to test the limits of my sanity,” Hux retorted, picking up his phone from the pile of charts he'd left it on.

“That's endgame. What was so abhorrent that you couldn't even be bothered to text him a message asking him to stop?” she asked, giving him the same look she used when he tried to cut corners to lower their budget.

Hux sighed again, bringing the screen of his phone to life. Seventeen messages. Twelve of them were the same message resent every fifteen minutes when Ren received no reply.

“He wants me to go to his apartment when I'm finished here,” Hux admitted.

“Is he hurt, or does he need you to fix one of his criminal friends again?” Phasma's tone was casual, but he knew she was still touchy about what had happened in the waiting room and what Ren had done to Mitaka.

Hux cringed. “He is making dinner and would like me to join him.” It was painful even to say it. It was the most domestic request Hux had ever encountered. Ren had even prefaced it with his concern that Hux didn't eat properly. It was disgusting.

“Is he planning to poison you?” Phasma asked, sounding as confused as Hux had been when he read the first message.

“I can only hope,” Hux replied, flipping through to the messages that weren't just cut and pasted over and over. They were apologies for disturbing him while he was clearly performing a procedure. Hux wanted to drop his phone in a glass of water. “What do I do?”

“Are you really asking me for advice, or was that a hypothetical?” Phasma asked, clearly trying to suppress a sly grin.

Hux glared at her.

“Well, he's obviously going out of his way to do something nice for you. Lord only knows why since you're constantly a massive prick to him. But, any sane person would try to reciprocate by doing something nice for him in return,” Phasma told him, running her fingers through her short blonde hair.

“Like what?”

She gave him that look again, the one that said he was an idiot. “What does he like?”

“He's having sex with me because he has a doctor fetish. This isn't strolls in the park on Sundays after brunch, Phasma. He's a criminal and a sexual deviant, and I'm the idiot allowing him to visit my clinic.”

Phasma didn't comment on his status as resident idiot in charge, but her smirk conveyed her thoughts easily enough. “So, bring your lab coat and some gloves. Easy to please. You don't even have to make things up, just actually give him a physical. He'll get off, and you get boyfriend points.”

“He's—”

“Not your boyfriend. I _know_. You've made it clear, but he is the man you're fucking regularly. And he must be good at it or have _some_ redeeming qualities, or the Hux I've worked with for years would've kicked him to the curb by now. So, either suck it up and do something nice for him in return, or go home and drink on an empty stomach and be miserable,” Phasma told him, taking a seat in her chair and turning back to her work.

Hux hated to be dismissed. He hated when she was right as well. He went to his office, but he texted Ren back as he walked. He confirmed that he'd join him for dinner. He'd go, but he'd go home after. He didn't need to reciprocate. Ren didn't expect that sort of thing. He shouldn't expect it. They weren't greeting card kind of happy couple. They were just two men getting what they wanted from the other. That was it.

\---

Hux regripped his briefcase as he crawled through the broken window into Ren's building. He felt like an idiot carrying his lab coat and various tools in his briefcase. He felt like everyone knew what he had in there and what he planned for them. He _hated_ Phasma and her awful ideas.

Hux was getting used to the treacherous staircase that led to Kylo's floor. He only nearly twisted his ankle twice as he climbed it which was an improvement over the previous attempt. When he reached the third floor, he headed straight to the end of the hall where Kylo's apartment was. It was dark in the corridor without any sort of lighting, and since the sun had gone down hours ago there was no light outside either. Still, Hux carefully picked his way through the filthy floor to Ren's door.

He knocked twice, cautious of what would happen if he were to just try to barge in. He didn't particularly want to get shot by Ren and bleed out on his disgusting old welcome mat. Hux wouldn't be surprised if the thing was already covered in old bloodstains.

Ren opened the door then turned and walked back to whatever he was doing. Hux wasn't offended. He preferred Ren not to smother him. That didn't stop Hux from admiring Ren's muscled back in the dim light of the entryway. He couldn't discern much since Ren had a tendency of wearing multiple layers, but the view was still enticing.

“I didn't know you cooked,” Hux said as he removed his heavy coat and hung it on the coat rack that looked older than Ren.

“Of course, I cook. I live alone. How else would I eat?” Ren replied, carrying things from the stove to the wobbly table. Hux kept his comments to himself as he placed his briefcase down and joined Ren in the small kitchen.

Ren's hulking frame was far too big for the space, and he moved carefully so as not to disturb or destroy anything. Hux refused to find it endearing when Ren couldn't be bothered to take such care with Hux's clinic.

Hux sat in silence as Ren finished setting the table with mismatched plates and utensils. Their relationship wasn't one full of small talk, unless one counted discussing Ren's symptoms.

When Ren removed the cover from the pot, Hux finally saw what they were eating. He frowned as it looked like Ren had just taken various ingredients and thrown them in a pot and was done with it. It didn't smell awful, but it didn't exactly look appetizing.

Hux held his tongue. He'd been to many eccentric restaurants with other doctors and professionals. Perhaps this was just some fancy sort of stir-fry. Ren took his plate and filled it with the concoction of vegetables and meat and possibly cheese.

Staring down at his plate as Ren filled his own, Hux could discern that the vegetables were overcooked to the point of practically becoming baby food. The chunks of chicken that were in it were very well done on one side but nearly transparent on the other, leading Hux to believe Ren didn't realize he had to turn them over when cooking them. The cheese was basically glue, and Hux feared that if he didn't eat everything immediately it would just become a solidified block on his plate. However, the worse thought was it becoming that in his stomach.

Ren didn't seem to notice his meal's shortcomings as he quickly tucked into the pile he'd heaped on his own plate. Hux took a steadying breath, cursed Phasma one last time for encouraging him to come here, and took a bite of his meal. The texture was enough to make Hux want to vomit, but it was thankfully bland. If it had also been overwhelmingly seasoned, Hux would've lost it all over the table. As it was, he barely chewed and just swallowed the whole mess with a painful gulp.

Hux's eyes watered as he felt the mass slowly sliding down his throat. Ren happened to glance up from his meal which was already two-thirds gone. Hux could read the soft smile on his over-sized lips before he got a good look at Hux's face. For perhaps the first time in his life, Hux wished that he was the sort of person that knew how to lighten a blow for the sake of someone's feelings. However, there was simply no hiding his expression of disgust.

Ren's smile disappeared as he sat up and took a good look at Hux. Ren didn't say anything as he sat there just watching Hux for a moment. Hux forced himself to take another forkful of the mess, but before it could reach his lips Ren burst out of his chair. He moved so violently that the chair was knocked back. He reached for the pot of food and threw it against the wall, sending bits of the meal everywhere and ending in a loud smash.

Hux sat very still as Ren swiped his arm across the table, sending his plate and half-eaten meal flying along with the glass of water and salt and pepper shakers. Hux still didn't move as Ren stormed out of the room toward his bedroom. He sighed as he heard the door slam shut, followed by more muted crashes from within.

Standing up, Hux slowly began to clean up the mess Ren had made. He picked up the pot and put the remains of the meal into the trash bag that sat in the corner of the room. He carefully picked up the broken glass from the cups and plates. He even swept the floor with the sad looking broom he found in the pantry closet.

Hux felt his throat tighten as he looked at the recipe card from the grocery store with the recipe Ren had attempted. Hux could tell immediately that Ren had forgone the prescribed order of things and just thrown the ingredients in the pan and cooked them. The picture on the card did actually look delicious, so he gave Ren points for finding something worth attempting.

When the room was as clean as it had been before Ren's outburst—which wasn't very clean at all, but Hux really didn't have the time or energy to take the half inch of filth off every surface—Hux poured himself a glass of the wine he'd brought. Ren didn't drink much, but Hux had figured it was still the proper protocol when invited for dinner.

The banging had stopped several minutes earlier, but Hux gave Ren time to cool down while he finished his glass of wine. It wasn't so much a glass as one of Ren's mismatched novelty mugs that he'd likely stolen from hotels or events he attended with Snoke. It was all quite pathetic, and Hux had some trouble coming to terms with the fact that he had willingly come to this.

When he drained the mug, he cleaned it and left it on the towel that was laid out on the filthy counter top. The whole apartment made Hux's skin crawl, and he wanted nothing more than to deep clean the entire place. However, he knew Ren wouldn't appreciate that. Even though Ren was aware that he lived in filth, he still had his pride and Hux interfering would certainly wound it.

Hux walked slowly to the bedroom, picking up his briefcase as he went. He didn't bother to knock this time as he opened the door slowly. Nothing came flying at his head, so he assumed that Ren's anger was either not aimed at him or had actually dissipated.

It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the lack of light in the room, but he quickly found Ren sitting on the makeshift window seat he'd created out of old pallets and crates. He was looking out the window, doing a good job of ignoring Hux's entrance.

The room itself was trashed. What little furniture Ren had in there was in pieces, several of which covered the old mattress in the corner. Hux schooled his features and walked to the bed, cleaning away the debris after putting down his case.

Ren turned to watch him. “Go home, Hux,” he said.

“I don't fuck mopers, Ren, so I suggest you stop feeling sorry for yourself,” Hux told him, clearing away the last of the debris from the mattress and carefully inspecting it for shards before taking a seat.

“Then leave,” Ren shouted, but Hux didn't react to it at all. It wasn't like Hux wasn't used to Ren's bark at this point. He certainly wasn't going to be shoved out the door after Ren had texted him more times than was strictly healthy.

“Why are you even angry? So your dinner wasn't flawless, I've been served plenty of awful meals. My mother, rest her soul, was many things but an accomplished cook was not one of them. I grew up on bland chicken and overdone vegetables. You are not special in your talent to fuck up dinner,” Hux told him.

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Ren asked sharply.

“I don't coddle, Ren. You should know that by now. I am merely telling you that there is no reason to throw a fit over it. It was a kind gesture whether or not it was actually edible...”

“But you don't care about kind gestures, so it was pointless either way is what you're saying.” Ren sounded downright miserable, and Hux couldn't tell if it was the dinner or something else that was causing it.

“I had actually intended to reciprocate the gesture, so I suppose I do care,” Hux told him, unbuttoning the top button of his shirt.

“I don't want to eat your cooking. I don't need to know that you are a superior cook as well. You're already smug enough...”

“I had no intention of cooking for you, Ren. I don't have time for such nonsense. I pay my neighbor to cook enough extra for me that I don't have to eat out every night. Though if you want lessons, he is an exceptional chef,” Hux said. He motioning for Ren to join him on the bed, but he stubbornly stayed where he was.

“Then what were you going to do?” Ren asked, sounding a least a little curious.

“Come sit, and I'll show you,” Hux said, patting the mattress again. Ren hesitated, but he uncurled himself from the crates and shifted down onto the bed as well. He didn't sit directly beside Hux, but he was significantly closer.

“What is it?” Ren asked once he was settled.

“Lie down,” Hux said softly. Ren hesitated again, watching Hux in the dark as though his eyes could determine more than just shape and shadow. Perhaps they could with how much time Ren seemed to spend in this cave of a building. Ren eventually followed the direction which was surprising, especially given the mood he seemed to be in. “Will you keep your eyes closed if I ask you to?” Hux asked as Ren settled on his back, still watching Hux intently.

“Do you plan to kill me?”

“If I did, I certainly wouldn't have spent twenty minutes cleaning up the mess you made of your kitchen.”

“You didn't have to,” Ren said, turning his head away and closing his eyes.

“No, I didn't. I chose to. Keep them closed until I tell you,” Hux said, shifting his briefcase and undoing the clasp. He removed his lab coat and his stethoscope. He pulled the coat on and hung the stethoscope around his neck. Then he removed a pair of gloves from the plastic bag he'd placed several pairs in.

Ren laid perfectly still as Hux quietly removed things from his case. Hux didn't put the gloves on yet because that would give him away. Instead, he turned to watch Ren for a moment. He could still put everything away again and just fuck Ren hard. He knew that there was a very real possibility of either offending Ren, who was still very self-conscious about his fetish of sorts, or completely embarrass himself if Ren found it ridiculous.

Instead of letting himself think out every outcome, Hux shifted to Ren's side and leaned close to him. “May I undress you?” he asked, not yet giving him permission to open his eyes. Ren's lashes didn't so much as flutter as he remained completely still.

“If you want to,” Ren told him, lifting his arms so Hux could tug off the heavy black sweater he was wearing. He didn't sound completely sold on the whole situation, but he definitely didn't sound against it.

“If you're tired and would rather—”

“No, it's fine,” Ren assured him, wiggling until the sweater was up over his head. There was still a long sleeved shirt and an undershirt beneath it. Hux didn't bother to suppress his eye roll, but he kept his comments about finding an apartment with actual heat to himself.

Slowly, he stripped Ren layer by layer. For his part, Ren helped the processed along as much as he could, lifting his shoulders or his hips when necessary. He kept his eyes closed as he'd been asked, and he seemed pleased by the gentle caresses that Hux gave him when skin was revealed.

When Hux had him down to just his briefs, he removed the freshly packaged gown from his briefcase. “Lift your arms,” he told Ren. Ren complied, frowning a little as Hux helped him into the robe-like garment. “Don't worry. It's nothing bad,” he promised, a little surprised that Ren didn't immediately know what he was doing.

Hux placed his hands beneath Ren's knees. He slowly lifted them and spread them before settling on his knees between them. That was when he lifted that gloves and slowly pulled them on, making sure to pull them taut and let them snap back into place. It was such an amateur move, but the sound had the desired effect. Ren turned his face in Hux's direction instantly, giving Hux his complete attention without opening his eyes.

“Do I have your attention?” Hux asked, smirking as Ren nodded sharply. Ren let his legs fall open further, and Hux trailed his gloved fingertips up the insides of his thigh. He arranged the gown, so he had a clear view of Ren's body beneath it. “You may open your eyes if you like, Mr. Ren,” Hux told him in his more professional tone.

Ren moaned softly, more of a whimper than anything, but he didn't immediately open his eyes. Hux smiled, running his fingertip along the hem of Ren's briefs. Ren's legs spread even further in invitation, and his eyes fluttered open. He sucked in a sharp breath as he looked down his own body at Hux.

“How have you been feeling?” Hux asked, remembering Phasma's words to go with what he knew. He wasn't known to be creative in the bedroom, so he figured this would be the best course of action if he didn't want to end up humiliating them both. He'd practiced several scenarios in his head on the drive over, but he wasn't sure now that he was between Ren's legs with Ren looking at him with something akin to awe in his eyes.

Ren's breath trembled as it always did when Hux attempted to listen to his chest. Hux decided that even if he didn't get off on this, it would definitely serve as a good tool in gauging what responses were sexual and what ones were symptoms in the future. Then he shoved that thought aside because this was supposed to be about doing something nice for Ren. He reminded himself of Phasma's words. People did nice things for those they were in relationships with, and if he was being honest that had been missing from previous relationships.

“I feel...” Ren trailed off, taking a sharp breath as Hux adjusted Ren's legs to drape over his own thighs. Hux could tell Ren was waging an internal war as to whether he should answer honestly or run with the roleplay. Hux didn't care either way. It would all lead to the same place since it wasn't exactly roleplay in the clinic, but they still ended up fucking. Though a part of him hoped Ren was comfortable enough to run with it. This was for Ren after all, and just because dinner had been a failure didn't mean the rest of the night should be.

“Consider your answer while I listen to your body,” Hux said, placing the buds of the stethoscope in his ears and pressing the chest piece just above the waistband of Ren's underwear. Ren's sharp intake of breath was very satisfying as Hux listened to the sounds his intestines were making. He moved the diaphragm of the stethoscope to the other side of Ren's stomach and listened again. This time Ren arched off the mattress as he felt Hux press the tool down against his skin.

Ren seemed to come apart as Hux moved the diaphragm up his body to his chest, listening to his heart beat rapidly in his chest. “Your heart rate is elevated. Have you been doing any strenuous activity?” Hux asked, counting the beats as he timed it with his phone.

“I do a lot of strenuous activity,” Ren replied breathlessly, watching Hux's every move.

“Sit up for me,” Hux said, helping Ren to practically sit in his lap since his legs were still draped over his own. “You can put your arms around my neck.” Hux guided Ren's hands to his shoulders before reaching over him and placing the stethoscope to his back. Their noses were practically touching as Hux pressed the diaphragm to Ren's skin. He could hear Ren's gasp loud and clear even if her wasn't listening through the earbuds. “Breathe for me,” he ordered, but Ren's breaths were ragged as they always were when Hux attempted to listen to his lungs. Hux clicked his tongue as he moved the diaphragm around before retreating.

Ren's eyes were wide as he looked into Hux's own eyes, pulling in another embarrassingly compromised breath. Part of Hux wanted to lean in and kiss Ren, but he kept his air of professionalism about him. It lasted for all of thirty seconds before he leaned in the final inch. “See if this helps,” he said, pressing his lips to Ren's. The moan he released certainly had enough power behind it that no one would doubt the health of Ren's lungs. Hux gave him a smug smirk as he pulled back. “I see,” he said just as he would when discovering the cause of a patient's symptoms.

“Is it bad?” Ren whispered, lips brushing Hux's as he spoke. Hux didn't answer his question, clicking his tongue again instead.

“You may lie back down,” Hux said, placing his hands on either side of Ren's waist and easing him to the bed. He kept his touches gentle and did as much guiding with them as with his words. Ren responded to each touch positively. “Tell me if you feel anything out of the ordinary,” Hux said, placing his hands on Ren's lower stomach and palpating it gently. That left Ren squirming and moaning. “Is that uncomfortable?” Hux asked.

Ren moaned loudly as Hux pressed a little harder but not hard enough to do any sort of damage. “What do you feel, Kylo?” he asked again.

“It feels good,” Ren told him. “Should it?”

“It can feel good,” Hux assured him.

“Is there something wrong with me, Doctor?” Ren asked. Hux felt his burgeoning erection wilt at the title, but he ignored his cock. If there was one thing he was good at, it was ignoring his baser needs.

“That remains to be seen, Mr. Ren. May I remove your underwear?” Hux asked him.

“Yes,” Ren agreed, lifting his hips so Hux could slide the old pair out from under him and over his thighs. Hux dropped them beside them on the bed, so they wouldn't have to go searching later. When he turned back to Ren, he readjusted the gown to preserve some of Ren's modesty—or it would preserve it if the man had any to begin with.

“I'm going to examine your testicles, Mr. Ren. Is that alright?”

“Please,” Ren begged, thrusting his hips up slightly. Hux was surprised at how much Kylo was responding to this.

Hux gently cupped Ren's testicles and massaged them between his fingers. He ran his thumb up the furrow between them and gently pressed at the juncture where they met the base of his shaft. Ren groaned deeply as Hux continued to massage them and eventually started to stroke his cock slowly.

Hux continued to stroke Ren with one hand as he reached beside him for the lube. He coated two gloved fingers before bringing them to Ren's entrance. “I need you to hold your legs up at the knees, Mr. Ren,” he ordered.

Ren did as he was told, spreading himself wide open for Hux. He looked down his body at Hux, but the gown obscured what Hux was doing to him. Hux considered pushing it up to reveal what was happening, but the anticipation in Ren's eyes was enough to stop him.

Hux begged his mother's ghost's forgiveness before he pressed his index finger to Ren's hole. “Cough for me,” he ordered, and Ren did as he was told. Hux slipped his finger in and immediately crooking it to locate Ren's prostate. Of course, as soon as he did Ren shuddered violent and released a loud cry. Hux rubbed over it several times as Ren convulsed in his lap. His cock wept in Hux's hand as he continued to stroke it.

“What are you feeling, Kylo?” Hux asked, sliding his finger out and replacing it with two. He curled the digits to maintain pressure on Ren's prostate, knowing instinctively it was a pleasure the man didn't often experience.

Ren seemed to be beyond words as he pushed into Hux's touch, fucking himself back and forth onto Hux's fingers then into his fist. “Please,” Kylo begged as Hux continued to stimulate the small cluster of nerves inside him.

“What do you need?” Hux asked.

“Please,” Ren repeated, gripping the gown tightly between his fingers and tugging it up to reveal what Hux was doing..

“Look at me, Ren,” Hux commanded, and Kylo looked up from where Hux's fingers touched him. He locked onto Hux even in the dark, gasping at the sight of him. Hux could feel Ren's body tense around his fingers, and he made sure to milk Ren's prostrate through his orgasm. “That's it, Kylo. Come for me. Perfect,” he praised, continuing to stroke Ren's cock as he shook and sobbed. Hux milked every last drop out of him before slowly removing his fingers so as not to hurt him.

“Lie still,” he commanded as Ren started to move. Ren froze in place, watching Hux with wary eyes. “I'm just going to clean you up. Try to relax,” Hux told him, removing his dirty gloves and replacing them with a clean pair.

He could feel Ren's body tremble as he wiped him clean with the baby wipes he'd brought along. Ren didn't protest though even when Hux cleaned the lube between his cheeks. He just laid their pliant, breathing raggedly until Hux finished.

When he was done, Hux removed his stethoscope and coat and carefully placed them back in his briefcase. He helped Ren out of the gown and folded it neatly before putting it away as well. He moved up to lie beside Ren, and pulled the larger man against his chest. “Are you okay?” he asked, worrying that Ren hadn't said a thing since they finished.

“Is there something wrong with me?” Ren asked, sounding sullen as usual.

“There are plenty of things wrong with you Ren, starting with the fact that you work for Snoke. However, if you're talking about what we just did then no, I don't believe that there is something wrong with that,” Hux told him, actually believing his words. He hadn't thought it normal or right going into it, but now he'd seen how it made Ren feel he saw it differently.

“Then why didn't you get off? If it was normal...”

“Ren, if I got off on taking care of patients, I would lose my license to practice medicine. I would deserve to lose it.”

“Then why did you do this?” Ren asked, pressing closer to Hux. Hux wrapped his arm around Ren's waist tightly.

“Because it made you feel good. You've admitted to me before that no one has touched you tenderly in years. If you want my expert opinion, I think what you get aroused by is touch not my lab coat. You just happened to find that you could be touched gently by a doctor when you couldn't find that anywhere else,” Hux told him, running his fingers through Ren's messy hair. He bit his lip, knowing that he'd just “diagnosed” Kylo which was exactly what he'd been avoiding.

“You don't think I'm broken?”

“Ren, I'm a man of science. I don't consider someone broken unless their condition is incurable. I reserve that for terminal cancers or illnesses we don't yet fully understand, and even then I see it as a shortcoming of science not the individual. The sorts of things that inspire religion because science has no answers. From what I just observed, your body is far from broken, and I don't think you'd still be alive if your mind was broken.”

This was worse than sentimentality. This was affection he was feeling, and it was making him soft. He should have told Ren that this was a humiliating desire to have, that it was insulting that he continued to come to Hux to fulfill this perverse desire. He couldn't though. As strange as it was to do this for Ren, it certainly hadn't been unpleasant.

“I'm sorry that I fucked up dinner,” Ren said after a long pause.

“I already told you that it was not the first bad dinner I've eaten,” Hux told him, rubbing his back and shoulders. It was more to have something to do with his hands than to be comforting. “Go to sleep, Ren. I don't wish to listen to your culinary insecurities for an hour.”

“Will you stay the night or leave as soon as I fall asleep?” Ren asked, getting impossibly closer.

“Do you want me to stay?”

“I would like it, yes,” Ren admitted, shoulders curling in.

“Then I will stay,” Hux agreed.

“Will you wake me before you go?” Ren asked after several moments of silence.

“Would you like that?”

“Yes.”

“Then I'll wake you. In fact, I will wake you an hour before I need to leave, so you can give me a blowjob to make up for the fact I did not get off tonight,” Hux told him. Ren snorted, but he didn't seem adverse to the plan. It seemed to break the seriousness they'd fallen into, and allowed them to fall into a comfortable quiet.

“Hux?” Ren asked after several more minutes of silence.

“Ren, are you going to ask me another question when you could easily just make a request that I will probably grant?” Hux asked sharply.

“I just wanted to say thank you for tonight,” Ren told him quietly.

“That was arguably worse. Just go to sleep, Ren,” Hux ordered, keeping him tightly within his arms.

Ren quieted, but Hux's mind didn't. His brain replayed each of the desperate sounds Ren made as he grew closer and closer to completion. Soon enough, Hux was hard again and unable to think about anything but Ren's gorgeous body spread out before him.

“Ren, roll onto your side. How tender are you feeling?” Hux asked, trying to roll Ren's body to face away from him.

“Wuh—is it morning already, Hux?” Ren asked drowsily, clearly having given into the post-coital exhaustion easily.

“No, it's not morning. I want to fuck you,” Hux said, undoing the fly of his slacks which he'd yet to remove.

“Oh.” Ren rolled onto his side, facing away from Hux. “I thought you didn't want to get off...”

“I changed my mind. Are you up for this or not? I can jerk myself off just as easily,” Hux told him sharply.

“Fuck you, Hux,” Ren snapped, rolling onto his back and glaring at Hux. Hux didn't know what he'd said wrong. This whole night had become a minefield of emotions. He remembered Ren's request about balancing their relationship, and he bit the inside of his cheek.

“Would you rather fuck me?” Hux asked. It wasn't something he'd done in years, but if that was what Ren would prefer.

“That wasn't what I meant, but you'd let me do that?”

“Why wouldn't I?”

“I just...”

Hux rolled onto his side and grabbed the lube. “Get yourself sorted while I open myself up,” Hux ordered, but Ren rolled against his back already rock hard. Hux snorted. “You are disgustingly young if you're already hard again after I milked your damn prostate.” Ren tugged down Hux's pants and underwear while Hux unbuttoned his shirt.

“I doubt I'm much younger than you,” Ren replied, running his fingers over Hux's sides as Hux reached behind himself to press his lubed finger into his ass.

“A man can grow a lot in five years,” Hux told him, going by the age on Ren's file.

“Really? Can they shrink a lot in five years as well because I'm definitely much bigger than you are...in every respect.”

Hux's finger stilled as he let Ren's words sink in. Hux wasn't one to be insulted by juvenile insults, but Ren's words stung in a strange way. “Fuck you, Ren,” he said, removing his fingers and planning to just go to sleep. However, Ren grabbed him before he could retreat, his hands soothing Hux's suddenly tense body.

“Fuck, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that,” Ren said frantically.

Hux sighed, feeling Ren's regret as though it was a tangible thing. “You are the clumsiest person I've ever met,” Hux told him, reaching back again and continuing to open himself up as thoroughly as he could because Ren was in fact massive. “If we're doing this, you will listen to my every direction. I refuse to be unable to walk for a week just because you got excited and lost control of your prick,” Hux told him, handing a condom to Ren over his shoulder.

“Okay,” Ren agreed, accepting the lubricant as well when Hux decided that he was as prepped as he was going to get. Honestly, no amount of preparation could be considered enough when dealing with Ren whether it be sex or anything else.

Ren was surprisingly gentle as he lined himself up. He wrapped an arm around Hux's stomach and slowly pressed in.

Hux's breath caught as he felt just how large Ren was. “Slow,” he warned Ren, but Ren was already being careful of his entry. His thumb stroke Hux's belly soothingly as he gently pulled Hux toward him.

“Is this okay?” Ren asked, keeping his touch light as he pressed a little further. It was almost like his hand was hovering there instead of really touching him.

“You can touch my dick, Ren.”

“Really?”

“Of course, you can. It's not like I'm going to attack you,” Hux insisted as Ren eased the rest of the way in. Ren's silence was answer enough to that statement. “Christ. You can touch me, it's okay.”

“Anywhere?”

“Yes...just don't—”

It was too late, Ren's fingers were already buried in his hair, messing it beyond what finger combing could fix. Hux sighed heavily.

“What was that?”

“Nothing, move before I lose my mind,” Hux told him, adjusting his hips. Ren wrapped his hand more firmly around Hux's stomach as he slowly eased out and right back into him.

It felt nice. Kylo was enthusiastic yet he took direction well, which was particularly shocking since he had never shone any aptitude for following directions in the past—the perfect example being dinner. Yet, here he was shifting exactly as Hux told him.

“Touch my cock, Ren, unless you intend to get off and leave me hanging a second time,” Hux told him as he felt his body building toward release.

Ren muttered something under his breath, but he gripped Hux's cock and stroked him in time with his thrusts. Hux let his head tip back as he moaned in pleasure. Ren didn't last abundantly long considering he'd gotten off not thirty minutes earlier, but it was long enough to leave Hux panting and sated.

Ren cleaned them up when it was over because Hux couldn't get out of bed with how tender he felt. He didn't trust Ren to do a thorough job, but Ren carefully cleaned both their bodies to a standard even Hux couldn't argue with. When he was finished he crawled up Hux's body and into his arms again. Hux didn't discourage him.

When morning came, Hux gathered his things and leaned over the bed before he had to leave. “Ren, I'm going,” he called, but Ren continued to snore. “Ren, this is your last chance,” Hux said, shoving Ren's shoulder. Still, Ren snored peacefully. Hux squeezed his eyes shut tight, reminding himself that he promised to wake Ren.

He leaned down and slapped Ren hard in the stomach before jumping back before Ren could lash out. Ren flailed, pushing himself to a sitting position and reaching for the gun Hux had purposely moved when he got out of bed to get dressed.

“I'm going, Ren. You are impossible to wake,” Hux told him.

“Sorry,” Ren replied, slowly controlling his breathing. The light from the window poured into the room, bathing Ren's body in a golden glow. It brought out the brown highlights in Ren's long hair, which fell over his face as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. Hux stood there mesmerized for a moment, unable to turn away from Ren's beauty.

“I will see you Sunday,” Hux said, straightening his tie as he got a hold of himself.

“Yeah,” Ren agreed, clearly out of it.

Hux knelt beside him, reaching out to get Ren to look at him. Ren focused then, looking into Hux's eyes. Ren's eyes were practically golden in this light. “Sorry I woke you.”

“No, I asked you to.”

“Go back to sleep.”

“Can't. I have work,” Ren told him, and Hux didn't like the pang of worry he felt at that revelation.

“Be safe.”

Ren didn't say anything, but he nodded. Hux rose to his feet and left without another word.

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so really long chapter today. A lot of stuff happens, and this is sort of the lead in to everything that's to come. I hope you enjoy it.

“I expect you to make an appearance. You're very respected in our field as well as in your mother's more philanthropic circles,” Hux Sr. said over the phone as Hux sat in his personal office at the hospital. He'd marked the event on his calendar since he set the date almost a year ago. His father was wasting his breath. Hux attended the fundraiser every year; last year he ran it as he'd intended to do this year before his father took over. It was one of the few events that he actually attended without being forced to.

It was a fund for a scholarship in his mother's name. The scholarship was for medical students with an interest in community outreach and giving back. Mitaka had been a recipient which was how he'd come to work at the clinic once he got his residency. Hux believed that the scholarship was a good cause, and he'd never besmirch his mother's name by refusing to attend.

“I will be there, Father,” Hux agreed, staring at the charts on his desk. The work never seemed to lull around the hospital. Not that it was much easier at the clinic, just different. Here it was much more fast paced, then in the aftermath it involved deciding how things could be better handled the next time.

“Will you be bringing a date?” his father asked. He always did since Hux's mother's death. Prior to her death, Hux's father had never encouraged him to date. He'd always told Hux that there would be time for that, but the present was for focusing on his career. Evidently, it had been his mother's wish to have grandchildren. His father had taken that as something to accomplish in her honor after her passing. That or he was looking to pass on the Hux name and all of the emotional stuntedness that came with it.

“Same one as always if she'll go with me,” Hux told him, signing his name to another form.

“Doesn't Phasma have a husband yet?” his father asked.

“No,” Hux said without explanation. Phasma dated plenty of people, but like himself she wasn't looking to settle down.

For a moment Hux thought about if he brought Ren to the event. Undoubtedly, there would be a disaster. Ren would start a fight or insult a big donor. Hux considered it for a moment, but brushed it aside. This was for his mother.

“I've been hearing rumblings about the clinic. I hope you aren't destroying all of the hard work your mother put into it,” his father changed the subject. Just what Hux wanted to talk about. He could feel his father's disapproval through the phone, and it settled over him like a heavy blanket.

“I am handling the clinic fine, Father. Protesters are an unfortunate part of running a clinic that provides all of the necessary care that we do,” Hux told him, feeling the headache building behind his eyes.

“A pity we can't refuse them treatment when they need it. They will eventually.”

Hux had had similar thoughts on occasion. He'd operated on plenty of people he thought didn't deserve to live, but it was out of his hands.

“Hire security if you have to. I don't want to hear about anymore incidents,” his father ordered. His father had no say over the clinic though. Hux's mother had left it to Hux in its entirety. Even his mother knew that Hux Sr. knew not the first thing about charity. He was a fantastic surgeon and charismatic educator, but when it came to giving without receiving in return he floundered.

“I already have it handled, Father. I will see you on Tuesday,” Hux said, hanging up on his father before he could bring anything else up. Hux had surpassed his father's prowess in the field, and he was only thirty-four. Still, his father saw fit to pick him apart and show him he could still be better.

As soon as he hung up, he checked his messages and found two texts from Kylo.

- _You left without waking me up-_

_-Thank you for the coffee.-_

Hux smiled, knowing Kylo had stumbled across the cup of coffee he'd bought him while still half asleep. Hux had been spending Sunday nights at Ren's for the last few weeks, and he'd discovered that Ren was not a morning person, and unless Hux had enough time to fuck Ren there was no point attempting to wake him before he headed to work. Ren would just groan and roll over.

_-Some of us have real jobs that require us to show up on time. Leave me alone, I'm busy.-_ Hux texted back. It would do no good to act sentimental about a cup of coffee or Kylo being a mussed mess in the morning. Hux shouldn't have even been spending the night with him. Kylo always enticed him with promised back massages because Hux carried so much tension in his shoulders and neck that it gave him headaches. Ren's back massages were much better than his cooking thankfully.

Hux went back to work, getting called in to perform a surgery not much later. Ren could wait until he was finished with work. Not even Ren's magic hands came before Hux's career, nothing ever would.

\---

Hux adjusted his tie in the mirror as Phasma sat on his bed adjusting the strap on her high heel. “Did you tell Ren that we were closed today?” she asked him, watching him through the mirror he was staring at.

“Yes.”

“Did you tell him why?”

“Why would I do that?”

“Well, you're fucking him for one,” she deadpanned.

“Just because I am having sex with him doesn't mean that we discuss every little detail of my life, such as a tiresome fundraiser,” Hux told her, determining that his tie was even then turning to face her.

“So, you're hiding it from him because you know he'd want to go with you,” she said, standing up and looking down at him. He swore she wore four inch heels just to make him look short. Hux was by no means short, she was just _very_ tall.

“Why would Ren want to go to this? _I_ don't even want to go to this,” Hux retorted, pulling his suit jacket on and motioning for her to lead the way out of his room. He hadn't invited her in here in the first place; she'd just walked right in and had taken a seat on his bed. As she walked to the door, he darted over to his bed and smoothed out the wrinkles she'd made by sitting there. “Not to mention, he'd make a scene if I took him to this.”

“You mean your father would make a scene,” she said, giving him a knowing look.

“Him too, but Kylo would not be innocent either,” Hux corrected her. He could just imagine the look on his father's face if he showed up with Kylo Ren on his arm. It would almost be worth the headache. He wondered if Kylo even had a decent suit. Where would he keep such a garment in that trash heap he lived in?

Hux brushed it off and drove them to the event. Phasma checked her makeup in her compact as he drove, likely more for something to do than because she thought it wasn't perfect. It was always perfect, and her hair was subdued into a chic asymmetrical style. She would've been a suitable partner if she had been interested in Hux. He'd even once suggested the match for the sake of power and convenience. She'd found the idea repulsive, and made it very clear that she had no interest in even a farce of a relationship with him. However, she did make exceptions for these fundraisers—not that they ever implied they were romantically involved at them.

“Don't forget to see if you can get donations from the craggy old bastards you end up talking to all night,” Hux reminded her as the valet walked toward them.

“Your father is one of those craggy old bastards,” she said, picking up her clutch from her lap and smiling at him wickedly. The shade of lipstick she was wearing made it looked like she was wearing someone else's blood.

“Please don't put that image in my head. You know which ones have deep pockets and are easily persuaded,” Hux said, opening his door and tossing the keys of the Viper to the valet. “You put a scratch on her, and they won't be able to identify the pieces I cut you into,” Hux threatened before walking around the car and offering Phasma his arm.

“So polite. How does anyone resist your charm, Doctor?” Phasma teased him, though there was a shade of disapproval in her tone.

“That's enough. Please try to pretend you like me tonight,” Hux told her.

Phasma laughed. He knew she didn't hate him, but they didn't always see eye-to-eye. Hux appreciated her candor, and she tolerated his idiosyncrasies. He had not illusions that he was easy to get along with.

“Try to smile, Doctor. You're the host,” she reminded him as they walked up the marble steps.

“I don't smile, and my father is the host,” Hux said, attempting to make his scowl into something less disapproving.

Phasma gave up trying to make him more approachable. It was a lost cause. Hux hated these stuffy dinners which were just an excuse for rich men and women to prove they had more money to throw away than others in the room. It was masturbation in Hux's opinion, self gratification in its basest form.

“I can practically hear your thoughts from here,” Phasma whispered as they passed another couple without making introductions. They were likely new to the event because most people fawned over Hux when they knew who he was, much to his displeasure.

“And what am I thinking?” he asked her.

“You're going through that same masturbation diatribe you made me sit through the last time we went to this,” she retorted.

Hux scoffed. He hated that she knew him so well. Though it had its perks when they had to work together, it got tiresome when they did anything else in each others presence.

“Shut up,” he whispered as they approached his father who was greeting people as they walked in.

“Bren, Coleen,” Hux Sr. greeted them with a measured smile. Hux held himself back from rolling his eyes. His father had never called him by his first name before his mother's death. Only she had used the nickname. His father had deemed it too sentimental. Hux, Junior, or Son—all of which would have seemed endearing if not coming from Hux's father; to him they were just titles like how people called him doctor or professor—had sufficed until her death, upon which he'd taken to calling his son Bren. It made Hux want to sneer at how false it sounded. In all honesty, Hux had hoped the name would die with his mother, and he could just be Hux or Doctor from then out. It would figure his father wouldn't allow him such a convenience.

“Dr. Hux, it is a pleasure to see you again. You are well?” Phasma asked, sounding far more sincere than either of the Hux men.

“Yes, of course,” his father replied, like it would be preposterous for him to be anything else. “Bren, fix your tie. You call that a double Windsor?” His father asked, giving Hux a once over. Hux didn't defend the knot which he knew to be perfect. It wouldn't matter.

“I'll see to it,” Hux said, excusing himself from Phasma and his father. He walked straight to the bathroom at the back of the ballroom, his fingernails scraping his palms the entire way. When he got there, he walked past the attendant into the furthest stall from the door and stood inside it with his hands in fists until he calmed his breathing.

“I am the head of surgery. I am the director of mother's clinic. He is proud of me. He's just struggling with Mother's death,” Hux whispered as he stared at the tile wall at the back of the stall. “Nothing he says will take that from me,” his muttered, unclenching his fists to find the little crescents on his palms were bleeding. Just another thing he didn't want his father to see. It seemed that since his mother's death, his father's keen observations had become more and more common. Hux wasn't sure if he was trying to look for signs that Hux was crumbling, of if she had been the one holding back his acerbic tongue.

Hux tore toilet paper and wiped his palms until the small cuts were clear of blood, he dropped the paper in the toilet and flushed it down before stepping out of the stall. The attendant eyed him warily, but Hux ignored it. When they offered soap and a towel, Hux accepted it with a tight smile. He left a twenty as he left the bathroom. He'd found people were less likely to talk when well tipped.

Hux was stepping out of the bathroom when he saw him. He had to do a double-take to be certain, but Hux would know those broad shoulders anywhere. Kylo Ren was standing across the room, with his back to Hux. He was wearing a fitted black suit as he stood beside a shorter man about his father's age. Hux Sr. was talking with them, and Hux could read the smile on his face from all the way over here.

It must have been Snoke. Kylo Ren certainly hadn't gotten an invitation on his own, and Hux recalled his father praising Snoke's generosity and brilliance in passing. Hux cringed internally. The last thing he needed was for a distraction like Ren. Hopefully, the man had some professional pride and would keep to his duty of guarding Snoke instead of his personal pleasure of making Hux's life difficult.

Hux spotted Phasma in the crowd and quickly made his way over to her, giving her a fake smile as he took his place beside her. He introduced himself to the couple she was talking to and endured the gushing they did about his mother's foundation and scholarship. He agreed with everything they said, but he doubted that they actually cared. The ticket to the event was an honor, and people would bid on them just to get to see what it entailed. That was why Phasma never turned down his invitation. That and she insisted the chocolate mousse dessert was worth dealing with his anxiousness for four hours. Hux didn't particularly enjoy sweets, but he was inclined to agree.

“I take it you saw him arrive,” Phasma whispered when the couple moved on, and they took a step closer to the bar.

“It is most unfortunate,” Hux said, taking another step forward as the line moved up.

“He may not even see you. If he does, you can just explain why you didn't mention this to him...”

“It's none of his business what I do in my own time. He isn't my boyfriend,” Hux told her. Hux wanted to cringe even saying that word. He detested it.

Even after weeks of nights spent together, Hux couldn't bring himself to say it. It wasn't like he was seeing anyone else. He didn't plan to. As far as Hux was aware, they were monogamous. It twisted his stomach to know that he was in a monogamous relationship with Kylo Ren, and he couldn't take that last mental hurdle and call it what it was.

“Tell that to the man who zeroed in on you as soon as he turned around. _Wow_ , that is impressive. Are you feeling like you've been shot in the back, because he is shooting lasers through you with his eyes,” Phasma said, glancing over her shoulder to where Snoke was still speaking to Hux's father. She lifted her hand to wiggled her fingers in Kylo's direction, but Hux caught them and brought them to his lips.

“If you're going to act as immature as Ren, we can leave before dessert,” he told her.

“They'd never find your body, Doctor,” she whispered in his ear as he finally got to the bar and ordered himself an aged scotch, neat. He took a sip as soon as it was in front of him and staunchly refused to turn around and meet Ren's gaze, which he could still feel on his back as though it was a tangible thing.

“Excuse me, but can someone else order from here, Doctor Hux, or is there a separate bar for politicians?” a woman asked to his right.

Hux turned his head and almost fell over as he came face-to-face with Governor Organa, giving him a challenging look. “Excuse me, what can I order you, Governor?” Hux asked. She was the last person he expected to see at this event. His father had made no secret of his dislike for the Governor, but he supposed that money was money no matter who it came from.

“Just a tonic water with a twist of lemon,” she said, daring him to comment on it.

“Sir, a tonic with a twist of lemon for the Governor,” Hux called to the bartender, who glanced over at them and stopped what he was doing to fill the request.

“Another successful fundraiser, Doctor,” she said, accepting her drink with a curt nod.

“Many people feel compelled to support my mother's legacy,” Hux agreed blandly. Hux had never spoken to Organa face-to-face before, though they had attended the same functions before. He'd held his father's beliefs about the woman who was a bit of a rebel in politics and always fighting for change to the established order of things.

“A pity they couldn't be bothered when she was alive to see it,” Governor Organa quipped.

Hux found himself smirking. “We are of a similar mind on that, Governor. It is unfortunate that it often takes death for us to appreciate someone,” Hux told her, remembering Ren's eyes on him and feeling particularly uncomfortable being between the man and the woman he refused to call mother.

Governor Organa frowned at that, looking sad as her eyes darted across the room before returning to Hux. It was so quick that Hux would've missed it if he hadn't been watching for the acknowledgment.

“It is. Had you been inclined to continue her clinic before it was left in your care, Doctor, or had you been partial to your father's path?” she shot back.

Hux smiled tightly. “I've worked in the clinic since I was a boy. I painted the whole thing when my mother purchased it, Governor. I've been a part of the clinic since it was conceived. I may seem the detached playboy, but I have built every success I've had, and the clinic is just as much my legacy as it is hers,” he told her. He wouldn't have her, of all people, questioning his methods or his loyalty to his cause.

“I had the pleasure to meet your mother on a number of occasions. We shared many ideals. She often mentioned that she worried for you, especially once she realized her condition was terminal,” Organa told him.

“Did you commiserate, Governor? Did the pair of you lament your failings to your own families over a tonic with a twist of lemon?” he asked, wanting to hurt her for all of the hurt he'd seen in Ren. Hux had come to terms with losing his mother. He did what he could to honor her memory, but Ren wasn't the same. He could tell that running away still hurt like a festering wound to Kylo, so much so that he couldn't even bear the name that was given to him by the woman.

“When you have a family of your own, Doctor Hux, you will understand the fears and regrets a parent faces. Until then, do not presume to know me. I respected your mother, and I had hoped you were more like her than reports let on, but I see you prescribe to your father's cold hunger for success,” she told him, taking her drink and walking away from him.

Hux stood his ground. He'd been called worse. Her disapproval wasn't his concern. Kylo Ren's furious face was much more concerning as he stood on the edge of the room watching Hux as his mother walked away. Hux raised his drink in salute, then drained the contents before ordering another.

Hux turned away from Ren and went back to mingling the way he was supposed to. He stood beside Phasma as she smoked a cigar out on the balcony with several men. Hux smoked a cigarette instead, having no love for the thick cigars that Phasma seemed to favor.

She entertained the men and laughed with them, telling stories from her time in the service that always seemed to entice them. It was all very predictable, but she was excellent at getting the clinic extra funds this way.

Hux was surprised when Snoke stepped out onto the balcony as Phasma was retelling a story of her having to discipline an entire company of troops for insubordination. Hux was fond of the story, but his eyes immediately locked onto the man who owned Ren's life.

The man wasn't tall at all, and he walked with a hunch. He wasn't the type of man Hux thought would make it far in business or politics, but when one had enough muscle on their side they seemed to be able to do anything. Snoke's face was partially scared, leaving it twisted into a expression where his jaw was compromised. Hux thought it was from an accident early in his career, but he wasn't entirely sure. He walked with an ornate cane that he wasn't using properly, leading Hux to believe it was all for show. Let his enemies think he's weak. Hux didn't like him any better than he liked Governor Organa.

Ren was about five steps behind Snoke, but he didn't look good at all. There was color high on his cheeks that implied that Ren had been drinking or he was feverish. In the time Hux had been sleeping with Ren regularly, he'd seen him drink twice. Both times it was a glass of wine that Hux had brought with him after a long day. It was a polite gesture, nothing more. So, to see him clearly intoxicated only an hour into the event was concerning.

Hux didn't let himself scrutinize Ren. He had appearances to keep, so he moved closer to Phasma as she gestured about how she'd “reconditioned” the whelps. Hux saw Ren flinch out of the corner of his eye as he wrapped his arm around Phasma's waist. She easily rested her hand on his shoulder as she continued to talk and gesture with the hand holding her cigar.

Hux could tell that Snoke was waiting for a Phasma to finish her story to make introductions, and for the first time since he was a child, he ran from confrontation. He leaned in to whisper in Phasma's ear that he was going to get another drink and excused himself as he stubbed out his cigarette in the tray.

Hux headed for the bathroom again first. He wanted to wash the stink of cigarettes off his hands before he mingled further. However, he wasn't halfway through washing his hands when Kylo Ren stormed into the bathroom.

The attendant's eyes widened when Ren stalked right toward them, anger pouring off of him like a fog—making it hard to see anything else. He stood a hair's breadth from Hux, but he didn't say anything as he stared at him, panting slightly. Hux could smell the stench of alcohol on him; it was so overpowering.

“You've been drinking,” Hux said, nonchalant. He could feel the prickle of concern in his spine, but he kept his tone indifferent.

“You know why,” Ren said, trying to tower over Hux but his height advantage wasn't quite enough for that.

“Yes, an awkward coincidence for you. Did you wonder if perhaps he planned it that way? Force you to face it? Or maybe for her to face it,” Hux offered up the theory that had been snaking through his mind most of the evening.

“Enough,” Ren insisted, grabbing Hux around the waist and forcing him to face him. Hux shook out his wet hands on the front of Ren's suit as they stood there glaring at each other. The attendant reached over Hux's shoulder with the towel, and Hux took it. At least someone took pride in his work, if only it had been Ren.

When he was finished drying his hands, he handed the towel back along with a hundred dollar bill. “Lock the door on your way out and let anyone know that there was a plumbing problem that you are working to fix in short order,” Hux told the man. The attendant scurried out of the bathroom, looking relieved to escape the tension in the room.

As soon as the door was shut, Ren shoved Hux into the handicapped cubicle. He shut the door with a kick and pushed Hux up against the wall. Ordinarily, Hux wouldn't allow such manhandling, but he didn't threaten Ren. The larger man seemed desperate.

“You're loving this aren't you? Laughing at me just like the rest of them,” Ren growled against Hux's neck, keeping him pinned in place.

“Ren, I laugh at you constantly. I don't need to see you used as a chess piece to get my laughs,” Hux told him, bringing his hand up to cradle the back of Ren's head. The stale stench of alcohol was becoming too much, but Hux didn't push Ren away.

“Is that what you think I am?” Ren demanded, giving Hux a small shove into the wall he was already against. Hux didn't appreciate it.

“Ren, I will not argue with you while you are drunk and angry. I am not the person you should be angry with, and I refuse to play punching bag so you can release your frustration where it doesn't belong,” Hux told him, finally pushing Ren out to arms' length. He held his palm to Ren's chest to keep him there, and he leaned into it.

Ren didn't say anything, instead he dropped to his knees, going straight for Hux's belt. Hux blinked down at him as he made quick work of Hux's pants, dragging them down his legs and mouthing at his soft cock before Hux could even register what he had just happened.

“Christ Ren, you're all over the place. When you stormed in, I thought you were gonna fuck me,” Hux said, gripping the metal support bar that was digging into his ass.

“I was, but I don't—”

“The attendant's basket,” Hux cut him off. Kylo got up, tore the door open again and stalked over to the basket the man had left on the sink. Hux cringed as Ren threw most of the contents in this direction or that. On the bottom, he found the condoms and sachets of lubricant.

“I thought sex in the lavatory was frowned upon,” Ren said, taking a fistful of each and shoving them into the pockets of his pants.

Hux sighed at the behavior, but he turned to face the wall. “When you have enough money, you can do just about anything you want. You wouldn't believe how common this is. I've walking in on some form of interlude every year we've hosted this event,” Hux told him as Ren dropped to his knees behind him.

Hux gasped as Ren bit the meat of his ass hard enough to hurt. “What the hell?” Hux demanded, but Ren spread his cheeks with his big hands and licked over his hole. Hux shuddered at the foreign sensation. “What do you think you're...oh Christ,” Hux groaned as Ren pressed against him with his tongue.

After that, Hux lost his ability to complain as Ren continued to lap and prod at his entrance with his tongue. Hux had to grip the bar in front of him tightly so as not to buckle under the intense pleasure of having his ass played with. Hux never allowed anyone to touch him there. If he was getting fuck—which was rare in itself—he opened himself up for his partner. Other people's tongue and fingers never touched his ass. However, Hux needed this tonight. He was already wound up from the event itself, but the presence of the Governor, Snoke, and even Ren had him incredibly tense.

“This is great, Ren, but we don't have all night. I'm a host, and your boss will miss you eventually,” Hux gasped between passes of Ren's tongue. He moaned loudly though when Ren pushed it inside him and wiggled it. He caught Hux around the waist when his legs gave out. Hux felt like his body was on fire, and he was completely content to let himself burn.

“Steady, Doctor,” Ren said, pulling back and rising to stand behind Hux, trapping him between his body and the wall. Hux wasn't surprised when Ren's finger pressed inside him. It was slick with the lube they'd pilfered, and he slid right in despite the size of it.

Hux tensed around the intrusion, while Ren kissed and nipped at his neck. “Relax or it's going to hurt,” Ren told him, withdrawing his finger about halfway before pressing it in again.

“Don't you think that I'm trying to relax? You have massive fucking fingers, and one is currently up my ass,” Hux complained. He had to grit his teeth as Ren pressed the digit in again a little harder. Despite his efforts to relax, he only seemed to get tenser at the thought of being fucked in the men's room.

“It's not going to work if you're fighting me,” Ren told him, trying to slide a second finger in alongside the first, but Hux's body wouldn't open for him. Ren pressed a little harder as Hux tried to force his body to relax, and the fingers breached him.

Hux felt like the wind had been knocked out of him, pain and pleasure were at war inside him as Ren slowly moved his fingers in and out of him. Hux's nails scraped against the metal bar he was holding in a death grip. When Ren crooked his fingers, the only thing that kept Hux upright was Ren's body pressing him to the wall. It was like his strings had been cut as sharp pleasure overtook him.

Despite the urgency they both felt, Ren took his time opening Hux up with gentle twists of his fingers. Hux bit his lip when Ren removed his fingers. He knew what was coming, and he tried to stay relaxed. He knew how large Ren was. He was larger than Hux, and the thought of that inside of him when he was so wound up was daunting.

When he felt Ren line himself up, Hux braced himself. As soon as Ren started to push forward, Hux knew this to be a mistake. Ren was just too big. Hux was too wound up from the event to relax enough for it to work. This—albeit clean—bathroom was not the place to get fucked for only the second time in several years.

Ren grunted as the head of his cock breached Hux, and Hux cried out in pain. “Stop,” Hux gasped as all breath left him, his legs giving out on him again.

“What?” Ren asked, sounding confused by the command.

“I can't. Not here. Can't...relax,” Hux panted, unable to get more than a word or two out at once. Sharp pain radiated from where Ren had entered him.

Ren pulled back slowly, but he still seemed confused as he wrapped his arms around Hux's waist because Hux was trembling. “You okay?”

“No. No I am not okay. This whole evening is a mess, and your fucking dick isn't going to fix it,” Hux told him as he tried to reach for his boxers to cover himself but couldn't reach them. He felt exposed even if Ren was covering him with his body. Ren reached down and tugged them up Hux's legs for him.

“What did I do wrong?” Ren asked, sounding lost.

“This wasn't the time or the place. I shouldn't have encouraged it. We need to clean up. We'll be missed,” Hux insisted, trying to push away from the wall but having little success.

“No, you're tenser than usual,” Ren said, running his hands over Hux's sides likely smearing lube over Hux's shirt beneath his jacket. Ren still smelled disgusting, but he was holding Hux so tenderly that Hux didn't think he had it in him to push Ren away—not when Ren was the one who'd come in looking for comfort but was now the one giving it.

“I can't. I need to get back. I—”

Ren cut him off with a kiss, turning Hux around to face him as Ren pressed his tongue into Hux's mouth. “Both ways,” Ren said, kissing his way along Hux's jaw and down his chest even though he still wore his shirt and tie.

“Ren, you don't have to blow me. I just ruined your orgasm, you don't have to...oh god,” Hux groaned as Ren tugged his boxers out of the way again and took all of him in his mouth. Hux leaned against the wall as Ren swallowed him down and sucked on his cock like it was the best thing he'd ever tasted.

Hux never got used to how good at this Ren was. He seemed to love having his mouth on Hux, didn't matter where. Hux rambled to him about oral fixations sometimes, but Ren wasn't ashamed of his desire to explore Hux with his lips, tongue, and teeth.

Building quickly after their aborted attempt at sex, Hux pulled one hand away from the railing and ran it through Ren's thick hair. “You're beautiful like this.” It slipped out of his mouth without any intention of saying it, but the soft way Ren looked up at him through his lashes was worth any shame Hux felt at the admission.

Hux's body tightened, and he fought his eyes to not close as Ren swallowed down his come. Hux tugged at the fistful of hair he was holding, and Ren moaned around his cock. Ren rocked back on his heels, a string of come connecting them even as Ren pulled away. As it broke, it clung to Ren's swollen bottom lip. It was ludicrous, but it drove Hux mad with desire.

“You didn't have to,” Hux said again, as he reached down to wipe up the mess on Ren's lips. It served to smear it, and Ren took Hux's thumb into his mouth and sucked it clean. That did it; Hux's legs buckled and he finally fell to the floor as his legs had been threatening since the start.

“I wanted to. It calms me,” Ren told him, reaching up and pushing a stray strand of Hux's hair back into place.

Hux knew he looked a mess, and there likely wasn't anyway to set him to rights. It wasn't pressing on him though. He could only think about Ren's lips doing all manner of wonderful things.

“I think it calmed me as well,” Hux admitted, leaning in to kiss Ren. He could taste his own come mixed with whatever bottom shelf swill Ren had been drinking, but it was grounding.

Ren huffed out a soft laugh as he pushed himself to his feet. It was then that Hux realized that Ren had gotten off as well. “We aren't fit to be seen,” Hux lamented, watching Ren tuck his cock back into his pants.

“Not much of a choice. Snoke will be furious if I don't return in short order,” Ren said, offering Hux his hand and helping him to his feet.

Hux tugged up his pants and tucked his shirt back into them. Ren was putting himself to rights as well. Hux watched him tuck his black shirt into his trousers and tug his waistcoat into place roughly before pulling enough toilet paper to wipe up the mess on the front of his pants. When he was the barest bit put together, he gave Hux a rough kiss and stormed out of the room much as he'd come into it.

Hux took his time putting himself together. He was still standing at the mirror fixing his hair when the attendant came back in looking sheepish. “Mention this to no one or you'll regret it,” Hux told him, pulling the rest of the cash out of his wallet and tucking it into this man's vest pocket.

“Of course, sir,” the man said, bowing slightly as Hux took one last glance in the mirror. Hopefully people would be too drunk to notice his disheveled appearance. Though he told himself that if they weren't drunk enough now, they likely would be by the end of the event.

Walking out into the ballroom, he spotted Phasma seated at a table eating the main course. Hux realized they'd been gone far too long as he heard his father giving the same tired speech he gave every year. Hux walked across the room toward his father just as he was finishing up, and he gave him a tight smile as he prepared to give his own speech.

He adjusted the microphone as he looked out across the room. His eyes caught Governor Organa's as she scrutinized his appearance. He knew he looked like he'd just had a quickie in the bathroom. He had a feeling he stank of it too, or perhaps he just stank of whatever Ren had been drinking. Organa nodded though when she realized he was looking at her. Hux remembered what she'd said about his mother, and he took a steadying breath and opened his mouth.

“It is a great honor to see so many people here tonight to pay tribute to my mother's legacy,” Hux addressed the crowd. He'd been practicing this speech in the mirror for weeks. He could feel the words deep inside him as he easily fell into the speech. “She would be so happy to see people coming together for a cause she held so close to her heart...”

Hux captivated the audience as he spoke of the purity of his mother's desire to make a better world. He emphasized her desire to provide for all people and not just those rich enough to afford the best of care. He explained that the scholarship was often a way of finding doctors that shared his mother's vision, and he led into an introduction of Dr. Mitaka who was fruit of the scholarship.

“Doctor Mitaka, please come up and say a few words,” Hux said as the crowd applauded his speech. Hux looked around the room once more, but he couldn't find Ren among the crowd. That was fine. He didn't need him to watch his moment of glory. He'd done his part in calming Hux down enough to give the speech after all.

“What slut did you soil while you couldn't be bothered to do your job?” his father whispered in his ear as he joined him at their table.

“It's of little importance,” Hux told him, eyes finally finding Ren standing several paces behind Snoke's chair. The watch dog back at heel. He shook his head and looked down at his decadent meal. He wasn't hungry. He doubted that Ren was getting to eat, and it suddenly made him very angry that Ren was forced to drink bottom shelf liquor and go without dinner just so Snoke could make a calculated dig at Ren's mother. Hux had no doubt that that was exactly what was happening.

He covertly looked over at Governor Organa's table. She was sitting regally as always, but he could read the tightness around her eyes and mouth. He could feel her desire to throw that tonic water right in Snoke's deceitful face. Hux would like it if she did. Then perhaps he wouldn't be under so much scrutiny.

“See that you aren't distracted again. We need this money,” his father told him.

“It is for a scholarship, Father. _We_ don't even see this money,” Hux retorted, looking back at his father. The look Hux Sr. gave him was pitying, and Hux realized that he had made an error of judgment. He had made a grave error in granting his father's wish to run the scholarship upon his mother's passing. That too had been left to Hux, but it had seemed so daunting and his father had offered. “How much are you skimming?” Hux whispered back.

“Careful, there are ears around,” his father chided.

Hux turned away from him, looking straight at Leia Organa this time. He wondered if she'd known about this and was taunting him or if she suspected he too was involved. Perhaps she only suspected the worst from them and had no real idea of what was happening.

“Rousing speech though, Bren. I'm sure it will bring out the giving nature in these sorts,” his father said, almost taunting. His father liked to look down his nose at the people who came to this event. He thought they were fools for falling all over themselves to give their hard earned money away. It wasn't surprising at all that he was taking it for himself.

Hux's father took the mic again when Mitaka had finished his speech. The young doctor was a nervous sort, and half of his words had been jumbled, but the audience still gave him loud applause.

“I have one last announcement to make,” Hux's father said, smiling jovially at the audience. The man had a gift for public speaking, a charisma that people couldn't help but pay attention to. “It's been hard these months without Ellie. She kept me honest in a way few could. She was never afraid to speak her mind, and often it went again the status quo. When I had to stop performing surgery, she told me that it did no one any good if I was going to sit around and mope. She said that I had a duty to share my knowledge with future doctors, and as much as I hadn't believed it then, she was right. When hospitals were closing around the city and country, she decided it was time to open a free clinic. It was an insane idea. A money pit if ever there was one, but it took off. She fought tooth and nail to keep the clinic going, and it has served thousands of people in the last twenty years,” Hux's father said, stepping away from the podium and around the dance floor to get a look at his audience.

Hux held his breath. This wasn't the tired old speech he dusted off every year. This was new and full of excitement and hope.

“Ellie always knew what was right. Her moral compass always pointed due north, never straying. She inspired the best in everyone that had the benefit of knowing her. And since her death, I've spent many nights questioning just how best to honor her life, not her memory but her life. What could I do to make her live on? And it was very recently that a brilliant man came to me with a vision, a vision that when I heard it I knew was a sign from my late wife. It couldn't be anything else.”

Hux felt his gut churn as his father incited his mother's ghost. He felt his pulse race and sweat begin to cover his brow. He covertly adjusted his tie to allow himself to breathe easier.

“It is my greatest honor to announce to you the plans for the Eleanor Hux Memorial Cancer Research center. This facility will be on the cutting edge of cancer treatment. It will serve those who need it most just as Ellie would have wanted. But we can't do this alone, my friends. We'll need your help...”

Hux felt himself shutting down. He knew without a shadow of a doubt who was behind this and what thir motives were. It certainly wasn't research.

Hux took a bite of his food, but it tasted like ash. Phasma gave him a questioning look as he excused himself again, but he walked casually to the bathroom before locking himself in the handicapped stall again and throwing up what he'd just eaten. He looked at the floor of the stall, and the condom Kylo had worn was still sticking to the tiles beside the toilet. He vomited again, bringing up the alcohol he'd been drinking. It burned, but he savored the pain.

His father was working for Snoke. He probably thought he was working with him, but no one worked _with_ Snoke. They were all just chess pieces like Ren. Hux felt faint at the thought that his mother's generosity and good heart would be used to further Snoke's agenda. He felt ill that in some way, he had played right into this plan by handing over control of things to his father. Hux's mind raced with so many questions and scenarios, but all he could truly focus on was how he'd failed his mother.

The attendant was holding out a clean hand towel for him when he stepped out of the stall. Hux wanted to snap at him, but he just accepted it and the cup of water the man offered him.

“You aren't the first. Had a vegetarian of twenty years go nuts over the bacon wrapped dates one time. It wasn't pretty,” the man said, and Hux actually laughed. It hurt his throat more to laugh, but he let himself. He rinsed his mouth and straightened up again.

“You're a good man. Don't let people like us warp that...Sorry, but you already have all my cash,” he said as he walked out of the bathroom.

Hux suffered through the rest of the event, pretending that he had known about his father's announcement all along. Phasma shot him worried looks as he fielded questions about whether he'd be running operations at the new facility when it opened. He wouldn't, not even if Ren put Snoke's gun to his head. Hux had to constantly check himself to ensure he wasn't digging his nails into his already injured palms.

He caught glimpses of Ren as he stood several steps behind Snoke at all times. He watched Snoke approach Governor Organa as people used the dance floor for its intended purpose. To anyone else, it probably looked like to big donors making small talk.

Hux put down the fork he was holding up to his dessert, and stood. He walked across the dance floor, shouldering past people and ignoring there protests that he was being rude. His eyes were locked on Kylo who stood behind the pair, clearly holding himself together by sheer stubbornness.

“...won't work and you know it. People will find out you're funding this, Mr. Snoke, and then you'll have not only ruined the reputations of one of the most prestigious families in this city, but you'll have destroyed the hopes of every family in need that placed their faith in them. I know that doesn't weigh on you or your pack of wolves, but it won't weigh on my when you go down either,” Leia told him with a confident smile. Hux could tell that most of it was bravado, but she'd never let weakness show not even when faced with Kylo Ren.

“Ms. Organa, you know better than anyone how to bend the rules to suit your needs. After all, haven't you leaned on several district attorneys to back off on a certain wolf of mine?” Snoke asked.

Hux bit his lip as he watched Ren's eyes widen. Clearly, he hadn't known it was his own mother bailing him out of trouble instead of Snoke.

“Governor, I believe you promised me a dance,” Hux said, cutting into the conversation.

Leia looked at him with a brightening smile. “Mr. Hux, I thought you had forgotten. I have so much to speak with you about our expansion of your clinic,” she said, looking carefree.

Hux noted how pinched Snoke's expression was as he took Leia's hand in his and bowed. He couldn't bring himself to look at Ren. He was doing this for his sake, but it certainly wouldn't seem that way. He kissed Leia's hand dramatically, and she laughed lightly as he escorted her to the dance floor.

“I don't need saving, Doctor Hux. Especially not from men like you,” she told him as they started to dance. Her expression never changed from the sweet smile even as she berated him.

“With all due respect, Governor, I'm not doing this for you,” Hux told her, stepping back to spin her.

“How do you know Ben?” she asked when they came back together. She looked thoughtful, but her expression was still light—not giving into Snoke's manipulation.

“I don't know a Ben,” Hux told her, dipping her gently.

“I can't call him what that monster calls him,” she said, shaking her head as she held onto Hux more tightly.

“It's what he calls himself, Governor. It doesn't matter who gave him the name. It's who he sees himself as,” Hux said.

“It's a lie.”

“Is it?”

“Snoke should have had you talk to me. You're much better at cutting to the quick than he is,” she said, shaking her head.

“I thought you believed I was.”

“I saw you during your father's speech.”

“I suppose that make's us even because I saw you look at Ren,” Hux told her.

“You care about him.”

Hux scoffed, but he looked her in the eye. “Between the two of us, Governor Organa, I fear it is much more serious than that,” he admitted.

She smiled at him, for real this time. It wasn't the carefree expression she wore as a form of rebellion. It was a serious smile, full of emotions so deep they'd probably been buried for fifteen years. “Your mother was so proud of you,” she said. It was the nicest thing she could have told him. He knew she likely didn't approve of him and her son, at least not as they were. Ren was a henchman for Snoke, and Hux was a part of his father's scheming. Neither of them were good men, but his mother had seen good in him, and clearly Leia had hopes that Eleanor wasn't wrong.

“I hope it wasn't misplaced, Governor,” Hux told her, dipping her once more before letting her return to her seat. When he looked around, Ren was nowhere to be seen nor was Snoke. Hux returned to Phasma and pretended to eat before sliding his dessert over to her as well. He held himself together through sheer force of will until the last guest finally staggered out the front door. His father had left nearly an hour earlier, leaving Hux to make sure everything was in order—and to deal with the massive announcement.

“You've been off all night,” Phasma told him as they walked down the stairs to collect his car. It was already parked out front waiting for them. However, so was a sleek black sedan. Hux frowned. Everyone should have left by now.

“Who's car is that?” he asked the valet, ignoring Phasma's observation. He wasn't about to whine to her about this whole mess.

“Mr. Snoke's,” the young man told him.

Hux's frown grew deeper. “Has he come out at all?” Hux asked.

“No sir,” the man said.

“I'll be right back,” he said, turning to go back inside. Hux walked quickly through the hall, checking the restrooms as he went. He'd checked everything but the back garden before he'd left.

As he was walking through the ballroom toward the doors to the garden, he saw Snoke step inside. Hux ducked out of sight before Snoke could see him, waited for the man to pass on his own. When he was gone, Hux continued to the back door and out onto the balcony. He looked down at the dark garden for any sign of Ren, but he couldn't see him. Perhaps he'd left earlier.

However, just as he was about to return to Phasma, he heard a moan come from down below him. He cursed as he rushed down the stairs to the garden. “Where the hell are you, Ren?” Hux called into the darkness. He heard another sound coming from the rose arbor and headed off in that direction.

There below the winter bloom lie Ren, curled up and clutching his ribs. “What did he do to you?” Hux asked as he knelt down. Ren smelled even worse than earlier, and Hux was fairly certain Ren too had vomited that evening.

Ren groaned, and Hux took his face in his hands. “Look at me, Ren. What did he do? Did he hit you with that cane he carries? Is that why you're gripping your ribs?”

“I failed. I disappointed him. She didn't break. She doesn't care,” Ren mumbled, and Hux clenched his jaw.

“Shut up about that, Ren. I need to know if you require medical attention,” Hux insisted. He reached out to touch Ren, but Ren shrank away from him. Hux cursed softly. “Kylo, it's me,” Hux said, trying again. Ren flinched, but he let Hux gently touch his shoulder. “How long have you been out here?” Hux asked when he reached up to stroke Ren's cheek only to find it cold.

“A while,” Ren said. Hux sighed, pulling his own coat off and draping it over Ren. He could hear Phasma coming down the stairs. For once he was grateful that she disobeyed his orders when she felt them beneath her.

“Phasma, give me a hand will you,” he called as soon as she reached the bottom of the staircase. Ren clearly didn't like the idea, but Hux wasn't about to carry him out to the car. Hux knew he _couldn't_ carry Ren that far on his own.

“What happened?” she asked, coming to stand behind Hux.

“It doesn't matter. Call a cab and help me get him out front. You can take the Viper back to mine to pick up your car,” Hux ordered, gently coaxing Ren to sit up so they could haul him to his feet.

“Wouldn't you rather take your own car?” she asked, sounding concerned as Ren came into the light. His face was clearly bruised, and he couldn't sit up straight. His lips were split, and his hair was wet with sweat or blood. Still, they got Ren on his feet. They each pulled his arms over their shoulders and began to slowly guide him to the stairs. He kept his feet beneath him, helping support his own weight as much as possible.

“I won't have him possibly vomiting or bleeding in my car,” Hux insisted. Ren actually chuckled at that, tilting his head to the side and kissing Hux's cheek.

“Hux,” he whispered drunkenly, as though he'd only just realized who was helping him. Of course, he would recognize the cutting comment at his expense.

Hux could see Phasma's surprised expression, but all he did was scowl at her. He wasn't about to fight Ren. The man wasn't coherent enough to understand it anyway. They got him out to the front just as the cab was pulling up.

“I'll follow the cab, and help you get him inside his apa—”

“I'm taking him to mine. It'll be easier,” Hux said as they got Ren situated in the back seat. There was no way Hux could get Ren into his building and up those rotting stairs in this conditions. That's how Hux justified letting Ren into his private space. It had nothing to do with worry or regret. It was simply practical.

“Of course,” Phasma said, taking his keys from him and going to his car.

Hux slid in beside Ren who was teetering on the brink of unconsciousness. Hux pulled him close, and Ren's head ended up in his lap. Hux gave the driver directions to his apartment and sighed as he looked down at Ren. He ran his finger's through Kylo's hair as they sat there.

“This is unacceptable, Ren. He can't do this to you. You can't let him do this to you,” Hux told him, though he doubted that Ren heard him. “You're stronger than him, weapon or not. You can't let him do this. I can't keep patching you up just to send you back to that,” Hux whispered, hoping the driver wasn't listening. “I can't watch him kill you slowly...”

Hux was surprised when Ren lifted his hand to touch Hux's where it was buried in Ren's hair. Hux looked down to find Ren looking up at him with a hurt expression. “You took her side,” he said, turning away and clutching his stomach.

“I did that for you, you idiot. He was using her against you just as much as he was using you against her,” Hux said, leaning down so close to Ren's face that Ren couldn't escape his gaze. “I don't care one bit about Governor Organa or Snoke. I care about you, you ass,” he told him, cupping his face gently but insistently.

Ren didn't say anything, and Hux assumed he'd finally given into the pain and alcohol and fallen unconscious. He spent the rest of the ride plotting just how he would kill Snoke if he ever got his hands on him. Surgeons hands be damned, Hux was going to get them dirty.

When they arrived, Hux realized that he was out of cash. He dug through Ren's pockets, searching for his wallet. When he opened the worn leather billfold, there was only ten dollars in cash in it. “Just a moment. The lady in the sports car will pay,” he said, before rolling down the window and calling Phasma over. He was thankful that she had offered to help get Ren upstairs because he didn't want to face off with an irate cabby.

Phasma paid the man without complaint before helping Hux with Ren. “How didn't you have enough for a cab between the two of you?” she asked as they rode the elevator up to his floor.

“Don't ask,” Hux said, remembering what they'd done in the bathroom just hours earlier. Hux thought about trying again when they were alone in his apartment, but after the night they'd both had Hux didn't expect they'd be having much in the way of sex for a while.

When Ren was lying on Hux's crisp sheets, Hux turned to Phasma. “Thank you for your help...”

“This...” she said, pointing at Ren's body, “...this needs to get sorted. He's a liability. You're a liability when you're with him. For the clinic's sake. For your mother's memory—”

Hux scoffed at her. “My mother's memory is warped and bent to whatever anyone needs it for. My lack of ethics is the least of the sins committed in her memory,” he spat.

“That may be true, but you can straighten yourself out. There's no excuse for you. What your father does is on his blackened soul, but you care. You believe, and if you throw that belief away for a little bit of whatever this is, then you don't deserve what she left you. You don't deserve your license,” she said, before turning and showing herself out.

Hux ran his hands through his hair, looking at Ren who was sprawled all over his sheets. Hux sighed for what felt like the hundredth time that night as he walked over to the bed and knelt near Ren's head. He pushed the hair out of Ren's face to find that it looked like his cheek had been scraped against the pavement. It was raw and bleeding sluggishly.

Hux went into the bathroom and got his first aid kit and a wet washcloth. He gently cleaned Ren's face as Ren mumbled incoherently about being a failure. Hux found himself shushing Ren and telling him gentle reassurances.

When his face was taken care of, Hux slowly stripped Ren and checked him for broken ribs and cleaned his other cuts and scrapes. Nothing was broken, and Hux assumed the alcohol was to blame for Ren's incoherence more than pain or injuries were. It was a minor relief, though what brought on the sudden need to drown his sorrows was more of an issue.

Ren was actually coming to as Hux finished up, and he watched Hux carefully put a bandage over his torn up palm like Hux was something to be awed by.

“I hate these events,” Hux said, looking into Ren's warm eyes.

“Where am I?” Ren asked.

Hux stripped out of his suit and crawled into bed with Ren. “My apartment.”

“You never let anyone in you apartment,” Ren mumbled, allowing Hux to wrap his arm around him.

“I made an exception,” Hux admitted, pressing a kiss to Ren's bare shoulder.

“Why make an exception for me?”

“Because I wanted to,” Hux told him, and that was the truth. He could have taken Ren back to his rundown building. He could have even just left him where he was. Snoke certainly intended to leave him there. Maybe it was his plan that breaking Ren would have the desired effect on the Governor. Hux didn't care about Snoke's plan right now.

Hux wanted Ren here though. He wanted to wake up with Ren, tangled in his sheets and safe in his arms. The anxiety that usually came with the thought of allowing someone to invade his space wasn't there as he held Ren with the utmost care.

“Thank you,” Ren whispered, his voice sounding wrecked. Hux couldn't be sure if it was from the blowjob earilier or something Snoke had done, but he shushed him anyway.

“Rest. I'll make sure you're alright,” Hux promised, pressing several more kisses to Ren's back and shoulders. Hux didn't sleep for several hours as he watched over Ren, but he didn't miss it. Work would be hard the next day, but it would be worth it.

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See end of chapter for warnings. Please check them if you're squeamish.

Hux woke to the sound of Ren's pained moan. He opened his eyes and looked down at where Ren's head rested on his chest.  His breathe ghosted out over Hux's skin and left goosebumps in its wake. Ren was practically whimpering as he tried to move slightly. It was enough to bring back memories of the night before when Ren was lying out in the garden unable to get up on his own. It made Hux's blood boil, but he controlled his anger.

“Do you need anything?” Hux whispered.

“Morphine,” Ren rasped, squeezing Hux's side where his large hand rested.

Hux smiled. He probably needed fluids more than anything, but Ren had a flair for the dramatic. Hux just ran his fingers through Ren's dirty hair, combing it back into some semblance of order.

“Afraid I don't have morphine in my medicine cabinet. Perhaps coffee and aspirin will suffice?”

“You're the doctor,” Ren agreed.

“I'll have to get up for those,” he said when Ren made no move to get off of him.

“No.”

Hux chuckled. “It will help you feel better,” he promised, but Ren squeezed him tighter.

“Stay. This is nice,” he insisted, snuggling against Hux's chest.

“I have work in two hours,” Hux pointed out.

“So, stay with me for an hour,” Ren suggested. Hux was surprised by Ren's willingness to ask for this, and he frankly had no desire to get out of bed anyway.

“When you're feeling up to it, we need to talk about last night,” Hux said, staring up at the ceiling and remembering the events that had taken place.

“And if I'm never up to it?”

“Stop being melodramatic. Hangovers don't last forever, and your mommy issues are hardly new at this point.”

Ren grumbled, but he still didn't get off of Hux. Hux continued to stroke his hair, sometimes gently pressing his thumb to Ren's temple or base of his skull and massaging it in slow circles.

Hux couldn't fall back to sleep. His own head ached slightly, but he'd only had a couple drinks and had brought most of them back up. He was sore still from their activities last evening. He dreaded the thought of standing for hours through surgery if there was an emergency. There would be no escaping the ache in his ass in the OR where sitting wasn't an option.

Ren fell back to sleep, though he'd groan or whimper once in a while. Hux wasn't sure if it was pain or memories that were upsetting him, but he continued to touch Ren as soothingly as possible until he had to get up for work.

He managed to slip out from under Ren without waking him, replacing his chest with a pillow for Ren to rest his head on. He told himself that it was so Ren didn't hassle him about leaving. Hux looked at the massive man tangled in his sheets for a long moment before going to shower off the remnants of the night before.

Thoughts of his father's words came back to him as he stood underneath the stream of too hot water. He didn't know what to do with the information or his father's new pet project. He felt ignorant for never thinking that his father might use the scholarship fund for his own gains—or his wife's good name for that matter. This father's insistence that he run it made so much more sense now. The man had never in his life been concerned that Hux had too much on his plate, so why would he have suddenly changed because of something like his wife's death?

Hux punched the tile wall, biting his lip as he felt the bones in his hand grind. He clenched and unclenched the hand. It would do him no good to prevent himself from doing surgeries because of his father.

“You okay?” Ren's voice was weak through the bathroom door, but Hux could hear the concern in it.

“I'm fine,” he insisted though he felt like he was spiraling. He wanted to punch the wall again, or maybe punch something that would give way under his fists. Hux had always dealt his punishment through delicate and precise measures of scheming and betrayal. He didn't get his hands dirty, but now it wanted to. He wanted to unleash all of the rage within him in a violent flourish. Before he could punch the wall again, Ren spoke up.

“It sounded like you punched a wall or something,” Ren said, clearly jiggling the locked doorknob.

“I'm fine, go back to bed,” Hux told him. Of course, Ren knew what punching a wall sounded like. The man punched them regularly.

“Can't. Need to piss,” Ren said. Hux sighed, reaching around the shower curtain and unlocking the door beside the shower. Ren stumble in immediately. He was still completely naked, and in the harsh light of the bathroom Hux could take a good look at the fresh bruises on his skin.

“Snoke certainly enjoys hitting you,” Hux said, watching Ren's bare back as he took a leak. He used his left hand to support himself against the sink as he stood there, and Hux felt his anger swell again. Ren was a pain in the ass, but Hux was protective of him. The knowledge that Snoke beat the obedience into him after every minor failure made Hux want to wrap his fingers around the man's neck and watch him as his face turned blue. He wondered vaguely if this was what Governor Organa meant when she snapped at him the night before. Did she want to wring the life out of Snoke as well? He shook his head. How could she not?

Hux jerked when Ren pulled the curtain back enough to slip into the shower with him. Turning around, Hux had to catch most of Ren's weight as he sagged.

“What the hell are you doing, Ren? Did I invite you in here?” Hux demanded.

“I stink. Was turning my stomach,” Ren told him, crowding against Hux until he was under the spray of the shower as well. “I feel like my skin is melting off. How do you enjoy this?” Ren asked, dipping his head forward to wet his hair.

“I just do. Perhaps if you had heat in your building, you would know the pleasure of a warm shower,” Hux sniped.

“This isn't warm, Hux. They'd boiled someone alive in this in the middle ages. Anyway, cold water wakes me up,” Ren told him, leaning back out of the spray and making eye contact with Hux as he reached for Hux's right hand. He lifted it and looked at the rosy knuckles. “You did punch the wall,” he noted, then nearly knocked Hux over in shock as he ducked his head and kissed the abused knuckles.

“Are you still drunk, Ren?” Hux asked him.

“Possibly,” Ren said, shrugging.

Hux shook his head as he rinsed off and showed Ren where everything was that he could need. Hux had every intention of getting out of the shower and leaving Ren to it, but Ren didn't look like he'd remain standing for long. So, he quickly poured shampoo and massaged it into Ren's hair. Ren practically melted at the touch, pushing his head into Hux's hands and sighing. Hux smirked as he guided Ren by his ears until he was under the shower head to rise the suds away. Ren didn't complain as Hux continued to move his face this way and that by his ears, and he even moaned softly as Hux massaged the lobes.

Hux used the body wash to clean Ren's body as he stood there, allowing Hux's ministrations. He followed Hux's directions as Hux ran the soapy washcloth over Ren's chest and down his arms. Hux was gentle as he washed Ren's abdomen, careful of the vivid bruises painted across his skin.

“Would you like to...” Hux gestured down to Ren's crotch, but Ren's eyes were closed as he leaned into Hux.

“It's better when you do it,” Ren murmured.

“I've never washed your balls before, Ren. You can't possibly know that,” Hux told him, flicking him with the corner of the washcloth.

Ren snorted, grabbing Hux's hand without opening his eyes and guiding it down to his cock. Hux sighed, cleaning Ren with the same care he'd clean himself before pouring a drop of body wash onto his palm and lathering it before gently massaging Ren's sack and just behind it. It wasn't particularly sexual, but Ren sighed as he buried his nose in the crook of Hux's neck.

“Needy,” Hux chastised him, but Ren just gave Hux a peck on the jaw. He was absolutely still inebriated, and Hux could completely understand why the man almost never imbibed if this was the result.

When Ren was sufficiently clean, and no longer smelling like a garbage disposal, Hux turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. Pulling a towel around his hips, he walked to the linen closet and retrieved one for Ren as well. “Now, go back to bed. You'll have to make do with the sheets on it because I don't have time to change them for you,” Hux told him as he stood in front of the mirror and prepared to shave.

“They're fine,” Ren grunted, shuffling behind Hux.

Ren draped himself over his bare back as Hux covered his cheeks and jaw in shaving cream. He rubbed himself against Hux and kissed the back of his neck.

“Stop that,” Hux complained, swiping at Ren with his foam covered fingers to get him away. Ren just held him tighter, shaking his hair like a wet dog. “That is disgusting,” Hux complained, hating the feeling of the cool droplets from Ren's hair dripping down his back.

“What?” Ren asked innocently, rubbing his cheek to Hux's shoulder blades which caused his hair damp hair to stick to Hux's back.

Hux shuddered, stepping out of Ren's arms. “Out. I have to get to work,” Hux insisted, pointing at the door. He held himself back from doing a full body wiggle at the phantom sensation of Ren's long hair on his skin.

“I'd rather—”

“Out!” Hux repeated.

Ren took the order without much fuss. He obviously still wasn't feeling well and wasn't up for a fight.

Hux carefully shaved, but the knot in the pit of his stomach continued to grow as he prepared to go to work. By the time he'd shaved and dressed in his slacks and shirt, he was cutting it close to get in on time. Hux was never late, and he never took sick days without a serious medical emergency such as getting stabbed. However, as he looked at Ren's form on his bed, he was struck by how much he wanted to stay.

Ren hadn't even bothered to dry off at all before falling back on the bed and into unconsciousness. He looked like their fight had taken everything out of him, and he'd just collapsed into a self-satisfied slumber.

Hux tied his tie without a mirror as he walked around the bed toward the door. It was the soft murmur of _Hux_ that did it. He turned in the doorway and looked back at Ren's half lidded eyes. Ren gave him a drowsy smile that Hux wished didn't make him feel a stab of fondness.

Hux turned and retreated to his home office. He picked up the phone and dialed the hospital’s number. The head surgeon on duty answered the phone, and Hux quickly made his apologies then told her that he wasn't going to make it into work.

“You're joking?” Doctor Tarkin said, her voice disbelieving.

“I'm sorry, I just don't think I will be up for surger—”

“No no, it's fine. I'll make arrangements. It's just you've never taken a sick day...ever. I was starting to think you were a robot. Did the fundraiser go that well that you need a day to recover?” she asked him.

“We got sufficient funds, but overindulgence isn't the cause of this,” Hux told her, though that's exactly what this was. He was indulging in Ren. He had the night before in the middle of the event, and he was now blowing off work for him. He almost changed his mind, but then he thought of Ren lying in his bed like it was the safest place in the world or the way he actually teased Hux. It had been juvenile and irritating, but Hux reminded himself that Ren probably hadn't had occasion to tease someone since he was the age that such behavior was expected. He couldn't leave, and not even for the reasonable precaution that he didn't trust Ren alone in his apartment. This was strictly personal indulgence of the worst kind.

“Well, enjoy your sick day, Doctor.”

“I will still be available for consultation. I'll be completing work in my office most of the day,” Hux assured her, knowing he wouldn't be able to completely shirk his duties.

Tarkin sighed deeply, but she didn't comment on his inability to even take a real sick day. Hux said his goodbyes and hung up before she could lecture him on it. When that was finished, he checked his emails and messages. He answered those that needed an immediate response, then he went back through and handled some of the less urgent messages.

He took a break to brew coffee after about an hour. He doubted he had enough work in his office to last him even half a shift. He was going to be crawling the walls in a few hours. Perhaps he could show up once Ren was feeling well enough to leave.

He poured a large mug of coffee before going in to find Ren in the same position he'd left him in. He placed the mug on the nightstand and went into the bathroom, coming back with a bottle of aspirin. He placed that beside the coffee and went back to his office. The coffee would likely be cold by the time Ren woke up, but it wasn't Hux's fault that he was hungover and refusing to get up like a normal person.

Hux handled the rest of his messages, calling back nurses and doctors as needed and going over post-op procedures and medications on his more trying cases. It was the same thing he would do at the hospital if a trauma didn't come through the hospital doors, but it was strange to do it from his home. He couldn't remember the last time he actually worked from of his office. He was rarely home long enough to spend time in the room he'd spent so much money making perfect for productivity.

A crash came from the across the hall, and Hux shot out of his chair and rushed back to the bedroom. Ren was leaning over the side of the bed staring at the shattered coffee mug and puddle of coffee. “Sorry,” he mumbled as he heard Hux enter the room.

“Don't get up. I'll clean it. You aren't wearing shoes…or anything actually,” Hux said, stepping back into the hall to retrieve paper towels from the kitchen. When he came back Ren was on his hands and knees picking up the pieces of ceramic, and Hux sighed.

“You're going to cut yourself,” he said, crouching beside Ren and throwing paper towels over the massive spill. That was going to stain the carpet, but Hux found himself less concerned about that than Ren. “Lie down. I'll get you another cup when I'm done with this,” Hux told him.

“I can do it. You don't have to clean up after me,” Ren said, continuing to pick up the pieces like it didn't matter.

“ _Ren_.”

“You don't like when I make a mess,” Ren told him. His voice sounded very detached about it, like the danger of hurting himself was unimportant. Hux forgot Ren saw himself as a blunt instrument most of the time. The more Ren opened up to him, the easier it was to forget what he did.

“Perhaps not, but I've grown accustomed to it. I'd rather deal with it than have to tend your cut hands or knees because you were worried about me being annoyed,” Hux told him, gently pushing him toward the bed.

“I'm not delicate, Hux. I know last night...it was an unfortunate display of weakness but...you don't have to be gentle with me. I'm not going to break. I—” Ren picked up a shard of the mug and clenched it in his fist, and Hux sighed.

Coffee and blood. He might as well purchase a new carpet at this point. Leave it to Ren to take Hux not wanting him to hurt himself as an invitation to do just that. Hux tried not to think about the strange behavior as he reached for him.

Hux grabbed Ren's hand and forcefully pulled his fingers back to reveal his bloody palm where the piece of ceramic was crushed. He brushed the bits of it away and made sure none of it was still embedded in Ren's hand, then he leaned down and pressed his lips to Ren's bleeding flesh to show he wasn't upset with him.

Ren inhaled sharply as Hux kissed is torn skin. Hux looked up at him even as his face was still against Ren's palm. Ren was watching him with arousal visible in his gaze. His warm eyes seemed to be begging Hux to lift his head and show him what he'd done. At the very least, that was a predictable reaction.

Hux raised his head, feeling Ren's blood on his lips and chin as he held Ren's gaze. “You are breaking, Ren. I wear your blood more than anyone should. You're breaking apart whether you admit it or not. Snoke is breaking you, and you're letting him,” Hux told him, lacing his fingers with Ren's and squeezing their palms together. Ren hissed as it clearly hurt his abused palm, and Hux pounced.

He pushed Ren back against the frame of the bed as he straddled his lap. Ren wrapped his arms around Hux's back, pulling him to his chest as they kissed each other. It was full of hunger and the residual frustrations they both felt from the night before, and they bit at each others lips sharing their pain between them.

Hux didn't know where it came from, but he wasn't going to douse the fire between them. Part of Hux told him that sex couldn't solve the things that were wrong with them, but the larger part was relieved not to have to deal with the underlying issue.

Ren easily lifted him and shifted them up onto the bed. Hux bounced as Ren dropped him down onto the mattress, following him down and pinning him there with his bulk. Raking his nails down Ren's back, Hux took pleasure in the cry it ripped from Ren's throat and bit him there as he stretched it—practically an invitation if you asked Hux.

Ren wasn't gentle either, twisting his fingers in Hux's perfect hair and tugging his head to the side. He leaned down and bit the meat of Hux's shoulder sharply. Hux gasped at the pain as Ren continued to suck on his shoulder.

Hux dug his fingers into Ren's hips and bucked up against them. That seemed to bring Ren's attention to the fact that Hux was fully clothed, and he tore Hux's shirt open viciously—buttons flying and fabric ripping. Hux reached up and pinched Ren's nipples as Ren ruined one of his favorite pairs of slacks as well.

Ren's blood was smeared across Hux's chest as he pressed his hand to the center of it, grinding against his cock once he was naked. Hux cried out. He felt like his whole body was vibrating with energy, pleasure, and pain.

He brought his legs up to hook them around Ren's calves to get some leverage. They pressed against each other, kissing as roughly as they moved. Hux boldly rolled them, pinning Ren's wrists to the mattress as he straddled his hips. He didn't miss a beat as he rolled his hips, continuing to rub their cocks together frantically.

Hux let Ren's wrists go in favor of using his hand to stroke their erections. He blinked as Ren swatted his fingers away and used his bleeding hand to jerk them together. Hux watched in morbid fascination as the small amount of Ren's blood still seeping from his palm spread over them in a sticky mess.  It was probably the least effective 'lube' he'd ever used—not that he believed that was Ren's intention as much as it was his dominant hand, and Ren wanted to be the one gripping them because his hands were bigger.  Hux kept rocking his hips in search of release because there was no turning back now. They both needed this. He reached for Ren's chest again, and Ren gripped his thigh tightly as Hux played with his nipples.

Climax was just as violent as the search for it, and Hux felt his entire body rock as he came over Ren's bloody fist. He shook, bracing against Ren's chest.

Ren wasn't far behind, and Hux couldn't tear his eyes away from their cocks as Ren used his come as he continued to stroke them together. The pink tinged mixture was revolting, but Hux devoured the sight of it. Only a few more rough strokes and Ren arched up, come splashing over his stomach as he cried out. Hux wrapped his fingers around Ren's and slowed his strokes because he looked like he might just go until they were both raw.

Ren's chest heaved as aftershocks rocked through him, and Hux collapsed beside him. His own lungs seemed to be trying to remember their purpose as well. Hux glanced down at their bodies. They were both covered in smears of come, sweat, and blood. It was positively disgusting, but Hux couldn't find it in himself to be appalled anymore.

He turned his head and looked at Ren's profile. His eyes were closed, looking like he was trying to center himself. “My head may explode, and then you'll be covered in gray matter as well, Doctor,” Ren said, and Hux remembered that he was still suffering from a miserable hangover.

“There were aspirins on the nightstand,” Hux told him, smiling at the way Ren snarled. Hux rolled to his side and placed his index fingers on Ren's temples, rubbing them in gentle circles. “Don't get bent out of shape about this. I can't go another round for a little while,” Hux told him, keeping his voice to a whisper. “Stay there. I'll take care of this.”

Hux slid out of bed, carefully avoiding the mess Ren had made. He went into the bathroom, collecting the bottle of aspirin again. Then he went to the linen closet and retrieved a washcloth which he soaked in cold water then wrung out. He also pulled down his first aid kit again.

Returning to Ren, Hux handed him a few tablets and watched him dry swallow them. Then he placed the folded up cloth over Ren's aching head. He picked up Ren's hand and inspected the damage as Ren remained lying down.

“Do you enjoy being hurt?” Hux asked as he flushed the wound.

“I don't mind pain,” Ren said.

“It isn't healthy. Pain is a mechanism to let us know that something is wrong or dangerous,” Hux told him.

“So?”

Hux rolled his eyes. “You shouldn't let people hurt you,” Hux told him.

“You hurt me sometimes...”

“You shouldn't let me do it either. You should tell me to stop.”

“I like it when you do it.”

Hux sucked in a shuddering breath. “It isn't healthy,” he repeated as he covered the wound in a bandage to match his other palm.

Hux cleaned up and crawled back into bed. “I don't want to hurt you,” he said, but he was only met with Ren's snores. He carefully removed the cloth from his forehead then tossed it over the side of the bed toward the coffee spill. Then he settled in again.

Hux hadn't meant to fall back to sleep, but after the sex they both fell into a doze. Neither of them had had the energy to clean themselves up afterward other than Hux cleaning Ren's palm, and when Hux woke again he was covered in dried blood and come.

“Isn't this delightful,” he muttered, rolling against Ren's side and wrapping his hand around Ren's waist. He laid there for a while, feeling the rise and fall of Ren's chest. Hux didn't know what had come over him to make him behave the way he had earlier or the night before. He wasn't entirely sure he could blame it on Ren either. Sure, he wouldn't have done it if it had been someone else bleeding on his floor, but a small part of him—that he usually chose to ignore—had wanted every moment of it.

Hux sighed, trying to push thoughts that sounded distinctly like his father's disapproval out of him mind.

“Why did you roll over here if you're just going to huff about what we did? You could've done that on your own side of the bed and left me to sleep,” Ren said with an air of disdain.

“You don't know what I'm thinking, you lug,” Hux retorted, though he didn't have a leg to stand on.

“You're thinking loudly...”

“People _can't_ think loudly, Ren.”

“You always think loudly. Everyone knows when you're displeased before you even start yelling at them for it,” Ren retorted.

Hux punched him lightly in the ribs and was thoroughly satisfied when Ren wheezed in pain. Evidently, they were still sore from the night before, just not sore enough to avoid sex. “I think just like everyone else,” Hux insisted.

Ren scoffed, but he rolled to face Hux, wrapping his arm around his waist as well. He didn't open his eyes, but he pressed their foreheads together and sighed.

“Now who's thinking loudly?” Hux asked, knowing without a shadow of a doubt that Ren was worrying about disappointing Snoke. If Hux had been on the receiving end of what that man called discipline, he knew he'd be thinking the same.

“I should go,” Ren told him, thumb stroking Hux's hip.

“I called out of work,” Hux told him, then immediately wished he hadn't.

“Is that your way of asking me to stay?” Ren asked in a huff of breath. Ren was laughing at him even in his state of dishevelment. Hux was insulted.

“No, go ahead. You probably have things to do like terrorize children or bloody your hands again. I'm sure that it's all very importan—”

Ren rolled Hux onto his back and pinned him in place. “Don’t talk to me like you’re above me, _Doctor_ ,” Ren said threateningly. “If you want me to stay, tell me or I’ll leave now.”

Hux bit the inside of his cheek. He wouldn’t beg. He’d never beg for Ren to stay. It _was_ beneath him. It was pathetic, and Hux refused to let himself stoop so far as to grovel for attention.

“I’ll see you on Sunday, Hux,” Ren said, pushing himself up and off the bed. Hux watched him cringe as his feet hit the ground. “Might want to clean up that coffee now,” he said, before going to gather his clothes. He didn’t bother to clean himself off before tugging everything back on.

Hux watched him furiously. After everything he’d done for Ren the night before and this whole morning, Ren was just going to walk out on him. After he’d taken the day off to make sure Ren was feeling better.

Hux sat up, fists clenched in the sheets as Ren made himself somewhat presentable. When he was finished tying up his shoes, he stepped back over to the bed and leaned over Hux. He bent to kiss him, but Hux turned his face away.

Ren frowned as he straightened back up. Hux sighed, and pulled him back in for a quick peck. “Stay,” he whispered, not feeling the flood of shame he had expected. Ren pressed in for another kiss.

“I have work to do,” Ren whispered back, lips brushing Hux’s ear.

“You can barely stand up straight, and your blood is likely mostly alcohol still,” Hux reasoned, though he knew it was begging just the same. “We can pick up where we left off last night,” he added, feeling himself flush at the memory of Ren’s mouth pressed between his cheeks. It was a vile act, but Hux couldn’t deny that it felt wonderful.

“You mean me drowning myself in alcohol then getting beaten up?” Ren retorted.

“Not that part of the night, you ass,” Hux said, rolling his eyes.

Ren laughed softly. “I don’t know if I have the patience for that. My head still hurts like hell,” he told Hux, but he softened the blow by straddling Hux’s lap.

“I could prepare myself.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Ren asked, nibbling softly at Hux’s neck. Hux was about to retort when he heard his phone go off in the other room.

“Shit, I need to get that. I told them I’d consult,” Hux said, trying to shove Ren off of him and scramble off the bed. Ren sighed dramatically, but he let Hux go.

Hux dashed out of the room and got to his phone before it went to voicemail. He collapsed in his chair as he answered as brusquely as ever. It wasn’t a call from the hospital. It was an attendee from the night before questioning what they could make their check out to for the cancer research center. Hux was furious. He had half a mind to tell them to make it out to his father since he’d be getting a cut of it anyway. Instead, he gave them the full name of the fund and hung up on them without a goodbye.

Hux stepped back into the bedroom to find it empty. Ren wasn’t in the bathroom either, or the living room, or even the kitchen. Hux cursed as he stood in his empty apartment. He felt like a fool for asking Ren to stay when he had no intention of doing so. It was highly embarrassing. It was almost as embarrassing as being ignorant to his father's plans. Hux clenched his fists just remembering how confident his father had been. He wondered when his father sold his soul to Snoke.

Was it after his mother passed, or had is father been keeping secrets for years? Hux didn't have the answers, and the only man the could possibly have some insight had slipped out the door before Hux could stop him.

He made himself a cup of tea, looking at the mostly full pot of coffee and practically sneering at it. He shouldn’t have tried to be nice to Ren. The man probably only understood violence. He should’ve just kicked Ren while he was down last night, and gone home to a proper night’s sleep and gone to work like he’d always done. Letting Ren get close was a mistake. People could more easily hurt you the closer you let them get.

Hux was bracing himself against the kitchen island, staring at his steaming cup of tea when he heard a key in the Front door of his apartment. He looked up to see Ren slipping back in with a brown paper bag in one hand, and Hux’s keys in the other.

“What the hell are you doing?” Hux demanded, straightening up so he looked more imposing. He didn't want Ren to see him moping.

“I thought you were going to be one the phone awhile, so I went and got us breakfast,” Ren told him, holding up the greasy looking bag. He tossed the keys back in the bowl Hux kept them in and joined him in the open kitchen.

Hux continued to frown at him as he pulled two disgustingly unhealthy looking sandwiches out of the bag. “You stole my keys. You could’ve said what you were doing,” Hux told him sharply. He didn’t like being made a fool of, but Ren seemed to be out to do just that this morning.

“I didn’t want to bother you. Snoke hates it if I interrupt him. I figured you were the same, and that I’d have enough time to go and come back,” Ren told him. He was right; Hux loathed being interrupted when he was on a call, but he wouldn’t admit that.

“I’m not Snoke. If you need to speak to me, I’m not going to take your head off,” he insisted.

Ren smiled at him, leaning in close and keeping his voice down. “You try to take my head off just for being in the same room as you, but that’s a nice thought.” He leaned back again and took a bite out of one of the messy breakfast sandwiches.

“You think you’re clever,” Hux scoffed, inspecting the sandwich that Ren had placed in front of him. It didn’t seem appetizing at all, but he was incredibly hungry since he hadn’t had much to eat the night before.

“Just eat it, Hux. It isn’t going to attack you,” Ren snapped.

Hux almost refused it just out of spite, but he slowly lifted it and took a bite. It was too salty, but overall it wasn’t unpleasant. He tried to ignore Ren’s questioning look, not wanting to admit he was actually enjoying it. Ren seemed to get tired of waiting for a comment and went back to his own breakfast.

“We need to talk about last night,” Hux said, putting his food down for a moment.

“No.”

“Ren, he's using you to get—”

“I don't care. She deserves it,” Ren snapped.

“She deserves it? And Snoke doesn't? Are you going to come up with some way to rationalize what Snoke did to you last night as her fault?”

“You don't know what it was like,” Ren told him. “You're taking her side. One conversation with her, and she's got you wrapped around her finger,” he sneered.

“I'm not taking her side, goddammit! I'm on yours, but that doesn't mean I'm going to blindly submit to everything Snoke does. The man is out to destroy anything that stands in his way. Do you think he would have kept you around this long if Leia had given in all those years ago? Do you really think he would have kept you locked away ready to be used as a weapon if she had stepped down? He'll kill you, Ren. As soon as you stop being useful, he'll shoot you himself.”

“You think I don't know that?” Ren asked.

Hux came up short. He blinked at Ren like he had lost his mind.

Gripping the counter top, Ren looked at him with hollow eyes. “I've done things for him that I can never say aloud for fear of the repercussions. I know too much to ever get out. The only ways out are death or moving up. I'm the heir, Hux. Snoke is preparing me to take his place,” Ren said, pushing his hair back out of his face.

Hux bit the inside of his cheek. Ren was delusional if he thought he would get anything but a life sentence if not a death sentence. He swallowed thickly, trying to keep his temper from flaring. Ren wasn't going to listen to reason. He wasn't going to listen to cold hard facts.

“I don't want to attend your funeral,” Hux said, feeling as though someone had poured ice water down his back just saying it.

“I'm not going anywhere, Hux,” Ren said, stepping in close and kissing Hux softly. Hux let Ren cup his face and stroke his cheeks, but he felt raw.

“I’m taking another shower,” Hux said when he finished his meal. He cringed at the feeling of the mess still clinging to is skin, and he needed time to process what Ren had told him. He wasn’t expecting Ren to follow hot on his heels, but he couldn't bring himself to deny Ren. At least if they fucked in the shower, he wouldn’t haven’t to clean the evidence away yet again.

Hux glanced around his room as he guided Ren back to the bathroom. In under twelve hours, Ren had created chaos in Hux's apartment. More than that he had created chaos within Hux himself. Hux knew he should regret bringing Ren here, but it was too late for that. Hux realized that Ren was here long before he ever stepped foot inside the apartment. Ren had carved out a space in the block of ice masquerading as Hux's heart, and Hux didn't know how to get him out...or even if he wanted to.

“Ren,” Hux said to get his attention while he fiddled with the water temperature.

Ren wrapped his arms around his body, pressing as kiss to the back of his neck. “Yeah?”

“I'm tired,” was all he said. Ren got the message though. He picked up the washcloth, and this time he cleaned Hux's skin. He was gentle yet thorough, and Hux leaned into him with a sigh. It felt nice to be taken care of even if it was a dangerous thing to allow with a man like Ren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blood involved in sex


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. I ended up rewriting this chapter because I didn't like the flow of it. Then I ended up posting it without the sex scene, but decided I wanted it in there and now I've added it back in. 
> 
> So the first section of this chapter up to the little dash break was added after I posted this chapter originally in case you are confused.

Kylo pressed against his back, grunting softly as he moved.  Hux ignored it.  It was three in the morning, and he'd come to learn Ren sometimes woke around now, rubbed one out, and went back to sleep.  Hux had been appalled at first, but after sharing a bed enough times, he just rolled over and left Ren to it.

Hux settled in, pressing his face to his cool pillow. Ren's breath was a heavy contrast of moist heat, puffing against the back of his neck.  It was uncomfortable, but most things about Ren were uncomfortable.  Hux ignored it as Ren's erection slid against the small of him back. Hux honestly didn't know how Ren could still get it up after they'd spent almost the entire day in bed.  It was impressive and more than a little bit intimidating to Hux—who, after the second go had had trouble keeping up.

When it became obvious that Ren wasn't getting anywhere fast, Hux reached over to the bedside table and groped around until he found the lube.  He picked it up and hit Ren in the arm with it.

“Make it quick,” he ordered.

“Sorry.  Just get tense at night,” Ren mumbled.

Hux didn't have to wait long before Ren's fingers were separating his thighs and gently coating the insides of them with warm lube.  Hux felt like a piece of toast being buttered.  There was nothing sexy about it at three in the morning, but Ren seemed to enjoy this just as much as penetrating Hux...and this left Hux far less tender after several rounds.  The man was truly insatiable.

Ren lowered Hux's leg and almost immediately Hux could feel the blunt head of his cock pressing at the backs of his thighs.  Ren groaned as he pushed into the space between Hux's legs. 

Hux laid still as Ren grunted behind him, wrapping his arm around Hux's belly and moving his hips slowly.  Despite how groggy he was, Hux allowed Ren to grunt and groan in his ear.  It wasn't like Hux could fall asleep with Ren's massive cock between his thighs.  It was a strangely arousing sensation to feel Ren slipping between him legs repeatedly.  Hux knew that Ren loved it.  Ren generally loved sticking his cock in anything.  Hux loved being in charge, but since he'd allowed Ren to take him Ren had eagerly shifted the scales to balance their sexual activities. 

Sighing, Hux realized just how far he'd come from berating Ren in the exam room then jerking him off or fucking him over the table. 

Ren kissed Hux's shoulder, holding Hux gently as he increased his pace.  “You're so tight.  Love how tight you are,” Ren whispered in Hux's ear.  Ren had started attempting dirty talk sometime during the previous day.  Hux tried to blame the lingering effects of the alcohol Ren had consumed, but he was coming to the unfortunate conclusion that Ren was actually into this.  He wasn't sure if it was better or worse than his medical fetish, but it was certainly lacking in creativity...which was probably for the best.

Hux squeezed his thighs together, and Ren cried out.  He thrust his hips faster, and Hux held his body taut until he felt the warm sensation of Ren's come spreading between his thighs.  Ren whimpered behind him, continuing to rock against Hux.  Hux remained still even after Ren stopped fucking his thighs. 

Ren bumped his forehead against Hux's shoulder and kissed his back before nudging him again.  Hux reached up and ran his fingers through Ren's sweaty hair.  Ren sighed softly.

“Sorry I woke you again,” Ren told him, still not moving away from Hux.  Things were going to get sticky if they weren't cleaned up, but Hux was too tired to rush Ren.

“You have an overactive sex drive,” Hux replied, scratching lightly at Ren's scalp.  In these late night moments, Hux allowed himself a tenderness with Ren that he couldn't abide during the day.  Ren was different too, more agreeable and not prone to test Hux's limits.

“It's how I calm down,” Ren muttered against Hux's shoulder.

“How so?” Hux asked, also too tired to remind himself he shouldn't care.

Ren tightened his grip on Hux for a moment as though he was gathering his courage.  Hux let his hand fall back to the bed.  Hux sensed that Ren might very well tell him it wasn't important and try to go back to sleep.  He was pleasantly surprised when Ren spoke.

“I have nightmares...”

“I'm aware,” Hux told him, but he kept his tone reassuring.  Ren nipped his shoulder anyway.

“I can't fall back to sleep sometimes, but...getting off helps.”

“Oh.”  Hux had never tried that when he couldn't sleep.  He'd get up and clean or read journals or attempt to be productive.  He was constantly running on too little sleep because of it. Hux startled when Ren moved, rolling him onto his back and settling between his legs.  “What on—oh...” Hux gasped as Ren bent to lick Hux's thighs clean.

Ren lapped at Hux's inner thighs as though they were coated in honey instead of his own come.  Hux actually squinted down at Ren in the dark to try to see him.  It felt wonderful, even the tickle of Ren's long hair was nice.

When Hux's thighs were clean, Hux expected Ren to roll back onto his side of the bed.  However, he dipped lowered.  Hux shuddered as Ren's tongue probed gently at his sore entrance.  They'd had sex half a dozen times—not including blowjobs, handjobs, and desperate grinding—and Hux had bottomed half of them.  It was enough to leave him tender, and Ren was very conscientious of that.  He pressed very gently against Hux, sending a delicious shiver down Hux's spine.

“You're filthy,” Hux told him, throwing his arm over his eyes and letting his legs fall open wider.  He could feel Ren grin against his ass as he held Hux's hips up to give himself access.

“You enjoy it, Doctor,” Ren reminded him, punctuating the retort by pressing his tongue further.

Hux could do little more than gasp and bury his fingers in Ren's hair.  Ren lifted Hux's hips easily and tucked two pillows beneath them to give himself room to work.  Then, seemingly thinking better of it, he lifted Hux up completely and turned him onto his stomach.  Hux gasped at the indignity of having his ass propped up in the air for Ren to do with as he pleased, but he didn't have the mental strength to complain about Ren manhandling him.  He was too dazed by how wonderful Ren's tongue felt.

Ren's eagerness began to shine through as he used his hands to spread Hux's cheeks and buried his tongue inside him.  Hux's breath rushed out of him as Ren teased his rim gently before licking into him again.  He never used his fingers, just his tongue and lips.

Hux felt like he was floating, and he hugged the pillow beneath his head tightly.  He buried his face against it when Ren would suck at his sore rim.  Ren's mouth felt incredible, and he seemed like he could go forever.  In the back of his mind, Hux wondered how Ren's jaw didn't ache or his tongue wasn't in pain.  Ren just kept lapping at him until Hux felt so turned on yet relaxed that he couldn't possibly move. 

Groaning as Ren began to massage his perineum with his thumb, Hux couldn't stop himself from wiggling his hips.  He was shocked when Ren slapped his ass lightly as he pushed his tongue in as far as he could.

“Shit, Ren—” Hux's voice cracked around the curse.  He squeezed his eyes closed as Ren ran his large palm over Hux's hip and down his thigh.  Ren increased the pressure on his perineum, and Hux felt his gut swoop as the strangest sensation washed over him.  It was a deep pleasure, but nothing so explosive as an ordinary orgasm.  Still, it stole Hux's breath, and he felt suddenly too heavy to move.  He didn't even have the energy to check the time as Ren wiped his mouth on Hux's thigh and then kissed it.

“You okay?” Ren asked as Hux just laid there with his hips propped up on two pillows.  He didn't even have the energy to roll off of them. 

“No,” Hux muttered, but it was embarrassingly slurred.

“Sorry, I got carried away,” Ren mumbled, sounding genuinely repentant.  Hux wanted to berate him as he carefully removed the pillows from beneath Hux and settled him back onto his side before sliding behind him.

“You were the one who was injured and hungover and a general mess yesterday.  How on earth can you possibly...” Hux trailed off, not having a proper word to describe how he felt.

“It relaxes me,” Ren repeated.

“I don't understand,” Hux admitted.  Sex had never relaxed him, at least not before Ren turned his life on its head. 

“That's okay,” Ren said, wrapping his arm securely around Hux and settling in.  Hux didn't argue with him.  He actually believed Ren when he said that.

They drifted back to sleep with a few hours to spare before they both had to return to their lives.

\---

It wasn't Hux's alarm that woke him, but the blaring ringtone was just as obnoxious. He cursed internally as he reached for the nightstand, groping around for his phone. Ren shifted behind him, but didn't seem to wake at the obnoxious tune that signified Phasma was calling. Hux didn't understand how Ren could be wide awake at three in the morning but a few hours later it was impossible to wake him without violence.

“Fuck.” Hux cursed when he knocked the phone onto the floor in his attempts to pick it up. The ring ended as he tried to extricate himself from Ren enough to reach over the edge of the bed and pick it up.

“What's going on?” Ren asked drowsily, pulling Hux closer to him...and farther from his phone.

“Dammit Ren, I need to get my phone,” Hux told him, trying to pry Ren's strong fingers from around his belly.

“Why? Still have—”

The phone's ringing saved Hux from having to explain himself. Ren let go of him, and Hux nearly rolled right off the bed in his haste to pick it up. Phasma never called at such an hour if it wasn't important.

“Yes?” Hux rasped in answer when he finally picked up the phone. Ren's fingers found their way around his waist almost immediately, and Ren pulled him back onto the bed and against his chest. Hux batted Ren's wandering fingers away as Phasma took a moment to answer.

“We've got a problem, Doctor,” she finally said, sounding irritated.

“I assumed as much when I got called at six-thirty in the morning. What _is_ the problem?” Hux asked, swatting Ren's fingers again when they tried to dip to the neatly trimmed hair above his morning wood.

“Someone broke into the clinic last night,” Phasma told him, keeping her tone level. Hux could still hear the worry and frustration behind her words though. That just came with knowing her for so long.

“What did they do?” Hux asked, sitting up immediately and shoving Ren away. His whole body tensed at Phasma's revelation.

“Nothing's missing as far as I can tell, and nothing's been messed with. I called the police, but...it doesn't look like a break-in, Hux. It's more hunch than fact.”

“What do you mean?”

“What's wrong?” Ren asked, trying to wrap his arm around Hux again and having little success as Hux got out of bed and began pacing. He ignored that he was completely naked and just walking back and forth in front of a confused Ren. A thousand scenarios were running through his mind as he tried to make sense of what Phasma was telling him.

“Shut up, Ren,” Hux hissed.

“Ren's still there?” Phasma asked.

Hux stopped pacing for a moment. “Yes. He's been here since the fundraiser,” Hux told her. He didn't want to deal with her disapproval right now.

“Oh.” She sounded confused by that, but she moved on before he could question her about it. “Files are just wrong. I know my system, and I just know this isn't how I left them. I feel like everything is just slightly off. Like someone went through and moved everything two inches to the left. Everything looks the same on the surface, but it feels _off_ ,” she explained.

“Someone was snooping,” Hux said, gritting his teeth.

“That's my thought,” she replied.

“I'm scheduled for surgery...”

“I'll go,” Ren offered without really knowing what was happening.

Hux looked up from where he was staring at his bare feet as he clenched his free hand. “And do what?” he asked Ren.

“I'll make sure everything's okay. This is what I do, Hux,” Ren told him, getting out of bed and standing in front of Hux. He snatched the phone from Hux's hand before Hux could say anything. “What's the situation?” he asked Phasma, and Hux nearly growled.

“Give that back,” he insisted, but Ren held him close to his body which made it hard to reach for the phone. Ren did put it on speaker though which was at least something.

Phasma began to explain the situation to him again, and Hux tried very hard to think of who would do such a thing. Snoke was the obvious suspect, but Ren had been with him the whole time. There hadn't even been time between rounds that he could have slipped away while Hux slept. It had been a long 24 hours, and now that Hux's attention had been brought to it he realized his whole body ached.

“I'll be there shortly,” Ren said once Phasma explained herself.

“Don't let Hux come. He'll just be agitated all day...”

“I can hear you,” Hux said loudly, reaching around Ren for the phone but getting denied.

“I know. It's the truth,” Phasma told him.

Hux cursed, punching Ren in the arm but Ren didn't even flinch. Ren hung up, tossing the phone on the bed. He wrapped his arms around Hux, but Hux was too tense to appreciate it.

“I'll look into it. There's nothing you can do right now, so it's better if you go to work.”

“How am I supposed to concentrate on surgery when I know that my clinic is under attack, and I can do nothing about it?”

“I said I'd take care of it,” Ren said, massaging Hux's too tight shoulders.

“That does nothing to ease my worries,” Hux retorted.

Ren actually had the audacity to smile. He held up his palm which Hux had cleaned and bandaged for him after he'd stupidly crushed ceramic fragments with his hand. “If I get hurt, I trust you to handle it.”

Hux sighed. Ren didn't say anything else, but the question still stood heavily between them. Hux lowered his head to rest it against Ren's shoulder. “I trust you to handle it. I just don't like being left out of the loop,” Hux told him.

“I'll keep you updated, and if anything comes up I will call you. It's better if you go to work though. If the the person who did this is watching, you don't want them to see it alter your routine,” Ren said, cupping the back of Hux's neck.

Hux wished he could turn the clock back several hours to when Ren was worshiping him with his tongue and nothing else mattered. However, a shiver ran down Hux's spine. What if the intruder had been inside the clinic while Hux was getting oral. He'd never forgive himself if his pleasure took precedence over the clinic...even if it was a stretch since Hux would have been asleep if he wasn't getting laid.

Gripping Ren's shoulders tight enough that his fingers dug into the skin, Hux cursed. Ren didn't stop him though, allowing Hux to take the comfort he wouldn't allow himself if they were anywhere but his bedroom.

“You shower first. You need to get over there before the police completely destroy the crime scene,” Hux ordered, pulling himself back together.

“I don't need to shower. You can—”

“Yes, you do. We fucked for hours, Ren. No one wants to smell you right now, least of all me. Take a damn shower,” Hux told him, pushing Ren toward the bathroom.

“Then you're showering with me,” Ren insisted, catching Hux's wrist and tugging him along.

“I can wait.”

“You're just going to pace and tear up your hands. You can't do surgery if you have open wounds on your palms,” Ren told him, pushing Hux right into the shower and crowding in behind him so he couldn't escape. Hux grumbled, but he didn't stop Ren from turning on the shower. He actually turned up the heat to what Hux deemed a sufficient level. Hux wanted to snap at him that he didn't need to be babied, but he melted into Ren's embrace as soon as the water hit him.

They didn't take turns cleaning each other as they had done in their exhaustion the day before. Instead, they cleaned themselves, passing the shampoo, soap, and conditioner to each other efficiently. When they were both clean, Hux reached past Kylo and turned off the water. Kylo reached out of the shower and grabbed both of their towels.

It was strange how well they worked together. Even as they both stood in front of the sink, they didn't get in each others way. Hux shaved while Ren toweled off his hair and brushed his teeth. Then Ren shaved while Hux styled his hair back neatly. Hux caught Ren watching him in the mirror as he combed his hair into perfection.

“I like it without all the gel,” Ren told him without being prompted.

“Well, unfortunately for you the world doesn't revolve around your desires,” Hux said, putting his comb down and turning to Ren. He rolled his eyes at the horrible job Ren was doing because he was distracted by Hux. “Give it to me,” he ordered, plucking the razor from Ren's fingers and tilting Ren's chin up.

“I know how to shave,” Ren argued, but Hux swatted his chest.

“You certainly aren't demonstrating such an aptitude. Quiet, or I might slip and slit your throat,” Hux said, carefully dragging the razor over Ren's cheek.

Ren rolled his eyes, but he put his hands on Hux's hips and allowed Hux to shave him. Hux didn't know why he was doing it, but it felt right. It was a small reassurance that he could keep something to his standards, even if it was only Ren's stubble. When he was finished, he wiped away the last streaks of shaving cream and smiled tightly at his work. Hux placed the razor down beside his own and walked out of the room before Ren could do something foolish like try to kiss him.

He dressed quickly while Ren washed his face. Still, Ren stepped behind him as he was buttoning up his shirt, wrapping his arms around Hux's waist.

“I need to thank you before you leave and pretend the last day and a half didn't happen,” Ren said, resting his chin on Hux's shoulder.

“You're welcome. Now, go make sure my clinic isn't in danger...”

“You don't know why I'm going to thank you yet,” Ren said, taking Hux's hands to stop him from touching his buttons. Hux refused to admit his hands were shaking as he attempted to jerkily put each button through its designated hole.

“Ren, we don't have time...”

“The person's long gone. I have time, and so do you. Thank you for taking me home with you instead of leaving me there. I...you didn't have to—”

“Of course, I couldn't leave you there...”

“You could've.” Ren sighed. “I'm sure that Snoke is angry that you didn't...but...thank you. And thank you for trying to care for me even though I make it impossible. I know I'm not easy to put up with, and I know how you feel about your apartment even if you haven't said it. I just wanted you to now I'm grateful,” Ren told him, lacing their fingers together.

“You're being awfully sentimental,” Hux said, but he didn't pull away. Ren's hands were soothing around his own, and as much as Hux would never admit it aloud, he needed to be soothed at the moment.

“You don't have a leg to stand on. You just shaved me,” Ren retorted.

Hux sighed. Ren was getting better about calling him on his bullshit. Hux hated that he didn't hate it as much as he should.

“Fine. You are welcome, but don't expect an open invitation. This is my apartment, not yours, not ours. So, don't stop by because you were in the neighborhood or because you want a hug or something like that,” Hux told him irritably. There was no time for this. Someone had broken into the clinic, and Ren wanted to talk about feelings. It was infuriating. More infuriating, Hux couldn't force himself to push Ren away.

Ren kissed his cheek and let go of him. “Will you wrap my ribs before I go?” Ren asked, turning and picking his clothes up off the floor. It had been a nice suit before Ren had put it through hell. Now it was filthy and wrinkled.

“Sit on the bed,” Hux told him, going to get supplies to wrap them with. Ren sat patiently as Hux carefully bound his ribs, stopping and checking that the wrapping was secure enough not to come undone but also not tight enough to cause more damage.

When Hux was finished, he helped Ren into his shirt and coat. They walked down to Hux's car together, but Ren didn't make a move to get inside. He stood beside Hux as Hux threw his briefcase in the backseat and made sure the cup holder wasn't blocked. He'd be buying tea on the way to work as he always did.

“I can—”

“I'll walked,” Ren told him, keeping his arms firmly at his sides.

“Very well,” Hux agreed. He slid into his own seat, but he didn't close the door right away. “Keep me updated. I want to know everything that's happening.”

“Of course,” Ren agreed, sounding stiffer than he had in the apartment.

“And don't get into a fist fight with Dameron. I need him on our side if someone's got it out for me,” Hux reminded him.

“I can be professional,” Ren said, sounding exasperated.

“I'm sure you think you can,” Hux told him, but Ren actually cracked a smile at that. He leaned over, taking hold of the door as he bent his head to capture Hux's lips in a swift kiss.

“Don't underestimate me, _Doctor_ ,” Ren whispered, pulling away and shutting the door before Hux could think of a retort. Hux watched through the windshield as Ren turned his collar up and walked out of the garage into the cold morning air. Once Ren turned the corner, Hux started the engine and pulled out of the garage.

\---

Ren texted him periodically throughout the day. The police hadn't found any signs of breaking and entering. Nothing had been taken, though Ren agreed with Phasma that the whole clinic just seemed slightly off. The only evidence that something was amiss was the missing security feed.

Hux cursed whoever had done this. They clearly knew their stuff if they'd wiped the tape.

It was hard to concentrate on work when he wanted to be at the clinic, but he managed. He had two successful surgeries, and the second had lasted several hours. The day went surprisingly quickly considering Hux's state of mind, and when he realized it was nearing seven o'clock, he checked his messages.

Ren hadn't texted in hours, but Phasma had. She'd told him that they had everything under control and the bomb squad said nothing was tampered with or dangerous. Hux breathed a sigh of relief. He didn't like the idea of the police traipsing through his clinic, but he wasn't taking any precautions...or Phasma and Ren weren't taking any precautions because Hux had no say in the matter right now.

Hux drove straight to the clinic as soon as his shift ended. His surgeries had been successful, but they had been particularly stressful. He couldn't take his mind away from the clinic, hoping Ren would handle things without destroying everything Hux had worked for. He felt stupid for putting him in charge, even if security was his specialty.

He should have called Mitaka and told him to handle it, but the man wouldn't have a clue how to proceed. He was barely out of medical school and hadn't seen the things Hux and Phasma had. Instead, Hux had left the well-being of his clinic in the hands of Kylo Ren. Ren had certainly seen his fair share of things, but Hux was under the impression he was more likely to cause trouble than fix it.

By the time Hux pulled into the visitor lot of the clinic, he was convinced that the place was probably on fire or completely gutted. Ren had probably taken the opportunity to tear it apart under the guise of finding any offending devices. Instead, he found Ren walking beside a young woman through the lot. She stayed very close to him without touching him, and he seemed completely okay with that.

Hux approached them slowly, and the cringed as the woman jumped back against Ren when she saw him. Ren murmured something to her, and she straightened up to look at Hux.

“Sorry, didn't realize it was you, Doctor Hux,” she greeted him with a weak smile.

“My apologies, I shouldn't have parked out here, but I was in a hurry. Have a good evening,” he told her, allowing them to pass without further conversation because she didn't look up for it.

Hux waited out front until Kylo saw her off and returned. “You were quite good with her,” he remarked as he leaned against the front window, which Ren had spent an entire day scraping the red paint off of.

“She was scared,” Ren said, shrugging.

“Yes, but your specialty is doing the scaring as far as I was aware,” Hux retorted.

“I don't volunteer just to annoy you or stalk you or whatever other narcissistic excuse you've come up with for me sticking around. I care,” Ren told him. Hux gave him a searching look as the woman's car pulled away.

“I doubt that's your only priority, but if you say so, Ren,” Hux said dismissively, enjoying the frustrated sigh Ren made. The man was entirely too easy to wind up with little barbs. “Report,” Hux said the way he would his doctors and nurses at the hospital.

Ren gave him an odd look. “I came as soon as I left your place. Dameron and several other officers were already here investigating. Three people were arrested for threats and trespassing out front, but I don't think any of them are the ones that broke in. Your patients were stirred up because they weren't allowed in until the dogs went through, but they were alright once things settled. I've been out here since we reopened at noon,” Ren explained, opening the door of the clinic for Hux.

“Thank you,” Hux told him, brushing against Ren as he walked through the door and into the empty waiting area. Phasma was sitting at her desk looking exhausted, and Hux could see Mitaka leaning on the desk beside her looking equally dead on his feet.

“Go home,” he ordered as he walked through the waiting room to the back area of the clinic. Phasma shifted in her seat but didn't rise. Mitaka took the order and hurried away to collect his things.

Hux took his time looking around the office. He knew exactly what Phasma was getting at as soon as he stepped into his private office. His tea mug was positioned wrong. Hux kept the handle parallel to the front of the desk. It was stupid, but he felt it looked best that way. Even though the mug was clutter on the desk, he kept it as uniform as possible, like his instruments in surgery.

Today, the mug was at a slight angle as though someone had bumped it. Hux gritted his teeth as he walked behind his desk and started going through his drawers. Things had clearly been removed then put back in a semblance of order but not 100 percent correctly. Hux cursed, more because he felt violated than because he had anything to hide. They were audited enough that Hux's books were immaculate, not that he'd allow anything less than perfect regardless.

Like his apartment, the clinic was sacred to him. People obviously came and went, but Hux was incredibly protective of it. He had to hold himself back from screaming when Ren broke something, and that was nothing compared to this. This was...

“I'll kill them,” Hux said, slamming his fist down on the desk.

Phasma stood in the doorway, watching his reaction carefully. “It's getting worse,” Phasma said when Hux didn't immediately say anything else. He was too tense to speak much sense. His whole body was tight, and his heart raced in his chest.

“I know. I'll look into it. See who has it out for us,” Hux assured her, picking up the stack of charts that had clearly been looked through. He sifted through them, going over what they'd treated recently that might be of interest. Ren's file stood out to him. Most of what Hux did for Ren was never written down, but if Hux gave him a painkillers or prescriptions he put it in the file to cover his own ass. Hux frowned, opening Ren's file and skimming the information. Ren's history was in there, but Hux still couldn't make heads or tails of the writing. He closed it, sighing as he felt the tension manifesting behind his eyes.

He stood up and left the room to get something for the migraine that was about to strike. Phasma gave him a knowing look as he joined her at her desk.

“Ren was remarkably professional about the whole thing. He kept his cool and even spoke civilly with Sergeant Dameron. What did you do to him after the fundraiser?” she asked as though it had any bearing on Ren's behavior.

Hux looked out the window. Ren still stood there, a sentinel keeping watch even after the battle had cleared. His upper cheek and brow were still scabbed over from the party, and his shoulders were not as straight as he often carried them. However, he still looked impressive.

“The man is a storm, but I suppose even those have their lulls,” he said, not tearing his eyes away from Ren. In truth, he had no idea how Ren could be so volatile one day and so put together the next. Hux was starting to think he didn't mind not knowing. Ren wasn't meant to be controlled. His unpredictability was one of his greatest assets.

“What are we going to do about this problem?” Phasma asked him, pulling him back from his thoughts of Ren.

“I'll look into hiring more volunteers to man the outside when Ren isn't here,” Hux told her, leaning against the desk and rubbing at his tired eyes. “Maybe we need 24 hour security.”

“You can hire the rest of Ren's buddies. Just have all manner of thugs out front,” Phasma joked.

“Ren may be a thug but, as much as I hate to admit it, he's helped us quite a bit,” Hux said. Ren was great at what he did, but he couldn't be there all the time. None of them could, and as that morning had revealed they were vulnerable in those empty hours.

“He's probably put just as many people in the hospital as he's helped here,” she pointed out. Hux remembered the man in the alley and how Ren considered a concussion and broken bone going easy on him. He remembered Ren telling him that had he been there the night Hux was attacked, he would have killed the man and felt no regret. Phasma was absolutely right, but Hux didn't know of a better option. Not too many people volunteered to take abuse on other people's behalf, especially not for free. He was sure there were those out there who would, but he didn't know where to find them.

“Better the Devil you know, Coleen,” Hux said, drumming his fingers against her desk.

“Until he turns around and twists a dagger in your chest,” she said, rising from her seat. “He did really well today, Hux, but he's still Kylo Ren. That's never going to change.” She patted his shoulder then she picked up her coat and collected her belongings.

Hux didn't say anything about that. She wasn't wrong. There really was no changing who Ren was. He may have changed his name and run away, but Hux didn't delude himself into believing he'd get Ren to distance himself from Snoke. It made something inside him ache, knowing that Ren willingly went back to that man even when it hurt him to do so.

“Ren said he'd come in tomorrow just to make sure everything was going okay, so don't get any crazy ideas like you need to take off from work or buy a dozen guard dogs or something,” Phasma told him as she walked toward the back door.

“I wouldn't consider any of those,” Hux replied, following her out back to make sure she got to her car safely.

When he stepped back inside, Ren was sitting in the waiting room looking exhausted. Hux stopped in front of him, looking down at him critically. Ren looked right back at him, but his gaze wasn't nearly as sharp. He had a soft smile playing on his thick lips.

“Thank you,” Hux said finally.

Ren's smiled broadened, and he reached out for Hux. Hux sighed, taking his hand and allowing himself to be pulled down into the chair beside Ren. They sat side by side, staring out at the waiting room. Their hands were clasped, but they didn't speak as they slumped.

Hux felt the tension thrumming through his body begin to dissipate as Ren rubbed small circles against Hux's palm with his thumb. It was strange looking at his clinic from this perspective. He was surprised by how welcoming it looked. Phasma clearly spent time placing the friendliest looking posters and updating the toys in the corner so that they didn't become ratty looking.

It made him realize that he wasn't the glue holding this clinic together. Today proved that it could function without him even during a crisis. Phasma and Mitaka had reopened after the police gave them the all clear. Ren hadd handled Dameron and his buddies, then he'd handled the front of the clinic. Hux wasn't alone. The long nights he spent making sure everything was in order could probably be divided up among them and work more efficiently.

“Am I holding everything back because I micromanage?” Hux broke the silence after nearly ten minutes of silence. He could feel Ren's shrug more than he could see it. “Phasma said you were very professional today.”

Ren snorted. “Did that pain you to say?” he asked, squeezing Hux's hand.

Hux sighed. He deserved that. He probably deserved much more than that. “I can admit you have your specialties...just so long as it doesn't involve cook—”

Ren tugged Hux half across his lap and kissed him before he could finish his insult. Hux returned the kiss enthusiastically, gripping the days old button up tightly.

“You are much more tolerable when you can't speak, Doctor. What I wouldn't give to gag you most of the time,” Ren told him.

Hux snorted. “The feeling is mutual, Ren.”

Ren smiled at him, dipping in for another kiss. “Dameron is an asshole, and they treated this as though Phasma was imagining things. No one broke any windows. By my estimates, they picked the back lock. The front one would have been too visible, and the mechanism is much stronger. I could pick the back one in under a minute if I had to.” Ren slipped into professional mode, explaining what had happened during the day. “They looked around, but since Phasma couldn't say that anything was missing they barely did anything. They took some pictures and filed a report. They sent the dogs through at my insistence, but that was it. They don't believe her. Said someone probably forgot to replace the tape,” Ren explained.

Hux sighed, leaning his head back against the chair. “There was definitely someone in here. I just don't know what they were looking for,” Hux said, gripping the arm of the chair tightly as he sat back again.

“I'll make inquiries,” Kylo said, running his hand through his hair to get it out of his eyes.

“See that they are discreet.”

“I know what I'm doing,” Kylo insisted.

“I know. I would like you to be discreet about your methods though,” Hux said, glancing meaningfully in Ren's direction. “If you have to string people up by their toes, I don't want word getting around about it.”

Ren shook his head, the edges of his lips quirking up just slightly. “I had only planned to ask questions, but it's reassuring that you condone any means necessary.”

“This is my clinic, my legacy. If you have to burn down the city to get me answers and ensure it doesn't happen again, I will give you the damn matches,” Hux said, pulling his fingers away from Ren's and standing up.

He was surprised that Ren followed him up, pulling him into his arms. “I'll handle it,” Ren whispered against Hux's cheek. Hux sighed as Ren ran his fingers through his hair. It was a mess already. He'd locked himself in his office for lunch and just pulled at it for the better part of an hour, feeling impotent to help his clinic. Ren's fingers couldn't possibly make it worse at this point.

Hux placed his hands on Ren's hips and squeezed. Ren didn't mind, and it worked better than digging his fingernails into his palms. Ren was an anchor as much as Hux fought it.

“I want their heads, Ren. I've put up with enough,” Hux said, squeezing harder. Ren pressed a kiss to his neck.

“I'll handle it. You should get some rest,” Ren to told him, pulling back enough to look into Hux's eyes. “You're exhausted.”

“How am I supposed to rest?” Hux snapped.

“I said I'd handle it.”

Hux sighed. “Are you coming home with me?” Hux asked him, stepped back.

“I think you'll rest better if I stay here,” Ren said, letting his hands fall to his sides.

Hux bit the inside of his cheek. He would sleep better knowing that Ren was watching the clinic, but he also didn't want to ask that of him. “There's bedding in my office,” he said eventually.

Ren shook his head. “You work too much.”

“It was my mother's. I inherited it,” Hux defended himself. Ren didn't argue.

“Let me know that you get home safely, and if anything is out of place call me immediately,” Ren told him.

Hux's stomach dropped at the thought that someone might also try to go through his apartment. He walked back to his office with Ren following behind him. He opened the drawer to his desk and removed his revolver. Thankfully, whoever had broken in had either not wanted it or hadn't seen it tucked away in there. He checked that it was loaded, and he grabbed the box of bullets from one of his filing cabinets.

Ren was watching him with arousal in his eyes, but Hux ignored it. He wasn't about to explore another one of Ren's fetishes.

“Good night, Ren,” Hux told him as he tucked the gun into his coat.

“Good night,” Ren replied, stepping close to kiss Hux. It was brief, but it steadied Hux's nerves enough for him to actually leave the clinic in Ren's hands.

“Don't use all of our surgical lubricant, or I'm sending you the bill,” Hux told him, stepping away and heading for the door.

“Shut up.”

Hux smirked, walking out of the room.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who is still following this story. We're in the final stretch now!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See end notes for chapter warnings
> 
> We're almost there! Just a few more chapters left, so fasten your seat belts.

Hux's phone rang as he was busy attempting to revive a patient who was coding. He didn't even consciously register the buzz of the most obnoxious stock ringtone on his phone which signified Ren was calling.

It did little good as he desperately tried to close the many sources of blood flowing out of the man's chest. He'd been shot accidentally with a shotgun as far as Hux knew. The wrong person thought they were too good for the safety rules or something, and now it was Hux's job to see that their stupidity wasn't fatal.

“I need this flushed better,” Hux said, unable to see the sources of the flow through the amount of blood the man was losing.

His phone kept ringing loudly in his slacks just outside operating room where he'd changed as fast as he could, not caring that his coworkers could see him stripping down. He'd only just gotten into work when the man was brought in. Hux hadn't even finished his tea before the paramedics were bringing the man through the doors.

“Doctor, we can't get a pulse,” a nurse said, still trying to shock the heart back into a natural rhythm.

They all cleared the body as the nurse shocked the man again. Hux watched as more blood poured from the wounds as the body convulsed. He stared as he suddenly was transported back to his nightmares. He watched as it was his own body on the table, Ren standing beside it holding a scalpel instead of any of the numerous tools Hux had to close the wounds. Hux stood still as he watched Ren plunge the sharp blade into his already mangled chest.

“Doctor, we have a pulse,” the nurse called, jarring Hux from his thoughts.

Hux blinked, processing what had just been said as he tried to banish his nightmares. Gritting his teeth in determination, Hux stepped back up to the body. He wasn't going to lose this patient. He wasn't going to let his own mind get the better of him. He needed to save this man...because a part of him feared that if he couldn't save him then perhaps there was no hope for himself.

\---

Hux was sitting out back of the emergency wing, smoking a cigarette, when he noticed the missed call notification. It was something his father had taught him. After his toughest surgeries, he went out back and smoked. He let his hands shake and his pulse jackrabbit, and he just let it sink in no matter the outcome. He wouldn't go back inside until his hands were steady, and he'd found perspective again.

Hux's hands still shook as he checked the time on his phone, revealing the notification. He frowned, seeing that it was from Ren, but there was only one missed call. It was unlike the man to give up after one try or to not at least leave several messages outlining his annoyance at being ignored.

Thumbing in the password, Hux brought his phone to his ear to hear the message Ren had left him.

“Uh, hey Hux. I'm am sorry to bother you while you are at work. You are probably very busy right now, but I have something I need to tell you,” Ren's voice sounded oddly stilted as he spoke, but the familiar timber of it had a soothing effect on Hux's nerves. “Mr. Snoke would like to have lunch with you to discuss your shared interests,” Ren continued.

Hux nearly dropped the phone. He did drop the cigarette from between his lips as he heard the message. Immediately, several scenarios ran through Hux's mind. Black mail, extortion, threats. The fundraiser immediately came to the fore, but Hux wanted no part in it. He had been a fool to put it out of his mind, to think he could solve it by avoiding it.

“Call me back at this number to confirm details,” Ren said before the message ended.

Hux stared at his phone for a moment wondering what the hell that had been. He checked the time and decided that he hadn't been gone too long. If he was needed, they knew where to find him. He pulled another cigarette from the pack and swiped to call Ren back.

“What the fuck, Ren?” Hux asked as soon as Ren answered.

“Snoke wants to have lunch with you,” Ren said simply.

“I got that. I want to know why you sounded like a robot and then I want to know why the hell you'd think I'd agree to have lunch with him. Do I need to list the things he's done recently?” Hux asked before taking a drag of his cigarette.

“He wants to discuss your shared—”

“He regularly beats the obedience into you. He lets you live in a fucking condemned apartment building. He used you to get a jab in at your mother—”

“She isn't—”

“Your boss doesn't see it that way, Ren. He uses you constantly then beats you for his own failures. I'm not having lunch with him. He can come to the damn clinic, and I'll give him a taste of his own medicine,” Hux spat, gripping his cigarette tight enough to crush it. He still brought it to his lips and sucked hard to get the air through it. It did nothing to calm him.

“He would like you to join him at La Cantina,” Ren said, ignoring Hux's rant. It was strange and uncomfortable how Ren didn't rise to the bait of an argument.

“I'd like him to go to hell, Ren. I was just wrist deep in someone's chest cavity, attempting to save their life. Do you have any idea the kind of responsibility that is? Do you understand that it's not just that man's life, but his mother and father, his friends, his fucking cat? I don't have time for your boss' head games. I have more important things to do,” Hux shouted, hanging up before Ren could reply. It wouldn't be Ren's reply anyway, just some stock, Snoke-approved answer. Hux knew when Ren wasn't speaking for himself. If Snoke wanted to speak to him, Hux wasn't going to let him do it through Ren.

Hux dropped his cigarette and crushed it beneath his oxford. He'd changed back into his slacks and button up before coming outside, and it felt good to put a little distance between himself and the operating room. Hux loved what he did, but there was no way to compartmentalize everything that he saw. Some things slipped past his heavily fortified shields, and the only thing to be done was to deal with it.

\---

Hux was pouring himself a glass of wine when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out, expecting a message from one of the nurses at the hospital. It had been one hell of a shift, and there were likely to be questions as patients started their recoveries. He frowned when it was Ren...texting his work line. Hux opened the message and almost threw the phone across the room.

- _Reservation is at 1:00 at La Cantina. A car will be waiting for you at 12:55_ -

Hux balled his hands into fists.

_-This line is strictly for official hospital business.-_

He replied then put the phone down and drank a gulp of wine. He didn't know how Snoke knew his work phone or his lunch hour. He wanted to know though. He refused to be spied on. Hux gripped the counter and looked out the window. His view was blocked by the poinsettia that Rey had insisted he take home. It was half dead now, desperate for water because he’d neglected it like everything else in his life that wasn’t work.

Hux turned on to tap and held the plant beneath it for a few seconds before returning it to the window ledge. It would be dead within weeks. This was only a temporary reprieve. His mother would be disappointed, but Hux wasn’t his mother. He couldn’t nurse everything back to health.

He went to bed with an unpleasant knot in his stomach and a feeling of dread about what tomorrow would bring. He tossed and turned all night, faced with nightmares and reliving moments in the OR. He finally gave up at 3:18. He called himself weak as he texted Ren.

_—Are you alone, or are your texts being monitored by Snoke?—_

Hux was still annoyed that Ren had not only played messenger for Snoke, but he'd called his work line. He just wasn't annoyed enough not to text him because he couldn't sleep. He would certainly feel better if he kept Ren from sleep too, or maybe if he talked Ren through an orgasm. He could tell him all about how he'd put him in stirrups and use a speculum on him.  That would get his mind off this nonsense, and it would have the added bonus of allowing him to hear Ren panting over the phone.

It took five minutes, but Ren replied.

_—Working. Can't talk—_

Hux frowned. He checked his bedside clock again. 3:24 AM. 

_—You realize it is 3:30 in the morning? What the hell are you doing?—_

Hux waited patiently for a reply, but one was not swift in coming.  Worry knotted in his stomach, as images from the OR that morning flashed before his eyes unbidden.  Hux lost his desire to have phone sex, and just wanted a reply saying that Ren was alive and not full of buckshot.

Just before dawn, Hux's phone buzzed on the kitchen island where he sat gripping his third cup of tea too tightly.

Hux picked it up and swiped to answer, but he didn't say anything—not trusting himself to speak without his voice shaking. Ren spoke right away anyway. “I had work. Are you okay? Did something happen? I've been a nervous wreck the last three hours...”

Hux felt foolish. He shouldn't have worried.  He shouldn't have bothered Ren just because he was having nightmares. But before he could stop himself, he was speaking. “I lost a patient. When I didn't answer you...I was losing someone on the table. I did everything right, but it wasn't enough.  I...” Hux said, staring out the window over the sink.

“Are you okay?” Ren asked, sounding exhausted but concerned.

“Of course. It was just a moment of weakness. Get some rest, and Ren?  Never use my work number for Snoke's nonsense,” Hux told him.  He couldn't admit that he was worried about Ren or that he'd been having nightmares for a long time.

“Don't do that...”

“What?” Hux asked, trying to come off as offended instead of terrified.

“You're blocking me out. You always do it when you feel vulnerable,” Ren said.

“I think you're talking about yourself, Ren.  I haven't thrown a pot of pasta across the room because I am an incompetent cook...”

“And now you're deflecting. Just admit you feel like crap. I'll come over, and bring you some tea before you go to work, and we can both get on with our day instead of arguing.”

“I've already had three cups of tea, and I have to leave for work anyway,” Hux told him stiffly.  He couldn't face Ren right now without breaking down and seeking comfort from him—comfort Ren had been all too good at providing recently.

Ren sighed on the other end of the line. “You're not a bad surgeon because you lost a patient, Hux. You can't save everyone. You said you did everything right. The person was too injured. You aren't God. You can't hold yourself to that standard. Some things are just out of your hands.”

Hux bit his lip as he let Ren's words sink in. He was right, and Hux told himself he knew that. It just wasn't that simple. “Thank you for calling, Ren. I'm sorry if I worried you,” Hux told him.

“Hux...”

“I should get going. My shift starts soon, and I need to shower,” Hux said, smoothing his hand over his already gelled hair.

“I'm here if you need me,” Ren said, sounding resigned.

“I know.”

“I'll be at the clinic this afternoon if you need anything.”

“Thank you, Ren,” Hux said before hanging up. He looked down at the tea in his mug that was sloshing against the sides because his hand was shaking.

\---

Hux stepped out of the hospital doors, packing his cigarettes as he walked. He'd pulled himself together on the ride to work.  He'd put on his best mask, and he'd powered through the first half of his shift.  He performed his surgeries with care, and he kept a very close eye on his patients. He reminded himself constantly that he was the best, and he wouldn't let unfounded worries distract him from that.

A town car was parked in the ambulance bay, and Hux shook his head. He walked right past the sleek car, noting that it was a Bentley instead of the generic limo.  Snoke was flashing his power.

“Mr. Hux,” the driver called, stepping out of the car as Hux passed.

Hux felt his shoulders tense, but he kept walking.  No doubt, Snoke had failed to mention his position on purpose.

“Mr. Hux, I’m here to pick you up,” the man insisted, coming around the car.

“It’s Doctor.”

“Apologies,” he said, bowing his head.

Hux sneered. “I can walk,” he told the man, trying not to take his anger at Snoke out on this man.

“Mr. Snoke insisted I drive you. He doesn’t wish to waste any time.”

Hux gave the man his most withering glare and kept walking as he brought a cigarette to his lips. He really needed to quit, but the stress of the hospital, the clinic, and everything else had him turning to smoking more often than ever. The driver tried to follow Hux and coax him into the car, but Hux turned down one of the alleys around the hospital and continued on at his own pace where the driver couldn’t follow him.

It was petty, but Hux wasn’t above pettiness where Snoke was concerned. The man inconvenienced everyone he’d ever come in contact with. He could do with being inconvenienced himself for once. Hux would’ve much rather taken a cane to the man as Snoke had done to Ren, but he had to take his victories where he could.  He also needed to clear his head before he faced Snoke.  He couldn't let the man smell any of his weaknesses.

The air was chilly, but it wasn’t bad for walking. The sun actually felt warm on Hux’s face unlike on the bitterest of days. He tried to enjoy it, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was marching to his own funeral. He mentally calculated whether he had time for another cigarette before he made it to the restaurant around the corner. He didn't, but he lit another one anyway when he finished the first.

He stood outside the alleyway entrance of La Cantina as he slowly smoked. He took his time sucking in and holding every breath as though the poison in his lungs would work faster and end him before he had to step inside. Hux had never been a coward. He'd faced his father's disappointment head on when he was a child, and he had never shown fear since. Hux rolled his eyes at himself.

Snoke was trouble, but he wasn't worth this sort of stress. Hux dropped his cigarette into a small, icy puddle next to the kitchen door. He looked down the alley and remembered meeting Ren out here after lunch with his father.

It all made sense now. His father had been feeling him out, massaging him into giving up the fundraiser. Then he probably met with Snoke to report back to him. Their plan was in the works even then.

Hux balled his hands into fists. He'd played right into their hand, and he'd never forgive himself for such an oversight.

Looking down at the concrete beside the step, Hux remembered Ren pushing the man against the wall and threatening him. Hux remembered treating that man later after he'd asked Ren to go easy on him.

Hux punched the wall before walking to the mouth of the alley and entering La Cantina. He could see the town car parked a few spaces ahead, and he was grateful that he'd walked. It was a good reminder.

He spotted Snoke seated at the same table his father loved. It wasn't particularly private. People could view them, though it was secluded enough that they could talk without worrying much about being overhead. This was all a thought out setup. Doctors and other hospital staff came in here for lunch. Everyone would know exactly who Hux had had lunch with, and it wouldn't matter at all what they said. Hux was damned just for showing up.

Behind Snoke stood a man that Hux recognized from his waiting room and later Ren's apartment. Hux gritted his teeth. Ren wasn't here. Snoke knew better.

“Doctor Hux, thank you for joining me,” Snoke rasped, maintaining his seat and pointing for Hux to take the one in front of him. He didn't even offer his hand to Hux, not that Hux wanted to shake it.

“Mr. Snoke,” Hux said, keeping his words clipped and not allowing himself to say anything else. He took his seat, and sat up straight with his hands folded neatly on the table.

“I hope you're well. You seemed a bit under the weather at the fundraiser last week,” Snoke said, sounding falsely pleasant.

Hux gave him and equally false smile. “I assure you that I am in the best of health,” Hux said, picking up the napkin from his empty water glass and laying it over his slacks. He was glad not to be in scrubs. His suit made him feel a little more prepared for this exchange.

“Excellent. I have much to discuss with you, and I wouldn't want any other concerns to get in the way of our plans for the future,” Snoke said, motioning for a waitress who scurried over immediately.

“Good afternoon gentlemen. I'm Cassie, and I'll be serving you today. What can I get you to drink?” the blond waitress asked cheerfully as she removed her pad from her apron.

“I will have the house Cabernet, thank you, Cassie,” Snoke ordered, looking expectantly in Hux's direction.

Hux wanted nothing less than three fingers of scotch neat, but he bit the inside of his cheek before he could say that. “Just a water, thank you,” he said, failing to keep the tension out of his voice.

The waitress smiled and left. Hux looked at Snoke dead in the eyes. He wasn’t afraid of the man. He didn’t want to deal with him, but that wasn’t out of fear. Snoke had to beat the obedience into his own attack dogs. Hux didn’t fear men like that. Hux had outsmarted plenty of men who thought they were better than him.

“I don’t recall having plans with you, Mr. Snoke. You must have mistaken me for my father,” Hux said when Snoke didn’t immediately restart their conversation.

“I believe you will want to hear me out. I assure you that it is a very lucrative prospect,” Snoke told him, sounding completely casual about it.

“They pay me plenty, Mr. Snoke. Money is not what I need more of,” Hux assured him.

“You're still young, Doctor Hux. You'll find as you grow older than you can never have too much money and that it's best to be over compensated for your work than under compensated,” Snoke spoke like they were old friends with a sly but easy smile that was slightly twisted. Hux found it mildly nauseating, reminding him of horror films.

“Perhaps that will be true, but the beauty of youth is to be free of the worries of old age.”

“You are very carefree for a man whose clinic is under constant attack and whose scholarship bookkeeping is very suspect,” Snoke said, twisting his smile up even more like the cat the caught the canary.

“Don't confuse my refusal to be pushed around as carelessness. I am well aware of what I am faced with, but I refuse to bow to men like you simply because it is easier.”

“Are you though?” Snoke asked, sounding unbearably pleased.

“Am I what, Mr. Snoke?”

“Aware of what you are faced with?”

“You think I'm naive? An idiot perhaps? I didn't get to where I am by being any such thing.”

“Sentimental.” The word was practically sneered, and it sent a jolt of displeasure though Hux. He'd tried his entire life to avoid being sentimental. He'd put a soft pillow to his own mother's face because sentimentality would just prolong her suffering. But then...

“I don't see your point,” Hux replied, accepting his glass of water from the waitress who had returned looking more nervous than before. He wondered if she saw how tense they were or if the kitchen staff had clued her in to whom she was serving. After all, one of their cooks was probably still well aware of when rain was imminent from Ren's roughing up.

Snoke thanked the girl and asked her to bring out what he'd ordered earlier at her convenience. Hux didn't say anything. He wasn't hungry, and he didn't doubt that Snoke had ordered for him just to exert his power.

“Tell me Hux, what do you think it costs to have security whenever you need it?” Snoke asked, taking a sip of his wine as he let his words settle in.

Hux bit the inside of his cheek. “I don't know, Mr. Snoke. I have never required such an thing,” Hux replied, keeping his tone completely neutral.

“Oh? What is it you call what Kylo Ren does for you?” Snoke asked him, swirling the wine in his glass. It was infuriating because Snoke clearly thought he had Hux trapped.

“Volunteering,” Hux retorted. He raised his own glass to his lips and took a small sip.

“Volunteering,” Snoke repeated, sounding far too amused by the word. “That would be a novel thought if Mr. Ren wasn't contractually on call and therefore on the job for me at all times with the exception of Mondays. That means that any 'volunteer' work he does is paid for by myself. It seems to me that you've been using my resources without payment for quite some time now, Mr. Hux,” Snoke told him.

“Kylo Ren's obligations have nothing to do with me. That is for him to iron out. He is under no obligation to come to the clinic, and therefore his time cannot be charged to myself or the facility,” Hux said, trying not to ball his hands into fists.

“ _Now_ you're sounding naive, Dr. Hux, and I had thought we'd agreed you weren't that,” Snoke told him.

Hux looked up at him with fire in his eyes. “I am not some ignorant businessman you can push around, Mr. Snoke. I doubt you'd take me to court over this since you aren't actually paying Ren for the labor he does for you. I doubt you'd like me bringing Ren's medical file to court and showing the injuries you've given him since he's been seeing me.”

“I believe doctor/patient confidentiality would prevent that, Doctor Hux. I would expect better from you.”

“Confidentiality doesn't apply if he agrees...”

“He wouldn't though, would he? You see, Hux, Kylo is special. He is as loyal as a dog. Even when you beat him, he still comes back looking for validation. I'm sure you've seen it yourself. How many times did you turn him away unkindly and yet he returned? How man times did you berate him and shame him yet he returned? Kylo would not do anything to jeopardize me. He would sooner reveal the unprofessional relationship he has with his physician than he would deliberately hurt me. I am the man you rescued him from his neglectful parents. I am the man who taught him everything he knows. I am his father more than that ignorant cowboy that donated sperm to his harpy of an incubator...”

“Bold words for a man who does all of his political maneuvering from the shadows,” Hux noted. He didn't particularly like the woman, knowing how Ren felt about her, but she had principles that she stood by. Snoke was a manipulator to the core. If he stood in a room full of loyal supporters, he'd still pit them against eat other to weed out the weak.

“And you are bold for a man with so much riding on his reputation. Clinics are very vulnerable when their staff's ethics are questioned. Speaking of which, my Ren is a little like your friend, Phasma, I think. Do you know how often I've reached out to her offering all manner of things? Every time she hangs up on me and has the number blocked. She knows your shortcomings, but she is unerringly and infuriatingly loyal.”

Hux felt his stomach drop. He didn't doubt Phasma, but the knowledge that she kept that from him was disturbing. She probably didn't want to worry him. More worrying was Ren. Snoke was entirely right. Ren had been Snoke's loyal protector for years now. Hux may have given him some much needed stress relief, but Hux would never be to him what Snoke was.

“Here's how I see our situation, Doctor. I've given you Ren's services in good faith that you would provide me with a service in return. Ren has been vital to the success of your clinic these past few months hasn't he? The amount of backlash you've been facing is extraordinary. Without him, would you even be able to operate?” Snoke asked him, and Hux knew without a shadow of a doubt that Snoke was behind the recent rise in protests. How many people had he paid to terrorize Hux's clinic just to prove a point and further an agenda? How many people had be endangered just to work Hux into a corner?

Hux felt ill. He felt as though the acid in his stomach might just eat him alive right in front of Snoke and the entire restaurant. He'd been naive. Ren had walked into his life so unassumingly, but he'd planted the seeds of failure from the start. How foolish Hux had been. Snoke's most trusted bodyguard just happening to have a thing for doctors...for Hux specifically. And Hux had fed into it. He'd humiliated himself playing into what he thought Ren wanted. Ren must have laughed at him once he left. He must have told his friends all of the lurid details and joked at Hux's expense. Hux felt his face heat, and he finally balled his hands beneath the table.

“Like I said, Ren is special. You know that though. You've seen what he's capable of. You've seen how many parts he can play...”

Snoke didn't need to sow the seeds of doubt. Hux's mind was way ahead of him.

“I'll tell you what I want, Doctor Hux. It's simple really. As I have been integral in your clinic's success, you shall be integral in your father's research center's success. I simply want you to push for my company's treatments. We'll supply you with pharmaceuticals at a discounted rate, and all you need to...”

Hux's thoughts drowned out Snoke's words. Memories of Ren waiting for him with a cup of tea like he wanted friendship as much as physical relief swept through his mind. He remembered the way Ren had come out of the clinic and parted the crowd, eyes blazing at the sight of Hux covered in egg. It was all so well orchestrated. So many little details meant to chip away at Hux's almost impenetrable exterior until they found a weakness, and of course that weakness had to be Ren. Hux could live with it being a professional screw up. Doctors made bad calls. Sometimes patients weren't honest and problems arose. He just couldn't handle it being personal. He couldn't handle it being the first person he'd opened up to, made exceptions for, lo—

“Stop,” Hux said, looking up from his now bleeding hands. The overwhelming thoughts in his head swirled to a halt as he looked Snoke dead in the eye. He mustered the courage he'd felt as he'd plucked that last rose for his mother before he went through with it. He stoked that tiny flame that even his father's disappointment couldn't completely extinguish.

Snoke looked at him in annoyance, clearly not used to being told what to do. His lips thinned unpleasantly as he looked at Hux in disgust. “What was that?” he asked.

“I told you already that I'm not going to be pushed around,” he told him stoically. He wiped his bloody hands on the napkin in his lap then folded them on the table again. He felt ice straight through to his soul.

“Hux, you have no choice here. It isn't pushing around. This is a partnership. You agreed to it when you welcomed me as a partner in your scholarship fund. We are partners whether you like it or not, and you will use your prestige as a surgeon and community health provider to get this center off the ground. You are above suspicion, Doctor, but you will only stay that way if you play along.”

“I didn't make you a partner in the fund.” His voice was flat, eyes blank, and jaw tight.

“No, I suppose your father did...but you signed the papers or at least it certainly looks like you did,” Snoke told him.

“I've heard enough of this,” Hux said, standing abruptly as the waitress was finally making her way toward them. She stopped short, startled. The tray of food she was carrying fell noisily to the ground, bringing the eyes of everyone else in their direction.

“I'll be in touch, Doctor Hux,” Snoke told him, sounding pleased with the display.

“Stay out of my clinic, Mr. Snoke. If I catch you interfering or if I catch whoever you sent in to snoop, I'll shoot you. My reputation be damn, the biggest service I could do for this community would be killing you. You may think you have the upper hand, but don't think you can take me down without me taking you with me,” Hux told him, ignoring the waitress as she scrambled to clean up the mess.

Snoke laughed openly at him. “You can try, Doctor, but plenty of men before you have failed. I'd hoped that we could conduct our business civilly, but I see that you aren't amenable to that.”

“No, I'm not.” Hux turned to leave, but Snoke's words stopped him.

“Oh Doctor, just as clarification. I've never needed to snoop inside your clinic. I already get anything I need from Mr. Ren. Perhaps you should look at your own friends if you're worried.”

Hux didn't turn to look at him. He started walking again, passing their waitress and shaking his head.

The driver approached Hux as he exited the restaurant, and before he could say a word, Hux grabbed him by the lapels and shoved him into the side of his car. “If you so much as say a word to me, I will cut your tongue out with a scalpel and watch you bleed.”

The man went pale as Hux gave him another shove before stalking back down the alley toward the hospital. He locked himself in his office when he got back, letting everything Snoke told him sink in. He only left his space to do rounds which were far below his usual standard of bedside manner—which was already an abysmally low standard. One patient actually flinched at the sight of him as he walked purposefully into the room. Thankfully, many of his patients weren't conscious.

He was grateful that nothing especially serious came through the doors. He wouldn't have put it past Snoke to order Ren or one of his other guards to send a message via broken body while Hux wasn't in the right mind to deal with it. He did general surgeries which took little time and were mostly muscle memory at this point.

All the while, Snoke's words bore into his mind and flushed out everything he'd thought was true for the last few months.

Hux didn't remember the drive to the clinic after work. His mind was too consumed by betrayal. He barely had the mind to put his car in park before he opened the door in the front lot and stalked toward Ren who was sitting on the narrow ledge of the front window.

Ren stood as he approached, smiling at Hux like he was pleasantly surprised to see him. “Couldn't stay away, Doctor?” he teased, right before Hux grabbed him by the lapels of his coat. Ren staggered but didn't fall.

“Get inside,” Hux hissed, grabbing Ren's collar and dragging him through the door to the waiting room. An older woman was seated in the waiting room, working on some form of needle craft. She looked up at them as Hux continued to pull Ren along like a misbehaving dog. She raised an eyebrow, but she said nothing before going back to her task. Hux paid her no more mind as he ripped open the door to the back offices and shoved Ren through.

Phasma was out of her seat and around her station by the time Hux had kicked the door shut again. “What the hell are you two doing?” she demanded, stopping short at the sight of Ren's bloody lip.

“All of it? All of this time without slipping. Congratulations Ren, you are far more than I expected. Snoke has taught you well because you've succeeded where others have failed,” Hux said, standing tall as Ren got to his feet. Hux wasn't going to hit him again. He wanted to. He wanted to take all of his anger toward Snoke out on Ren, but Hux's strength wasn't in his fists.

“What happened?” Ren asked, seemingly unbothered by Hux's punch. He wiped his mouth and stepped closer to Hux like he was dealing with a frightened animal. Phasma looked equally careful in the way she held her distance like he might just lash out. Hux didn't blame her.

“Stay away from me,” Hux hissed as Ren tried to enter his personal space. “I want you out of here. If you ever return, I'll shoot you. I shoot every last one of your despicable friends as well if you send them.”

“What are you talking about, Hux?” Ren asked, sounding like he truly didn't know. He did step back though which was preferable because Hux didn't want to so much as touch as Ren anymore.

“You've been working for him,” Hux spat.

“Who?”

“Snoke!”

“Hux, are you drunk?” Phasma asked over Ren's shoulder. Ren looked like he was thinking the same thing, and it only fanned the flames of Hux's anger.

“No,” Hux sneered, glaring at her. “He's been manipulating us this entire time. You come in here pretending to be sick, so you could happen to be here when we had an 'incident' then offer your services. Did you come up with that or Snoke?”

“I don't know what you're talking about, Hux. I'm not manipulating you for Snoke,” Ren defended himself. Phasma looked between them like she was watching a particularly interesting tennis match.

“You don't need to lie anymore. You don't need to pretend to want me, Ren. It's over. Snoke made it clear that you're operating strictly under his orders,” Hux told him, balling his hands into fists and squaring his shoulders.

“I don't know what you're talking about. Snoke has nothing to do with me being here,” Ren told him, holding his hands up.

Hux laughed bitterly, pressing his nails into his palms until he felt the scabs give way. “What then? This was all your idea? Destroy everything I've worked for, everything my mother worked for, to impress your master? You really are the loyal dog he thinks you are,” Hux spat, watching Ren's every move. There was no telling how the man would react when cornered. The man he'd first met would snarl and fight back, but Hux really wasn't certain what he was capable of—only that he'd meet him head on.

He wasn't prepared for the broken expression Ren wore when he heard Hux's comparison. Ren's brow furrowed, and his too big lips quivered slightly. Hux's heart wasn't swayed. It was a pathetic attempt to garner sympathy.

“Hux...”

“You disgust me. You can tell your boss that I can take whatever he throws at us. I will burn this clinic to the ground before I let it be used for Snoke's purposes,” Hux shouted, stepping right into Ren's space. “I never want to see you again. I will call the police if I see you on our property. I will end you if you come to my apartment. You don't want to test me, Ren. You have severely misjudged me if you think I will be bested by someone as insignificant as you.” Hux nearly spat the words at Ren as he glared into those soft brown eyes.

“Hux, I didn't...”

“Get out, Ren.”

“Listen to me!” Ren shouted back, balling his own hands into fists.

“Why should I?”

“Because I'm not manipulating you, and I'm not lying to you...”

“Then you are too ignorant for your own good if you've so easily played into Snoke's plans. Every moment you spend here does us harm, and if you weren't completely self-involved you would see that. If you cared for me at all, you would leave.” Hux knew his words were designed to hurt, but the look of betrayal on Ren's face was still jarring.

Ren didn't have an immediate retort. He just looked at Hux for a long moment before taking a shaking breath. “You're right,” Ren said, darkly. He stepped forward, shoulder checking Hux as he walked out of the back offices and through the waiting room. Hux followed him, ready to curse at him some more, but the woman was still sitting there. Instead, he just locked the door behind Ren and rested his forehead against the cold glass. The woman was still clearly pretending to mind her own business but full of opinions. “What?” Hux snapped as he turned around.

“Did it make you feel better?” she asked calmly, putting her work down in her lap and looking at him seriously.

“What?” Hux asked incredulously.

“Did it make you feel better to say those things and throw him out?” she asked again.

Hux looked at her like she was mad, but when he thought about it he replied truthfully. “No.”

She nodded, picking her project back up. “That's what I thought,” was all she said.

Hux felt his stomach drop at her words, “Are you here to see a doctor?” he asked pointedly.

“Just staying inside out of the cold as long as I can,” she replied.

Hux immediately thought of Ren's poorly heated apartment, drafty rooms, and cold showers. He nodded at her, and he stalked back into the back offices.

“What was that all about?” Phasma asked, still standing at the side of her desk.

“Shut up.”

“Excuse me?” she said, folding her arms. Phasma didn't take shit. It didn't matter who it was from, but Hux wasn't in the mindset to care.

“I'm not in the mood to deal with you being right. Gloat tomorrow.”

“What did I miss?” she asked, sounding concerned.

“He's been playing Snoke's scheme all along. All of it. He's been indebting us to Snoke one day at a time, and making a fool of me as an extra bit of insult to injury,” Hux told her. He braced his hands against her desk and sighed. He felt exhausted. He felt betrayed, and he felt like he wasn't sure how long his legs could hold him up anymore.

Phasma looked skeptical as she looked him over. “What happened at your lunch?”

“Snoke made his demands. He has me against the ropes. At least he thinks he does. He thinks that something as insignificant and as lover can stagger me, but he's wrong,” Hux said, standing tall again and walking toward his private office. If he collapsed, he'd do it in private.

“What are you going to do?” she asked, watching him walk away.

Hux stopped and looked at her over his shoulder. “I'm going to play the only ace I have up my sleeve,” he told her simply.

“And that is?” she asked, sounding annoyed at having to voice the question.

“I'm going to call his mother,” Hux said, smiling bitterly. Hux wasn't afraid to fight dirty. He'd hit Ren and Snoke right where it would hurt most.

Phasma's eyes widened at that. “And what if Snoke's lying? What if Ren isn't helping him in this regard?”

“It doesn't matter. Ren is a weakness, for this clinic and for me. I can't afford that sort of distraction if we're going to weather this.”

“Of course,” she said, but Hux could hear her disappointment. She should have been happy. She'd been telling him to get rid of Ren from the start, but Hux knew that wasn't why she was disappointed. She still believed he had a heart underneath his wretched bedside manner and miserable personal life. That was her own fault to believe so.

Hux started walking again. “And don't think I'm unaware of your calls from Snoke, _Nurse_ ,” he threw over his shoulder before slipping into his office and shutting the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: gunshot wounds, surgery, gore, discussion of physical and emotional abuse, Hux's deteriorating mental health


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it's been forever. I hit a massive writer's block, and my attempts to shake it with new stories backfired completely. However, I have chapters 16-18 written, and I'm just tweaking those. It's looking like this will be nineteen chapters with an epilogue to make it twenty. I wrote it and finished it at eighteen, and then I decided it was too neat and clean, so I am expanding just a bit. Same outcome, but I just don't want to rush it.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. I will post the next two chapters before the new year for sure, and possibly nineteen and twenty too if I can.
> 
> Also, I'm playing around with the horizontal line breaks, and I don't know if I should go with no spaces above and below or a space above and a space below. Feel free to say your preference if you have one. I usually just do the dashes, so I can't remember how I used to use these.

Hux sat with his head in his hands for twenty minutes, trying to calm himself down. He shouldn't have gone off like that. He should have made certain Ren was against him, manipulated him to do what he needed him to. Ren could have been useful. Hux could have turned the game around on him.

He rose from his seat to pace back and forth. But what if Ren had been innocent? What if Snoke had been using him just as both he and Phasma had implied? Was Kylo not in just as deep as Hux if that was the case?

Turning quickly, Hux slammed his fist down onto his desk, gritting his teeth as pain radiate through his wrist. Kylo Ren was an adult. He was far more capable than anyone gave him credit for. If Snoke was using him, it was up to Ren to do something about it. No one else was going to save him from his own misplaced loyalties. If his own parents couldn't, then Hux surely had no hope of inspiring Ren to defect.

Sighing, he looked at the phone in his office. He couldn't call Leia from here. Snoke could have his lines tapped. He could be watching even now. Hux shouldn't call her at all, but that's what he'd been reduced to. What other choice did he have? Ren was Snoke's weakness as much as he was Hux's. Ren opened Snoke up to the wrath of Leia Organa who had proven herself to be a very dangerous adversary to many political opponents.

Hux cursed, standing up on shaky legs and marching out of his office again. Phasma was standing just outside his door, causing Hux to stop short. She gave him a look that said he shouldn't be surprised.

“You aren't in any condition to drive or be alone,” she said, holding up her car keys and pointing to the back door. It was far too early to close, but if there was ever a reason to close early then possibly getting shut down either by Snoke or the authorities was probably it.

Hux sighed, but he followed her out to her car. “I need a burner phone,” he said as she started the car.

Phasma looked over at him incredulously. “Hux, you aren't in the CIA. It's called a prepaid. Christ, you've lost it,” she said, shaking her head. She tapped her manicured nails on the steering wheel like she was waiting for him to make some sense but was doubtful it would be forthcoming.

“I don't care what it's called. I need something Snoke can't trace,” Hux told her. He was annoyed by her snort of laughter, but she was the driver so he kept his mouth shut.

Hux purchased a prepaid phone at the grocery store on the way home. Phasma waited in her car while he went inside to buy it. The man at the counter gave him a knowing look as he paid for it in cash, but he tried to ignore them. He wasn't a petty criminal making drug deals over a disposable phone. He wasn't a thug like Ren needing a burner in case the police were after him.

He cursed himself for thinking about Ren as he stepped out of the store and into the passenger seat.

“You need to listen to me,” Phasma said as she pulled back into traffic and headed home.

“I'm sure you have something profound to tell me,” Hux retorted. His mind was a jumble. He was trying to make strategic plans, but he kept circling back to Ren. Everything had been circling back to Ren for months. He'd gotten under Hux's skin, and Hux was afraid even clawing at his own flesh wouldn't get Ren out.

“If this was war, you would be retreating and setting everything on fire as you went,” she told him pointedly.

Hux scoffed. “Leave it to you to use a military analogy.”

“There is no other way of putting this. You got some bad news today. Maybe even catastrophic news. Your first instinct was to completely destroy months of a relationship because you trust Snoke's word over the man you let stay in your apartment and allowed to handle situations here in your stead. This isn't the Russian campaign. You can't just set your country ablaze and retreat toward Siberia in hopes that your enemies freeze to death alongside your countrymen. Snoke is not Napoleon,” Phasma told him, navigating the city traffic easily as she lectured.

“I'm not retreating. I'm not going to put my assets at risk,” Hux argued, though it was probably useless to argue with her. Phasma wasn't one to back down just because he was cross with her.

The face she made let Hux know exactly what she thought of that statement. “You are absolutely retreating. You said something you knew that would break him and force him to leave. Now you're going to call his mother who is clearly not in the picture and will only serve to widen the distance between you. Take a good look at what you're doing, and ask yourself who you're fighting, Ren or Snoke? To me, it looks like you're aiming at the wrong man,” she told him, keeping her eyes on the road but Hux could feel her disapproval just the same.

“Shouldn't you be saying 'I told you' so instead of telling me I'm an idiot for dumping him?” Hux asked, trying to get the case on the phone open, but the thick plastic was going to require something stronger than Hux's clawing fingers.

“I'm saving the 'I told you so' for when it really applies,” she told him.

“How comforting, you're assuming things will be getting even worse,” Hux said, glancing out the window to watch the city pass outside his window. Hux had lived here for almost his entire life from when his father moved them to America for an opportunity at the hospital here. However, Hux had never really felt at home here, and as he watched the city seem to turn against him, it hardly felt like a betrayal. It was really just a matter of time before the city swallowed him as it did to so many others.

“Hux, I watched you after Eleanor died. I watched how unstable you were. You took so much blame on yourself. She had cancer. You didn't give her cancer. You aren't an oncologist; you couldn't be expected to cure it. Yet, you still feel like it was a mark against you for not saving her. Now here we are, and—”

“Enough. I'm not breaking,” Hux told her. That was because his mother had been home. She'd kissed his skinned knees, supported his pipe dreams, given him the opportunity to be a better man than his father. Losing her had been the hardest blow he'd ever taken, but he couldn't say that out loud to anyone...ever.

Hux looked at the directions for the phone instead of attempting to open it. It was only marginally more productive, but it was a distraction from Phasma's words. Hux didn't want to examine them too closely.

He remembered just how unhinged he'd become when his mother had died. He remembered the sleepless nights, the empty bottles of wine, the second guessing. Hux liked to tell himself that he handled crises well, but the truth was that if the crisis didn't happen in the OR he was kind of lost. He could react and fix the worst complications during surgery, but he could never seem to navigate his personal life with such finesse. It was probably why so few of his relationships survived long enough to have an emotional impact on him when they ended. It was easier to cut them loose before they took a piece of him with them.

“Hux?” Phasma asked as she pulled into her parking spot and killed the engine.

“What Coleen?” Hux asked, not looking up from the packaging he could no longer read in the dark of the parking garage.

“Where do you see this ending? Right now, it seems like either you or Snoke has to end up arrested or dead. That's not to mention all of the collateral damage that comes with that. Are you really prepared for that? Wouldn't it be easier to sign it all over to your father? Wouldn't it be easier to wash your hands of it all and save yourself?” Phasma asked, sounding unsure for the first time in their acquaintance.

Hux put the phone down and looked at Phasma. There were dark circles beneath her eyes, and her cheeks were drawn. Her usually flawless hair looked like she'd run her fingers through it half a dozen times, and strands hung down into her face. She wasn't unaffected by all of this.

“My mother bought that clinic with every cent she had to her name that my father couldn't touch. She chose that place because in was in the center of a neighborhood that needed it. She spent nearly twenty years devoting herself to it. When people like Snoke or protesters came knocking, she'd come outside with a broom and chase them off. She knew what she stood for and wouldn't let anyone bully or threaten her. That clinic is the only part of her that I have left, and I believe it is the only good I may have ever done. I am prepared to do what it takes to keep it open, whether that means I go to jail or worse, so be it. My mother left the clinic to me because she knew I would do whatever it takes...”

“But wouldn't she want you to protect yourself?”

“Maybe, but she would've seen this through if it happened to her,” Hux said, remembering how stubborn and brave his mother had been. Living with a man like Hux's father, she had to be stubborn. “I don't expect you to join this little crusade. If you and Dr. Mitaka—”

“Shut up, Hux. I'll stand by you. Dopheld will too.”

Hux nodded then got out of the car. He couldn't thank her. She wouldn't want his thanks anyway.

The cold air did nothing to clear his head today. It just added to the chill he was feeling. Hux told himself that he couldn't waste time wallowing. He needed to get things moving or he was going to lose this war not just this battle. He then cursed Phasma for putting the war analogies in his head.

“I need use of your office,” Hux said as Phasma unlocked her door.

She snorted at him. “Good luck with that. If you can find the desk under all the journal copies you give me to read, you're welcome to it,” she told him, pointing in the direction or her personal office. “I'll pour us some wine,” she called as he walked down the hall.

“I don't need a drink.”

“You do,” she retorted. Hux didn't argue further.

Hux brought her computer to life as soon as he threw the stack of articles off the chair and onto the floor. He really did give her a lot of those to read. They were almost as tall as the chair seat when stacked.

By the time Phasma joined him with two very large glasses of wine, Hux already had a checklist created. Even before medical school, Hux had used lists. However, his time in residence had solidified his use of checklists. Instruments didn't accidentally get left in patients when you actually had to go through a checklist of tools and account for them.

“What's the plan?” Phasma asked, glancing at the list but clearly more concerned with finding a flat surface on which to rest his glass of wine. She ended up using the stack of articles as a coffee table of sorts. It was precarious, but Hux wasn't about to waste time clearing another spot on the desk just for his wine.

“First, I need to speak to the banks and freeze my father and anyone else out of the Foundation's accounts. Then I will need to go through the accounts and see what he's been doing with the money. If he has just skimmed a little, I'll replace it...”

“With what?” Phasma asked, sounding skeptical.

“I have savings. You don't think that apartment I live in is breaking the bank, do you?” Hux asked, offended.

“I shouldn't be surprised with how you penny pinch at the clinic...” Phasma rolled her eyes at him, and Hux narrowed his own.

“Unrestrained spending is the number one killer of non-profit organizations,” Hux retorted.

“You just made that up,” Phasma said, pushing the glass of wine into his hand. Arguing about money was familiar enough that it eased Hux's mind a little. He just told himself this was ordinary. They just needed to do a bit of creative accounting, and they'd be saved from another aggressive audit.

“Just go through the online accounts while I make phone calls. I can't deal with the bank until tomorrow, but I can talk to top donors. Start changing passwords. Random combinations. Write them each down for me,” Hux said, taking his glass and walking out of the office to the living room.

The first uncomfortable conversation was with one of the other surgeons from his hospital. He carefully explained that the research center was a pipe dream of his father's, and it wouldn't be financially solvent, so as the executor of his mother's estate and head of the foundation he was forced to pull the plug. He explained that funds were still appreciated for the clinic as well as the scholarship, but at this time they needed to untangle his father's enthusiastic oversight first.

“Why was it announced without being a solvent prospect?” she asked wisely.

“I'm afraid the Foundation cannot come to an agreement with one of the investors. It is both impossible to continue without their support but also impossible to meet their terms. The Eleanor Birch-Hux Foundation has always and will always protect the rights and dignity of its clients above all else, and if that means waiting to take the Foundation to the next level then that is how it has to be. I'm sorry for the inconvenience. All donations can be refunded or diverted to another leg of the organization as you see fit,” Hux explained, calling on his most droning customer-service roots.

“You're going to be dealing with a lot of unhappy people, Hux. Put my money where you need it, but your pitch rings of bullshit. Remember I've watched you deal with the new residents before,” she told him.

“I promise your donations always go to a good cause, Maggie.”

“I know that too, Hux. See that they keep going to one,” she retorted, hanging up on him.

Hux sighed. He went to the next number on the list. He spent two hours speaking to top donors before rejoining Phasma to look at what the accounts actually looked like.

“It's not good, but I don't think it's that bad yet. My guess is that they really do want this research center to happen or at least make it look like it is. The scholarship fund is what's tampered with. Your father must be using it as his personal spending money. A decent retirement fund if you ask me,” Phasma told him.

“Can I replace it without it raising red flags?”

“Doubtful.”

Hux ran his fingers through his hair, squeezing his eyes closed. “I need to call, Organa,” he said, pressing his head into his hands.

“The governor? Why the hell would you call her?” she asked.

“When I said I had to call Ren's mother, that's who is mother is,” Hux admitted.

“You can't be serious? That's how he gets off the hook for everything? Just call the damn press on that, and no one will notice the Foundation's missing money,” Phasma told him, taking a gulp of wine.

“I don't know what it means, but I know that she is the one person that wants Snoke dead more than I do. She'll help if it means Snoke gets what is coming to him,” Hux said, picking up the prepaid phone again and looking at it.

“What do you think she's going to be able to do for us?” Phasma asked. Hux looked at her solemnly. “No, you are not allowed to turn yourself in. Hux—”

“Maybe if I flip on my father and Snoke, I can get off easy.”

“What if you don't? What if you hand them Ren too?”

“I meant what I said. I'd sooner burn the clinic to the ground than give Snoke what he wants. If I talk to Leia, maybe I won't have to sacrifice the clinic,” Hux said.

“I don't like this,” Phasma told him, staring at the numbers on the screen.

“Noted. Now, find me a scissor so I can use this wretched device,” Hux said, tugging at the plastic packaging. Phasma ended up opening the thing for him, so he didn't go overboard and cut everything to shreds.

Hux took the phone and watched as Phasma poured the rest of her glass into his and held it out to him. Hux laughed softly, but he didn't refuse it. He held the glass in one hand while he dialed the number he'd memorized for the Governor based on the donation she had made to the clinic.

It rang four times, and Hux was certain it would go to voicemail but a gruff voice answered it. “Hello?” the man's voice demanded. “If this is another one of those prank calls, I will tear your damn tongue out through this line...”

“I'm calling to speak with Leia,” Hux said, hoping that using her first name would make it sound like he actually knew her.

“And who would you be? We don't take interviews over the family line, and if you're selling something I can assure you that we don't want it.”

Hux huffed out a breath. Clearly, Leia had a decent guard dog of her own at her disposal. “My name is Hux. I'm calling in regar—”

“The doctor?”

Hux couldn't decipher the tone behind the man's question. “Yes, the surgeon who runs the clinic Leia just gave to recently,” Hux said.

“So, you're the asshole Ben's been screwing?” the guy asked.

Hux blinked, taking the phone from his ear and looking at it like it had personally offended him. “I beg your pardon...”

“ _You_ are the asshole Ben's been screwing.” He said it deliberately slow the second time like Hux was hard of hearing or something.

“I don't know what you're talking about. I have a professional relationship with Kylo, and...”

There was muffled shouting over the line before it sounded like it was wrestled out of someone's hands. “Doctor Hux?” This time Leia spoke to him.

“Yes. Who was that?”

“No one important. I'm sorry for his rudeness. He was raised in a barn. To what do I owe this call?” Leia asked him, quickly getting down to business.

“I'm afraid things are quite dire on my end. As much as I hate to admit it, I believe your assessment of the situation was correct when last we met.”

“Why are you calling me? What do you want me to do about it?” she asked skeptically.

“I'm not asking for anything. I have information that I believe will allow you to go after Snoke. Information that I believe will stick to him,” Hux told him, keeping his voice level.

“You want me to pull strings for you.” Leia wasn't a fool. Hux would have liked to pretend he wanted nothing from her, but he did. Maybe she couldn't go easy on him, but she was vital in keeping him free long enough to deal a killing blow to Snoke's plans.

“I have no doubt that I will not come out of this unscathed, Governor. I just want to be assured that neither will Snoke.”

“I'll need to see what you have before I make any promises.” She kept her tone neutral, but Hux knew she wanted this to be viable.

“I will contact you when I have everything I need.”

“Make it sooner than later, Doctor Hux. Leads have a tendency to fall apart where Snoke is concerned,” she warned him.

“I know.”

“And what of...Kylo?” He could hear how much it pained her to say that name.

“His loyalties are with Snoke, but what I have won't take him down.”

“But your relationship...”

“He won't be the one that suffers for that... _indiscretion_.”

“I'm sure you disagree with that.”

“I knew what I was doing when I started seeing him in that respect. Forgive me, Governor, but I have a lot to do, and it is getting late,” Hux said, feeling exhausted.

“Hux?”

“Yes?”

“Make sure this is good. I can't take having him slip out of my hands again.” She sounded old and tired, and Hux imagined her sitting there with her tonic water and a twist of lemon—no makeup or pressed suit, just her and her regrets. He never related to her so much as in that moment.

“Good night, Governor,” Hux said, and with the press of a button she was gone again.

 

* * *

 

Phasma dropped Hux off at the hospital the following morning, and Hux walked into his office feeling a heaviness in his chest. The hospital had always been a place of ease for him. He knew his place. He looked forward to every surgery. Now though, everything felt tainted by the circumstances of his personal troubles.

Hux still threw himself into every case with the determination he'd always prided himself on. However, the hours in the OR seemed long now instead of time fading away while he worked.

“You look tired,” one of his nurses said as they washed up after a surgery. It had been thankfully brief and successful, but it had still taken the wind out of Hux's sails. The adrenaline crash was already setting in, and he hadn't even had a cigarette yet.

“I'm sure it's just the unfortunate florescent lighting,” Hux said, turning off the sink and shaking his hands out in the large basin.

“Yeah, no lies under these lights. Have you been sleeping?” she pushed.

“I assure you that I am perfectly fine, and yes I have been sleeping. Thank you for your concern, but I am well.”

“Doctor, I don't give one shit about you personally, but I don't want to be in the OR with you when you push too far and fuck up,” she said sharply.

Hux gave her a dark look. “I've saved both our asses multiple times when you forgot instruments or didn't react fast enough, so don't go acting like you're God's gift to the OR. If you don't want to work with me, I can hand you off to Dr. Fischer. I'm sure his record could do with your help,” Hux told her before walking out of the room and straight for his office where his cigarettes waited for him. His hands were shaking horribly, and he doubted that nicotine was going to be enough to stop them.

Hux stepped out by the ambulance receiving bay in order to light his cigarette. He stood out there with a couple of paramedics who had just come in from a call out and were decompressing as well. He nodded to the one he recognized, but he kept to himself. He listened to their gossip, but he didn't want to be involved.

“The KoR was busy last night. I've had three call outs that had them written all over it,” one medic said, flicking ash off the end of his cigarette.

“They're collecting. My buddy's brother owns a newspaper stand on the south side, and they came by asking for the money he 'owed.' Said if he didn't have it by the end of the week, he wouldn't be able to stand to run his business. Something's going on,” the other medic said.

“You get any bad beatings, Doctor?” the first one asked Hux.

“Why would I be getting beaten?” Hux asked defensively, his old nightmares coming to mind. Both paramedics looked at him like he'd grown another head. Hux took a breath and realized they meant in the OR. “I'm sorry, just had a long surgery; my mind is elsewhere. I haven't seen anything like that this shift, but I only came in at seven this morning,” Hux told them.

They still looked a little concerned with his behavior, but they nodded along.

“I wouldn't be surprised if they start popping up,” the second guy said.

“What is the Core? I haven't heard of that gang,” Hux asked. He was fairly familiar with the local presences simply from what passed through his OR, but he'd never head of the Core. It was too simple to have forgotten.

“The K.O.R. Knights of Ren, Doc. Kylo Ren's lackeys. You know he controls most of the muscle in the city? Don't they provide protection for your clinic too?” the medic that Hux knew asked him.

Hux felt the color drain from his face. “Not anymore,” he said.

“Man, I'd watch my back if I were you. People don't just stop taking protection from the KoR—”

“Dude, lay off. Don't worry about it, Doc. The KoR wouldn't touch someone as well known as you,” his acquaintance told him. That really didn't help at all. The KoR wasn't what made Hux nervous; it was the man pulling the strings that did. Snoke's name was never dirtied, but he was behind it all. Everyone knew, but no one said a thing.

“Thank you, Donnie. That eases my mind greatly,” Hux deadpanned. Both medics laughed, but it was the nervous sort that felt more like they were just waiting for him to be murdered on the spot, and they wished they could take a few steps away from him without it being awkward. “I should be getting back,” Hux said, turning and walking back inside without waiting for a response.

The rest of the shift, Hux looked at every patient as though they were sent directly from Ren's henchmen, but the injuries weren't anything out of the ordinary. He had a few compound fractures from people attempting to clean gutters or get snow off roofs. He had a few car accident patients, but nothing that resembled a hit by anyone connected to Ren or Snoke.

As Hux left the hospital, he told himself that he was being paranoid. Nothing had changed. Snoke wouldn't be so brash as to send him bloody threats. He would pull the puppet strings as he always did. Protesters, financial troubles, rezoning notices. Snoke was the worst kind of enemy. He was a bureaucratic one. He'd drown Hux in paperwork until he wasn't sure what was the truth, and then he'd swoop in and take what he wanted right out from under Hux.

It was equal measures dangerous and tedious, and Hux couldn't deny that he really was exhausted. He found himself wishing he had Ren to lean on as his cab drove him to the clinic. However, Hux told himself that Ren was lost to him and there was no point pining about it. He had to stand on his own two feet as he'd always done. It was as simple as that.

Hux had to reevaluate his assessment of the situation when, not fifteen minutes into his shift at the clinic, a local shop owner came in with a broken ankle and a bruised up face. Phasma handled the man's face while Hux set his ankle and brought the swelling down with ice.

“What happened to you?” Hux asked as he examined the bruising on the broken ankle.

“My landlord sent his guys to collect the next six months rent,” the man said, flinching as Hux probed the inflamed flesh.

“Six months?” Hux asked, frowning.

“That's what I said. Evidently, it was the wrong answer,” the man said, groaning as Phasma cleaned the cut along his brow in order to put a couple stitches in it.

“So, this man beat you up because you couldn't meet his ridiculous request immediately? You need to press charges. You—”

“If I press charges, he'll take my shop. It's all I have, Doctor. It's all my family has.”

Hux balled his fists, making an excuse to leave the room for a moment. He almost put his fist through the wall right beside the hole Ren had made, but he restrained himself. Instead he unleashed a string of curses when he went into the supply room. Mitaka found him in there, and he looked about ready to soil himself as he told Hux they had another beaten up patient.

Hux composed himself and took the patient in Room Three. He had to work past Ren, and taking patients in there was a small victory. The woman's broken nose was not a victory. In fact, it made Hux want to take a baseball bat to Ren and each of his friends. He wished he taken the two he'd met out when he had the chance, and he wished he could kill Kylo Ren himself.

 

* * *

 

By the end of the week, Hux was spending every minute he wasn't at the hospital in the clinic. Every day, something related to the KoR came in. They weren't always bad injuries. Some had bumps and bruises, while others had broken bones. It made Hux feel impotent. He couldn't stop Snoke's men from bullying his clients. Snoke had bought up enough property in the area to be able to lean on the residents and business owners. It was easy enough to see that Snoke believed that he could choke Hux out this way, and Hux was starting to believe he might just be right. He wasn't helping anyone this way. His presence was more of a danger to his clients than it was a help.

There was one bright spot to the endless cycle of work. At least, he didn't have time to miss Ren. There were no quiet moments in his apartment where he missed having Ren in bed with him. There were no lonely nights at the clinic that Hux missed arguing with Ren then fucking him in Room 3. It was as though Ren had never existed because there was no room inside of Hux for him to exist anymore. There wasn't much room in Hux for Hux to exist either. He was going through the motions.

Hux walked into the waiting room, late Friday night, to find a familiar figure huddled up in one of the chairs beside the elderly woman who continued to come in to knit because it was too cold to do it outside these days.

“Rey, what brings you in tonight?” Hux asked. He could hear the exhaustion in his own voice, but he couldn't hide it anymore. He was running on fumes. He could either keep working while looking and sounding like shit, or he could waste his energy on pretending he was fine.

“Hey Doc,” she said, sounding tired as well. “Hurt my wrist.” She held up her hand to reveal it was swollen and purple.

Hux cursed internally. “Come in, come in,” he said, ushering her into the back of the clinic. He took her to exam room one and helped her out of the coat Phasma had gotten her and then tugged up the sleeve of her sweater. Her wrist was about twice its normal size and a deep purple. “Can you make a fist?” he asked, doubting she could, but she surprised him. She made a fist, though not a very tight one.

“I'm going to put some ice on it for now, then I'll put you in a temporary cast, but you're going to need an x-ray,” Hux told her, pulling on his gloves in order to examine the injury.

“I clipped a corner, and my hand took the brunt of it. I'm sure it's just sprained, Doc,” she told him. She sounded frustrated with herself, but she was holding herself together well.

Hux gave her a disbelieving look. “Clipped a corner? At what speed? What were you running from?” he asked, probing her injury.

“Ouch,” she hissed, trying to pull her hand away.

“I'm sorry,” Hux said, holding her hand hostage.

“Where's Ren? He's usually out front when I stop by,” Rey asked, clearly changing the subject.

“I'll get you some ice,” Hux told her, having his own subject he wished not to talk about. When Hux returned, Rey was still sitting on the exam table kicking her legs back and forth.

“You know, I saw him at the shelter the other night. He looked like he hadn't eaten in a while. Did you guys have a fight again?” Rey asked when Hux walked over to her with an ice pack and some bandages.

“Ren isn't welcome here anymore. That's all I'll say on the matter. Now, let me see that hand,” Hux told her, placing the supplies on the table beside her.

“Sorry. Your mother's grave looks nice. The Winter Rose is blooming. I think she'd like it,” Rey changed the subject again.

“Thank you for your help in that matter, Rey,” Hux said, securing the ice around her wrist in order to lesson the swelling. “Here, take these. They'll help with the swelling also,” he said, offering her two pills. Rey took them without question, dry swallowing them before he could pour her a cup of water.

“You should go visit,” Rey suggested. “Sometimes when I'm feeling down I talk to the graves. I don't know where my own mom is, but I feel like there have got to be a ton of moms there and maybe one of them will listen to me,” she told him. She looked so young as she kicked her feet and looked down at her injured hand. Her hair was pulled back, but several wisps of hair fell around her face.

Hux felt his heart clench. Rey was a sweet kid, and she'd been through so much, but she was always upbeat.

“I'm sure my mother would be delighted to listen to you,” he said, feeling out of his depth.

“I know. But I think she'd rather hear from you.”

“Perhaps,” Hux said, telling her to leave the ice in place until he came back. When he shut the door of the exam room behind him, he leaned back against it. He took a slow breath and tried to calm himself down. He couldn't stop feeling like he was drowning though.

 

* * *

 

Hux stepped out of the Viper. He went around to the passenger side and removed the gardening gloves and small planting from the passenger seat. He didn't even have a towel down to protect the interior from dirt. He carried his supplies across the field of headstones to where his mother's body had been put to rest.

When he stepped around the headstone, he was impressed by how well tended it was. Rey had clearly been taking very good care of it. A small winter rose had been planted, and it was blooming just as Rey had said it was. Hux took a moment to appreciate it as his mother would have. She always took time to appreciate the fruits of her labor, often spending hours sitting in her rose garden or in the waiting room of the clinic.

Hux laughed bitterly to himself. It seemed that he wasn't needed here after all. He sank to his knees anyway, pressing them into the cold ground and likely dirtying his crisply laundered pants. He didn't pay the sensation of sinking into the slightly muddy surface any mind. What did clean clothes matter anyway at this point? He seemed to have plenty of blood on his hands already. He dusted away the few stray leaves that had blown into the arrangement since the last time Rey had been through. Hux half expected Rey to appear any minute now actually. She came and went like a specter, and were her disposition not so sunny Hux would think her some sort of malevolent spirit.

“I don't know what to do, Mother,” Hux said, picking a dead leaf off the winter rose and crushing it between his fingers. “I thought I had all the answers, but I had none. I thought—”

Hux stopped himself from saying the lie that was forming on his lips. It was futile to lie to the dead.

“I wanted him, Mother...I want him. I've broken every last rule I held myself to for him, and I feel like a fool for it. I should have known I was just another puppet. My pride got in the way, and it left me vulnerable. It left me open to this,” Hux told the weeping angel that watched over his mother's grave.

“I don't deserve the Hux name. I've put everything you worked so hard to build in jeopardy. I let Snoke seep in through the cracks, and now I'm afraid I can't get him out without the whole foundation crumbling,” Hux went on, feeling the weight that had been pressing down on him recently.

“Mother...” Hux bit back the words that wanted to leave his mouth. He fought them, but he remembered Rey's words. He couldn't hold them back from his mother. “I think I could've loved him. I think I did love him, and now I feel lost. You left me. I didn't know what I was doing, but I kept going because I didn't want to disappoint you, but then he came...and for the first time since you went away I felt stable. Even arguing with him felt right. But it was a lie...” Hux dug his gloved fingers into the dirty, looking for something to hold him steady and keep him grounded.

A chilling breeze swept through the cemetery, and Hux looked up from his mother's grave as he pulled his coat tighter around his body. As he glanced out over the tombstones toward his vehicle, he saw a black cloaked figure waiting in front of his car.

Hux felt his blood run cold as the man started walking toward him. He cut between the rows of stone like a ghost, coat catching the wind and billowing out. Like the Angel of Death, Kylo had finally come for him.

“Have you come to kill me?” Hux asked, not bothering to rise as Kylo Ren stood before him.

“You haven't been home in days,” Kylo said, ignoring Hux's inflammatory question. His hood was up, only adding to the image of the Reaper. His scarf billowed in the wind, and he looked more shadow than man even as he stood in the sunlight.

“Because I have a dangerous man looking for me,” Hux retorted, rising from the mud but not bothering to wipe his pant legs or hands clean.

“I wouldn't hurt you,” Kylo said, pushing his hands into the pockets of his coat. It pulled his shoulders inward and took some of the menace out of his presence. Hux wasn't fooled. Kylo was still deadly.

“Why did you go to my apartment? Why are you here? I thought I made it abundantly clear that I wanted nothing to do with you or that cancer of a man you work for,” Hux said, standing his ground. He would not be intimidated. If he was going to go down, he wouldn't cower or beg.

“I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to explain—”

“I don't want an explanation, Kylo. You manipulated me. You used my weakness for you to help Snoke...”

“I didn't!” Kylo said, too loud in the quiet of the cemetery. He brought his fist down on the headstone beside Hux's mother's, and Hux half expected the thing to crumble at Ren's fury. “I didn't manipulate you. I didn't try to hurt you. I _never_ wanted to hurt you.”

“Then why are you sending warnings to my office? Why do you keep beating up the locals if not to show me what you have in store for me?”

“I don't know what the hell you're talking about. I haven't beaten anyone up since you kicked me out.” Kylo's voice trembled like he wasn't sure. His posture was unsteady, no longer sending fear into Hux's heart.

“Fine, then why are you having your merry band of miscreants do it for you?” Hux demanded, stepping closer to Ren. He wanted to shake him, demand answers to the questions that had been haunting him for days now. If Ren wasn't ready for his aggression even better.

“I haven't ordered anything. I've been running security for Snoke's meetings and outings...”

“Well, I haven't imagined the broken bones, the bruises, and the concussions. I didn't imagine Rey coming in with a flimsy lie about her broken wrist...”

Ren flinched as Hux mentioned Rey, and it only furthered Hux's suspicions. Had Ren done it? Had he been aware of it?

“My patients aren't lying to me when they say the _KoR_ has been making the rounds, putting pressure on the shop owners. I am willing to believe anyone who isn't you right now, so don't try to deny it. Call your damn dogs off.”

“I have no idea what you're talking about,” Ren said through gritted teeth. He leaned in close, so they were practically eye to eye. Hux stared into the shadow of the hood, knowing the grim line of Kylo's lips behind his scarf even if he couldn't see it.

“Just like you didn't know about my father and Snoke. I wonder what it is you do know about your own business,” Hux said, leaning back and feeling victorious.

The silence that met him though curled around his lungs and squeezed the air out of him before sinking into his gut. “ _Ren_...”

“Hux.” His voice was soft, almost as though he held pity for Hux or maybe it was for himself.

“Did you know about my father?” Hux asked, wanting to put his hand on his mother's headstone, needing some sort of support.

“ _Hux_...”

“Did you know their plan?”

“I didn't realize he was your father, and when I did I assumed you were aware...”

“You assumed I was aware? You thought that I would just happily aid him in destroying everything I've worked for? You thought I would put my career and reputation on the line like that? You thought—”

“I thought about your hands on me. I thought about how thick your accent gets when you're angry with me. I thought about how good it felt to be allowed to touch someone for the first time in years and not have it hurt. I wasn't thinking of your goddamn clinic and neither were you! I skipped meetings and functions. I ignored direct orders because I wanted to be close to you for just a little bit longer. I'm sorry I didn't study the nuances of your family subterfuge, I was too busy worrying that any day a protester might walk up and attack you, and I wouldn't be there to stop them. I was too busy trying to understand how, after fifteen years of isolation, I could depend so fully on someone else's existence and happiness,” Kylo told him, letting his hood fall back, so Hux could see those expressive eyes. It was a dirty move. Kylo's eyes brimmed with unshed tears that just made them look even larger.

“Weak,” Hux spat.

“You were too,” Ren retorted softly.

“Not anymore,” Hux told him.

“Hux, just let me speak. Everything is always on your terms. Just let me—”

“You've said enough. I owe you nothing. You're loyal to Snoke. One day he's going to get tired of this game of chess we're playing, and he's going to have you come for me. Maybe he'll start with broken bones like my patients, or maybe he'll just have you kill me.” Hux balled his fists, feeling every bit as broken as Ren looked.

“I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't hurt you.” It sounded more like pleading than a statement of fact.

“How many men or women have you hurt because he's ordered it, Ren? How many times has he given the order, and you didn't even bother to question it? How much blood do you have on your hands? I'm sorry if I don't believe you. I wish I could, but I'd be very naive if I thought you would go against the man you've been loyal to for nearly a decade and a half just for me. I'm just the man you were fucking. You'll find another. Maybe you'll even find one that doesn't yell at you. By then, I won't matter. I'll barely be a fond memory,” Hux said, trying to step around Kylo in order to get back to his car.

Kylo grabbed him though, wrapping his arm around Hux's waist and pulling him close to speak directly into his ear. “You knew I was a monster when this started. You didn't stop it because you were afraid of me or what I did. You've never so much as flinched when I break things. You barely batted an eye when I put my fist through the wall or destroyed my apartment. You _know_ I won't hurt you. You know I never will.”

“Maybe you won't, but he'll send your friends in your place. He'll hire out if that doesn't work. I may not fear you, Ren, but just because I don't fear the wolf doesn't mean I wish to sleep with him and lead his pack straight to me. Let me go,” Hux said softy. Being this close to Kylo was dangerous. His smell, his voice, his touch all made it that much harder to push him away.

“I wouldn't let them touch you,” Kylo promised, squeezing Hux's arm through his coat.

“Then they'd kill you too. I don't want that on my conscience. Just let me go. Stop waiting outside my apartment and spying on the clinic. Stop making this harder than it has to be.”

“I love you,” Kylo whispered, pressing his runny nose to Hux's cheek. It should've been disgusting, but it was the thing that almost broke Hux's walls.

“I don't care,” Hux told him, pulling away and stepping around his mother's headstone to get past Kylo. Hux kept his chin up as he walked back to his car. He left the small spade and planting behind. He needed to get out of there. He needed to get away, but he was afraid no amount of distance would be enough.

When he sat down in his car, he dialed the only number in his disposable phone.

“Hello?” Leia Organa's unmistakable voice answered.

Hux looked back at his mother's grave. Kylo now knelt between her stone and the one beside it, head hanging like he awaited execution.

“I'll tell you everything I know,” he said. “We'll have to meet upstate. I don't trust them not to follow me.”

“I'll text you an address. No one will bother us there,” she said before hanging up.

Hux let his head fall back against the headrest before starting his car and driving away. He didn't look back at Kylo. He couldn't or he might just turn around.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to try to post something else today, but I thought let's get all of the bad out with the end of the year, so next year can start better. So, buckle up because this one might hurt but I promise it gets better. Happy New Year. 
> 
> Chapter specific warnings at the end. 
> 
> I may go back and reedit this one because I didn't give it as many reads as I'd like, but I'm heading out of town right now, so up it goes.

It was fairy simple really. Phasma came over to borrow Hux's Viper in order to impress a date. Hux left twenty minutes later in her vehicle and headed north. He'd looked up the directions on an actual map and memorized where he was going. He drove for hours, making short detours to ensure that no one was following him.

He arrived at the cabin around sundown. There was an old beaten up truck in the driveway, and Hux approached the front door warily. Before he even got to the door, it opened and a man with graying hair and a thick coat filled the doorway.

“You're the asshole my kid's in love with,” the man said, crossing his arms and attempting to look threatening. It would've been more effective if Hux wasn't used to Kylo's brand of intimidation.

“I never said he had taste. In fact, I believe I constantly told him otherwise,” Hux said, continuing forward undeterred.

The man stepped out of his way, allowing him to enter. Leia was in the sitting room, seated beside the fireplace. She looked just as stately there as she did at fancy dinners.

“Governor Organa,” Hux said, bowing his head slightly.

“Dr. Hux, I'm glad you contacted me,” she replied, ever the politician.

“We have mutual interests,” Hux said, walking into the sitting room as well.

“You've met, Han,” she said, motioning to the man who'd answered the door.

“That's one way of putting it,” Hux said, nodding to the man who shared enough features with Ren that the relation was unmistakable. “I wasn't aware your husband was still in the picture,” Hux told her, putting his briefcase down but keeping it close.

“That is intentional. People are far less trusting when you run the state and are married to the chief of one of the largest police forces in the state,” Leia said, as Han joined her on the sofa.

“As they have a right to be.”

“I'm not here for small talk, Kid. Either you brought us something useful, or you can head back home and deal with your messy breakup yourself,” Han told him.

“I brought you the financials for my mother's foundation. You'll find that I've been in charge of the fundraising for the last few years, but this year I allowed my father to takeover the scholarship fundraiser since I am running my the clinic in its entirety since my mother's passing. You'll see that a portion of the funds have been diverted to several interests,” Hux started, removing the files from the briefcase.

He went over each page with the couple for hours. He fielded speculation and uncomfortable questions, like how he could have been blind to this. The answer, in short, was Kylo. He had been such a simple and costly distraction, and somehow Hux still had the desire to protect him.

“What's your next move?” Han asked, reading over the pages Hux had handed him.

“I will be publicly announcing that the research center will not be going through in my mother's name. As the one in charge of her assets, I am completely within my rights to deny any requests by any other parties within the organization. We are not run by committee for that reason. Mother didn't want anyone seizing control, and she ensured that the same wouldn't happen to me...”

“But that leaves you on the hook for whatever happens,” Han pointed out.

“Hindsight as they say,” Hux said, waving off Han's concern. “Anyway, I will announce that the research center is not going through. It will force Snoke to make a bold move. From what I have here, he is attempting to funnel his money through the research center to launder it in a way. His satellite companies write the checks, and my father can pull it from the center for 'fundraising' or business expenses. They can have this going for years, claiming setbacks in construction or what have you. By canceling the center, Snoke either needs to pull back his money or lose it to me. He'll also be losing all of the other hefty donations that could be used as he saw fit so long as he had my father to sign for it. Either way, he will need to make a move,” Hux explained.

“You think he isn't ten moves ahead of you, Kid?” Han asked, skeptical.

“It doesn't matter if he is. This is a slap in the face. He'll retaliate.”

“What if he just kills you?”

“I'm not that easy to put down, or he would have done so by now,” Hux said. It was probably all bravado, but he had to hope this wouldn't end with him dead.

By the time they'd discussed everything they could think of, his eyes were heavy and his mind burdened. They didn't offer him a bed for the night, not that he would've taken one anyway.

Hux drove back to this apartment late that night, and when he unlocked his door he was greeted by a completely trashed apartment. Hux's hands shook as he flipped the light on and looked at all of his belongings smashed and broken beyond repair. His awards for his work with the clinic were shredded right where he couldn't miss them.

He sank to the floor, leaning against the wall. By the time Poe and the other authorities arrived, he felt completely numb. Every time they asked if he knew who might do such a thing, he felt Kylo's lips brushing his ear as he promised he wouldn't allow anyone to hurt him. Just more broken promises.

Poe drove him to Phasma's apartment, and she greeted him with a hug that would've been surprising if Hux could feel anything. He put in for another sabbatical from the hospital first thing in the morning. The president of the hospital called him personally by eleven in the morning to tell him to take as long as he needed. Hux thanked him, but he doubted he'd ever walk through the hospital doors as a lead surgeon ever again.

The clinic was all he had left, and he couldn't let it slip through his fingers. So, he contacted his lawyer and signed it over to Phasma and Mitaka before calling a meeting of his top donors and the press.

* * *

 

Hux read over his note cards again as he waited for the last of his guests to get settled. He didn't need the cards, but it gave him something to do with his hands. He repeated the message over in his head. He went over exactly where every major donor was to be seated as well as where the press would be.

When he was given the all clear that everyone had arrived, Hux walked up to the podium. “Thank you all for coming on such short notice, but I thought it would be negligent of me not to address this right away. As you know, my mother signed her charitable assets over to me before her death. It is my duty to see that her legacy lives on and that it can continue to sustain itself,” Hux said, looking from one donor to the next. They seemed to follow him, few looks of annoyance thus far.

“It is with a heavy heart that I must announce that the proposed Eleanor Birch-Hux Research Center cannot go forward,” Hux explained. Those he'd already spoken to nodded along sedately, and that brought Hux's eyes to those of Snoke and his father. His father was clearly livid. The vein in his neck stood out, and his face was red. Snoke didn't look angered outwardly, but Hux could tell his was furious.

Then his eyes fell on Kylo, standing off to the side. He looked drawn. His hair was lank, and there were dark circles under his eyes. Hux balled his hands into fists as he tore his gaze away.

“It is not within the scope of what the foundation can achieve at this time. While it was announced with every good intention on my father's part, as chairman of the foundation, I cannot let it go forward at the expense of the rest of my mother's legacy. The clinic was my mother's dream, and I know that its continued success would always be my mother's top priority,” Hux said, ensuring that every soundbite the press received was equally somber and reverent to his mother's legacy.

“At this time, we urge donors to either allow their donations to go to other branches of the foundation such as the scholarship fund or to accept a refund. Again, it is with a heavy heart that I must put this project on hold, but it is what is best for the foundation as a whole. Thank you,” Hux said, taking one last look around the room.

Snoke was already out of his seat, storming for the door and dragging Kylo along like misbehaving child. His father was charging the stage, but Hux quickly began taking questions before he could say anything.

“You don't know what you've just done,” Brendol said as they left the conference room after the others had gone.

“I know exactly what I'm doing, Father. I'm cleaning up your mess. My legacy will not be smeared because you got too greedy. I worked too hard for that. I have out classed you in everything I've ever done, and I will not be brought down because you think I owe something to you. I am the top trauma surgeon. I am the director of the clinic, and chairman of the foundation. I was the one mother loved unconditionally, and I was the one who had to watch her suffer. She cleaned up your messes for years, and you gave her nothing. And in her final moments, you couldn't even be bothered to come home. Don't think you can drain me dry like you did her,” Hux said, squaring his shoulders and glaring right at the man he'd strove to impress for most of his life.

“You ungrateful—”

His father slapped him hard across the face, but Hux didn't back down.

“Enjoy your final days as king, Father. The walls are crumbling fast,” Hux said, turning on his heel and walking out.

* * *

 

It was Tuesday night, Hux had stayed late to finish up some work. He was putting everything he had into the survival of the clinic. He'd applied for multiple grants and funds that would help sustain the clinic even in the face of Snoke's assaults. He knew it was only a matter of time before Snoke came for his license, but even without Hux the clinic would survive. With these grants, they even be able to hire a new full time doctor and buy new equipment.

Phasma had left early when no patients were left to be seen, choosing to leave Hux to the paperwork she herself hated dealing with. Hux had locked up after them and retreated to his office with a glass of scotch and a stack of work. He'd promised to call her when he was ready to leave, and she'd come get him. However, he’d lost track of time as he got close to the bottom of the stack. He was just signing his name when he heard something slam against the back door of the clinic which.

Frowning, he looked up from the paper where he'd completely fucked up his signature by flinching at the noise. He tried going back to his work, but as he inspected the paper with his aborted signature he heard another noise. The hair on the back of his neck rose, and Hux felt the tremor in his hand make itself known. He hated the small shake that had developed since the attack over a month ago. His body had been on such a roller coaster of fight or flight, that it now shook when faced with it.

Hux closed his eyes for a moment and reached into his desk for the old revolver he kept there since the pig blood incident. The revolver wouldn't have actually helped then, but it made him feel safer. He checked that it was loaded before tucking it into his lab coat pocket and walking out of his office.

There was a smear of blood on the glass panel of the back door. Hux found himself adjusting his grip on the gun as he stepped closer to the door. He took a breath and reminded himself that hiding under his desk out of fear wasn't an option. He unlocked the door and opened it slowly, looking out into the shadows just beyond the security lights. He didn't see anything, and he quickly shut the door again and locked it.

He took a deep breath and went to make sure that the front door was locked as well. If those protesters came for him, he wasn't going to make it easy for them. It would be just like Snoke to make it look like Hux was killed by a protester. No one would question it after all of the trouble they'd been having. If Snoke's men were out there, then they'd have to break there way in.

He walked through the dimly lit office, having turned off most of the front lights since he was only working in his private office. He knew the layout of the place like his own hand, and he carefully moved to the front. He rechecked the lock, but it was still in place. He was secure for now.

Sighing, Hux turned to go back to his office and pack it in for the night. He'd call Phasma, and she'd check the perimeter before coming in. He should call the police, but he couldn't handle another night of questioning and thinly veiled disbelief. His mind was probably just playing tricks on him because he hadn't gotten nearly enough sleep recently. Restless nights on Phasma's couch weren't enough to combat the fatigue of this war of attrition.

Just as Hux was turning, there was a loud shattering sound that came from the back of the office. Hux's whole body jolted, but he squeezed his fists and slipped into the shadows.

Hux removed the gun from his coat and held it up as he walked back the way he'd come. He'd be damned if they thought he'd go down so easily. Hux wasn't afraid to get his hands dirty if he had to. He leveled his revolver as he stepped behind the front desk, making sure to remain in shadow.

He could still hear something crashing around at the back of the hall as he took several steadying breaths. He checked his weapon one last time then rounded the desk, leveled his weapon, and strode toward the end of the hall.

A dark figure loomed in front of the destroyed back door as he took careful aim. “Hands where I can see them,” Hux ordered, making his presence known.

The figure grunted and collapsed in the debris of the door. Left standing above the figure was Rey, covered in too much blood and shaking either from fear or exertion. Then he heard the deep groan he'd come to know too well.

“Ren?” he asked, striding forward. He kept the gun out, but his finger was no longer on the trigger. All he was met with was a weaker groan. “What the hell?” he muttered as he got to the end of the hall and what was now unmistakably Ren slumped on the floor surrounded by blood and glass.

“He was shot...and stabbed,” Rey said, sounding shaken but holding herself together.

“What the hell happened?” Hux asked as he tucked the gun into the back of his slacks and dropped to his knees to determine where the blood was coming from. He tried to keep his hands steady as he tugged at Ren's massive coat.

“Ren, you're bleeding on my floor. Stop making a nuisance of yourself and let me see what's wrong,” Hux ordered when he was unable to get Ren to move. He received another groan, but Ren sort of flopped to the side. “Yes, roll around in the glass shards. That will certainly aid this situation,” Hux complained, until he got a look at Ren. He could feel Rey watching him, but he couldn't pay her any mind while Kylo was possibly dying in front of him.

His face was covered in blood, and Hux wasn't sure if it was from breaking in and rolling in the shards or if it was preexisting or if there was even an injury there. As Ren's face lolled to the side, he got a good look at his right cheek which appeared to be broken like he'd taken a hit to the face with something quite dense. Hux had visions of Snoke's cane hitting Kylo repeatedly. There was also a thick gash across his forehead and down across his face all the way down to his shoulder.

Hux made a mental note to check that as soon as he looked at the rest of Ren. He tugged open the long coat that covered most of Ren's figure, and he reared back for a moment.

“You've been shot,” he said, studying the dark bloom on the side of Ren's torso. He knew that Rey had said it, but it was still jarring to see. Ren, for all of the dangers he walked headfirst into, had seemed bulletproof. “You need to go to a hospital.”

“That's what I told him,” Rey said, sounding both annoyed and worried.

“No hospital. Came to you,” Ren whispered. His gloved hand reached for Hux, and Hux couldn't stop himself from taking hold of it and squeezing gently. He wasn't sure if he was comforting Ren or himself. He looked up at Rey, and she shrugged helplessly at him.

“What do you want me to do for you here, Ren? I barely have supplies to treat skinned knees, never mind a gut wound. And thank you for destroying my backdoor. It's not like I haven't repeatedly told you not to break my damn clinic,” Hux ranted, afraid that if he didn't berate Ren he'd breakdown and be of no use at all. He pushed Ren's shirt up to see just how much blood he was losing.

“Didn't think anyone was here,” Ren admitted, trying to cover his wound, but Hux pulled his hand away.

“So, you were just planning to break in and die alone in my office? I'm sure the media would just love that headline. Why must you make my life difficult?” Hux asked, but he received no reply. He glanced up to find that Ren seemed to have passed out. “Wonderful, just pass out on the floor, so I have to find a way to lift your massive body,” Hux grumbled.

“I can help,” Rey offered.

“Are you hurt as well?” Hux asked her, putting Kylo's clothes back to rights. He realized that he'd been remiss in ignoring her for Ren, but basic triage said Ren was the top priority.

“No, I...I was following him, and I saw him and Snoke arguing...the things Snoke did...and he just took it,” Rey said, looking down at Kylo like she'd never seen such a sad creature in her life. Hux hated pity, but he didn't doubt that Ren's situation was worthy of it.

“There's no time for that. Help me get him into Room Three,” Hux told her.

Rey seemed to snap out of her reverie and pull herself together immediately. She'd always been rather scrappy, but Hux had never seen her as someone that could be counted on in a crisis. Evidently, there was more to her than met the eye.

“Take off your coat, and come with me,” he said, quickly rising, and rushing to the supply room. He pulled as much gauze off the shelves as they could carry and brought it all to Room Three. Then removed his lab coat and rolled up his sleeves, tugging on a pair of gloves as he went. He handed Rey a pair as well before picking up one of the boxes and returned to Ren who was still out cold beside the back door.

Hux ripped open his shirt, sending buttons flying and tearing the material. He realized that Ren had also been stabbed in the shoulder as his entire chest was revealed. He cursed under his breath as he tore open the box of gauze.

“Go grab another box from the exam room and apply pressure to the shoulder wound. What was he stabbed with?” Hux asked as Rey got to her feet and ran to the exam room.

“Like a dagger? It was a part of Snoke's cane,” Rey called over her shoulder. She came rushing back before Hux could even open the first packet and begin to roll it.

“Just get as much as you can and apply pressure until I can look at it,” Hux told her. She responded immediately, tearing opened the gauze and pressing it to Ren's shoulder.

Hux focused on the gunshot wound. He checked for an exit wound as he packed the gauze into the entry. He cursed to himself when he found no exit. When the wound was packed enough to move Ren, Hux moved to the knife wound. He made sure that was secure enough to move him as well, and rose.

“Stay with him. Shout if anything happens. I need to call Phasma,” Hux ordered, and Rey nodded, reaching down to slip her hand into Kylo's where it rested among the shards.

Hux rushed into his office. He didn't pay attention to where he smeared Ren's blood. He just needed his phone. He tugged off one glove before picking the phone up and dialing Phasma. “Get here now. Tell no one. Bring your kit,” he barked into the receiver as soon as she answered, then he hung up and rushed out into the hall.

Hux bit the inside of his cheek as he summoned the strength to get Kylo Ren from the floor to the exam room. Even with Rey's help, he doubted this would be easy. He bent down and tried to find a good way to lift him, but Ren was heavier than him and his wounds in unfortunate places.

“How much can you lift?” Hux asked.

“More than my body weight,” she replied, shrugging.

“Take his near the hips, upper thighs. I'll take his chest,” Hux said. Rey moved to grip Kylo around the legs, and Hux took his position. Together they managed to lift him, though it was incredibly awkward. Still they got him down the hall to the exam room. He cringed at the smear of blood they left behind.

Hopefully no one had heard or seen Ren outside and called the police because the whole scene looked incriminating. Once inside the exam room, they hefted him up onto the table. It wasn't graceful, but no one else was there to see it or help.

As soon as Ren was splayed out on the table, Hux went about getting rid of his clothes in order to see the extent of the damage. He slipped into doctor mode with little attention to spare for Rey. He grabbed scissors and cut away Ren's shirt and pants—no time to struggle with buttons and shimmying them down.

He had Ren almost completely naked before he remembered Rey was there. Hux forced himself to stop. It wasn't appropriate to have her there. Ren wouldn't want it, and she shouldn't have to see this.

“You should wait in my office. I can't make you tea right now, but there is a blanket in there,” he told her. He tried to dredge up the perfect bedside manner that his mother had, but he knew he fell incredibly short.

“I can help,” she said, staring at Kylo's mangled face.

“You already have. Ren's particular about who touches him, and I'm already breaking plenty of ethical boundaries by operating on him here,” Hux told her.

“But you need help.”

“Phasma's on her way. You've done what you could...”

“I need to tell Poe,” she said.

“Then Ren's going to prison,” Hux said more sharply than he'd intended.

“It was self-defense. Snoke was going to kill him...and then me.”

“They won't believe him. Snoke had—”

“No, I took a video.” Rey pursed her lips before looking away from Ren's prone body. “I told Poe that I'd keep an eye on Kylo because he wouldn't notice me hanging around. I've always hung around. When I saw them...I took a video,” she admitted.

Hux felt his head spin. Rey was a snitch, but she also had proof that Kylo had acted in self-defense. “Wait in my office. I can't have the police breathing down my neck if I'm going to save him. You can call when I'm done,” Hux told her. He didn't have time to argue. Chances are the authorities would find out one way or another since Snoke wasn't exactly a nobody. It would all come right back to Ren even if Hux kept this quiet, which meant no matter what people were going to find out exactly what Hux was doing now.

“Are you sure I can't help?” she asked. She looked like he felt. She needed to keep moving or she was going to break down.

Hux looked at her and back at Ren. “Why do you care? He's a menace to this entire neighborhood. He scares most of my patients.”

Rey shrugged. “I know how lonely he is. I know what it's like to sleep on a cold mattress with only my own thoughts for company.”

“You're a better person than he is,” Hux sighed, pointing at Ren. “Just make sure he doesn't suddenly start moving. I don't have a proper sedative here. Phasma might.”

Rey stood at Kylo's head, and rested her gloved hands on either side. She looked away as Hux cut the rest of Kylo's clothing off then covered from his waist down in a torn medical gown.

Hux inspected Kylo's head injury. The cut that practically bisected Ren's whole face was thankfully shallow though the damage to the bone was more worrying, but Hux left it as it was, in favor of concentrating on the bullet hole in Ren's stomach. He pulled away the gauze and cleaned the area around the wound as he waited for Phasma.

He was going to need to remove the bullet, but he wanted her at his side when he did it. Hux had performed hundreds of surgeries, but Phasma was an asset even with his skilled hands. She knew exactly what he'd need and had it ready before he asked. Waiting another ten minutes to get the bullet out would be better than rushing in half prepared.

Hux packed the wound with fresh gauze then went back to the supply room. He was pulling on a set of black scrubs when he heard Phasma come in through the back door.

“Doctor, are you alright?” she called from the hall.

Hux popped his head out of the room and gave her a curt nod. “Room Three. Ren was shot. Don't know particulars. He crashed through the back door and passed out when I was checking on him. Rey is with him now,” Hux explained, carrying the supplies they'd need to operate. It wasn't ideal, but it was the best they could do without a functional operating room.

“I told you he'd be trouble,” Phasma said, pulling off her coat and quickly taking some of the supplies from Hux's hands.

“Yes, yes. You were quite right. I owe you a round. Now that we have that covered, get ready for surgery. He has a gut wound with no exit. We need to retrieve the bullet and repair what damage we can. He said no hospitals,” Hux told her sharply.

“Of course, Doctor,” she said, walking into the makeshift operating room with him. She barely looked at Ren's naked body lying on the table as she began to set up what they'd need in an orderly arrangement. That allowed Hux to finish his own preparations.

By the time Hux was ready to start, Phasma had an IV set up. He didn't ask where she got her hospital supplies. If she was performing surgery and procedures under the table, he didn't want to know. She was too smart to get caught, and her fully stocked kit was coming in handy.

They went work, Phasma handing Hux what he needed as he needed it with barely a word spoken between them. Hux blocked out everything but the tools in his hands and the slowly bleeding wound he was working to repair. He had to force back memories of his dreams as he worked. His hands shook slightly as he remembered frantically looking for the wound on Ren's body only to realize he was tearing himself apart. Hux had never felt closer to that than he did now. Each second Ren was out cold, he felt himself slipping further and further away.

Locating the bullet was the hardest part. Hux didn't want to randomly probe around in the injury since he had minimal equipment to repair any further damage he did. He didn't even have proper lighting for such a surgery. Phasma had grabbed the light they used for vaginal exams from Room 1, and she had it shining down over Ren's stomach, adjusting it as needed.

Once Hux found the bullet, he carefully removed it. Once it clinked into the metal dish Phasma held up, Hux went about trying to stop the bleeding. He forced himself not to look up at Ren's pale face or remember the way he'd touched Ren's body not a week earlier. Instead, he focused on ensuring that he didn't miss anything. He pulled a piece of fabric from the wound before he got everything closed up, and Rey compared it to Ren's shirt. Thankfully, it was the right size, and they didn't have to go fishing for more.

Phasma took over when there were only the external sutures to do, so Hux could move onto the other injuries. The puncture to Ren's shoulder was probably the worst of his injuries simply because of the amount of tearing it had created. Hux could tell that Ren had struggled against this wound, and he was very lucky he hadn't nicked anything in the process. Hux took his time attempting to correct the damage, but he wasn't certain that Ren would ever regain full mobility of the arm. When he was finished, Phasma took over closing that one as well.

Hux cleaned the gash on Ren's face while Phasma worked, and Rey stepped back. Ren was lucky that he hadn't lost an eye, but his face would be forever scarred by the wound. The break was thankfully not as bad as he'd first assumed. Once the swelling went down, it should heal on its own without intervention. Hux found himself stroking Ren's uninjured cheek once he'd sutured the injury and covered it in fresh gauze to protect against infection.

When they were finished, they both stepped back and looked at Ren's prone form. “You don't know any of the particulars?” she asked, pulling off her gloves and tossing them into the trash.

“She does,” Hux said, nodding at Rey who looked around for something to do. Hux pulled off his gloves, so he could run his fingers through his gelled hair. “I need to call Governor Organa,” Hux said, coming to the decision as the words slipped from his mouth.

“What does she have to do with this?” Phasma asked him, though she didn't sound like she cared either way what he did.

“She's his mother.”

“I miss the army. At least that made sense,” Phasma sighed, turning to clean up their work area. “Should I dress him, or should I leave that to you?” she asked without looking up. Rey looked up at that, clearly hoping for something to do with her hands.

“I'll handle it,” he told her, knowing that Ren didn't like being touched by anyone he didn't expressly give permission to touch him. Taking care of this was the least Hux could do for him even if he still didn't know where things stood between them.

Hux went through the supply closet collecting the old comforters his mother had kept at the clinic. He left a few of the dirtiest looking ones on the floor, but the others he brought to the treatment room. He stopped short in the doorway of the room.

Kylo laid prone on the too small table, bared to the world. His feet hung off the end of the table as did his right arm. He looked more corpse than person, and Hux felt his chest constrict. He released a shaking breath as he stepped inside.

Kylo was still partially covered by the bits of paper gowns they'd used to isolate the injuries. However, the rest of him was only covered in new and old bruises. Hux could tell Ren hadn't been eating much recently. His muscles were more defined, but his ribs showed and his hips were too sharp.

Hux pulled a clean fabric gown out from beneath the table. He covered Kylo in it, easing it up his arms and rolling it down over the fresh bandage that already had a small bloom of red on it, then down to his mid thighs. It's soft pink color looked out of place on Kylo if for no other reason than Hux had never seen him in anything but black and the gray that came from washing blacks too much. It just looked wrong. It made him seem even more vulnerable than the bullet hole already made him.

“Idiot,” Hux sighed as he lifted the first blanket over Kylo's body. He tucked it around Kylo's feet to protect his extremities from shock. He layered another blanket over that one and tucked it around Kylo's arms.

Hux paused beside Kylo's head. Phasma had stitched up his face, but it was still swollen and bruised. Hux bit his lip as he looked at damage that had been done there. Even with Phasma's expert stitches, it gash would scar. Hux cupped Kylo's uninjured cheek and ran his thumb over Kylo's parted lips.

“You just had to prove me wrong, didn't you?” Hux asked before stepping away.

Phasma stood in the doorway, watching him with a steady gaze. “I've performed surgeries in war zones that weren't that primitive, and the chaos hasn't even started yet has it?” she said as he walked toward her.

“I need you to go home, and get yourself an alibi. They're going to take my license for this, and I can't let them take yours too. Don't argue. This is an order,” Hux told her.

“And if he takes a turn for the worse?” she asked, sounding concerned instead of argumentative for once.

“I'll handle it, but I need to handle it alone. I need you and Mitaka clean of all of this, so you can take over,” Hux said.

“Call me when it's all clear, and give me your prepaid. I'll destroy it,” she told him.

“It's in my coat.”

Phasma nodded. She reached forward and squeezed his shoulder. “I made her tea and wrapped her in the blanket in your office. She's strong, but try to be gentle with her. She's still young. She hasn't learned to be as cynical as the rest of us yet,” Phasma said before walking down the hall to get the phone and get out.

Hux looked over his shoulder at Kylo before closing the door and going to call Leia. She deserved to know. Rey wasn't in his office when he got there, so he figured she was in the kitchenette.

He picked up his phone and took a steadying breath as he dialed the number he'd memorized. “Governor Organa is indisposed currently, you'll have to call bac—” Leia's assistant answered.

“She'll want to talk to me. It's about her son,” Hux said.

“I'm sorry. I don't know who you are, but Governor Organa's son is deceased. This isn't funny. We will have this number tra—”

“Who is this?” Leia's voice answered, sounding out of breath.

“It's Hux."

"What's wrong?" she asked, sounding like she already feared what he would tell her.

"It's about Kylo.  He's been injured. I'm waiting for him to wake.”

"How injured?" she asked, having no time for him to suddenly discover his bedside manner.

"He was shot as well as stabbed.  He's stable right now," Hux explained.

“No,” Leia said in disbelief. He could feel just how hard the news shook her. He hadn't had time to feel it so sharply himself, but now it hit him as it did her. Everything she'd done to try to protect him had failed.

“He's at my clinic. He's still out cold, but he made it through surgery,” Hux told her.  He realize for the first time that the odds had been very good that he wouldn't have made it through surgery.  Just one miscalculation, and it could've all ended. They were completely unequipped if Kylo had crashed.

“I want to see him.”

“I'm not certain that is for the best. There will be an investigation...”

“I want to see my son,” the Governor said, using every ounce of authority she had.

“It could ruin—”

“I'm coming to see my son. That is final.”

Hux hung up the phone, staring at the pile of papers he'd signed. At least all of that was in place. They'd take his license for operating on a gun shot wound in this tiny place. Phasma would be clear though. He'd make sure this place survived.

“I called Poe,” Rey said. “They're on their way.” She walked into the office and took a seat a across from Hux.

Hux nodded but didn't say anything. He stared at the spot he'd placed his revolver when he'd called Phasma. She must have taken it with the phone. He didn't know what he'd do without her.

“Doctor Hux?” Rey asked, sounding timid for the first time in their acquaintance. Hux looked up and she was chewing on her bottom lip. She looked young. She _was_ young, and she didn't deserve to be caught in the middle of this. No one should have let her trail Kylo. No one should have put her in danger...but Kylo probably would've bled to death in his building...

“Yes?” he responded softly, feeling like raising his voice would shatter the spell they were under.

“Kylo...he killed Snoke because Snoke asked him to hurt you...” Rey held up her phone. “You should see it before they take it...if you want to,” she said, holding out her phone to him.

“See what?” Hux asked.

“The video. I said I taped it,” she replied, looking like she'd sucked up all of that vulnerability he'd just witnessed and tucked it away somewhere safe. The woman who was looking him in the eye was sure of herself and not afraid to confront what had happened tonight. This was the woman who had half carried Kylo two blocks to Hux's door instead of fleeing.

Hux took the phone, and sat back again. “You shouldn't have had to see what happened to him,” Hux told her not looking at the phone in his hands.

“If I didn't, he'd be charged with murder if he wasn't already dead. Just watch it, Doctor Hux. I'll wait for the police,” she said, offering him privacy.

Hux didn't know how to respond. He stared at the small phone Rey had handed to him as she stepped out of the room. It was several years obsolete, but it still had a decent camera on it. Hux studied the small image of Snoke and Ren standing in the hall of Kylo's building. Snoke looked out of place in his expensive coat and ornate cane. Kylo looked like part of the building. He was hunched slightly, shoulders curled in like he was trying to make himself smaller.

Unable to make out much else, Hux hit the little play button. The sound was awful, picking up the drafts from the rundown building rather than the voices of those in the video. However, words weren't necessary to understand what was happening on the little screen.

Snoke's body language was furious. The camera picked up his shouts when they boomed through the vacant halls.

_“...your fault...a disgrace...I did not raise you to be such a useless welp!”_

Hux bit his bottom lip as he watched Kylo curl in further but continue to stand at attention, taking the man's abusive words.

_“...will not stand for this! You're going to fix it,”_ Snoke demanded, stepping into Ren's space. Ren stood as still as a statue as Snoke got in his face. Hux couldn't hear the words he said to Ren, but he didn't doubt they were vile.

Out of nowhere, Snoke swung the cane up, hitting Kylo across the cheek. _“I do not tolerate weakness,”_ Snoke shouted as Kylo's head snapped back.

Hux felt his fingers tighten around the phone, wanting desperately to help Ren but it was already too late for that. Kylo was lying unconscious in his exam room, clinging to a life Snoke had already torn to shreds.

The video continued, and Snoke grabbed Kylo by the shirt and pulled him in close again. He spoke too quietly for the camera again, but Hux saw Kylo shake his head like he was saying no.

_“You don't make the rules. He needs to be dealt with,”_ Snoke shouted in Kylo's ear, and even Hux flinched knowing that Kylo's ear would still be ringing if he was conscious. _“You are the reason he's doing this. You are the reason he's ruining everything. You are going to fix it. He has to go,”_ Snoke continued to rant.

Hux realized they were talking about him. He'd imagined that Snoke had punished Kylo for their involvement before, but to see it happening turned his stomach. He'd made that announcement to force Snoke to act, but this wasn't what he planned for. He hadn't believed Snoke would punish Kylo for it, but it made sense.

_“You will kill him.”_ Hux heard Snoke say it, and he felt a tremor run down his own spine. _“Make him suffer for what he's done, then we'll take the clinic and the foundation when his father inherits it,”_ Snoke said.

Hux felt vindication in the worst possible way. Snoke had asked Kylo to hurt him. Kylo's shoulders curled in further, and Hux felt his chest constrict horribly. Then Kylo stood his full height, towering over Snoke and looking down on him like an ant.

Hux was unable to hear what Kylo said, but he knew it was a refusal. Snoke immediately swung the cane again, bringing it around Kylo's back expertly and knocking him firmly in the kidney. Hux winced as Kylo shouted, but Kylo held his ground.

_“No,”_ Kylo said loudly this time.

_“You think you can disobey me?”_ Snoke demanded, hitting Kylo again. Kylo didn't move to block him, accepting the punishment and collapsing to his knees.

Snoke kicked him to the ground, so Kylo was flat on his back. Hux watched as Snoke unsheathed the blade that was hidden in his cane. He pressed his foot to Kylo's chest and brought the blade to his face.

Hux could hear Rey's gasp over on the video as Kylo began to scream. Snoke seemed to carve up the side of Kylo's face slowly, so he felt every inch of flesh that was torn open. Hux felt sick watching Kylo accept his torture.

_“You will kill him, or I will kill you, you undeserving child,”_ Snoke said, sinking the blade into Kylo's shoulder.

Kylo screamed again, but he reached up and grabbed the blade. Hux wanted to turn the video off, but he watched as Snoke pulled the blade free of Kylo's shoulder, cutting open Kylo's gloved palm in the process.

_“...this day would come...should never have...”_

Hux watched in horror as Snoke sheathed the blade and reached into his coat to remove a handgun.

_“You're willing to die for that useless doctor, but would he do the same for you? Would he care if he knew you were lying here about to die for him? I doubt it. Think about that Kylo. Think about all I've given to you, and you're willing to throw it away for a man who hates you,”_ Snoke said, aiming the gun down at Kylo and firing at him.

The phone dropped to the floor as the sound of the gun echoed through the halls. Hux picked the phone back up with shaking fingers, and he realized that Rey had also dropped the phone. He heard curses as she quickly picked it up and aimed it again, but the first thing he saw was Snoke staring at her.

Even though Rey was with him, Hux felt cold fear travel down his spine as Snoke began to lift his gun as he stepped closer to her.

_“A spy,”_ he sneered.

Hux's heart raced as Kylo propped himself up on his elbow. Even in the dim light, Hux could see the horror that was Kylo's face. It was twisted in a look of pain as Kylo removed a knife from his pocket and lunged at Snoke.

Rey's scream echoed through the speaker as Kylo took Snoke to the ground, bringing his knife down repeatedly as he screamed.

Hux was in shock as Ren looked up at the camera, at Rey. Even from the distance and poor lighting, Hux could see how untamed and powerful Kylo was. His chest was clearly heaving as he tried to get enough air into his lungs. His hair was wild and hanging in his face, distorting the gruesome slash across it.

_“Go,”_ he shouted at her, but his voice wasn't nearly as violent as his actions.

_“But—”_

_“Get out of here. You don't want to be here,”_ he told her.

_“But you're hurt. Who's going to help you?”_ she asked.

Kylo's shoulders seemed to curl inward again as she said that, and he swayed in his spot over Snoke's prone body.

_“I don't deserve help. Go.”_

The video cut out, and Hux just stared at the screen as it asked if he wanted to play it again. Hux felt sick to his stomach as he rose from his seat and staggered to the room Kylo was in. He could feel Rey following him as soon as he exited his office, but she didn't make a sound.

He just walked down to Room Three and opened the door. Kylo's hand had fallen out of the blanket again and he walked in and cupped Ren's cold fingers in his own.

“Did he fight you when you tried to help him?” Hux asked, not looking at Rey.

“He begged me to let him die,” she said, sounding choked up. She stayed back like she didn't belong in there anymore. “He said that he wanted it to stop hurting.”

“Always so dramatic,” Hux said, bringing Kylo's warming hand to his lips and pressing kisses to his bruised knuckles. “Why couldn't you just stand up to him before he hurt you?” Hux asked Kylo's prone form.

“I'm sorry,” Rey said, sounding painfully earnest.

“What do you have to be sorry for?” Hux asked absentmindedly.

“I'm just sorry that all of this happened to the both of you.”

“That's life. You didn't ask to be abandoned, but it happened. The world isn't very kind, Rey.”

“No, I guess it isn't. But you make it a little better. Your mother did too, and Kylo's been trying.”

“It comes naturally to him. He just fights it...” Hux said, turning around to find Poe and Finn standing with Rey. He felt a lump form him his throat as anger swell up inside him.

“What good are you if you can't prevent these things? Where were you when my clients were getting beaten by Snoke's orders? Where were you when a sixteen year old boy was manipulated that hidden away in a condemned building until he could be useful? Where the hell were you when he was regularly abused to keep him in line? But here you are, guns at the ready when it's already too late,” he spat seeing Poe with gun raised.

Hux couldn't help it; he saw red. He lunged for Poe who had stepped in front of Rey. Poe had been responding to every one of his calls for months. He'd seen what had been done to Hux's clinic, his home, his entire life, and he'd done nothing. He tried to strangle Poe, but Finn pulled him into a headlock and took him to the ground. Hux's arms were wrenched behind his back as he writhed and snarled. He needed to hurt something. He needed to break something for once. He was too tired to hold things together anymore. He just wanted to break.

“Don't cuff him.” It was Han's voice. The unmistakably disgruntled tone could belong to no other. Hux jerked his head to the side, nose bleeding from being hit against the floor. He could see Han and Leia outside the doorway, looking down at him with what felt a lot like pity. He could hear the sirens now. Soon the whole place would be swarming with police. Pretty soon, Hux's career and life would be over.

“Well, do any of you have an answer? Did I dig a bullet out of him just so you can lock him up for killing a man that deserved far worse?” Hux demanded, still pinned to the ground and feeling murderous.

“We'll take care of if, Kid,” Han told him, stepping into the room with his hands raised.

“I'm not a child. I am the top surgeon in my field. I'm up to my elbows in people's intestines on a regular basis. I fix the shit you people stir up.” Some of his words were muffled by the blood that got caught in his mouth.

“Ben's strong. He'll be okay,” Han said, kneeling beside him. The hands holding him in place eased up, and Han placed his hand on Hux's shoulder.

“No thanks to you,” Hux spat, turning his head to look up at Kylo's too pale hand which was once again hanging limply over the side of the cot. Han gripped him around the shoulders and pulled him up. He didn't try to handcuff Hux, but his grip held him steady. Hux wasn't going anywhere, not that he planned to.

Leia came into the room and went to Kylo's side while Poe diverted the officers that had started entering the building. Finn brought in one of the chairs that Hux had removed before the improvised surgery. He guided Hux into it, and he even rubbed his shaking shoulders before stepping to the side as Han exited the room. Hux couldn't help laughing when he saw the former med student.

“You get the last laugh after all,” Hux said, running his finger up the vein in Ren's forearm.

“How so, Doctor Hux?” Finn asked, sounding as genuine as ever.

“My father made your life hell. He humiliated you and drove you from the program. Now you get to see our dynasty fall, and you have a front row seat.”

“I don't hate you, Doctor. I wasn't cut out for med school. I love what I'm doing now. It's not perfect either, but I'm happy. I hope you understand that one day,” Finn told him, leaning against the counter. Hux didn't have the heart to tell him he'd fucked Ren in that very spot and it was the closest thing to happiness he could describe.

Instead, Hux turned to Leia who was on Kylo's other side. She looked older than he remembered as he watched her. she would rearrange his blankets now and again, clearly looking for a way to help but coming up empty. He could sympathize. He'd been feeling impotent for over a week.

“He's handsome,” she said like she'd never seen him fully grown before. He supposed this was the first time she'd seen him without the sneer he always wore when she was present.

“I suppose some might find him that way. I was thinking he's fortunate he didn't have looks to lose now that he's going to have that scar,” Hux said, studying the lines in Kylo's palm.

“You don't mean that,” she said softly. “You're allowed to be worried for him. We won't tell the press,” she said, combing Kylo's messy hair out of his face.

“I hate to break it to you, Governor Organa, but our relationship has never been based on pleasantries.”

“What on earth was it based on?” she asked.

Hux looked her in the eye and scowled. Before he could answer, Han walked back in and ushered everyone out of the room but he and Leia. “We can't have the governor seen here,” Han said when they were alone. “You need to go home or the cabin...”

“I'm not leaving him. I only just—”

“I can't save him from doing hard time if this investigation looks anything but immaculate. You need to get out of here before the Feds show,” Han told her.

Leia held her chin up like she might argue, but she looked down at Kylo and deflated. “I want regular updates. I want access to him as soon as he's stable, and I want to know everything that's going on,” she laid out her demands, pulling her gloves back on and letting Han lead her out. She paused in the doorway and turned back to Hux. “I'll stand by my word, but I expect you to look out for him, Doctor.”

“Yes, Governor,” Hux said. The door closed again, and Hux pressed his face to Kylo's skin.

He stood after a minute and pulled the blankets back. He figured he'd check the dressing while he had the time. He washed his hands and pulled on gloves, but the door opened just as he pulled Kylo's gown to the side to reveal the dressing.

Han slipped in and closed the door again, coming over but keeping a safe distance. The dressing wasn't much more bloody than it had been, and Hux felt the tension in his shoulders ease slightly.

“We need to take him to a hospital...”

“He said no hospitals.”

“He doesn't get a choice, Hux. You don't either. This is a federal investigation. Snoke was a politician with his hand in many pots, not the least of which was your foundation. This is going to get messy fast, and Ben's at the middle of it...”

“ _Kylo_ came to me because I would take care of him. If this is as big as you're saying, people could be after him. Maybe someone is looking to take Snoke's place. Maybe Snoke's loyals want to finish the job. He isn't safe if they know he's alive, and everyone will know he's alive if you take him to a hospital. My license is already as good as forfeit. Ethics be damned, I'm not letting you take him from me,” Hux told Han, covering Kylo's body from sight again. No one should be able to see him but Hux, not even the man who claimed to be his father.

“He needs proper medicine.”

“Which you will get for him and deliver to me.”

“I can't just—”

“What will Leia say if she got her son back just to lose him again because you couldn't abuse your power just this once? The rest of us aren't up to our elbows in the mud just so you can suddenly take the moral high ground.”

“You have no idea the strings I've pulled for him. You don't know a single thing about the charges I made not stick to him. You're not the only one that put himself on the line for my son.”

“But I'm the one that's going to suffer, so stuff it.”

“You have no idea what it's like to lose a child.”

“No, but I have a very good idea of what it is like to live with a disinterested father.”

Han didn't seem to have a rebuttal to that. He looked like he might just take a swing at Hux, but he stormed out instead.

Several officers came in, but short of arresting Hux they weren't taking him from Kylo's side. He claimed doctor patient privilege. Most of them were either too afraid of his glares or just didn't want to debate the nuances of the law with the angry doctor refusing to leave their suspect's side. Either way, it got Hux what he wanted.

He didn't like anyone going through his office without his supervision, but at this point they already had so what difference did it make. The clinic had nothing to hide. It was the foundation that was a mess, and he'd already handed all of that over.

Hux waited for hours, checking Kylo's vitals regularly. After the first hour of waiting, he just left his stethoscope on and kept it pressed to Kylo's chest. The delicate thud of his heart soothed some of Hux's worries.

Around dawn, two men came into the room. Hux could tell they were federal just from their walk. He gave them both level looks as he continued to clean Kylo's chest wound in order to redress it.

“I'll need a moment. I don't want anything to come in contact with the wound,” Hux said in his most authoritative voice.

“He should be in a hospital where he can get proper care,” one of the agents said.

“I'm not ignorant enough to believe you didn't google me before coming in here, so I'm going to assume you know my credentials,” Hux said, dropping the dirty wad of gauze into the trash and removing a sterile bandage from its packaging.

“We have a few questions,” the man said.

“I'm sure you do, but I need supplies or he's going to get an infection.”

They scowled but they agreed to his terms for now. Clearly, Han had already had it out with them.

Hux let them interrogate him for hours once they sent for the list of things he needed. He answered truthfully how he'd first met Kylo. He never said they were fucking, but judging by the looks they gave him they assumed something. He answered the questions about Snoke, and he even answered questions about his parents.

They didn't handcuff him before they left, so Hux decided that was a good thing. Han returned after a little while, and brought everything Hux had asked for. “Don't think you're out of the woods, Kid. That was just round one,” he said.

“I am not your child, and this isn't my first investigation. I've been grilled harder over uncontrollable deaths in my operating room. The police don't scare me,” Hux told him, setting up a drip to replace some of the blood Ren had lost.

“Hux?”

“What?” he asked as he slid the catheter into Kylo's arm making sure it was perfect. He pulled out the back of the catheter and attached the tube of the IV.

“Thank you for taking care of my son,” Han said. “Leia and I don't know how to thank you for what you've done.”

“I didn't do it for you. My motives are purely selfish, I assure you,” Hux told him, securing the IV, so he could set up the blood infusion.

“It doesn't matter.”

Hux doubted Han would be saying that when Kylo woke up and still hated them. There was always the chance he wouldn't wake, but Hux didn't want to think about that. He had the antibiotics and the blood now. Hopefully that would be enough for Ren to pull through.

Instead, he held Kylo's hand and waited either for Kylo to wake or the next round of interrogations. In the end, it was Finn that came in.

“They said they want to move you. Not to the hospital, but somewhere safe. They'll let you stay with him for now, but he's going to be questioned when he wakes up, and they aren't finished with you,” he said, holding open his coat. Hux sighed and slipped into it.

Moving Kylo wasn't easy, but Hux had plenty of help. Poe and Finn were even gentle as they helped Hux get Ren onto the gurney. It was strange how they balanced on the fence between being his friends and being the threat to his freedom. Once they had Ren situated in the ambulance, Hux leaned his head back and let the paramedics take a look at him.

“You did all this yourself, Doc?” one of the paramedics asked as they took a look at Hux's handiwork. Hux just raised an eyebrow at him to let him know what a stupid question that was.

“Man, I guess that's why you're makin' the big bucks.”

Hux snorted. If only it was that simple. Looking down at Kylo's pale face, Hux longed for the days when life was as simple as performing surgery to the best of his ability and moving on. Everything had become so personal, and as much as he fought it his work affected him deeply. Kylo affected him deeply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings: physical abuse, assault, severe injury, violence, medical procedure, gunshot wounds, knife wounds


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter specific warnings at the end

Hux sat at Ren's bedside through the night and the following day. He didn't dare get into the bed with Ren for fear of hurting him further. The current wounds weren't his only worry. Ren's body had endured so much in his time with Snoke that he feared that old wounds and weaknesses might pose a threat to his ability to stabilize. Not the least of these concerns were his kidneys which had been a clear favorite target of Snoke's.

Still, watching the steady rise and fall of Ren's chest brought a small amount of peace to Hux's mind. He reminded himself that Ren was a fighter as he leaned over the edge of the bed and took Ren's pale hand in his own. He mentally berated himself for such a sentimental action, but he told his mind to be quiet. It sounded too much like his father, and Hux couldn't help hoping his father would take the fall for Snoke's plans.

“I'm a sentimental fool. It's as simple as that, Ren,” he told the sleeping man. “You bring out all of my weaknesses, and we've both paid for it.” He stroked Ren's knuckles with the pad of his thumb before bringing the hand to his lips and kissing it.

Ren's chest continued to rise and fall in the same steady rhythm, and Hux couldn't tear his eyes away from him. Ren had woken briefly, but he was delirious and barely stayed conscious for five minutes. It was enough time to force water down his parched throat and promise him that he was safe. Ren had been sleeping since.

Hux was never left alone with him for long, but Finn and Poe and a couple other officers kept a low profile and didn't seem interested in interfering. Most of them left Hux to fuss over Ren as he saw fit. Others asked him boring questions about how many gunshot wounds he'd treated or what the worst injury he'd seen a human survive was. Hux didn't even have the energy to terrify them with ER horror stories.

It was around nine in the evening when Hux felt something heavy rest over his hand. He opened his eyes from his doze on the uncomfortable chair to see Kylo watching him with heavy lidded eyes.

“How are you feeling?” Hux asked softly, feeling overcome by the sharpness of Kylo's eyes. This wasn't some fever dream. Those were Kylo's intelligent eyes watching him with a tentative smile on his lips.

“Like I'm being held together with string,” Kylo retorted hoarsely.

“Well congratulations Ren, you finally came in with a real medical emergency. Unfortunately, you were unconscious the entire time and didn't get to see me cut your clothes off or operate on you,” was the first thing that came to Hux's mind. The whole situation was so ridiculous considering their history.

“I'm sorry I missed it...would you be up for a reenactment?” Kylo rasped, fingers fumbling in an attempt to hold Hux's hand.

“Not fucking likely. I'll kill you myself if you ever think of doing that to me again,” he said, taking Kylo's hand in his and lacing their fingers together.

Kylo closed his eyes then slowly opened them again. He looked like he was barely holding onto consciousness. It would've worried Hux more, but he doubted Kylo had been sleeping much before the incident. His body probably just needed extra rest to heal. His vitals had been stable since they arrived at the safe house, but just because he was stable didn't mean his body wasn't under tremendous stress.

“I killed him...”

Hux pressed his finger to Kylo's lips, looking over at the officer who was asleep in his chair on the side of the room. “I know.”

Kylo shook his head to dislodge Hux's fingers. “No, you were right...” Kylo paused as though to catch his breath from the exertion of speaking.

“I'm always right,” Hux said, to fill the gap in conversation.

Kylo snorted softly. He winced as it must have pulled his facial injury. Hux cupped his jaw and leaned in close, so Kylo could just whisper to him.

“He asked me to hurt you. He said you stood between me and greatness...” Kylo didn't need to say what his response had been, but Kylo's lips brushed his ear. “I refused,” he said, and Hux had never felt such a delightful flutter run down his spine as he did when Kylo said those words. “Whether you care or not, I love you,” he whispered, lips brushing Hux's skin with every twitch.

Hux's breath stuttered out of him. “I care,” he replied, turning his head just enough to catch the corner of Ren's mouth. He kept the kiss chaste because half of Ren's face was still covered in deep purple bruising and a gash that was barely held in check by too many stitches. “I care, and I would've done the same. I will berate you when you are feeling well enough, but... _I care,_ ” Hux said, sitting back and stroking Kylo's cheek with his thumb.

Kylo's eyes were watery, but Hux tried to ignore it. He'd seen enough of Ren's vulnerability in the last twenty-four hours. He didn't need to see him cry to know he was mortal. Hux ignored his own blurry vision as he watched Kylo turn his face to wipe his good eye on his shoulder.

Hux grabbed a tissue and dabbed at Kylo's injured side, so he wasn't forced to blink the tear away. “What are you feeling?” Hux asked, putting on his best doctor voice, even though he felt more like a concerned lover.

“I feel like I want to take a piss,” Kylo said, and Hux snorted.

“I inserted a catheter. If you feel like you need to urinate, it's just the balloon,” Hux told him, lifting up the bag he'd hooked to the foot board.

Kylo looked a little horrified but also a little awed. “I told you that you missed all the fun,” Hux said teasing. “I don't suggest getting excited about it either because that isn't likely to feel good.”

“I hate you,” Kylo said, blushing slightly at Hux's doctor jokes.

“I know,” Hux retorted, grateful for the small splotches of color on Kylo's too pale cheeks. “Thank you,” Hux said softly, unable to stop the sentimentality from seeping back in.

The officer snored loud enough to wake himself, and Hux turned to watch him startle in his seat. He looked over at them, and got up as soon as he saw Ren's eyes open. “I'll tell the Chief,” he said, retreating as he awkwardly wiped the drool from his mouth.

“The chief?” Kylo asked.

Hux bit his lip, wondering how to break it to him. “Han. He and Leia...I called her when I learned Snoke's intentions—”

“No!” It was breathless and fearful, and Hux had to hold his shoulders down so he didn't struggle.

“Calm down,” Hux ordered, and Kylo stilled—perhaps because he had little energy to waste. Hux didn't try to kid himself into believing it was because he trusted Hux. “No one is going to hurt you. We're in police custody though, because you broke into my clinic and we had to call them,” Hux explained, pulling the covers back when Kylo relaxed again. He checked his dressings, but he didn't see a blood stain, thankfully.

“No one comes in unless I say so...other than an officer. I had to make some concessions. I don't think they realize I'm running the show,” Hux whispered.

“I don't know how. All you ever do is give orders,” Kylo retorted, but started to cough.

Hux grabbed the cup of water beside the bed and held the straw for Ren to drink. “Just relax. You need to heal. I'll take care of the rest,” Hux said, pressing a kiss to Ren's forehead before standing up and walking to the door.

“Hux,” Ren rasped. Hux looked at him over his shoulder.

“You believe me?” he asked.

“About what, Ren?”

“That I never meant to hurt you, and I didn't use you to help Snoke?” Ren asked.

Hux gripped the doorknob tightly, but he didn't walk out. That would be cowardly, and that was something Hux was not. “I don't blame you for what happened, but it happened.”

“Is there a future...for us?” Ren asked.

“I would like there to be,” Hux told him, slipping out of the room to speak to Han. Hux couldn't bear the thought of letting Ren out of his sight for more than a few minutes, but Ren couldn't know that. He just wanted his life back, then he could focus on rebuilding that life with Ren.

Hux squeezed his eyes closed for a moment. Ren had nowhere to stay. He'd been living in Snoke's building. He couldn't go back. Mentally, Hux started planning what he'd need to buy for Ren when he moved in. Top priority was a tooth brush because his breath was currently disgusting. He was also going to need clothes because as much as Hux didn't mind him naked, that probably wouldn't work once he was mobile.

Han was waiting in the living room with the agents, and Hux delivered an update on Ren's condition with little emotion as he always did with patients. The agents listened politely, but Han looked relieved as Hux admitted he believed Ren was recovering nicely.

“We want to speak to you if you think Mr. Ren can be left alone for a while,” one of the agents said.

“I don't want to leave him long, but I can speak for now,” Hux said, taking the seat Han pointed him to.

They grilled him, looking for any inconsistencies in the story he told Han and the one he told now. Like Hux had told Han, he was grilled harder for medical malpractice investigations than he was being now. He'd never cracked under that pressure, and a couple men in suits—which they could barely afford on a government salary—weren't going to frighten him.

When they finished, he returned to the bedroom. Ren was still awake, but his eyelids were heavy and he could hardly speak without slurring horribly. The painkillers were clearly working. Hux took his vitals and checked his wounds before putting a fresh dressing on the gut wound. He went to the attached bathroom and soaked a wash cloth in order to clean the sweat from Ren's face.

Kylo leaned into the touch as Hux gently wiped his forehead and down his uninjured cheek. He checked the stitches on Kylo's face, but they were all still holding. Hux was grateful that Kylo didn't have the strength to have a blow up because those stitches would be the first thing to be ruined. He knew it was only a matter of time before Ren got restless though. He was not one to sit around idol.

Ren's hand caught Hux's wrist as he pulled the cloth back. “Sleep with me?” he asked softly.

“The chair is fine for me,” Hux replied, running his fingers through Kylo's messy hair.

“No. Sleep with me.” It was an order this time even if it was a weak one.

Hux sighed, getting up and putting the cloth back in the bathroom. When he came back, the side of the bed that Ren wasn't sleeping on was uncovered and inviting. Hux unbuttoned the collar of his shirt and removed his belt, but he left his clothes on as he eased into bed beside Ren.

There was about a foot of space between them once Hux got settled, and it was strange. Hux didn't know how to bridge it. He didn't want to physically hurt Kylo, but keeping his distance did nothing for the emotional pain Kylo was certainly in.

Eventually, it was Kylo who slid his hand over to Hux and clasped their fingers. The stubbornness left Hux for a moment, and he rolled onto his side to look at Kylo. He'd turned his head to look at Hux as well, and they both just laid there in silence watching each other and holding hands.

A year ago, Hux would never have tolerated such a thing. His significant other could've been on their deathbed, and he would have been more concerned about the medical report. However, Ren, for all his hard edges and mistakes, had seemed to figure out just how Hux ticked and somehow rewired all of the faulty circuits.

Hux never bridged the foot of space between them, but he didn't let go of Ren's hand even long after Ren's eyes had drooped closed and he'd begun to snore softly.

* * *

 

Leia arrived sometime late that night. Hell broke loose outside the bedroom they were staying in when she showed up. Hux heard her give a dressing down to two officers and her own husband before she headed for the bedroom door.

Hux was up and out of bed before she could make it to the door. He nimbly avoided jostling Kylo who was still sleeping fitfully as he'd been doing on and off all night.

 _“I want to see my son,”_ Leia's voice carried through the door.

 _“The doctor hasn't let anyone in but officers,”_ Han replied, sounding tired and angry. Hux assumed that was just his normal mood though.

_“He's my son.”_

_“He's our son...”_

_“And you're fine with getting secondhand information from your officers?_ ” Leia asked sharply. _“What's his condition, Dameron?”_

 _“He's in good hands, Governor,”_ Poe said, sounding reverent as he spoke to her.

Hux motioned for the officer who was sitting in the corner to stay seated, and he walked to the door. He opened it and met her with a steady gaze.

“Governor, so nice of you to stop by,” he said, keeping his tone bored. He knew that his clothes were rumpled from sleeping in them, and he wasn't wearing his shoes. He didn't let that stop him. He held his chin high and looked down at her like she had no business being there.

“I want to see him.”

“He is incapable of seeing visitors. He needs his rest, doctor's orders,” Hux said, smiling tightly at her.

“Don't give me that. I want to see my son,” Leia retorted.

“As much as I am a sucker for happy reunions, I assure you that forcing your way into this room and harassing him will not result in such a meeting. He's sore, he's exhausted, and he's hurting not just from his physical wounds. Like I told him earlier, just because we made it out the other side doesn't mean that nothing happened. You have a chance to rebuild something with him, but this isn't the way to go about it,” Hux told her, keeping his voice soft enough that Ren couldn't listen in if he woke from his doze.

Leia looked like she might just push him out of the way and march in anyway, but she didn't. She sighed and motioned for Hux to join her in the living room. Hux turned and made eye contact with the officer. “If he wakes...”

“Don't worry, I'll keep an eye on him,” he said, adjusting his position to face Kylo instead of the window. Hux nodded and walked out into the living room again. Just Han was left in there. Either Poe and the other officer had gone to bed or taken the hint and given them space.

“What's his status?” Leia asked, going to sit beside Han even though she scowled at him and the glass of scotch in his hand. Hux wished someone had offered him a drink or a cigarette. He felt like his hands hadn't stopped shaking since he put the last stitch in Kylo.

“He's stable. I'm giving him a cocktail of painkillers and antibiotics, and I gave him a pint of blood. The bullet missed most vital organs, but I'm worried about his kidneys. They've taken abuse which I've documented throughout our acquaintance, and currently his left side is severely bruised not just from the bullet. I'm keeping an eye on it, but we could still need to take this to a hospital if he takes a turn. As for the rest of his body, the stitches in his face are holding. He's taking fluids when he's awake, but nothing solid for a few more days,” Hux explained, standing in front of both Kylo's parents and studying them as much as they studied him.

He wondered how they could be so concerned now that Kylo didn't need them, but when he'd needed them most they were oblivious to him. Hux knew that they weren't Snoke. They weren't responsible for Kylo being laid up in the other room, but he couldn't help feeling a degree of bitterness toward them on Kylo's behalf.

“You said 'missed most of his vital organs.” What didn't it miss?” Leia asked, picking up on Hux's wording quickly.

Hux sighed. “There was a small tear in his small intestine. The bullet was lodged in his abdominal cavity, and I had to locate it and ensure the surrounding organs were viable. I have dealt with far worse injuries to the intestine. We slowed the blood flow and assessed the damage and determined that repairing it would be safer than extracting the section. I assure you that the intestine is the least of—”

“You did this in your clinic instead of an OR?”

“Governor, I've stitched your son up in the insect and bacteria ridden derelict he calls a home. I assure you that my office is far cleaner than that, and if he could've he probably would have had me operate on him on that buggy mattress of his. My instruments are always sterile, and I took all precautions not to introduce pathogens. Kylo is strong. I have faith he will recover fully from his physical injuries if given the time to rest,” Hux told her, scratching his head and further messing up his hair.

“I'm trusting—”

“You have no choice but to trust me. Kylo came to me. He trusts me, and if you ever want to speak to him again you're going to have to trust me. He doesn't want anything to do with you, and I have half a mind to leave it that way...but I... _care_ about him, and he needs to be loved instead of isolated...and I can't do that on my own...” Hux cleared his throat and took a step back. “I should check on him,” he said, fleeing the situation.

Maybe he was part coward, but he'd never admitted to having feelings about anyone even to his own mother, never mind Leia Organa who he was fairly certain wanted to castrate him for Kylo not being in perfect condition right now, and Han Solo who just wanted him dead.

“Hux?”

Hux turned at the door to look at Leia. Her face was hard as stone as she sized him up. “Don't forget that you need us just as much as we need you,” Leia said, and Hux knew it to be a threat. She had no problem getting rid of him if he didn't deliver on his end of the bargain. She wanted her son back. She didn't care if he came with Hux attached.

Hux didn't say anything in response, opening the door and slipping into the bedroom.

“God I hate family,” Hux said as he walked across the bedroom. Kylo gave him a commiserating look. Clearly, they hadn't been quiet enough for Kylo to sleep through it.

Kylo groaned as Hux slipped his tongue between Kylo's chapped lips. “I hate you for getting me into all of this and for worrying me, but I swear to god if you ever do something this stupid again I will not be held responsible for my actions when I tear this city apart,” Hux told him, pressing his forehead to Kylo's.

Kylo gritted his teeth, but he didn't complain about his stitches hurting. “I'm going to send him out of the room and if they don't like it they can arrest me. I can't take another minute watching you here and not being able to touch you,” Hux whispered. Leia's frustration was making Hux's own skin itch. He wanted to hold Kylo. He wanted to feel some semblance of normalcy and control.

“Please,” Kylo agreed.

“Officer, I need an hour or two with the patient,” Hux announced.

“What? What's wrong?” he asked, suddenly rising from his seat.

“Complication of surgery. He needs an enema. It can get _messy_. I don't think you—”

“That's fine, just let me...know when you're finished,” he said, waving and beating a hasty retreat. Clearly, the man drew a line at what he was willing to witness in the line of duty. Gunshot wounds were nothing compared to a little shit. Hux would've laughed if Kylo wasn't giving him a _look_.

“I need an enema? Couldn't you just say you needed to check my wounds?” he asked, sounding wholly offended.

“This bought us more time,” Hux said, climbing over Kylo and kissing his bare shoulder.

“I thought you said I shouldn't be getting myself aroused,” Kylo noted.

“Who says you're getting aroused?” Hux asked, pulling off his shirt and unzipping his pants.

“Well, you're getting naked, so...”

Hux blushed softly. “I want to feel you. You don't know how much I've missed sleeping with you.”

“I do.” Kylo turned his face away as Hux removed his pants and settled down beside him.

“What's wrong?” Hux asked, kissing his shoulder again and cupping his face to turn it to him.

“You believed I was working against you. You believed I'd hurt you... _kill_ you,” Kylo said, lifting his hand to brush his bruised knuckles over Hux's cheek.

Hux cleared his throat. “I did. I've never known anyone who would stand by me, other than my mother. Significant others just wanted to date a surgeon or...I wasn't very good to them. I wasn't very good to you. I'll never understand why you continued to come back. It's in my nature to doubt anyone's ability to care about me...It was my shortcoming, not yours,” Hux told him.

“He didn't tell me about your patients. He kept it from me because he knew I wouldn't approve. When I asked him...he told me you were poisoning my mind. He claimed you wanted to take all of his successes for your own. He told me you were making me weak...”

“I was.”

“I didn't feel weak. I felt clear headed when I was with you. I felt like some of what was eating away at me couldn't touch me at the same time you did. You let me feel like I was doing some good for once. Making sure people were safe at your clinic...it felt right.”

“It was all a lie.”

“No, it was real. It was just manipulated by him. Everything always was though. If everything he had his hand in wasn't real, then half of my life was a dream.”

“What made you kill him?” Hux asked, terribly curious now that Kylo was talking about it. He wanted to know what had snapped as Kylo was lying there waiting to die.

Kylo looked at him then like Hux was the stupidest man he'd ever known. “I told you. He was going to hurt you. If I didn't do it for him, he'd get someone else to. I promised I wouldn't let anything happen to you,” he said as though it was completely obvious.

“That's it?” Hux asked, feeling breathless.

“Isn't that reason enough?”

“I wasn't good to you,” Hux said, running his fingers over Kylo's clammy skin.

Kylo laughed until it clearly became painful. “You were though. You took me home and cared for me when he left me in the garden. You broke your own rules for me,” Kylo said. His voice was hoarse, and Hux reached for the glass of water. “Your hands...”

Hux shushed him and coaxed him to drink, but Kylo pushed the straw away after a moment. “You stole his investment. You embarrassed him. He was furious. He told me to...seduce you...and make you have an unfortunate accident. I told him I wouldn't do it. He used his cane. He always did when I refused—”

“What did you refuse at the fundraiser?” Hux asked, rubbing Kylo's chest with his palm soothingly though he felt like shaking him until he answered.

“He wanted me to make a scene. He wanted everyone to know I was Leia's son. I was too worried about you. You looked like you were unraveling, and I couldn't ruin your big night...”

“Oh,” Hux said, resting his forehead against Kylo's shoulder being careful of his injury. He didn't know what to do. He felt hopelessly lost.

“How bad is my face?” Kylo asked, changing the subject slightly.

“It'll scar.”

“Is it hideous?” He sounded remarkably self-conscious for a man who tried to be as terrifying as possible.

“Nothing fucking you from behind can't fix,” Hux retorted, wiping his teary eyes on Kylo's skin.

“Do I at least get a prostate exam while you're back there?” Kylo teased him. Both of their voices were too flat for the jokes to actually land, but they tried to be strong for the other. It was hard to pretend though, when Kylo could hardly move or speak without aggravating his injuries.

“I'm finished. They'll take my license as soon as they can,” Hux admitted, feeling some of the pressure in his chest recede by saying it aloud. He'd been thinking it since Kylo showed up at the clinic, but now it felt real.

“Will you get to keep the lab coat?” Ren asked, voice still rasping.

Hux lifted his head and gave him an incredulous look. “Yes.”

“Good. I'm afraid I don't have any money to buy you a new one or latex gloves,” Ren told him, reaching up and brushing away his tears.

“What are you on about, Ren? Are you delirious?”

“You told me to buy my girlfriend a lab coat and some latex gloves if I wanted to play doctor,” Ren told him. “Since I'm already laid up...”

Hux was tempted to slap him, but he deflated instead. Hux ran his fingers through Ren's messy hair. “I hate you.” Each tear that fell down his cheeks took a bit more fire from his words.

“I know.”

“Don't do this to me ever again.”

“I'm the one who got shot and stabbed,” Ren pointed out, but he gave up when Hux leaned down to kiss him chastely.

“Because you're an idiot with no sense of self-preservation,” Hux chided him.

“Excuse me for standing up to the man that ordered me to kill you,” Ren complained.

“And I'm the one that had to dig around in your abdominal cavity to save your stubborn ass.”

“Can I do nothing worthy of praise?” Kylo asked.

Hux scoffed, tugging at Kylo's earlobe. “You need to rest up,” Hux said, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek.

“Only if you promise to stay,” Kylo said, slurring his speech tiredly.

“Of course,” Hux agreed, giving him one last kiss which Kylo turned his face in time to catch on the lips.

“I keep my promises,” Kylo said.

“I know.”

* * *

 

Hux woke a few hours later as the morning light shone through the curtains. It wasn't his apartment, but at least it wasn't Kylo's either. The bed was fairly soft, and the light brought life to Kylo's mottled skin. Hux found himself a little breathless as he looked at Kylo's sleeping features.

He couldn't believe they were both here and alive. Smiling to himself, his mind concocted a plan to surprise Kylo and perhaps apologize to him for his behavior. He knew he couldn't erase the things he'd done that had contributed to this. Maybe if he hadn't pushed Kylo away, they could have worked together...but that wasn't a path that led anywhere productive.

Hux carefully got out of bed and grabbed the pair of scrubs he brought with him in the hasty escape from the clinic. He dressed quickly and went to the door. No officer had come to replace the one he'd scared off with threats of forced bowel movements, so he made sure it was locked before returning to Kylo's side.

Hux ran his fingertips over Kylo's lips before going to the bathroom and washing his hands. He came back and pulled on a pair of gloves then brought a bucket from the bathroom over to the foot of the bed. He emptied the Foley bag into the bucket before closing it again and hanging it from the foot of the bed. Once that was done, and he'd emptied the bucket in the toilet and washed up again; he carefully pulled back the blankets when he returned. Kylo woke as Hux rubbed his abdomen while using a syringe to drain the balloon in the catheter.

“What's going on?” Kylo asked tiredly.

“Just stay relaxed and take a breath for me,” Hux told him.

Kylo didn't argue, just breathing slowly out of his nose. Hux carefully removed the tubing, making sure there was no mess. Kylo groaned once he was free of it, and Hux smiled at him as he disposed of it and the bag.

He came back with a small basin and a wash cloth as well as a glass of water. Kylo watched him as he set it all down on the nightstand and looked at him. Hux actually felt a little shy about his plan now that Kylo was watching him, but he squared his shoulders and gave Kylo his favorite exasperated look.

“You need to drink plenty of water, then you need a bath. You smell like death and halitosis. Now, stay still while I bath you,” Hux ordered, throwing in a few insults for good measure.

Kylo's nostrils flared as he listened to Hux's words and saw what he was wearing. Hux smiled tightly at him, lifting the cloth out of the basin and twisting most of the water out of it.

“Try to relax, Mr. Ren. Bath time is nothing to get worked up over,” Hux said, taking Kylo's hand and carefully cleaning his fingers all the way up his arm. He held Kylo gently, tenderly cleaning the days of sweat and dirt from his skin. He held in a smirk as he watched goosebumps rise on Kylo's skin.

Hux worked his way up to Kylo's chest, bathing it in the warm water from the basin and following the trail of clean skin with his lips. Kylo was breathing erratically as Hux brought the sponge down his torso, carefully avoiding the dressing over his wound. He whimpered as Hux moved onto his legs without so much as brushing his full cock.

Raising one leg, Hux moved the sponge over the length of it, basking in the way Kylo whimpered and moaned as he cleaned his inner thighs.

“Doesn't it feel good to be clean?” Hux asked, massaging Kylo's toes with his gloves fingers. Kylo's eyes were close to rolling back as he groaned in pleasure. “Such a good patient,” Hux praised him.

Moving up the other leg, Hux took his time bathing Kylo's thighs and pressing soft kisses to the supple flesh. Kylo was gripping the sheets and biting his lip as Hux finally took his cock in hand and gently bathed it. He made sure that the water was warm and used a clean wash cloth as he paid it special attention. Hux tried to be clinical about it, both because Kylo was in fact his injured patient and because he knew Kylo enjoyed the whole spectacle.

Hux took the fact that Kylo was very hard in his hand as a good sign. There was no medical weight behind that, but Hux figured that with how active Kylo's sex drive had been before it was a good sign that it still existed. Hux doubted he'd be getting sexually aroused so soon if he'd been shot and beaten. He hadn't been shot or beaten, and he wasn't hard now even though the sight of Kylo laid out for him was pleasing.

“Am I going to survive, Doctor?” Kylo asked, sounding pitifully aroused by his own fantasy.

Hux bit the inside of his cheek. Kylo had taken a bullet for him and gotten himself a scar that would last a life time. The least Hux could do was play along with the crappy dialog.

“This is a very serious condition. I will need to take samples,” Hux said, beginning to stroke Kylo gently.

Kylo groaned softly. Hux hoped he would keep that to a minimum, but he never had in the past. Hux weighed the reality that Ren's parents and several officers and agents may very well know the exact nature of their relationship. He shrugged. They already knew he was unethical, might as well know the extent of it. Hux was not above doctor/patient roleplay with his patient not minutes after performing a medical procedure. Even if it had been a minor one, this sort of thing was definitely _not_ acceptable.

Hux rubbed Kylo just above his cock as he continued to stroke him. Kylo was holding the sheets in a death grip and whimpering loudly as Hux pleasured him.

There was a knock on the door, but Hux didn't stop his movements.

“Everything alright in there?” Han asked through the door.

“Everything is fine. Just inspecting the extent of the damage. I'll be done shortly,” Hux called, running his thumb over the head of Kylo's cock.

Kylo cried out, and Hux rolled his eyes. That was not helping the cause.

“You sure?” Han shouted.

“Who has the medical degree?” Hux retorted, and he saw Kylo's eyes roll back at the familiar rebuke.

“Not for long,” Han grunted, but Hux heard him back away.

“No respect,” Hux muttered, switching his grip so he could cup Kylo's testicles as he stroked him. That seemed to do the trick, and Kylo moaned loudly as he spilled over Hux's glove and his own cock. “Yes, there it is. A very good sample, I think,” Hux said, using the washcloth to clean up the mess. Kylo whimpered as Hux continued to touch his spent cock, cleaning it thoroughly. “Does it hurt?” he asked, knowing that coming so soon after having a catheter removed could be quite painful.

“I'm fine,” Kylo said, trying to cover his face with his arm but thinking better of it when he remembered his facial injury.

“Why are you hiding then?” Hux asked, moving up his body to meet his eyes.

Kylo blinked up at him, big brown eyes looking softer than he ever recalled. “You are making fun of me, and I'm trapped in this bed completely impotent to fight back,” Kylo told him.

“I think we just demonstrated that you are far from impotent, Ren, and I am not making fun of you. I wasn't making fun of you the night you murdered our dinner and your apartment, and I am not making fun of you now,” Hux assured him, leaning in and kissing him softly.

When Hux pulled back, Kylo's eyes were closed and his lips were parted as though he'd tasted something heavenly. It was an expression he believed he'd never see again, but there it was. Ren was still beautiful, and he still let himself feel thinks without restraint.

“I do need to check and clean your actual wounds though,” Hux told him, sighing softly. He wished he could just enjoy Ren, but he did have a job to do.

“Can you give me another sponge bath after?” Kylo asked softly.

Hux smiled, kissing him again. “We'll see.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: minor medical procedures, catheters, unethical behavior (I mean this is every chapter really), recovery from life threatening injuries


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are so close to the end! One more chapter and an epilogue! We are almost there, woohoo!
> 
> Chapter specific warnings at the end.

After the bath and a thorough checkup, Hux laid down with Ren.

Hux was concerned about the bruising and bleeding due to the hits Ren had taken to his kidneys. When Kylo was doing better, Hux wanted to run tests on his kidney function because he did not like the amount of abuse they'd endured. However, Hux couldn't even get Ren out of bed yet, never mind talk him into going to get lab work done.

Hux forced himself to relax for a bit instead, afraid of running himself down completely while Ren needed him. They spent nearly an hour touching each other lightly. Hux ran his fingertips over Kylo's skin, trailing kisses behind them. Kylo looked at him with half-lidded eyes, sighing softly as Hux tried to keep things intimate.

“You still quiver when I touch you,” Hux whispered as he rested his hand over Ren's ribs.

“Your hands...” Kylo shook again, turning his face to bump his nose gently against Hux's.

“Even without the gloves on?” Hux asked, giving Kylo a little bump back.

“Shut up,” Kylo said, trying to give Hux a nip but wincing as he pulled his stitches.

“Careful,” Hux warned him, leaning in and nipping Ren's earlobe. “I'll use the restraints to hold you to the bed if I have to.”

“Shut up.”

They eventually drifted back to sleep holding each other. Hux was exhausted, and having Ren in his arms made him relax in a way that he hadn't be able to in weeks.

* * *

“Fuck, no no,” Kylo's voice broke through Hux's drifting dreams.

Hux woke slowly feeling something wet spreading over his thigh before Kylo jerked beside him, cursing desperately.

“What—”

Hux realized as soon as he opened his eyes what was wrong. “Stop struggling. Don't fight it,” Hux said pressing his hand over Ren's chest. He tried to be careful of Ren's injuries even as Ren struggled. “It's okay,” Hux insisted, internally cringing at the piss that now was soaking into his scrubs and the bed sheets.

Hux had hoped to at least be able to use a bucket beside the bed for Ren to piss, but now he doubted he would've had much success with that even if Kylo had warned him in time.

Kylo was furious, both with Hux and his own body. Tears of frustration leaked from his eyes as Hux got off the bed.

Taking a look at the scene, Hux held back his emotions. The sheets and Ren were soaked in a combination of urine and blood from Ren's abused kidneys. Hux wasn't sure where to start. He doubt Ren would be receptive to a caring touch, and Hux wasn't exactly jumping at the opportunity to change Ren's soiled sheets.

Hux did not enjoy being covered in piss and blood under the best of circumstances, but it was much worse when Ren was cursing violently because he lost control of himself while Hux attempted to nap. It was a rude awakening on multiple fronts, made worse because he wasn't entirely certain how to reassure Kylo that this wasn't his fault.

“Don't struggle. You'll pull your stitches, and that will be a lot worse than a little piss on the sheets,” Hux said as he pulled back the covers. That was probably not the way to reassure him, but hindsight was 20/20.

“Fuck you,” Ren snarled, trying to roll away so Hux couldn't see him.

Hux sighed. He'd been right next to Ren, so his entire belly was wet where he'd been pressed to his side. “Kylo,” Hux said it softly this time. “This is my fault. I was too hasty to remove the catheter. I was neligent. Please, let me help you,” he said, touching Kylo's bare shoulder. He to reassure Ren.

Kylo didn't look at him, but he stopped struggling. Hux didn't look at his face as he carefully cleaned Kylo's body, trying to be as clinical as possible. It was hard when they'd been kissing and petting each other not thirty minutes earlier. Ren had been so affectionate, and now he'd closed himself off. Hux couldn't blame him.

Changing the sheets was a nightmare. It wasn't like a hospital at all. There weren't an infinite number of bed sheets with basically no questions asked as to why they needed changing. Patients pissed, shit, and bled on themselves all the time. They would get sick on themselves or sweat so much the sheets were disgusting. Sick people were messy. _Hospitals_ were equipped to handle messy.

Here however, Hux had to answer for everything. “I need sheets,” he said to Han once he'd changed his scrubs.

“Why?”

“That's doctor/patient privilege.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that what happens to my patient is my concern and not yours. Right now, I need another set of sheets,” Hux said, trying to keep his anger in check. He knew he was transferring his frustration with himself and the situation to Han, but he wasn't Superman, he needed an outlet. His shortsightedness had just caused his patient pain and humiliation, and he wanted a target for his own pain at seeing Ren so low.

“What happens to that patient _is_ my concern, Doc, so lose that attitude,” Han retorted.

“It is nothing serious, but I must change his sheets,” Hux said, digging his nails into his palms.

“And you're going to manage that alone?”

“I will ask Finn to help me,” Hux said with no actual intention of asking the officer. He knew that Ren was going to kill him if anyone else stepped into that room and saw what had happened.

Han wasn't happy about it, but he found a spare set of sheets for Hux, and he even showed him where the washing machine was to clean the first set.

Hux returned to the bedroom where Ren was staring out the window, holding his body completely still as his eyes watered and leaked over the bandage covering half his face. Hux put the sheets down on a chair near the bed and went to kneel on the floor beside Ren.

“I'm sorry,” he said, reaching up to push Kylo's hair out of his face. “I just—would you rather I have another doctor cont—”

“No!” Ren nearly shouted it, turning his face to see Hux with his unbandaged eye.

“I failed to put your condition before our relationship,” Hux reasoned with him.

“I don't want anyone else.” Ren spoke deliberately, every word given emphasis.

“But are you comfortable trusting me to put your condition first?”

“I'm not comfortable with anyone else. Not everything is about you,” Kylo snapped. Hux would've laughed at the tables turning but he couldn't.

“Very well. I will need to change the sheets and insert a new catheter...” Hux looked up to see Kylo trying to cover his face without actually touching it, and it made him feel cruel for confronting Kylo. “You don't need to hide from me.”

“Just don't push me right now. I should've said something. I didn't want to wake you...It felt so good to have you in my arms,” Ren said.

“It did,” Hux agreed quietly.

“I don't want to be touched by anyone but you. I don't want another doctor poking at me. I don't want to answer someone else's questions. I just can't—” Ren stopped himself from finishing whatever he was going to say. He looked at Hux and squeezed his eye closed. “My whole body hurts, and every time I close my eyes I see Snoke standing over me. When you tell me that I'm doing well, I hear him reminding me that I need to heal faster because I have a job to do. The bath was the first thing since waking up at didn't hurt either my body or my mind. It felt like a little bit of normalcy. Then I pissed all over myself when I didn't want to wake you up because you've been exhausting yourself to look after me. I just...” he trailed off, clearly combating tears. He clearly didn't have his thoughts together even though he spoke slowly and with care.

Hux felt sick to his stomach, but moved closer to Ren anyway and pulled his hand from his face. He used his thumb to wipe away the tears that slipped out and cradled Ren's face.

“I'm not Snoke, Ren...I love you. I haven't been good at showing it, but Snoke was wrong. I would've died for you if our situations had been reversed. I would've strangled him with my bare hands if I'd known the extent of what he'd done to you...”

“I know.” He sounded so vulnerable that Hux wanted to hug him to his chest. “But, Hux?”

“Yes?”

“I don't need you to tell me you care. I know...I did even when you refused to see me. I...just need you to be my doctor, no sponge baths or kisses...I want all of that, but when I close my eyes it fucks with my head. I just can't right now. I feel like I'm being torn apart from the inside out,” Kylo told him. Even though Ren's words were of rejection, his hand reached out for him clumsily.

Hux lifted Ren's hand and cradled it in his own. “You know I lack in bedside manner,” Hux said softly. That at least earned him a snort from Ren. “This was my fault. I let myself overlook my duties, and that isn't fair to you. I know you loathe being in this position, and I've failed the trust you put in me. I won't fail you again,” Hux said, pressing a kiss to Ren's bruised knuckles.

It hurt knowing he'd driven this wedge between them, but he had a job to do even if Ren was putting the breaks on their relationship again. It was the most sensible thing Ren had ever said, and Hux had to respect that even if it was difficult for him.

“I'll just change the sheets then. Let me know if you need me to stop or if you're in pain,” Hux said, trying to be professional. It was difficult, but he stripped the bed and cleaned Ren like a true professional. He even managed to change the sheets right out from under Ren without taking him off the bed or hurting him.

By the time Hux had the sheets changed, Hux's back ached from lifting Ren. Ren had cursed at him several times especially when Hux had checked his kidneys and studied the bloodstains on the sheets. Ren only got more animated when Hux announced he was putting in a new catheter whether Ren liked it or not.

“Enough of this,” he snapped, setting up the catheter even as Ren told him exactly what he'd do with that catheter if Hux brought it close to him. Hux squeezed his eyes closed and reminded himself that Ren was hurting. Hux was reminded of the beginning of their relationship and how angry Ren would become when Hux humiliated him.

Reminding himself why Ren had found him in the first place, Hux put things aside and approached Ren. He cupped Ren's face held eye contact with him, and it didn't work like it used to, but Ren stopped cursing him.

“I need you to calm down. I'm not laughing at you, and I'm not punishing you. I refuse to put you through the amount of pain it would require to get you to and from the bathroom. I took an oath to do no harm, and currently getting you to a bathroom would be tantamount to torture. So, it is either the catheter or diapers, and I don't know how I'd lie to Han about why I need adult diapers,” Hux said, pressing his nose to Kylo's forehead.

“Just get it over with,” he growled.

He still cursed as Hux actually performed the quick procedure. He refused to acknowledge that it was easier and less painful, but Hux let it go. Ren was allowed to be angry after what had happened to him.

Hux left him to go wash the dirty sheets, and when he returned Kylo was fast asleep.

It was only the first battle though. Kylo didn't know how to rest. Even before the injuries, he couldn't even get through the night without rolling over and rubbing one out on Hux. Now with the catheter in place, he couldn't even masturbate to pass the time. He couldn't read a book because his arms were injured so he couldn't hold anything, and there was no television in the room.

His mood turned foul after the first day and a half. Hux had had bad patients, but Ren was in a class by himself. It would've been funny that the man who was turned on by doctor play was such a horrible patient...if he hadn't been Hux's patient. Hux couldn't really blame him; there was a big difference between sex and recovering from a gut wound.

* * *

“Is that everything that happened on the night of the fundraiser?” one of the agents asked. Hux was exhausted. He'd been up for nearly twenty-four hours dealing with Ren's needs and, more exhausting, his moods. Though Hux understood why Ren lashed out, it didn't make him any easier to deal with. Then there was the random bouts of questions from the agents, one of which he'd been dealing with for the last four hours.

“Yes, that is everything,” Hux said, feeling like his tongue weighed ten pounds in his mouth.

“We can't do our job properly if you're withholding information,” the other one said.

“I can't do mine properly if you are questioning me while I should be monitoring my patient...”

“He's asleep.”

“Yes, and in case you don't have a functioning pair of ears, that is the only time he is not cursing at me, so I can take his vitals and check his wounds in peace,” Hux retorted.

Ren could hardly look at Hux without snarling now. Hux knew Ren didn't blame him for what happened, but he also couldn't see Hux and not be reminded of it all. Hux was also the one that set limits on what he could do, and every time Hux touched him it meant Ren was going to be in some form of pain.

“Trouble in paradise, Doctor?”

“If this is paradise, please show me Hell,” Hux said, balling his hands into fists. They taunted him subtly about how Ren rejected his help almost constantly. Though, Ren's mood towards any of the officers that had been sent in other than Finn and Poe had been much worse. He'd attempted to throw his Foley bag at one of the agents not eight hours ago. Hux had had to intervene before the agent could either be covered in Ren's piss or he snapped an hurt Ren more.

That hadn't earned Hux points with either side, and it felt like Hux was navigating a tightrope. He was trying to balance two sides, but each was resisting him. That didn't even account for Leia's visits to demand answers about his condition. She was a much harsher interrogate than the agents, and Hux couldn't put her off in favor of tending to Ren. That only earned him more questions.

Still, the agent had the audacity to smirk at him. “We're finished for now. Good luck with your patient. Government's going to pull the plug on your stay soon,” he said, closing the file he had in front of him.

“Good night, agents,” Hux said, standing up and going to Ren's room.

Poe was sitting there reading a book aloud, and Hux was surprised to see Ren propped up against a pile of pillows listening to Poe.

“What do you want?” Ren snapped as Hux walked in.

Hux took one look at him, sitting there and listening quietly to Poe of all people, and something inside him snapped. He'd just been interrogated for four hours after enduring Ren's frustration before it, and Ren got to sit here relaxing as Poe read to him. It felt like the ultimate rejection. Hux was regularly covered in Ren's blood, sweat, and piss but Ren couldn't even look at him without anger. Yet, here he was having a relaxing evening with one of the officers who was essentially holding him captive.

Without a word, Hux did an about face and stormed out of the room. They'd set up a cot for him in the room the off duty officer slept in, and Hux found himself actually using it for the first time in five nights. His pulse hammered in his chest as he just laid on top of the sheets. He could feel that his palms were bleeding from how tightly he'd clenched his fists and dug his nails into the already scarred skin.

“You okay, Doctor?” Finn asked, having woken when Hux walked in.

“No, I am not okay, Finn. Please, go back to sleep,” Hux said, rolling to face away from Finn's bed.

“He's hurting.”

“I know that,” Hux retorted.

“A man doesn't just not fight back because he's above it. It takes some serious damage to put that kind of self apathy in a man,” Finn said, sounding like he knew from experience. Hux knew the cruel way his father had pitted students against each other. He didn't doubt that Finn could have faced that kind of desensitization at his father's hands. He just didn't want to discuss it.

“What are you getting at, Finn?”

“I know you saw the video. Rey wouldn't hide that from you even if it would be a kindness not to let you see it. Snoke's words to him...that sort of thing sticks even if you don't want to let it.”

“Which ones?”

Hux could tell Finn was shaking his head at his answer even without the light on. “Weakness, Doc. Ren's not been allowed to show weakness for years, and now he can't even go to the bathroom on his own. If that video is anything to go by, any show of weakness has been met with violence.”

“I wouldn't hurt him,” Hux said, knowing that wasn't Finn's point but needing to say it just the same.

“It's not about you, Doc. It's conditioning. When Snoke was around, he knew where the punishment was coming from. Now, he doesn't know, but his brain is telling him it's coming,” Finn explained.

“So, he thinks I'm going to start hurting him.”

“No. Maybe he thinks that if he's weak then he won't be able to hold on to you...”

“How are you so well versed in Ren's psychology?” Hux asked, believing Finn was just pulling his leg.

“Because when you go to get interrogated, Ren's an open book.”

“What does that mean?”

Finn sighed, and Hux could see him sit up. Hux squinted as Finn turned on the bedside lamp. Finn looked tired, but he also looked determined.

“He asks us to help him stretch and sit up or move his legs. He demanded I help him walk after you left for your interrogation today. It took me and Poe to get him around the room a few times, but he refused to sit down until he'd done it.”

“And you let him? He could have worsened his injuries,” Hux complained, sitting up now as well.

“You know what he's like.”

“You have a gun!”

“It's not like I'm going to shoot him because he refuses to rest due to a previous _gunshot_ wound,” Finn retorted.

“I would still threaten it,” Hux said.

Finn actually chuckled at that. “That's why he asks me and not you. But seriously, he's completely afraid that if you see him as weak you'll leave him, and to him that's a worse punishment than anything Snoke's done. What do you think Snoke told him for years? He isn't allowed to be weak, and right now he is weak. He doesn't know how to deal with it, so he's pushing you away to lessen the blow when you leave him...”

“Ren isn't weak.”

“He needs to realize that himself. When I dropped out of med school, I didn't think I'd ever succeed at anything. I thought everything that made me fail at med school would make me fail at everything else. It took me a while to realize that it didn't work that way. I chose to leave med school because it didn't fulfill me, not because I was flawed. Ren needs to realize that he isn't weak. He's more than just a tool. Get some rest, Doctor, but think about it. You can heal Ren's body, but you can't undo all the damage Snoke did to his mind overnight.”

Hux let Finn's words sink in as he tried to get some sleep. He got about four hours before Poe nudged him gently.

“Ren's having a nightmare, and I'm afraid he's going to tear something,” Poe said when Hux opened his eyes.

Hux sighed, getting up and following Poe back to the other bedroom. Ren was twisting in the covers, mumbling deliriously.

Walking to the bed, Hux climbed onto it. He laid down beside Kylo's thrashing body and pressed himself against Ren before wrapping his arm around his ribs—careful not to stray too close to his wound. Ren continued to struggle for a moment, but slowly he calmed. He released a shaky breath before sinking into Hux's embrace.

“What are you doing?” he slurred as he woke.

“What does it look like I'm doing? I'm spooning you,” Hux told him irritably.

“I'm not a piece of cutlery,” Ren retorted.

Hux knew it was exhaustion that was making him play along, but it felt good nonetheless. It felt like they were back in Ren's room on the dingy mattress. It felt like home.

“Who let you in?” Kylo asked when Hux said nothing in response.

“Your watchdog didn't want you to pull your stitches.” Hux could definitely feel that Ren was torn between taking the comfort that Hux offered and pushing him away to suffer alone.

“I'm not a child, I don't need to be coddled when I have a bad dream.”

Hux wanted to argue with him and tell him he used to be the one that wanted contact, but he knew it would only exasperate things if Finn's assumptions were true. Maybe it was just better to let Ren have his way and get some rest.

“I'll go,” Hux said, chest tight and body heavy. “I'll check your wounds in the morning. I think we'll be able to remove the catheter tomorrow if you're sitting up on your own now.” He didn't look at Ren as he got off the bed and slowly walked toward the door. He felt lightheaded from lack of sleep and an adrenaline crash.

Kylo didn't say anything as he left, and it felt worse than if he'd yelled. Never in Hux's life had he wanted to comfort someone. Even when his mother was ailing, he'd been reasonable with her. Now that he wanted to comfort someone more than anything, it was not only unwelcome but detrimental to Ren. Hux hated it, and he hated Snoke even more.

He went back to bed, but he slept fitfully. He could hear Kylo cry out from time to time, but Poe didn't come to get him again.

* * *

The next morning, Hux spent his morning coffee getting asked more follow up questions. Most of these, he had no answer to. He didn't know much about his father's day-to-day habits or expenses. He didn't know what his father's Will said. He didn't know much about his father when it came down to it. He knew the man's DNA was in him, and he knew he wasn't worth the trouble of being related to him.

The agents didn't seem to like his flippant take on his father. Hux was too tired to care. He got up halfway through, telling them that he had to care for his patient. He didn't wait for their response.

He actually knocked on Kylo's door before entering, and Finn answered it with a small smile. Hux didn't yell when he found Ren sitting up with his feet dangling off the edge of the bed.

“You look good,” Hux said, and it wasn't a lie. Ren had some color today, and he was balancing his weight even with multiple injuries.

“Thank you,” Ren said stiffly. He looked like he was trying to be civil but not enjoying it, and Hux wondered if Finn had spoken to him as well.

“I'll just check your dressings and get out of your hair,” Hux told him as he went to where his medical kit was set up. He pulled on gloves and removed some sterile pads and ointment. Everything felt _too_ sterile. This was never how they'd interacted, and Hux wondered that even after everything they'd survived if this was how things would end.

He knelt in front of Kylo and lifted the t-shirt someone had given him. He carefully removed the tape that held the dressing down and inspected the area. It wasn't swollen anymore or warm to the touch. The discharge had also abated.

“It's healing well. I'm going to clean it and put this on it, but I'm leaving it open for now,” Hux said.

The shoulder wound was more difficult. He wanted to take Kylo's shirt off, but he quickly realized that while Kylo had managed to somehow get it on, he didn't have the range of motion to get it off. Hux stood there for a moment, looking out the window and telling himself he couldn't say anything. He simply couldn't tell Ren it needed to be cut off. It would destroy the tentative truce they were under.

So, Hux pulled the shirt this way and that to reach the wound. It wasn't doing as well as the belly, but the tearing had been more extensive on the surface here. Hux cleaned it and applied the ointment before moving to Ren's face.

“I'm going to remove these,” he said, taking a good look at Ren's wound. Ren didn't look at him as he carefully tilted Ren's head this way and that to make sure that the gash wouldn't be compromised if he removed the stitches.

“Just get it over with,” Kylo told him.

Hux set up a dish for the removed sutures, and he pulled a chair over so as not to be kneeling the entire time. He was gentle as he could be while taking them out, and Kylo hardly flinched as he worked.

“You're healing fast,” Hux told him as he carefully removed the stitches just under Kylo's right eye. He was careful of the still bruised cheek, but Kylo didn't seem to notice the care he was taking.

“Don't patronize me,” Ren said, gripping his thighs tightly. Hux noticed that his left hand had significantly less grip than the right. He would need therapy to overcome that, but he didn't know if Kylo would allow that, only time would tell.

Hux finished removing the forty or so stitches he and Phasma had put in Kylo's face. He took a good look at the damage without the black thread in place and smiled. Ren was handsome. The scarring and bruises really didn't diminish that. He still had deep, expressive eyes. He still had full, kissable lips. He still had hair that demanded to be touched. Mostly, Ren was still the emotional and powerful man Hux had unintentionally fallen for, and no amount of scarring could change that.

“If you want to, you can put the ointment on it yourself. It looks good,” Hux told him.

“I doubt that. What do I do?” Ren actually asked, looking at the tube of ointment Hux had in his hand.

“Hold out your hand,” Hux said, and Kylo lifted his right hand. Hux squeezed some of the ointment onto his middle finger then took hold of his wrist. “It'll be easier with a mirror, but just gently smooth it over the healing tissue,” Hux said, continuing to guide Ren's hand along the scar until he needed more of the cream. They did this several times until the whole length of the scar was covered.

Ren didn't seem to rush it, taking in every word of instruction Hux gave him. It gave Hux some hope that he'd do what was necessary to heal and not fight it just for the sake of being contrary.

“Can you take the tube out of my cock now?” Kylo asked as Hux sat back with a satisfied smile. Evidently, he wasn't allowed a moment to appreciate his hard work.

“Can you lie back for me then?”

Kylo carefully laid down again, and Hux removed the catheter with the utmost care. When he was finished, he could feel Ren's eyes on him as he cleaned everything up and properly disposed of things.

“I know I'm not welcome right now,and I have no right to make demands of you. I pushed you away when I shouldn't have, and I know that can't just be forgotten. I'm not asking you to,” Hux told him when he finally sat back down. “But...”

“Don't apologize again. It doesn't suit you,” Ren said. He didn't say anything else for a long time. His eyes moved about the room but avoided Hux at all cost. Eventually, Kylo looked at him, and Hux was forced to see how haunted Kylo's eyes were.

“I broke my back when I was seventeen,” he said, voice hollow as though he spoke from miles and miles away—devoid of any and all emotion. Hux didn't say anything, knowing there was more to come. “I took a pipe or a wrench or something to the back then fell down a flight of stairs. Someone didn't like what Snoke was demanding, and he saw me as an easy target to make his grievances known. I was on the ground for hours, unable to really move, until I realized no one was coming for me. My parents didn't know I was alive, and Snoke wouldn't set foot in the building I lived in...”

Kylo closed his eyes, breathing raggedly. “I laid there for close to 18 hours, covered in my own shit and piss because I didn't think I could move. When I realized I was going to die like that, I started dragging myself. I could barely see I was in so much pain, but I dragged myself to this little clinic down the block. I don't know how long it took, but I passed out in the bushes. I woke up clean, in a bed, wrapped in a blanket.”

Tears started to spilled down Ren's cheeks, but Hux felt helpless to sooth him. He knew that he couldn't wipe them for him, and he was forced to watch Ren relive the horror of his youth alone.

“Your mother took care of me for days when I refused a hospital. Eventually, Snoke found me and sent someone to take me back. He wasn't happy. He said I was a disappointment. I'd embarrassed him by being so weak. For weeks, I was forced to lie in my own mess while my back healed...to 'learn from my mistakes.' Your mother found where I was staying though. She had a mattress brought in, and she gave me sheets, and she'd come and feed me. She'd talk about you too. She told me she had a son around my age who was away at school,” Ren paused, letting his hand fall beside Hux's. Their fingers brushed, and Hux slipped his hand into Ren's own, stroking his knuckles.

Hux didn't know what to say. He'd been away at school, and his mother had never mentioned a boy she'd taken care off. He did, however, remember those years as her turn from Snoke's support. She'd suddenly felt so strongly about never associating with him or his charity, and it had driven a wedge between her and Hux's father.

“She'd come every morning and again when she closed the clinic to take care of me. Snoke would send people to check my progress. It was humiliating. They'd tell me I was weak, and Snoke didn't need weak kids clinging to him. I believed every day that they'd come and kill me...but your mother...I think she went to Snoke and said something. I think she told him she'd destroy him if she found I had died...” Kylo trailed off, sliding his hand back into Hux's and squeezing it.

That sounded like his mother. Hux was sure she hadn't minced words at all. She'd probably told Snoke she'd nail the balls of anyone who touched Kylo to the front of her clinic.

“I didn't know,” Hux said softly, wishing he had. He felt like Ren knew a part of him that even he didn't have access to. Ren knew his mother when no one was watching, when everything she did was simply because she cared.

He wondered if his mother had known who Kylo really was. Had she told Leia that Kylo was still alive? Had that been how they'd come to know each other? Hux had so many questions, but he held his tongue. That wasn't what Kylo was talking about. He was trying to tell Hux something important.

“I didn't know she'd died when I went to see you. I just wanted to see someone whose touch didn't hurt, but _you_ were there.” He said it like it was the worst thing that had ever happened to him, and considering what he'd been through as of late, Hux felt like that air was being squeezed from his lungs.

“I almost left when I realized she wasn't there, but...I didn't want to be alone. Snoke had been so angry about a failing project, and he'd...he'd hurt me until I had no voice left.”

Hux felt the blood well in the palm of the hand not holding Ren's. He couldn't stop himself from digging into the fresh scabs. He wanted to kill Snoke all over again.

“I saw your name on the wall. I knew who you were from all her stories, and even though you were sharp, I couldn't help feeling close to you. Your hands are like hers were.”

Ren seemed to be a thousand miles away as he ran his fingertips over Hux's hand. Then a shadow passed over his features, and he looked at Hux with flat eyes. “My best memories since I ran away are all tied to my worst. I was always punished for seeking out her comfort and later for you.”

“You won't be anymore. He's gone,” Hux tried to reassure him, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to his unbandaged cheek. He knew it wasn't “professional” but neither was confiding all of this in ones doctor. This was personal, and Hux couldn't treat it as business.

“I'm going to wear this scar for the rest of my life, Hux. Every time I can't move without pain, I remember that this is my punishment for being weak. When I piss myself or can't take a deep breath, I know that this is what I deserve for being weak. Don't pretend that I'm free of this just because Snoke's dead. I'll never be free, and I have no one to blame but myself,” Kylo spoke sharply. Hux could read the tension in his body, and he wished there was a way to sooth it without compounding Ren's pain. Still, something inside him ached for the strength Ren had always displayed.

“Dammit, Ren, you're alive. Your scars don't make you weak, and neither does pain. You survived a decade and a half of torture and manipulation. Yes, being incapacitated is humiliating, but I'm the only one here. I won't think any less of you for being in pain. You've navigated my weaknesses for months without giving up on me. I will not be defeated by Snoke beyond the grave. I'm going to be here with you, and when we can go home and finally have a moment to ourselves without this whole mess hanging over us, I will not think any less of you for being human instead of some sort of machine,” Hux insisted, standing up and leaning over Ren.

“If our roles were reversed, could you say you'd believe me if I said that?” Ren asked.

Hux gritted his teeth. “I will prove myself to you, one way or another,” Hux said, rising from where he was seated. He walked to the door and paused. “For the record, you've never given me a reason to doubt you even when I pushed you away. So, it would be a lie if I said I didn't believe you were I places reversed.”

“I'm sorry,” Kylo said as Hux got off the bed.

Hux walked to the door feeling numb inside. It had taken him this long to finally say that he'd stand by Kylo, and he'd been told to go away. Hux laughed as he shut the door behind him. Now he knew how Ren must have felt every single time he'd confessed his feelings or done the right thing and was still shunned. Ren whose emotions had been manipulated and used against him so often, and Hux had thrown his continued ability to love back at him.

Ren had always only been looking for love, the love Hux's mother had shown him. Hux had certainly done a poor job of continuing her legacy.

“Selfish prick,” Hux muttered self-deprecatingly with his back against the closed door.

Just as Hux was about to go to the room he'd slept in the night before, he saw someone move out of the corner of his eye. Looking up, Hux realized there were far more agents in the house than before.

“You can't take him. He's still healing,” Hux said, standing firmly in front of the door. “I won't let you harass and intimidate my patient—”

“Brendol Hux, you are under arrest for fraud, embezzlement, conspiracy...”

“I'm what? You have the wrong person. I'm not the one you want,” Hux insisted, feeling his pulse spike as they approached him slowly.

“...silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you...”

“Get away from me, I am not at fault here,” Hux tried, but one of the agents grabbed him by the arm and wrestled it behind his back. Hux was brought to the ground with an undignified cry. He continued to try to reason with them, but he was held down and cuffed.

Hux was trying to think of a way out of this when the door to the room behind him flew open. Hux watched in shock as Ren stood panting in the doorway, one arm wrapped around his middle as though to hold his wound together. It didn't stop him from approaching the agents. He pulled one of them off of Hux like he didn't weigh a thing.

“No, Ren don't!” Hux shouted, worrying for his health. Ren shouldn't be out of bed never mind getting in the middle of a fight. His body wasn't strong enough. He could undo everything Hux had worked so hard to piece together.

No one had seemed to believe Ren would be a threat, because they all stood in shock instead of approaching Ren at first. He'd attacked a second agent before they got their senses about them. He shoved the man against the wall and the agent's head ricocheted off it.

“Ren, stop! I'm fine,” Hux shouted as the agents made to grab Ren.

“Let him go,” Ren demanded, swinging at the man who approached him.

It was Poe, Finn, and Han that rushed in and restrained Kylo. He struggled against them, but he didn't try to hit them. It was enough to let the agents drag Hux to his feet and frog march him from the house. They were exceedingly rough with him as they dragged him from the room.

Hux looked back to see Finn on Ren's back with his arm around Ren's neck. Poe and Han were blocking him physically from following Hux, and it seemed like the three of them were just barely holding him back.

Hux wanted to beg Ren to stand down, but he knew Ren couldn't hear anything right now. His anger was to great. Ren's screams had nothing to do with his own physical pain. He reached for Hux even as Hux was shoved out the door and told not to look at Ren.

Hux swallowed around the lump in his throat. Ren had been right. He was going to lose Hux. Hux just didn't have any say in the matter.

They weren't gentle as they got him to the cruiser they were taking him away in. They “accidentally” hit his head on the roof of the car as they tried to get him in, and between the impact and how worn down he had become, the world went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: urine (not during sex), blood, mentions of past abuse, Kylo's poor mental health, more catheters, bed wetting


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So close to the end. I split this one in two because it was ridiculously long. Next chapter is the last one, and it's already written. Then there will be an epilogue after that. 
> 
>  
> 
> Chapter warnings at end

Jail had never been a place Hux had thought he'd end up. He'd never been interested in crime dramas or much to do with criminals. He'd read medical literature from the time he was eight and not much else.

So intake was a very rude awakening. It was undignified. It was cold and humiliating. Hux had never enjoyed communal showers in high school, and he certainly didn't like them now. It was all made worse because no one had told him if Ren was okay. Suddenly, they didn't show him any of the respect they had only hours earlier.  His questions were met with anger, and Hux’s head was still reeling from the hit it had taken.

Hux knew he wasn't made for prison. He was thin and pale, and while his glare could kill he didn't have the muscles to back it up. Sure he had strength. Medicine wasn’t as easy on the body as one might think. It just didn’t give him the kind of muscles that would put the fear of God into someone. Muscles were something everyone seemed to have as he made his way through the intake process—the inmates, the corrections officers, even the physician.

The humiliations were nonstop from the moment he stepped inside. The physical made him realize that his own bedside manner wasn't nearly as bad as it could be. Being made to spread his cheeks and cough as he bounced a bit in front of an officer was not something he ever wished to repeat.  

By the time Hux made it to the cell they had for his batch of intakes, he was exhausted. He just couldn't sleep. Not in a room with so many people. Hux stared at the blank wall for hours remembering the look of rage on Kylo's face when he'd tried to protect him. Even then Hux had failed him. He was the reason Ren was re-injured. Even when Hux tried not to hurt him, he just ended up making it worse.

* * *

Intake was difficult. Hux barely knew what he was being charged with. He screamed about needing a lawyer, but he was told his accounts had been frozen. He had no money to hire a lawyer with and no one to hire one for him. He doubted that Phasma knew yet. When asking for a lawyer didn’t work, he screamed about first appearances and formal charges. No one listened, or if they did they told him to shut up or suffer the consequences.

Hux felt like a rabid animal. His brain was moving too fast, and he was trapped inside these unwavering walls.  Hux could outsmart and outmaneuver a lot of things, but stone and steel were immovable.  Perhaps not for Kylo, but he wasn’t here to beat the stone into sand.

“Everyone stand back. Hux step forward,” one of the guards called as they opened the holding cell. Hux walked forward, and they put cuffs on his wrists and ankles. They were heavy on his too tired body, but he shuffled after the officer. “Your lawyer's here,” they said when they got to the visitation room.

Hux looked inside the room. An older black man, he'd never seen before, sat inside. “My lawyer?” Hux asked, forgetting himself.

“Just get inside. World don't wait for you anymore,” the officer said, pushing him through the door.

“Brendol Hux, Jr?” the lawyer asked.

“And you are?”

“Lando Calrissian. Han called me,” he said, holding out his hand. He was dressed nicely though colorfully for a lawyer. Hux thought the purple cape was more suited for a pimp than a lawyer, but he wasn't in a position to mention that. Lando also had a smile that Hux didn't trust, but he bet juries did.

“Han sent you?” Hux was skeptical by nature. He was certainly skeptical of anything that came from the police chief.

“Han called me. My assumption is that Ben refuses to speak to either of his parents because he blames them for what's happened to you. Leia, in turn, likely refuses to see or speak to Han until he fixes this...”

“And Han called you to fix it.”

“Precisely,” Lando said, smiling like this was one big soap opera.

“I can't pay you,” Hux told him. “They've frozen all of my accounts.”

“I owe Han one. Consider this pro bono.”

“I don't take charity.”

“Then you had better get used to sleeping with one eye open because they are gunnin' to keep you in here for a long time.”

Hux scowled, but he kept his mouth shut.

“That's better. Now, we have to go before a judge today, and I know...you're innocent. They always tell me that, but I don't want to hear it. If we're going to get you off, I need to know the facts. I'm assuming you want to plead not guilty?”

“Oh is it my turn to speak?” Hux asked, feigning boredom. Lando didn't look like he enjoyed that, but he nodded slowly. “Yes, I would like to plead not guilty.”

Hux gave him a deadpan look. Of course, he would be pleading not guilty. He'd come this far; he wasn't about to give up now.

“Good, we've gotten that out of the way. Now, I've got a laundry list of charges that they're going to try to get a grand jury to indict you on, so we need to look at each of them,” Lando said, using every moment their visit to the best of his ability.

Hux's blood boiled as Lando laid out the charges that Hux had been too overcome to process. Everything his father had done was coming back to bite him even though he'd tried to distance himself from it.

“You okay?” Lando asked after reading the amount of money they were saying he'd stolen from the scholarship fund.

Hux gripped the table as he tried to steady his breathing. They were going to hang him. They were going to put everything on him like he was some criminal mastermind. By the end, they'd be blaming Snoke's death on him, and making Snoke into a martyr for the cause. Hux's vision began to narrow.

He hated to admit it, but he wished Kylo was there. He didn't need his hand held, but Kylo had a way of making things seem possible. Perhaps it was the way he instigated Hux into action, or the way he feared nothing. Hux needed something familiar, anything.

“No, none of that,” his lawyer said, giving him a firm shake as he tried to focus. “Stop thinking so much. I'm the best,” Lando tried to reassure him.

“I'm going to die in here for nothing,” Hux gasped.

“Kid, let's not get melodramatic.”

“I'm being represented by a man in a purple cape. Forgive me if the gravity of my situation is a bit overwhelming,” Hux retorted.

“It's periwinkle,” Lando corrected him, looking quite bored with Hux's overwhelmed state.

Hux raised his arms to run his fingers through his hair, only to be stopped by the chains he wore.

“You're bleeding,” Lando said, as he looked at Hux's hands.

“What of it?” Hux snapped.

“I can see this is going to be an exhausting visit,” his lawyer said, opening the file he already had. “You just listen while I speak for a bit. We don't get an unlimited amount of time to shoot the breeze, so I'm going to get some work done while you have your moment,” he said, spreading out some papers. “I'm also going to need you to sign these, stating that I'm your lawyer and can act in your interest.”

Hux stared at the papers, but the words weren't making sense. He never signed anything without reading it, but he couldn't focus. “Did you know Kylo when he was a child?” Hux asked, reaching for something familiar.

Lando studied Hux for a moment before relaxing a little. “I saw him on occasion. I can't say it was very frequent. I mostly saw Han and Leia at events. Ben didn't make too many appearances at those, and then he was away at his uncle's academy. The few times I saw him, after he went away to school, he was moody and prone to outbursts. Figured it was just growing pains. Teenage years aren't exactly known for being a smooth transition. And then the academy burned to the ground, and Ben was dead. Can't say I knew him well, but then I don't think Han and Leia can either,” he said.

He didn't sound judgmental, just laying the facts out there for Hux to do with as he pleased. It was reassuring. Hux knew plenty of people that would've lied and told him that they'd known Kylo very well. Hux didn't want anymore lies.

Hux felt his shoulders curl in a little. He wondered if he could say he knew Kylo well. He knew that Kylo didn't know how to cook, but he fed himself anyway. He knew he enjoyed coffee, but he didn't depend on it the way Phasma did. He knew that Kylo needed touch more than just about anything else. He needed the gentle contact of another person to remind him that he was human and not machine. He knew—

“Hux? I need you to sign this. We're going to have to head to the courthouse shortly,” Lando said, breaking through Hux's musings.

Taking the pen that Lando offered him, Hux signed where he was asked to. He figured that even if it was a trap, things couldn't get much worse than they already were.

“Alright, let's get down to business,” Lando said, placing the forms in the file.

Hux took a breath and reminded himself that he'd worked so hard to survive all of this, and now was not the time to give in. He listened carefully to Lando, and he asked questions when he didn't understand something or didn't like Lando's plan.

By the time they came to bring him down for his first appearance, Hux's didn't completely hate Lando. The man was sharp, and Hux believed he was probably very skilled at what he did. He still wasn't entirely fond of being in Han and Leia's debt, but Lando insisted that they were just grateful that Hux had saved their son's life.

The first appearance was brief, but the courtroom was packed with cameras. Evidently, the media was eating up the story of a skilled doctor running an underground mafia or something. Hux wasn't entirely sure how they were spinning it, but he didn't like the constant clicks of the cameras as he said his name for the record and pled not guilty to the laundry list of charges.

“Your honor, my client and I would like to discuss bail. Doctor Hux has never been accused of a crime before. He is a dedicated and well respected member of this community. Denying him the ability to make bail is unjust,” Lando insisted.

The prosecutor shook her head. “Your honor, Doctor Hux is a flight risk. He has dual citizenship here and in England. If he's given the opportunity, he'll be halfway to Europe before the sun sets,” she said firmly.

“His bank accounts have already been frozen. He'd happily hand over his passport. I assure you that my client wants to see this through. His livelihood depends on the world knowing his innocence,” Lando argued.

“Giving up his passport means nothing. He is a known associate of criminals. He could easily slip out of—”

“What known criminals?”

“Kylo Ren.”

“Mr. Ren has never been convicted of a crime...”

“Mr. Ren's criminal record aside, everyone—“

“This is not the court of public opinion. The prosecutor is grasping at straws. She knows that my client is being framed to cover up the incompetence of her office and the federal agents assigned to this case.”

“Enough!” the judge said sharply. “I've heard enough. Doctor Hux may be an upstanding member of society, but the Prosecutor makes a good argument. He has the tools to flee justice, and I cannot in good conscience release him,” the man said.

Hux felt his stomach drop. The clicks of the cameras became unbearable as he tried to keep his emotions locked away. Lando's arguments fell on deaf ears, and Hux was soon led back to the holding cell. As he walked out, he caught Rey seated in one of the rows. She looked like she was holding her emotions in check just like he was, but she offered him a small smile.

Hux spent the trip back to the jail and then to his cell reminding himself that he would survive this, and when he was released he'd make them eat their words.

Before Hux parted ways with Lando, he gave in to what he'd been wanting to ask since he'd heard who sent him. “Do you know Kylo's condition?”

Lando shook his head. “They took him to the hospital, but he signed himself out against doctor's advice not three hours later. I know he walked out on his own, but no one seems to know where he's gone,” he replied, sounding regretful.

“So asking you to give him a message is useless,” Hux said, sighing. It had been worth a shot.

“Hit me with it. If I find him, I'll pass it on,” Lando said.

Hux bit his bottom lip. What should he say? He shook his head. “Just tell him not to get anything on my lab coat.”

Lando gave him a look of confusion, but Hux said nothing else.

* * *

Kylo's name seemed to penetrate the walls of the jail just as it permeated the streets of the city. As soon as Hux made it to the general population, with several new bruises and his still healing concussion, he came face to face with a knight.

Ilan was a quiet man who seemed to grow out of the shadows. It took him all of three hours to locate Hux in the pod and sit down beside him. His dark hair, like Ren's, hung nearly to his shoulders. Unlike Ren, his features were all proportionate though Hux would not call him attractive. His blue eyes were too cold, and his teeth too sharp looking. He reminded Hux of a shark.

“You belong to the Master,” were the first words out of Ilan's mouth.

“I'm not here to be converted to whatever religion is going to save you from the fires of Hell,” Hux said dryly, turning the page of his law text. Lando had told him exactly which tomes would help him once Hux had insisted he would be very active in his own defense. It wasn't medical journals, but Hux was not having difficulty parsing the words.

“Not God,” the man said with a derisive snort, like the Man Upstairs was nothing more than a cockroach. “Master _Ren,”_ he said this time, pulling back his sleeve to reveal a jagged-looking symbol carved into the his forearm. The doctor in Hux was appalled at the sight of the scar. It had clearly been infected and healed poorly, but the design was unharmed.

“You're one of his associates,” Hux said. He didn't make it a question. He didn't want to be seen as naive by a man that had clearly carved Kylo's mark into his arm. The jagged KoR in his flesh didn't really leave much to the imagination.

“I'm his enforcer,” the man said, baring his equally jagged teeth.

Hux frowned. This man was probably responsible for quite a few of his former patients’ injuries. Hux tried to let that anger go. This wasn't the place to make enemies who were essentially trained hitmen.

“And to what do I owe this pleasure?” Hux asked, placing his finger in the text and closing it to hear the man out.

“You belong to the Master,” the man repeated himself like Hux was dense.

“I do not _belong_ to anyone.”

The man snorted. “Kylo said you had a sharp tongue. I always knew he was a bit of a masochist. That's fine though. It's good to enjoy a little pain when you do what we do,” the man said as though he was talking about food preference or something equally benign.

“Is there a reason other than that I ‘belong’ to your master that you are sitting here?” Hux asked. Hux wasn't here to make friends or start trouble. This man looked like trouble though.

“Does there need to be?” he retorted.

Hux scowled, but he opened his book again and went back to reading. He wasn't sure if the man was there to be friend or foe, but Hux wasn't about to be distracted from his task.

Ilan gave him about five minutes of peace before he shifted slightly, but somehow Hux knew he was demanding attention. It was very much like Ren if much subtler than anything Ren had ever attempted.

“You're a doctor,” Ilan said, when Hux didn't take the bait.

“Was a doctor,” Hux corrected him.

“Do they take all of the doctor knowledge out of your brain when you stop being one?” Ilan asked, sounding genuinely interested. Hux wanted to roll his eyes. It would be just his luck to be trapped in here with a conspiracy theorist.

“No.”

“Excellent, come with me,” he said, standing abruptly. Hux finally realized just how large this man was. He was even taller than Ren, and his limbs had frightening length to them.

“I'm busy,” Hux held his ground nonetheless.

“ _Please_ ,” Ilan said, and Hux was so taken aback by the display of manners that he stood up. He took his book with him, but his place was hopelessly lost.

Ilan led him into a cell with a pale looking man lying on his back. “Kevin isn't feeling well, and they won't let him see the doctor,” Ilan informed him.

“Why not?” Hux asked.

“He attempted to stab the doctor with a plastic fork...”

“Is he going to attempt to stab me?” Hux asked, looking from Ilan to the half naked man on the cot.

“Only if you attempt to stick a finger in him,” Ilan said with a shrug.

Hux sighed. He stepped forward and placed his hand on the man's forehead. He was warm but not burning up. “Can you hear me, Kevin?” Hux asked.

When he received an affirmative answer, Hux went through his basic questions. What was he feeling? Where was the pain focused? Nausea? Diarrhea? Last bowel movement?

Hux tried to be gentle as he felt the areas that hurt. Lymph nodes were definitely swollen.

“Probably a touch of flu,” Hux said as he stepped away from the patient. He went to the sink and washed his hands as thoroughly as possible before returning.

“Does he need a doctor?” Ilan asked.

“Probably not, but they'll want to quarantine him if they don't want the whole pod getting sick,” Hux told him. “Make sure he gets plenty of fluids if he’s losing them fast. If it gets worse let me know. Am I free to go back to my book?”

Ilan nodded, stepping over to Kevin and telling him that he'd be fine in a few days.

Hux went back to his table and read again. Ilan didn't sit with him, but he wasn't far away. Anyone who came close seemed to suddenly step away as Ilan watched over Hux. It was a bit unnerving but somehow also reassuring.

* * *

As the days and weeks passed, Ilan was hardly ever out of sight. Hux had gotten used to going through his daily routine with the man lingering. Hux was making progress on his defense. Lando visited as frequently as was necessary, and while they were vastly different they were learning to work together.

Hux had also become the pod's doctor. Every ache and ailment led the inmates to Hux's cell, or more precisely to Ilan who determined whether they were allowed to see Hux. Hux had had to treat toothaches, stubbed toes, wounds that inmates didn't want a state doctor poking at, fevers, constipation, you name it. It was actually a lot like working in the clinic.

Hux wasn't happy inside, but life marched on. He was constantly busy, and it eased some of the pain that lingered in his chest when he thought about Kylo. He still had to face memories of Kylo every night when he finally turned in. He'd spent hours awake some nights, remembering Kylo and their time together.

His cellmate had no qualms about masturbating while Hux tried to sleep, but Hux couldn't imagine fucking his fist in the cold confines of his cell. He just didn't care enough. It was different when he was with Kylo. It wasn't just completing a chore. Every time he touched Kylo he learned something about the man, like how his ears were extremely sensitive or how he loved it when Hux kissed his inner thighs.

After two months of too little sleep and too much time to contemplate the pattern of Ren's moles, Hux had determined that his favorite thing about Ren was the little gasp he always made when Hux would touch his skin. Hux had come to hardly ever notice it after a couple months in Ren's presence, but it was always there. It was a barely audible intake of breath, but it spoke volumes. It highlighted how much touch affected Ren. It showed how truly deprived he'd been for so long. It reminded Hux that having Ren in his arms was a privilege. Now, Hux didn't know if he'd ever have that privilege again.

* * *

Hux's parade of patients didn't go unnoticed. It was somewhere between the first status conference for his case and the fourth that the officer bringing him back from his trial prep with Lando shoved him into a blind corner.

“You think you're important, Runt?” the man demanded, pressing Hux's bleeding face to the wall. “You think you don't have to watch your back in here because you're Kylo Ren's bitch?” he added.

Hux wanted to retort sharply. He wanted to tell the man exactly what he thought of his brutality. Hux had done his best to stay in line. He made sure there was never reason for either inmates or officers to harass him. It didn't hurt that Ilan was almost always at his back.

“What? Too much dick in your mouth to say anything?” the officer taunted, slamming Hux's head against the wall again.

Hux spit out blood from biting the inside of his cheek. His nose was pouring blood as well. There would be no hiding this.

“You're nothing. You're not better than anyone else in here. I gonna remind you exactly how pathetic you are,” the man told him, slamming his head against the wall one more time.

Hux blacked out, and he woke in his cell with his cellmate standing at the entrance barring anyone from stepping inside. Hux rolled onto his side and vomited all over the cot and floor. His cellmate didn't even bat an eye.

“I've got a concussion,” Hux rasped.

“Yeah, even I could've told you that,” Sergei said. His arms were crossed, and his whole body filled the entry. “They said you tripped and fell down nearly an entire flight of stairs.”

“Is that what happened?” Hux asked humorlessly. He rolled onto his back and watched the cot above him seem to spin and rock.  He was sick of having his skull abused.  This feeling didn’t get any easier to take the more it happened.

“Ilan's getting supplies. You should be more careful with that head of yours. Concussions can be a real problem.”

“Yes, well, I don't exactly go walking head first into things on my own,” Hux replied, hating the nausea he was still feeling. He missed the clinic. Treating head wounds was definitely better than having them.

Eventually, Ilan showed up. He was completely calm as he helped Hux drink some water and cleaned the blood off of him. Ilan didn't ask who was responsible, and Hux didn't tell him. Hux was just happy that it hadn't been worse, though he had no doubts that the man would attack him again. That was the whole point; Hux was never safe.

Except, Hux never saw the officer again. When he asked Ilan what he'd done, Ilan said he'd never even come face to face with the man. No one said anything. Even the officers acted like the man had never existed. They even seemed to take more care with Hux, not urging him on when he couldn’t walk fast enough due to the spins.

It made the hair on the back of Hux's neck rise, but no one approached him after that. No one tried to put him in his place or humiliate him.

* * *

It was in the heat of early July that Hux sat in his cell with Ilan. Hux was working on a legal argument to suppress some of the State's evidence, and Ilan seemed to be knitting. Hux had learned that Ilan had many pastimes that seemed more suitable for middle aged and elderly women than violent criminals. Knitting seemed to be a favorite though. He'd knitted Hux a hat not a month earlier. Hux wasn't sure what he'd do with it in the oppressive heat of the pod, but he'd accepted it.

“Ren gives you orders,” Hux said, looking up from his papers.

“No,” Ilan said without looking up.

“What do you mean, no? He told you to watch out for me.”

“The Master has gone to ground. No one speaks to him. We carry on in his stead,” Ilan said, finishing a row and checking it over.

“But...” Hux paused. Surely, Ren was giving the orders. Why would Ilan follow Hux around if not for Ren? Why would the guard have suddenly disappeared or the commissary have a full account for Hux.

“We do what the Master would want. It doesn't work if we need his word for every action we take,” Ilan said, going back to his work and starting the next row. How the hell Ilan had knitting needles in here was also puzzling to Hux. Nothing seemed to make sense anymore.

Hux realized that the KoR had never been loyal to Snoke. Those that had been had surely been dispensed of by now. They had always been loyal to Ren, the child Snoke had stolen and made an heir out of.

“Why Ren?” Hux asked, unable to hold his tongue.

Ilan looked at him; a frown thinning his lips. “He is the Master.” He spoke as if it was the simplest concept to grasp—divine right or some such nonsense.

“You talk like he's a god. He's just a man. He answered to Snoke.”

Ilan shook his head. He actually put down his project and looked straight at Hux. He seemed to be judging him as he turned his head this way and that.

“I was the one that collected the Master after his school burned to the ground. He'd stumbled away from the damage to a payphone and called Snoke. I was sent to get him and bring him to Snoke. He was covered in dirt, his hair too long to be regulation, his uniform ill-fitting and singed by the flames. When he saw me, he stood tall and met my gaze. I could've wiped the floor with him, and we both knew it. He still didn't back down,” Ilan said it with no small measure of pride.

Hux tried to imagine a young Ben, standing tall and trying to make his new family respect him.

“The first thing that Snoke did when we brought Ren to him was shave his head. Then he broke Ren's nose, and made sure it would never be straight again. When he was done he told the Master that Ben Solo was dead. He had Ren tattooed on the back of the Master's skull, so he wouldn't forget who he was. Ren never made a sound as he was held down. Kylo Ren has been the Master since the night he was born from the ashes of Ben Solo. We stopped following that weak old man the day we realized Kylo was more important. He kept us together. He looked out for us. He took punishments that we deserved when he was still a child. That is why he is the Master,” Ilan said, picking up his needles again.

Hux knew his face probably showed how horrified he was that Snoke hadn't even waited a day before beginning Kylo's abuse. Kylo's story about his back being injured and possibly broken was even more heartrending now. He'd already endured Snoke's torments, and he knew that no one would come for him.

Hux stood abruptly and walked across the cell. He braced himself over the toilet and coughed, though nothing came up. His stomach still roiled at the thought of what Kylo had endured. There was ink beneath Kylo's hair that branded him. Ink that wouldn't go away just because Snoke was dead. Hux felt no small amount of guilt for how he’d treated Kylo, but that wasn’t anything new.

A gentle hand touched Hux's shoulder, and Hux startled. Ilan didn't say anything, but he rubbed Hux's back soothingly. Hux couldn't help wondering if he'd done this very same thing to comfort Ren all those years ago.

“I don't even know if he's alright. No one seems to know where or how he is,” Hux said, wiping at his running nose.

“The Master will survive. He always does,” Ilan said, guiding Hux back to his papers. “You have your case to worry about. The Master wouldn't want you worrying over him when your trial is coming up.”

Hux knew he was right, and he looked at the memos and papers he had on his desk. There was just too much. It seemed like he was never going to dig himself out of this.

* * *

“Hux you've got a visitor,” one of the guards announced, coming to his pod one Saturday morning. Hux had been in for nearly six months, and other than Lando's regular appearances he hadn't received a single visitor. Lando had told him that Phasma wanted to see him, but since she was a witness he'd told her to keep her distance.

Hux had never thought of himself as needing other people, but the isolation of jail was getting to him. Ilan was a steady presence, and Hux might even call him a friend, but he couldn't replace Phasma or Mitaka and especially not Ren.

Following the officer down to the visitation area, Hux couldn't help but wonder who had finally come to see him. He'd been told that his father was facing his own legal battle, but he'd been allowed bail. Hux couldn't think of another person that would've come to see him.

When he stepped into the visitation room, his eyes immediately landed on Rey. She sat in one of the booths focused on the glass divider like she could glare a hole right through it.

Hux sat down in the chair and lifted the phone off the wall of the cubicle. Rey did the same, offering him a slight smile.

“What are you doing here?” Hux asked instead of offering a greeting. She shouldn't have been in this place. It was bad enough that she showed up for every court appearance.

“Colleen's worried, so is Dr. Mitaka. Poe and Finn are worried too,” she said.

“And that means you had to visit me?” Hux retorted.

“None of them had the balls to do it,” she said, tipping her chin up. Always fearless. She was like Ben in that regard. She always faced down what frightened her and overcame it. They were similar in many ways, both exposed to homelessness so young, having to depend on no one but themselves. Hux could admire their ability to survive. From his time in here, he wasn't entirely sure that he would've managed as they had.

“It is good to see you, Rey,” Hux sighed. He couldn't afford to push her away.

“It's good to see you took, Dr. Hux.”

“I'm not a doctor anymore. They've taken my license,” Hux informed her. The decision had been made without his presence, and the letter had arrived via Lando a month ago. He'd known it was coming, but it had still been one of the hardest days he'd experienced inside.  He’d wanted to destroy something as Kylo would’ve, but there was nothing to destroy other than all of the work he’d put into his case.  Instead, he’d balled his fists until they bled.

“You're still Doctor Hux,” she said, not wavering on the matter.

He smiled bitterly at her. He wished he had her optimism. After everything she'd seen, she could somehow still see the light in things.

“How are you?” she asked, emphasizing the question.

“I am as well as to be expected. Yourself?”

“I'm not here for me, Doctor. Everyone's worried about _you_.”

“They shouldn't be. I will be fine.”

“The papers don't think so,” she admitted.  “They say that you're done for. Candidate for governor is running on a platform to prevent things like this happening again.”

Hux sighed. “I will be fine,” he repeated.

They talked for a while before Hux gave into temptation. “Have you seen Ren?”

Rey looked uncomfortable. Hux hated how everyone seemed to get that expression of fear when he mentioned Ren. Was the man actually dead? Were they just afraid to tell him?

Hux felt his breath coming a little faster.

“No one's seen him. I went looking for his goons...”

“Knights,” Hux corrected her out of habit. Ilan had corrected him countless times when Hux went on angry rants about Ren and his buddies.

“Yeah, them. They're keeping a low profile, but I cornered one at the clinic. He said I shouldn't go looking for things that I had no business finding,” she said.

“I told him to tell his boss that he was a coward,” she said, sounding proud of herself.

“You shouldn't have gone looking for him,” Hux said, but he wished she'd been successful.

“Like I said, no one else had the balls to,” she told him.

“Thank you, Rey,” Hux told her.

“His goon asked if your face was okay,” she said, looking at his face strangely.

Hux looked down, feeling his blood run cold. Ren knew about the attack. Hux didn't know how, but Ren had known.

“What happened to you're face, Doctor Hux?” she asked, looking skeptical.

“I fell down a flight of stairs,” Hux told her, keeping the lie that they'd said when they brought him back.

Her frown deepened, but she didn't refute his claim. “Be careful,” she told him.

“I always am,” Hux assured her. They fell into a slightly stilted, but friendly conversation after that. Rey assured him that the clinic was doing well. Phasma was doing a fantastic job of shooting down anyone that came for the place, and Mitaka was taking Hux's responsibilities with grace.

Hux left their visitation with a smile on his face. There was still a weight in the pit of his stomach, but it was good to see a familiar face. And to know Ren was out there eased something in him. Perhaps he was in hiding, but he was out there. Now, Hux wanted to know what exactly he was up to, and what had happened to the officer that had hurt him.

“Can you get a message to your master if you wanted to?” Hux asked that evening as Ilan sat in the pod with him. Several of the inmates were watching Jeopardy, and Hux was left to his own devices. He'd stopped playing along when it became clear that he knew most of the answers, and it upset the others.

“Depends on the message. Urgent ones get to him...”

“Like me getting my face rearranged?”

“The master has eyes everywhere. Not just us,” Ilan said with a shrug.

“So, who would've told him about me?”

“Any number of people might send word if they thought it was in their best interest.”

“He's no better than Snoke,” Hux sighed.

“He is nothing like Snoke. The master doesn't need to make an example of people to show his power. You simply do not cross him, or he will burn the world until he sees justice served,” Ilan told him, once again knitting. This time it was a scarf, black with red accents through it.

“If I wanted him to know something, how would I let him know?” Hux asked. He'd spent so much time on his case that he'd had no time to learn the right channels to get word out or get supplies in. Ilan brought him medical supplies from God knew where, and Sergei brought him snacks. Hux wouldn't survive without them, so singularly focused.

“The master already knows whatever you could have to tell him,” Ilan told him, putting down his scarf. “You’re feeling alone. That happens in here. You're separated from everything that holds meaning to you. You have nothing to focus on but all of your flaws and failings. It happens to everyone in here at some point. You aren't alone though.  You are far more powerful in here than you realize. You provide a service to the inmates,” Ilan told him, sitting forward and staring at Hux with those strange, cold eyes of his. “Forget the master. You hold more power inside these walls. You just need to take it. Make them fear having you inside.”

Hux stared at him, shocked by the man's suggestion. Hux just wanted to get out. He didn't want to think about having any power here. Forming ties would just distract him from his trial.

“The world outside is still spinning, Hux. It doesn't seem like that in here, but you're going to get out and the world will have passed you by. Maybe the master will wait for you, but nothing is guaranteed. Make your moves now. Make your contacts now. Know people who know people on the outside. It's the only way you'll survive when you get out. You've handed out countless favors by seeing patients. Don't forget to collect on a few,” Ilan told him, going back to his knitting like he hadn't just told Hux it was time to start throwing his weight around.

Hux just stared at him as Ilan knit quietly like nothing had passed between them. Someone called out a wrong answer and got jeered by the others watching the show, but no one paid them any mind.

Hux went to bed that night, but he couldn't sleep as Ilan's words tumbled about in his mind.

* * *

“I hear you've been causing trouble,” Lando said as Hux sat across from him.

Hux's face was busted up again. Hux had been taking Ilan's advice. He just hadn't accounted for how much attention it would draw from inmates who believed they were the top dog.

They attacked him in the library. Slammed his head against the table. Hux took a chunk out of one of them with his teeth when the guards didn't immediately come to break it up. He'd also broken a man's wrist by bending it just so. If he could heal injuries, he certainly knew efficient ways to dole them out.

When the fight was finally broken up, Hux was practically frothing at the mouth as the two men who had teamed up on him were dragged away. A brief stint in solitary wasn't the worst thing Hux had had to endure. Since he'd come out, there was a respect in the eyes of those who stopped in his cell for a medical opinion.

His patients had also made it known that they weren't letting anything happen to their doctor. Hux was a neutral agent, no gang affiliation other than his strange connections to Kylo Ren who no one wanted to cross.

“I was attacked,” Hux replied, sitting back in his seat.

“Is that the official story?”

“It's the truth.”

“You're making moves.”

“A sedentary lifestyle isn't good for one's health,” Hux retorted.

“Don't get cocky. You need to keep that face of yours pretty because trial date's been set. State thinks they've got you, but I think we can get most of the charges to be not guilty. However, if you come in with your feathers on display like a damn peacock, the jury isn't going to like you one bit, and they'll be happy to throw the damn book at you. You understand that? You aren't a likable guy, Hux. You don't have a pleasant smile or a warm demeanor. You're stuck up, too smart, and wealthy enough that nine months in jail probably won't ruin you like it would anybody else. They're going to take one look at you and want to hate you. Don't give them any more ammunition,” Lando told him.

“This coming from the man that's showed up in no less than three brightly colored capes.”

“I have a record that allows for this level of style,” Lando insisted.

“As did my surgical record, but I didn't show up in the office in a cape instead of a lab coat.”

“Kid, the justice system doesn't care if you're innocent or not. It should, but it doesn't. You and me, we can spot a lie a mile away. We can look at a man and know his measure. You have to, doing what we do. Medicine, like law, is a puzzle; we know how to read the signs and come to conclusions, and our livelihoods depend on those conclusions begin accurate. Juries are people who are forced to sit here for hours a day and listen to life's gory details. They don't know the law. They don't understand the experts. Most of them don't care. They look at you, and they either sympathize or they condemn you. Don't think justice is going to be served if you don't cook it up yourself. So, practice your damn smile, and pretend you have an ounce of humility or all these months of work are going to blow up in our faces...and for christ sake, don't you dare come to trial with a broken face,” Lando told him.

“Are we done?” Hux asked.

“Hell no. We need to go over your testimony because I don't see how we can get around putting you on that stand. You're our only witness I know won't be shaken by the prosecutor,” Lando said, standing up and beginning to pace.

“Fine, then let's start discussing my testimony,” Hux said, crossing his arms in his shackles. He'd long since gotten used to them.

“I have to ask you something, Hux,” Lando said, resting his palms on the table top.

“What would that be?”

“Did you kill your mother?” He asked it so quietly and so calmly that Hux almost thought he'd imagined it. Lando was giving him that look though. It was the look that said he'd already determined the answer, but he was looking for something else.

“My mother had late stage cancer. She'd been ailing for months, confined to her bedroom unless the weather was nice enough to sit in her garden. It was her pride and joy. When she wasn't at her clinic, she was always tending her flowers. My fondest memories were watching her as I played in the garden.

“In the end, even going out into the garden caused her pain, but it was a pain that she endured because she loved it. I watched my mother wither away for months. I was a doctor who prided myself on my ability to conquer anything that entered my operating room. There was nothing I could do for her though, but I endured it because I loved her. I listened to her labored breaths and saw her poorly concealed pain every time I wheeled her out to the garden, but I did it because I loved her.

“Mother died in her garden, too weak to fight the disease anymore. After months and months of fighting, she lost the fight in her favorite place. Cancer killed my mother, and unlike my father, I was the one that sat with her reading to her when it took her from me,” Hux told him, eyes misty and voice wrecked.

How dare his father use this against him. _He_ would be the favors that Hux cashed in on. Lando was right. Hux would be okay if he got out of here, but that didn't mean he couldn't use his newfound power to let himself sleep a little better at night.

“Yeah, I think you'll be our best asset. I'll be back next week. Stay out of trouble,” Lando told him, shaking his head and beginning to pack up his papers.

“That's all?” Hux asked, clearing his throat.

“Doc, you've already made a deal with the devil. What's a lawyer like me got on that?” he said, motioning for the officer to come back in.

“I'll see you soon, Lando,” Hux told him, reaching his hand out as far as he could. Lando didn't take it.

Hux shrugged and let himself be led out.

* * *

Hux tied his tie in the mirror as Lando stood behind him.  “You need to stay calm and respectful.  Don’t react.  They’re going to call you all manner of nasty things.  You need to remain…” Lando was saying as Hux took great pleasure in wearing a suit for the first time in over nine months.

“I’ve been called plenty of things in my time, Lando.  It stopped affecting me when I was still in school,” Hux assured him.

“Hux, you could do more than twenty years if they nail you—”

“They won’t.  Our defense is solid.  You said so yourself,” Hux said, straightening out his tie before stepping back as he buttoned the top button of his suit jacket.  He felt like himself for the first time in months.  

“Just remember that.  Trials aren’t over in a day.  You’ve got to stay strong,” Lando reminded him.

Hux waited in the courtroom as jury selection got under way.  He listened carefully and watched each person that stepped into the box.  For the most part, he and Lando agreed about who needed to go, and they trusted each other’s instinct about the ones they didn’t agree on.

By the end of the first day of selection, Hux was exhausted.  It was like seeing an endless stream of patients who could only vaguely describe their ailments.  It was exhausting to have to fill in the blanks that the questions posed to them left.

It took nearly a week to select a jury, and at the end of it Hux was certain of only one thing.  He didn’t want these people to be in control of his fate, but he was shit out of luck.

“You could still plead.  My boss is willing to give you fifteen,” Jessica, the prosecutor, told them once the jury had been dismissed and told to report first thing in the morning.

“My client maintains his innocence,” Lando told her, barely giving her a glance.

“It’s going to be a lot worse for him when he gets convicted,” she told them.  “He’s going to be an old man before he sees freedom, if something doesn’t happen to him inside.  A man like him…”

“You’re reaching,” Hux scoffed.

“I’m not the one with a scar where his face got cheese grated against the wall,” she retorted.

“You also wouldn’t be pushing a deal if you didn’t have doubts.  I’ll take my chances, Ms. Pava,” Hux told her.  He had to stop himself from touching the side of his forehead where the light scar had formed at his hairline.  It wasn’t anything particularly noticeable, but it was a reminder of what happened.

* * *

“When do you go on trial, Ilan?” Hux asked that night, unable to focus on anything but the following day.  Rey had come to see him a few days earlier, and she’d promised to be at the trail.  Hux had wanted to tell her not to, but he hadn’t been able to formulate the words.  She wouldn’t have listened even if he had.

“I keep getting it pushed back,” Ilan said, stretching his almost finished scarf this way and that.

“Why?”

“Because my time in here isn’t finished yet.  It will be soon,” he said.

“What does that mean?”

“It means nothing.  Don’t trouble yourself.”

“He made you take the fall for something,” Hux surmised, smoothing the pages of the legal text he was reading more for pleasure than anything else.

“The master doesn’t make us do anything,” Ilan told him.

“So he invited you to get arrested?”

“Kylo has eyes and ears everywhere.  However, sometimes it helps to have hands and a brain places as well.  Since I’ve known Kylo, this is the third time I’ve completed a job inside,” Ilan told him, checking his work for any missed loops.

“You were in before I got here…”

“Of course.  Your arrest was inevitable.  If not how it came to pass then by Snoke or your father’s conniving.”  

“So, you’re in here because of me.  Because he doesn’t think I can look out for myself.”

“I’m in here because it’s important to Kylo, and we both know that you ignore your own health for the sake of whatever it is you’re working on.  He knows you _choose_ not to look out for yourself.”

Hux stood and began to pace.  “Why would you want to be in here?”

“Out there I collect debts.  I’m strictly muscle.  I’m compensated well, but it’s bloody and not particularly happy.  In here, I watch Jeopardy.  I knit.  This is what a vacation looks like.  No one would dare fuck with me, and I don’t have to worry about anything but making sure you don’t get yourself killed.  Kylo doesn’t offer this kind of job to just anyone.  It takes seniority to get a job this pleasant.  I’m thinking I’ll throw a few more wrenches in my case once you’re out just to have some alone time,” Ilan admitted, going back to the last rows of his scarf.

Hux balled his fists.  He’d known from the start that Ilan had been told to watch him.  That had been clear enough, but he had thought the order came with Hux’s arrival.  Instead, it was orchestrated long before Hux even realized arrest was inevitable.

“Did Ren plan to kill him all along?” Hux asked, keeping his voice low.

“The only way out is up, Hux.  Remember that tomorrow.”

Hux went to bed that night feeling completely alone despite knowing that Kylo had been keeping a close eye on him this whole time.  The only way out was up.  Hux had scoffed when Ren had first told him that.  How foolish he had been.  Kylo had been planning to take over for possibly years, even if Snoke stood in his way.  

Hux couldn’t stop thinking about the video.  He couldn’t stop thinking about how Kylo had laid there like he was ready to die.  Had it all been an act?  Had he known that Rey was there to claim it as self defense?  Or had he really been on the brink of giving?  Had he gotten his affairs in order and been ready to let it all end?

* * *

The trial was tedious.  Rey sat on his side of the courtroom along with a contingent from the clinic.  Patients he’d been seeing for years sat there, but no Ren not even any of his knights.

Hux kept a neutral face as they brought out documents that had supposedly been signed by him.  He remained stoic as the prosecutor introduced every bit of damning evidence they had.  

He lost his cool when he father was put on the stand.  He looked healthy and full of himself.  He’d clearly cut a deal in return for condemning his own son.  Hux sneered as he took his oath.  His mother would be rolling in her grave if she could see this.  

“Stay calm,” Lando whispered as the prosecutor glanced at her notes.

“He’s about commit perjury,” Hux ground out.  He’d known this was coming since they’d gotten the list of possible witnesses.  Still, there was no amount of preparation that Hux could have put himself through that would’ve made him ready to be accused by his father—the man he’d spent so much of his youth attempting to please.

“Let him, and we’ll nail him on it.”

“And if we can’t?”

“Just stay calm will you?” Lando whispered.

Hux balled his hands into fists and dug his nails into his palms.

“Dr. Hux, Sr., what was your position in the scholarship foundation?” Jessica asked.

“I didn’t have one.  My late wife left the foundation in its entirety to my son.  I would help with the gala, but everything went through my son,” his father said.

“Your honor, I would like to introduce evidence labeled S14,” Jessica announced.  She showed it to Lando, but he nodded.  Judge entered it into evidence, and Jessica approached Hux’s father.

“Do you recognize this document?” she asked.

“I do.  It documents the funds we raised at the gala this year.”

“And what were these funds for?”

“A research center in my late wife’s honor.”

“A project that was almost immediately scrapped, is that right?”

“Leading, your honor.”

“I’ll rephrase it,” Jessica said, turning back to Hux Sr.  “What happened to this research center project?”

“Shortly after the gala, my son determined that the foundation would not go through with the project.  There is no board, so Brendol has the final say in all matters.”

“Did he give a reason for canceling the project.”

“He said that…”

“Your honor, he can’t speak to the reasoning of my client.”

“Nevermind, your honor, strike it.  Dr. Hux, to the best of your knowledge, was the money collected to start this project returned to donors?”  

“Not that I know of.”

Hux looked down at his bleeding hands in his lap.  

His father went on and on, answering the prosecutor’s questions like he was some star witness.  Hux tuned him out after a while.  They had what they needed to discredit him.  Hux just had to hope that Lando had the jury’s favor.

When Lando got up, he didn’t let Hux Sr. push him around.  He just hammered away at each statement he made.

“You claimed to hold no power in the foundation,” Lando came to at the end.  “However, by all accounts of yourself and other witnesses, it was you that announced this new project.  Is that not true?” Lando asked him.

“I did.”

“Who made the decision that you would announce this new project instead of my client, who you say was completely in control of the organization?”

“I can’t remember.”

“You can’t remember.  That is quite convenient seeing as you have remembered every other detail of events so far.  Could it be that my client had no idea that this project existed until you made it known publicly, leaving him scrambling to come up with a solution?”

Hux’s father faltered for a moment, but he recovered, repeating that he did not remember why he announced it.”

Lando wound down, still not pulling punches before returning to his seat.

When the prosecution rested their case on the third day, Hux was exhausted.  He hadn’t slept in days.  His hands couldn’t stop shaking as layer after layer of falsehood was laid out before him.  Hux prided himself on being able to see through bullshit, but at this point he didn’t even know where to start unraveling the lies.

Lando was calm though.  He gave Hux easy smiles even when the prosecution’s witnesses did phenomenally.  Hux wanted to slap him.  He wanted to beat his fisted against Lando for taking this all in stride when Hux was drowning.  He wanted to find Kylo and tear into him for bringing this hell into his life.  It wasn’t any of their faults though, and Hux was impotent to fix any of it.  

It was being at the jury’s mercy and having to trust Lando with his defense that was the worst.  Hux had always taken care of himself, pulled himself up.  He couldn’t now.  Even after months of preparation, he couldn’t do it on his own.  His whole worldview tilted as Lando stood up and called his first witness to the stand.

Lando called a handwriting analyst up first, and he had the witness explain that he worked for a police lab and had been asked to analyze the documents presented by the prosecution as well as many other documents signed by Hux.

Hux watched the man breakdown how he’d come to the conclusion that the documents were not signed by the same hand.  Hux blinked as the man went into the pressure of the pen to paper, the loops, and the height of each letter.  Hux was impressed by how meticulous the man was.  

“It’s a good copy, but in my professional opinion they are not done by the same person,” he concluded.

“Thank you, Dr. Roth,” Lando said.

The prosecutor got up again and approached the expert.  “Just because Dr. Hux didn’t sign the document itself, does that meant he couldn’t have given someone else the authority?” she asked.

“I can’t speculate on that, but it’s possible…”

“That is all,” she said, returning to her feet.

Hux sighed.  It had sounded good while Lando was up there.  “Don’t worry,” Lando told him before he called his next witness.

Hux could do nothing but worry.  Worrying was his natural state of being.

Before Hux was finally called to the stand, he had to vigorously wipe his palms on Lando’s handkerchief to wipe away the blood on them.  Walking up before the jury was strange.  He took the oath, and then Lando was off.

He asked Hux about the foundation, how it got started and how long he’d been running it.  Hux answered easily.  He knew everything about the foundation right down to how his mother had gotten the funds to start it without Brendol Sr. ever having anything to do with it.

“Who set up the gala this year?” Lando asked.

“My father did,” Hux told him, not bothering to elaborate.  Just answer the question, not dramatics.

“How is that possible if you have to make all of the decisions?” Lando asked him.

“The gala has been an annual event for the last decade.  The venue is booked two years in advance.  The caterers, flowers, music are all booked up.  There is a mailing list that needs to be handled and the political phone calls.  Theme needs to be chosen, that sort of thing.  My father called me and offered to handle that for me.  I had just come off sabbatical after my mother’s death, and I was tired.  I was doing lengthy surgeries and running a clinic.  I don’t enjoy the politics or tedious bits of planning the event, so I took him up on the offer,” Hux said, looking around the courtroom as he explained it.  He tried not to dig his nails into his palms, but it was difficult.  Everything could come down to this and whether or not the jury believed him.

“But how was he able to take over if you have to approve everything?”

“Everyone knows my father.  They knew him before they knew me.  I know the terms of my mother’s will, but the public at large certainly doesn’t. Brendol has attended every gala.   I can’t speak for anyone else, but if I were a regular donor, I wouldn’t have questioned who called me so long as they had the name Hux.”

“You trusted this event to your father.  Did you explain to him that you had plans to start a new research facility in your mother’s name?” Lando asked him.

“I had no knowledge of the proposal until the night of the gala when my father announced it in his speech,” Hux told him.

“You had no knowledge?”

“None.”

“But creating such a proposal would require your approval, wouldn’t it?”

“Yes, but I never gave approval.  In fact, I denied the proposal as soon as I was made aware of it.”

“Had money already been donated?”

“Yes.”

“And what happened to that money?”

“I called a meeting of our top donors and announced the cancellation, then I called them personally to offer a refund or a transfer of those funds to the scholarship or clinic. I have record of everyone I spoke to and their decision, and I can only assume that the State collected that when they seized everything from my apartment and offices.  Before my accounts were frozen, I believe most that had asked for a refund were compensated,” Hux explained.

It went on and on.  Lando picked at every detail, bringing up the pieces of evidence as they touched on them.  Hux went through the transactions, pointing out the ones he made and the ones he couldn’t possibly make as he was in surgery the entire day.

By the time Lando was finished, Hux was exhausted.  Jessica had her turn with him though.

“Mr. Hux,” she addressed him.

“It’s doctor,” Hux corrected her.

“I was led to believe they took your license…”

“Objection, your honor,” Lando said, shaking his head.

“He opened himself to it,” she argued.

“He _is_ a doctor.  He has every right to correct her,”

Hux tuned them out as they went to sidebar and argued it out.  When they came back, it was stricken from the record, and she ground out his title.  Hux pretended he couldn’t hear her animosity.  He could admit that she was very good at what she did.  He could even have respect for her if he wasn’t the one firmly in her aim.

She asked him question after question about the gala.  “Dr. Hux, you said you hadn’t heard of the project until your father’s speech, but he testified that he had announced it earlier in the night to get a bidding war going.  Would you not have heard about it then, if we are to believe you had nothing to do with its creation?  Or had you forgotten because you’re lying?” she asked.

Hux looked her straight in the eye as he leaned forward.  “No, I wouldn’t have heard.  I was indisposed.”

“How so?  You were there…”

“As was Kylo Ren.  We were arguing then having sex in the bathroom for a significant portion of the fundraiser.”

There was a small gasp through the audience, but the judge reminded them to keep their reactions to themselves.

“Convenient that no one has seen Mr. Ren since you were arrested.  How would you like us to confirm that?”

“Isn’t that your job?  I’m not here to do it for you,” Hux retorted.  Lando gave him a look that said to tread softly.  “I told authorities that I had paid the bathroom attendant all off the cash in my pocket at the time to guard the door then forget about the entire incident.  If they didn’t follow up with him, that is their shortcoming,” Hux amended.

She tried to find holes in his testimony, but Hux stood fast.  He could see it in her eyes when she realized he wasn’t going to crack.   When she let him step down, Hux had to hold himself carefully.  He refused to wobble as he walked back to his seat.

He didn’t listen to closing arguments.  He knew Lando had the showmanship and charisma to charm the jury, so he let his mind wonder.  It was over.  It was out of his hands now, and he could only hope.

* * *

It took two days of deliberation.  For two whole days, Hux sat there trying to hold himself together.  Surgery had never been this difficult, and he’d dealt with plenty of traumas in the OR.  Lando tried to help him relax, and Rey had a smile for him whenever he’d look over his shoulder.

Phasma and Mitaka were there as well.  He’d told them to go back to work, but they’d stayed.

The Knights arrived the second day.  Three of them filed into the back of the courtroom.  The cameras seemed to follow them as they sat in unison.  They almost looked like monks, wearing all black and keeping vigil.

Hux felt something in the pit of his stomach ease as they waited.  Kylo didn’t come, but his presence was there.

As the second day was winding down, the jury returned.  Hux listened as the foreman gave the judge their findings.

Fraud: Not guilty.

Embezzlement: Not guilty.

Not guilty.

Not guilty.

_Not guilty_.

Hux felt like he couldn’t breath as the judge told him that he was a free man.  Phasma was on him almost immediately, hugging him and kissing the side of his face.  Lando kept close, telling the media to fuck off—politely, of course.   

It was all a whirl of emotions.  He could go home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings: assault, vomit/sickness, homophobic language, abuse of authority, public outing (lgbt not like a date), blood, Hux's animosity toward Lando's cape, prison life, mention of solitary confinement, I hope that's it, I'm sorry my brain is just fried.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made it to the end of this story! I wasn't sure I was going to for a while last summer, but this is essentially the end. I'll be adding an epilogue hopefully very soon, but this is it for most of the story. I do have some time stamps planned but who knows when I'll get to them.

Hux felt like he was in a strange dream.  Everything around him was a blur as he was taken back to the jail to collect his things before being released. He wasn’t sure if he felt relief at being found not guilty, or if he felt anger for the months he’d suffered for that verdict.

They handed him his dirty scrubs, his wallet, and his keys.  He hadn’t had anything else when they’d taken him.  It was so strange to look at it.  Thankfully, he had the suit he'd worn to court that day.  He wasn’t sure he could stand putting scrubs covered in Kylo’s blood back on after all this time.

“Congratulations,” the officer said as Hux took his belongings.  “Hopefully, I won’t see you back here.”

“I would have to agree with you,” Hux said, no longer in fear of speaking to the officers.

“Good luck,” the man said as Hux turned to be led to the exit.

“Thank you,” Hux said, nodding.

Stepping outside was refreshing enough to take his breath away.  The air was cold again, and the only thing he had to keep the chill out was the scarf and hat that Ilan had knitted him.  He hadn’t had his coat when he was arrested, and he hadn’t thought to tell Lando to bring him one.

The icy air cut right through his suit as he walked across the asphalt to the gate.

Phasma was supposed to pick him up. She'd said as much in the courtroom. Mitaka would probably with her.

However, the figure that waited outside the gate wasn't Phasma. They had the height, but they wore a long black coat that caught the winter breeze and danced about their legs. Their heavy black boots were set apart in a firm stance. Hux couldn't see their face because of a thick hood that hid it.

Hux didn't need to see their face or the sleek black Viper parked behind them. He would know Kylo anywhere, even after not having seen him for months.

Hux forced himself not to hurry, even if the cold made him want to get inside the warmth of his car as fast as he could. He walked tall, refusing to give in to the relief of seeing Kylo alive. He was angry. Kylo had abandoned him in there.

“Phasma's supposed to be picking me up,” Hux said as he got to the gate, and it opened for him.

Kylo didn't take a step forward as Hux stepped through. He barely moved at all as the wind buffeted against his strong frame.

“She was informed that it would be handled.” Kylo's voice was rough, not unlike the first time they'd met. It sounded as though he hadn't used it in a long while, and the cadence even sounded like he was surprised by his own voice.

“How convenient,” Hux retorted, stopping several feet in front of Kylo and standing his ground. Would this be a fight? Hux wasn't about to give in to Kylo's moods just because he'd spent most of a year locked away. If Kylo thought he could just pick him up like nothing had happened—like Hux hadn't been imprisoned, and Kylo hadn't been off the grid—and they could just go back to whatever it was they'd had before, then he was wrong.

Kylo stepped forward, removing his thick coat in a graceful motion and sweeping it around Hux's shoulders. Hux was too surprised by the move to protest. He stood there, mouth agape, as Kylo adjusted his coat so that it protected Hux from the bitter air.

“What are you doing?” Hux demanded, gripping the coat and pulling it around him more tightly rather the pushing the thing away.

“You were shaking,” Kylo said, voice gentle even if he sounded like he'd swallowed gravel.

“How observant of you,” Hux retorted.

“You're angry with me.” Kylo stepped back just enough that they weren't sharing breath.

“You left me in there to rot. I didn't know if you were alive or dead. I didn't know what had become of your injuries. I didn't know a damn thing, and you didn't bother to visit or send a message. I asked Lando, Rey, even Ilan, but no one knew anything. All I was told was you'd gone to ground. What does that even mean? You aren't a spy. This isn't some John LeCarre romp. And now after all of that, here you are as though you're just going to walk me to my car after a long day at work. You _bastard_ ,” Hux said bitterly.

He had not kept his cool. He had not given Kylo the cold rebuff he'd been feeling for months. He was furious though. Kylo couldn't just show up now and pretend like nothing had changed.

“I had Ilan there for you. You were taken care of...”

“Taken care of? I had a massive shadow follow me for months. A shadow that spent more time knitting me accessories than speaking to me. You forced him into jail to keep an eye on me. What did you think? I was going to turn on you if I was in there too long? Didn't trust me enough to leave me be?” Hux stepped forward, furious at Ren's lack of understanding. And doubly furious that he wouldn't remove the damn hood when they spoke. It was completely ridiculous to be speaking to a hood.

“I couldn't visit you,” Kylo said quietly, not rising to Hux's bait. How strange it was for their positions to switch. Hux didn't enjoy the way Kylo calmly spoke as though he'd already had this conversation and resolved everything.

“Why the hell not?”

“They wouldn't let me wear the hood.”

Hux stopped short. “What?” He couldn't have just claimed he couldn't visit his lover—the man who'd saved his life—because of a hood. Even Ren wasn't _that_ ridiculous.

“The hood,” Kylo gestured to the hooded sweatshirt that he still wore over his face.

“What difference does that make? I wanted to see you. Do you have any idea how lonely it is in there? Do you have any idea how much I worried? Do you ever think of anyone but yourself?” Hux felt like he was going to snap. This was all too much. First jail, then the trial, now this.

“I couldn't stand your rejection in the middle of a visitation room or in the courthouse in front of those cameras...”

“What are you talking about?” He balled his hands into fists and squeezed.

“...I just needed to pretend I wouldn't be alone for a little longer even if it meant not seeing you.” Kylo reached down and took Hux's hands, gently preventing him from doing further damage to his palms. Hux shook him off.

“You aren't making any sense, Kylo.”

“My face. My body. I'm a monster...”

“Really? This is all because you're being melodramatic about your scars?” Hux demanded, stepping into Kylo's space and reaching up for the hood. “I stitched you up myself for fuck's sake.”

“Hux, don't...”

“I want to see.”

“You don't,” Kylo insisted, reaching up to wrap his hands around Hux's.

“What? Are you going to wear the hood forever? Will you be wearing it during sex? When you shower?” Hux asked, prepared to shake Ren's hands off again.

Ren didn't try to stop him though. He didn't pull Hux's hands away; he just cradled them as they pushed the hood back and off of Kylo's head.

Hux's breath caught as the hood fell away. Kylo's hair was long on the top of his head, but it had been shaved around the sides and back. The long dark hair fell to the side that bore most of the scarring. Hux gently pushed the hair back behind Kylo's ear to reveal his whole face.

“Your eye...” Hux said, running his fingertip down the jagged scar that bisected his features, starting at his hairline and traveling down over the bridge of his nose and across his cheek, over his jaw and down nearly to his shoulder.

“It got infected,” Kylo said, trying to turn his face away from Hux's scrutiny, but Hux cradled his face, running his thumbs over Kylo's cheeks gently.

“Is it completely blind?” Hux asked, tilting Kylo's head to see the milky white clouds that covered Kylo's right eye. There was scaring around it as well, like Kylo had dug his nails into the flesh surrounding it.

“I can see shadows in good light,” he said, finally tilting his face into Hux's gentle touch.

Hux stroked him softly, forgetting the cold or where they stood.

The scarring across his cheek and jaw wasn't any less vicious looking, like he'd dug the infection out repeatedly. Hux had been so certain he was healing well, but who knows what conditions Kylo had been in afterward.

“Does it still hurt?” Hux asked, anger washed away by a flood of concern. Something that would've made Hux falter in the past. He'd given up pretending Ren and his well being didn't matter though.

“When I eat...” Kylo grunted, shaking his head. “Everything about eating hurts,” he added.

“Honestly, the way you cooked before, I can't see how it didn't hurt then too,” Hux said, squeezing Ren's neck gently to let him know he was kidding.

“You can walk home,” Kylo threatened, but his hands squeezed Hux's wrists like he was afraid to let him go.

Hux reached down to tug Kylo's sweatshirt up. He revealed the abdominal scar. It looked like it had healed better than he facial one, but that didn't mean the damage inside hadn't been lasting.

“Plain, soft foods,” Hux told him, running his fingers through what was left of Kylo's hair. It wasn't a bad look on him. Even with his large ears, Hux liked the bare sides. Something about it made Kylo look younger, but no less dangerous.

Kylo pressed his cheek against Hux's touch, sighing softly.

“You should've visited,” Hux said quietly, pulling Kylo in for a kiss.

Kylo hardly moved his lips, just resting them against Hux's. Hux suckled gently on Kylo's bottom lip then his top one, letting Kylo remain stoic.

“I thought about holding you every night,” Kylo whispered as Hux pulled back.

“Where are you staying?” Hux asked, running his hands down Kylo's thick arms. He hoped it wasn't another abandoned building. He really wanted a hot shower and a real mattress to sleep on.

“I took over your apartment. Cleaned it up, bought new furniture.”

“Bought back my car?”

“You loved the car.”

“I needed the money. How on earth did you find it?”

“I have my ways, and I offered her more than I should've,” Kylo told him.

“How?”

“How what?”

“You have no money,” Hux said, stepping around Kylo to look at his car. It was definitely his. He could still see the tiny ding from where Kylo had dented the hood and the mechanic had pounded it back out.

“I just had to know where to look, and use a little creative...”

“You took Snoke's money...You had been planning to kill him.” It was out there, Hux's suspicion for a long time now.

“I was the heir. The thrown was my right,” Kylo said.

“You planned it all. You made it look like self defense, but you'd known he'd come for you. You'd known they'd follow you,” Hux said, turning back to look at Ren.

“Calm down.”

“This was your plan all along. You've taken over.”

“The city needs a guiding hand. If not mine then someone else's. I'm not Snoke, Hux. I don't want my hand in everything. I just want to be able to protect what's mine...”

“Like me?”

“Us, the Knights, the clinic. I'd give my life for you, and if I didn't take control I might just have to. Anyone new wouldn't let me live. It doesn't work like that.”

“Just give me the damn keys. I didn't sign up for this bullshit. We're going home. I'm going to take the longest shower of my life, and then we are getting into bed and not leaving again until I say so. I don't want to hear anything else about kings, you dramatic fool. This isn't fucking England,” Hux complained, reaching into the pockets of Kylo's coat and finding the keys already in them.

Hux removed the keys from his pocket and walked over to the driver's side. Kylo didn't follow.

“What _now_?” Hux demanded.

“Do you actually want me to get in, or is this where we—”

“Jesus Christ, Kylo. Get in the goddamn car. I don't give a fuck about your face. It wasn't that pretty to begin with. I just wa—”

“Can you not be a bastard for ten seconds?”

“I was in jail for ten months, Kylo! I couldn't take so much as a piss without ten pairs of eyes on me. I haven't slept well in over a year, and I've had enough concussions in that time to do a boxer proud. I want to go home. I'm not in the mood to coddle you. I fucking missed you every damn day in there. I worried about you _every_ day. I spent so many hours studying the law that I could probably pass the bar at this point...because I wanted to be out here with you. I know you have abandonment issues, and you're touch starved. I know you're afraid you're unlovable, but I can't fuck you in the jail parking lot. Now, are you coming home with me, _Lord Ren_?” Hux asked.

Kylo didn't say anything, but he walked over to the passenger side and got into the car. Hux leaned over the center console and pressed a kiss to Kylo's shoulder.

“I didn't mean what I said about your face. You're handsome. I like the hair, though I know how you got the tattoo, so it's a bit unsettling,” Hux said, turning Kylo's face away to see the crude letters that spelled REN on the back of his skull.

“It's supposed to be unsettling,” Kylo told him, turning his head back to Hux and pressing his nose into Hux's neck. “It's who I am.”

“It is,” Hux agreed. He'd wondered while inside, with nothing better to think about, if Kylo would revert back to Ben. He'd been naive, believing that Kylo didn't exist without Snoke. However, Kylo was as much of Ren as Ben Solo was, probably more so.

“I'm sorry I didn't visit you. I was...”

“I'll get over it. You're alive. That was my biggest worry. I thought maybe I was just being wishful, or Ilan didn't know how to tell me the truth.”

“I'm alive,” Kylo agreed, though he didn't sound convinced.

“I'll yell at you more when we're home and I'm clean,” Hux told him, leaning back onto his side and starting the car. It rumbled to life, but Hux turned and glared at Kylo. “Twenty thousand miles? What were you doing with her while I was away?” Hux asked. “Did you even change the oil?”

Kylo grumbled loudly, but turned to face the window.

“What happened to _your_ car?” Hux demanded.

“Yours is nice.”

“Oh, so now you agree that mine's nicer. You had some rude words for it before, but now it's nice. This didn't even have ten on it before I went it.”

“It has blacked out windows,” Kylo mumbled.

Hux deflated. This was going to be a thing he needed to become used to. Kylo wasn't okay with his face. He, no doubt, liked that it put fear in the hearts of his enemies, but he didn't want people just looking at his damaged face. Criminal mastermind or not, Kylo Ren was still human, and he still carried the insecurities that he had never been allowed to work through.

“I hope you kept my other car if you plan to use this one,” Hux said as he put the car in reverse and backed out of the spot before heading home.

“I let one of the Knights drive it from time to time, but it's there,” Kylo admitted.

“And my lab coat?” Hux asked once they were close to home.

“It's hanging in the closet, freshly washed and pressed.”

Hux shook his head. “You better not have ruined my apartment,” he said, finding his spot easily as he pulled into the garage.

“It was already trashed. How could I possibly ruin it?” Kylo asked, getting out of the car.

“What color are the walls?” Hux asked, watching as Kylo pulled his hood back up and stepped just a little too close to Hux to be seen as casual.

“The bedroom is red and the kitchen is turquoise with orange polka dots...”

“You aren't funny, Ren,” Hux said, trying to elbow Kylo in the ribs, but Kylo caught his arm and dodged him. He wrapped his arm around Hux's waist, and there was no ignoring that it was a possessive gesture. Hux couldn't say he minded. He'd spent the better part of a year waiting for this.

They got to Hux's apartment, and Hux used the key on the ring to open it. His mouth almost hit the floor as they entered. It looked brand new. The furniture was new as well as the fixtures. It wasn't really Hux's style, but he could appreciate how nicely it was done.

“You did this?”

“I painted and installed everything. Wasn't much else to do while I was locked in here. I let the knights pick the furniture. It's all very comfortable,” Kylo told him.

“And our bedroom?” Our bedroom. There was something nice about that. Hux had always been so protective of his space, but after sharing space with countless men for close to a year, sharing something with Ren sounded downright delightful.

They walked down the hall, and Hux peeked into his old office. “You can't be serious? You did not turn my office into...into a doctor's office!” Hux spat, gaping at what had previously been his home office.

Gone was his desk, the ergonomic chair, the organizers, the medical articles. All of it was gone. In their place were cabinets, and a counter running along the back wall. There was a portable table, florescent lighting, and an exam table.

“Stirrups. Really?” Hux asked, afraid to step inside. “Gloves aren't enough...”

“It makes sense. You said me and my men aren't allowed in the clinic...”

“You're going to pretend that this is because you want me to play doctor for your friends?”

“You played doctor with the inmates. Admit it, you can't give it up completely. License or not, it's who you are,” Kylo whispered in his ear, standing so close behind Hux that his breath displaced Hux's hair.

“I suppose you'll try to tell me that your friends getting injured is for my own good next,” Hux said, closing the door because he couldn't even look at the room. An office in his damn apartment...so Kylo could live out his doctor fantasies in the comfort of their own home.

Hux was thankfully distracted from his thoughts as soon as he stepped into their bedroom. It was luxurious. That was the best word Hux could think of for it. The new carpet was lush and so soft. The walls were a warm coffee color. The bed was massive, and the covers looked extremely expensive.

Hux walked to the bed and pressed his fingers into the mattress. Soft top but with plenty of firmness underneath. He wouldn't be getting out of it any time soon.

Walking to the ensuite, Hux found that it had been remodeled as well. There was a deep tub that could certainly fit both of them. There was a separate shower cubicle and a his and his vanity. The linen closet had been sacrificed, but Hux could deal with that.

“Shower first, then I will join you in the bath,” Hux said, nodding at his own plan.

“Do I get to watch you shower?” Kylo asked, leaning against the doorway as Hux explored the room.

“How much did these tiles cost, and did you install them yourself?” Hux asked.

“Don't worry about cost, and yes. Han taught me construction when I was young. He'd been in construction before I was born and he became a cop,” Kylo said, stepping inside and turning on the shower.

There were multiple shower heads, and it looked like heaven. “May I undress you?” Kylo asked, stepping behind Hux.

Hux shook his head. “It's going to take some time,” Hux said, remembering the stress of showering during intake.

“I'll leave you to it then,” Kylo said, backing up like he was afraid to touch Hux.

“Stay. I just need to get used to this again,” Hux told him, turning to face Kylo as he unbuttoned his suit and dropped the jacket to the floor. He held Kylo's eyes as he slowly stripped. He wasn't afraid of Kylo, or his gaze, or even his touch. He just needed to shed the layers of jail from himself before he could even think about touching Kylo intimately.

When he was completely naked, he stood in front of Kylo still watching him.

“You're too thin,” Kylo said, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I was preoccupied.”

“Ilan should've—”

“Ilan wasn’t stupid enough to think he could get away with bossing me around,” Hux huffed.  He turned and walked to the shower, stepping inside as Kylo continued to watch him.  Hux didn’t mind as he quickly rinsed his body and began scrubbing at his skin with the soap in there.  

There was soap and bodywash, and Hux used both.  He almost used the shampoo as well, needing to cleanse himself of the months of living in the jail.  It was more symbolic than that he was actually dirty.  Some days he took several showers just for something to do, but he needed to wash away the experience so he could move on—so that it wasn't just one more thing standing between them.

“You aren’t in the tub yet,” Hux remarked as he scrubbed his scalp with shampoo covered fingers.

“Your shower is going to get cold and the pressure isn't very good to begin with,” Kylo said, pushing off the vanity.

“I was in jail, Kylo.  Not exactly known for its top notch bathing facilities,” Hux retorted, tilting his head under the water to wash away the shampoo.

Kylo went to the tub and started to fill it.  Hux hardly noticed the change in the water pressure.  He turned his back, but he could hear Kylo fiddling with the water temperature.  For the first time in ages, Hux felt safe to turn his back to someone.  There was something incredibly intoxicating about it.

Hux heard Kylo begin to remove his boots.  It was a distinct sound.  There was the grunt of anger as the laces didn’t want to loosen up.  There was the awkward shuffle as he tried to toe the things off, then the final grunt of frustration as he yanked the thing off with his hands.  Rinse and repeat.

“Perhaps you should try sneakers or those fuzzy boots that all the college girls wear,” Hux said, bracing himself on the wall and letting the hot water pour over his head and shoulders and down his back.

“My boots are fine,” Kylo insisted, tossing one of them across the room which ended in a loud thump.

“Don’t ruin my new bathroom,” Hux chided him.

“I made it. I can ruin it if I—”

“No, you can’t.  Now, get in the damn tub,” Hux told him, turning off the water in the shower and opening the door.

Hux stopped, looking Kylo up and down.  He still wore the black sweatshirt, and a pair of torn black jeans clung to his legs.  His socks had holes in them that left several toes exposed.

“Did you not buy clothes since I left?” Hux asked, stepping forward and unzipping the sweatshirt to reveal a tattered t-shirt beneath it.  Hux sighed, pushing the sweatshirt off of Kylo’s shoulders.  “I’ll go to the store when I'm feeling better and buy you some new clothes,” Hux told him, stepping into Kylo’s space and kissing his jaw—completely unbothered by the scar there.

Kylo didn’t say anything, pushing Hux toward the tub.  Hux didn’t protest, slipping into the hot water and keeping his face to the wall as he waited for Kylo to join him.

Eventually, Kylo situated himself behind Hux and pulled Hux’s back to his chest.  They didn’t speak for a long time as they relaxed in the water.  Hux ran his hands up and down Kylo’s muscled thighs as Kylo never stopped touching Hux’s chest and stomach.  

The water needed to be warmed several times as they stayed there, gently touching each other.  Eventually, Hux began to feel Kylo harden against his back.  Hux readjusted himself slightly just to see how it would affect Kylo.  He wasn’t disappointed as Kylo moaned softly, tightening his grip around Hux’s body and pulling him closer.

Kylo rocked his hips in small movements to rub against Hux, and Hux didn’t complain.  Kylo still found him attractive, and sex had always been a form of stress relief to Kylo.  Hux knew he was under no small amount of stress these days.

When Kylo’s hand ventured down to wrap around Hux’s own cock, Hux held his wrist to stop him.

“You aren’t hard,” Kylo mumbled.

“It’s not you,” Hux tried to assure him.  “I’m exhausted.  I just spent the last few weeks being judged for my indiscretions.  I spent ten months in jail in a constant state of fear for my life and freedom.  Please, just give me time,” Hux said, turning over to rest his chest against Kylo’s.

Hux looked at Kylo’s face. He didn't shy away from looking Kylo in the eyes even if one could no longer see him. Kylo held his gaze, clearly searching for something in Hux's own eyes, undoubtedly looking for horror or rejection. Hux ran his fingers down Kylo’s unscarred cheek and then leaned in to suck gently just beneath Kylo’s ear. He reached down between them and wrapped his hand around Kylo’s erection, stroking it slowly.

“You don’t have to,” Kylo grunted, running his hand down Hux’s back before cupping his ass.

“Shut up,” Hux whispered, running his thumb over the head of Kylo’s cock.  

“Missed you,” Kylo admitted.  His voice was breathy and strained, but he nuzzled against Hux’s cheek as he said it.  

Hux continued to stroke him as they clung to each other.  Hux leaned in to kiss Kylo, and once again he just let Hux do as he pleased.  Hux tried not to diagnose Kylo as they had sex, but he was beginning to suspect there was extensive damage done to the muscles in Kylo’s face.  It was worrying, but Hux put it aside as he reached lower to massage Kylo’s testicles. There was so much to address, but for now they just needed to know the other was there in the flesh.

Kylo grunted as Hux stroked him again.  “You’re close,” Hux said, pulling back enough to look Kylo in the eye again.

Kylo nodded, turning his face to look out at the bathroom and conveniently hiding his scars from Hux.  Hux didn’t call him on it as he might have in the past.  Instead, he took Kylo’s earlobe between his lips and suckled at it gently.  He wasn’t going soft.  Some things were just better left unsaid.

Kylo moaned as Hux felt his cock twitch in his grip.  “That’s it,” Hux praised.  He kissed Kylo’s jaw and over his neck as Kylo continued to shake beneath him.  When Kylo’s body went slack and his eye closed, Hux rested his head on Kylo’s shoulder and waited.  

Eventually, they got out of the bath.  They both were exhausted, and they hardly dried themselves off before stumbling to the bed and falling into it together.  Kylo wrapped himself around Hux like a protective blanket.  Hux didn’t complain, not that it would’ve done him any good because Kylo was already snoring.

* * *

They woke periodically throughout the day and into the night.  Kylo would start moving because of a dream or nightmare, and Hux would roll over and hold him for a while.  Hux would steal the covers in his sleep, and Kylo would haul him back over until he was resting on Kylo’s chest with the pile of blankets.  But they always fell back to sleep quickly, secure in each other’s arms.

Hux finally woke, the following morning, when Kylo rolled on top of him and began rubbing his erection against Hux’s own morning wood.  Hux let his legs fall open to accommodate Kylo, and he wrapped his arms around Kylo’s back.

Kylo didn’t ask permission or say anything.  He just grunted as he rubbed against Hux.  He braced himself above Hux and pressed his face into the crook of Hux’s neck as he rocked his hips.  

Hux ran his fingers through Ren’s soft hair and over the stubble at the back of his skull.  No words were exchanged, but they held each other close, and eventually Hux wrapped his legs around Kylo’s hips.  

The only sound in the room was the breathy sighs and grunts that accompanied their pleasure.  Kylo whined softly as he increased the pressure of his movements.  Hux was nowhere near orgasm, but Kylo was clearly struggling to push himself over the edge.

Hux turned his face to Kylo’s, nudging his cheek with his nose.  Kylo didn’t respond at first, so Hux nipped at him instead.  Kylo grunted, but he turned his face to Hux’s and let himself be kissed.  Hux pressed his tongue to the seam of Kylo’s lips and into Kylo’s mouth.  

Kylo’s kiss remained passive, but he moved against Hux with more force.  He pressed Hux into the mattress as he ground their cocks against each other.

Hux ran his hands down Kylo’s back and over his ass, squeezing it roughly.  He gripped both cheeks spreading them then running his fingers between them, teasing Kylo.  Kylo nearly bit Hux’s tongue as Hux played with his ass.  Hux used his other hand to swat Kylo’s cheek, and Kylo moaned loudly before coming all over Hux’s cock and stomach.  

Kylo shoved his hand roughly between then and stroked Hux firmly.  Hux gasped at the grip, but he didn’t stop Kylo.  Kylo didn’t stop rubbing against him either, holding Hux to him tightly.

“I wanted to tear their throats out when they arrested you.  They deserved it.  They used you to get to me, and I wanted to make them suffer,” Kylo ground out as he reached his other arm under Hux to play with his ass as well.  

Hux grunted as he bucked against Kylo.  It felt good to be touched.  It felt good to be in Kylo’s arms, and it felt good to hear Kylo’s voice.

“I handled it though,” Kylo said, twisting his grip on Hux to tease the head.  Hux gasped.  “Things always come to light.  You shouldn’t dabble if you aren’t ready for people to exploit it,” Kylo said.

Just the way he talked about getting revenge on those that wronged Hux was affecting Hux.  Kylo was so casual about it, but there was a fury beneath the surface.  It was an anger that had clearly not dissipated just because Kylo had had his revenge.

“What did you do?” Hux asked, breathless. He wished he had the energy for sex, but even this was pushing his limits. Kylo was really doing all of the work, yet Hux felt like he was running a marathon.

“I made sure the right papers and politicians knew about certain bribes and illegal tactics.  Don’t worry, I didn’t kill anyone,” Kylo said.

Hux grunted.  He didn’t know why Kylo talking about his work was turning him on, but maybe it had to do with his own anger.  It hadn’t dissipated just because Hux was locked away and forced to focus on his defense.  He’d wanted to throttle those agents himself.  They’d been so ready to use his father to get to him when his father was the one behind it all.

“What happened to them?” Hux asked.

“It’s taken care off.  Don’t worry about it,” Kylo said.

Hux came with a sigh, and Kylo held him through it. It was shameful that Kylo’s promise that he’d taken care of things was enough to tip him over the edge.  Hux was just too tied to care though.  It wasn’t explosive or life changing, but it relieved some of the tension in Hux’s body.  It eased some of the tension in his mind.  Maybe all of this hadn’t completely broken them.  Maybe they could pick up the pieces.

“We’re going to need to talk eventually,” Hux said, long after he’d relaxed.  They were both still in the same position, too worn out to move much.

“Not today,” Kylo said, pressing his lips to Hux’s cheek then sitting up.  “I’ll make tea. I’ll be back in soon,” he promised.

“I don’t think I can get up yet,” Hux admitted.  The role reversal was jarring, but Hux’s whole body ached, and his limbs felt too heavy to move.  He didn’t know when he’d stop feeling like this, but it frustrated him.  There were things to be done, but he was left here still broken by everything.

“You don’t need to.  Everything’s taken care of.  Just rest,” Kylo told him, cleaning himself off with a ratty t-shirt then pulling on a pair of jeans without underwear.  He threw his sweatshirt on and zipped it up, putting the hood up as well.

“Why didn’t I believe you could handle things before?” Hux asked, watching Kylo approach the bed again.

“I was Snoke’s then.  I’m yours now,” Kylo said, bending down and pressing his lips to Hux’s.

“When I’m feeling better, I want to have a look at you,” Hux told him.

“Didn’t you just have a look while I was dressing?” Kylo asked.

“May I inspect your scars if I promise to check your breathing and give you a prostate exam?” Hux countered.

“If you wear the lab coat and snap the gloves.”

“How much doctor porn did you watch while I was imprisoned?”

“You’ll never know.  I cleared your internet history.”

“You used my computer?” Hux demanded, appalled.  

“Like I said, you’ll never know.  Now, get some rest while I get you breakfast.”

Hux deflated.  It was like he was in a dream.  Kylo had come and swept him away from his jail and everything was forgotten, and they could be happy. Hux was on the brink of sleep again when he realized life was never that easy.  He checked the time, and Kylo had been gone too long to just be making tea.

Hux struggled to get out of bed.  He pulled on one of Kylo’s sweatshirts and walked out into the kitchen. A man he recognized from the courtroom was leaning against the island as Kylo filled the kettle.  They spoke in hushed voices.  

“They’re demanding to be let inside,” the man whispered.

“I don’t care.  Tell them to leave,” Kylo hissed back.

“They said they won’t go until they are allowed to see him.”

“He’s sick.  He can’t see anyone…”

“Phasma isn’t going to like that,” the man said, crossing his arms.

“I don’t care.  Tell her we’ll pull back security…”

“Shouldn’t I get a say in whether my friends can see me, or am I now your prisoner instead of the State’s?” Hux asked, breaking the quiet of the kitchen.

Kylo growled, dropping the kettle onto the burner and stalking over to him.  “You should be in bed,” he said, trying to guide Hux away.

“Do not touch me if you think you can control my behavior.  I want to see them.  I want something normal,” Hux insisted.  Kylo growled at him.  “Please let them up,” Hux told the man.

The knight got a deer-in-headlights look as he glanced from Hux to Kylo.  “Sir?”

Kylo let out an angry shout and stormed toward the bedroom.  “You heard him,” he shouted over his shoulder.

Hux sighed, following Kylo only to see the bedroom door slam closed. “Bastard,” he muttered under his breath.  Of course, the door was locked when he went to open it.  Well, at least this was something more familiar.  “At least, give me pants to wear if you’re going to be an asshole about this,” Hux shouted through the door.

The door opened just enough that a pair of scrub bottoms could be thrown through the opening.  Hux rolled his eyes.  He carefully pulled on the pants and went to the kitchen to see if there was anything to serve Phasma and likely Mitaka.  

Hux wasn’t expecting Rey, Poe, Finn, and several of the hospital staff to come through the door as well.  Hux stood in the kitchen looking quite a sight as they all piled into the apartment.  

Phasma wasted no time approaching him and hugging him tightly.  “Fuck, I missed you,” she said, shattering the aura of indifference she usually held.  

Rey was quick to hug him as well.  Poe stuck with a pat on the shoulder, and Finn kept his distance though offered him a smile.

“I wasn’t expecting so many of you,” Hux admitted, accepting a hug from a couple of the surgical nurses he’d worked with.

“We’ve missed you,” one of the women said, patting his arm gently.  “OR isn’t the same without you.”

“No I would imagine not,” Hux replied, leaning against the island before he fell over from shock.  

“We didn’t believe that nonsense.  Never met a doctor less concerned about money than you,” another nurse said.  He stood behind the others shaking his head.

“Thank you,” Hux told them.  “I really don’t have much to offer.  There’s tea, but the refrigerator is mostly empty.”

“We’re fine.  Just wanted to see that you were okay, see if we could help with anything,” Phasma told him.  

“I’m sure we’ll manage,” Hux said, overwhelmed.

“He’s here?” Phasma asked, sounding a bit surprised.

“Huh?”

“Ren is here?” she asked again.

“Yes, of course, he is.  He’s in the bedroom,” Hux said, forgetting that no one had seen Kylo in months.

“Why isn’t he out here?” Rey asked, looking down the hall at the bedroom door.

“Who knows? Can I offer anyone tea?” Hux offered.

They ended up staying longer than he’d thought they would.  His coworkers from the hospital left first, most of them having to either start shifts or run errands because it was their day off. Poe and Finn eventually left for their own shifts.  Neither of them had offered much to the conversation, but Hux couldn’t deny that it felt good just to have them there.  It felt like he wasn’t alone. Phasma, Rey, and Mitaka stayed the longest.

Hux lost track of time as Phasma filled him in on what he’d missed at the clinic.  Mitaka assured him that he was managing just fine, and they were very close to hiring another doctor.  Rey admitted that she would be starting the police academy in the coming months, and Hux was happy for her.  She cared about the community enough that she’d put her heart into her work.

“You know, Kylo’s had his buddies in front of the clinic since the day after you were arrested,” Phasma mentioned as they all just sat quietly on the comfortable furniture.

“Shit,” Hux said, getting up.  “Just give me a moment.”

He hadn’t meant to leave Kylo for that long.  He hadn’t thought that he’d have so many guests or that they’d stay.  However, it had been hours, and he hadn’t heard a peep from their room.  He only hoped that Kylo hadn’t destroyed the whole place before Hux even got to appreciate it.

Hux went to the door, but it was still locked.  He reached above the frame where he used to keep the key and he unlocked it without asking permission to enter.  The room was quiet and surprisingly not destroyed.  Hux went to the bathroom door which was slightly ajar.  

He found Kylo sitting in the tub with his head between his knees.  He was fully dressed, though the hood was pushed back.  Hux knelt down beside the tub and ran his fingers through Kylo’s hair.  Kylo shook his head as though to dislodge Hux’s fingers.

“Look at me,” Hux ordered softly.

“Just go,” Kylo breathed out.  “Go with them.  It’s better that way.”

Hux took a breath.  “I’ve waited a good damn year to be with you, Kylo.  Why on earth would I leave now?  Phasma is my oldest friend.  You cannot fault me for wanting to see her.  That doesn’t mean I’m leaving you,” Hux told him.  

“Not yet, but you will.”

“Nothing is certain, Kylo.  That’s life.  I didn’t think I’d even go to prison, but I did.  I’m here now, though, and I’d rather face our problems than try to rebuild my life alone.  You should come out and say hello.  They sounded as worried about you as they were me,” Hux said, continuing to rub Kylo’s head.  He was certain he hated that tattoo on his skull every time he passed his hand over it.  

“I don’t want to see them,” Kylo insisted, raising his head.

Hux was taken aback by the angry color of Kylo’s scar.  He’d clearly been scratching at it.  Hux had no doubt how it had become infected now.  Hux cupped his face, not allowing him to hide it.  “I’m going to put something on this.  You shouldn’t scratch at it.  It’s not going away, Kylo, and neither am I,” Hux told him, getting up and going to the medicine cabinet.  

Thankfully, Kylo had seemed to replenish all of the ointments and creams he’d had in there before.  Hux grabbed one and came back, scooping some out with his fingers and gently spreading it over Kylo’s scar.  

“You can wear the hood, but I would like it if you came out.  You can come right back in here, but at least show them you’re here,” Hux tried to coax him.

“Leave me alone,” Kylo insisted.  

Hux sighed.  “I’m sorry. I was foolish.  I spent ten months believing I was the one isolated and alone, but it was you.  I’m sorry I’ve never been good enough at overcoming my own selfishness to show you how much I love you,” Hux said, rising to his feet again.  

Kylo didn’t say anything, and Hux went back out to the living room.  “He’s resting.  I’m afraid that I’m exhausting,” Hux said when he sat back down.

Phasma snorted at him.  “We should probably head out, let you get some rest too.  You look like hell,” she told him, rising from the armchair.

Mitaka and Rey took her cue and stood as well.  “If there’s anything you need, just let us know,” Mitaka told him, giving him another hug.

“Thank you for coming.  I would like to visit the clinic once I’m settled again,” Hux said.

“You’re welcome anytime,” Phasma assured him.

Hux was walking them to the door when Kylo emerged from the bedroom.  Rey stopped in her tracks and watched him walk down the hall.  He wore the sweatshirt with the hood up, but Hux was just happy to see him come out. Small steps.

Kylo hadn’t made it halfway across the apartment when Rey ran to give him a tight hug.  It was clear that Kylo wasn’t expecting it because he froze, hands slightly raised as though he didn’t know what to do.

“You really are here,” Phasma said as though she hadn’t believed Hux.

Kylo grunted, cautiously wrapping his arms around Rey.  She continued to squeeze him.  She must still have been haunted by what had happened.  Hux doubted he’d ever forget the night she’d dragged Kylo to him half dead. There was a strange bond in what they’d shared that night.

When Rey finally let him go, Kylo stepped behind Hux, creating a barrier between himself and Hux’s guests. It was so jarring to see Kylo shying away from confrontation. Hux leaned back against him.  There was a lot to work on.

“Thank you for continuing to send your friends,” Phasma told Kylo.  “They’ve handled a few angry protests,” she added.

“Sure,” Kylo said, nodding his head slightly.  

“When Hux is feeling better, we’ll take you two out for drinks,” Mitaka told him. He seemed uncertain, and Hux didn’t blame him.  No matter how much time passed, Hux doubted he’d ever forgive Kylo if he’d choking him against a wall in his place of work. Mitaka wasn’t Hux though.

Hux could feel Kylo tense, but he softly agreed to Mitaka’s suggestion.  

“Well, you two probably have a lot of catching up to do,” Phasma said, stepping forward and pulling Kylo into a hug.  “Take good care of him, and don’t be a stranger,” she whispered to Kylo as they embraced.  Rey gave him another hug before following them out.

Kylo pushed the hood off once the door was firmly shut, and he seemed to deflate.  He crowded Hux against the door and just rested his forehead against Hux’s shoulder.  Hux knew the feeling.  He’d spent his entire life preparing for the worst.  It was always a strange relief when things weren’t nearly as bad as expected.

“Thank you for coming out,” Hux said, wrapping his arm around Kylo’s waist.  

“I’ve been alone so long. I’m afraid...you can be taken from me,” Kylo admitted.

Hux didn’t know what to say.  He couldn’t lie.  There was always the chance that it wouldn’t work or something could happen to one of them.  Plenty had already happened to them.  He held Kylo to him instead.  

“I’m here now,” he said, hoping that would be enough.  There was so much to work through, and it seemed like Hux had just finished fighting one war to come home to another.  He’d do it though, and he knew that Kylo would fight too.  Both of them were hurting right now, but they’d piece themselves and each other back together.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings: scars, body image (body dysmorphia to an extent), explicit sexual content, anxiety, agoraphobia (tagged more to be safe than actually hitting all of the criteria), self injury (not really intentionally), body horror (once again not really but descriptions of scarring and such), can you tell I'm not really sure how to tag anything at this point?
> 
>  
> 
> Epilogue will deal with their families in case you're wondering what happened to either of their parents.


	22. Epilogue: Sutures

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end! And it's so damn long. Thank you to everyone who has read this and kudo'd or commented along the way. You guys kept this going because I definitely didn't know if I'd finish this over the summer. I hope this is a satisfying ending to this story.
> 
> As always, warnings at the end.

“Did you the confirm my attendance?” Hux asked, not looking up from his computer as Ilan walked into the office. Ilan was the only person who never knocked. Even Kylo gave Hux that courtesy for the most part, except when he was furious. Then Hux was lucky to still have a door when Kylo left.

“I did, but I don't see how the master is going to agree to this,” Ilan said, taking a seat in the chair in front of Hux's desk.  

Hux was still getting used to seeing Ilan out of the correctional facility’s uniform.  The man prefered black leather pants and an assortment of black linen shirts. The problem was Hux couldn’t imagine what else the man would wear.  It seemed _too_ perfect and yet all around wrong, because who wore black leather pants and linen shirts if they weren’t on the set of some vampire romance? Ilan, that’s who.

“He doesn't need to. I'll go alone if necessary,” Hux said, waving off the concern.

“That's likely to only anger him more,” Ilan noted.  

“That's frankly too bad for him.”

“You won't go if it upsets him,” Ilan told him without a shade of doubt in his voice.  The man knew both Kylo and Hux too well.

“I am certainly not going to go into this conversation with kid gloves, Ilan. If he knows I'll back down then he'll just be an ass about it,” Hux said, finally looking up from his spreadsheets.

“He's going to be an ass either way.”

“I'll deal with it. I'll need you to call Phasma and cancel our lunch date,” Hux told him.

“Why can't you call her?”

“She'll give me shit about it.”

“And why exactly are you canceling your weekly lunch?”

“I foresee myself being indisposed, convincing Ren to go to this dinner,” Hux sighed, leaning back in his chair.

Ilan snorted. He sat back as well, and propped his boots up on Hux's desk. They were quiet for several minutes, just mulling over their own Ren situations.

Hux had pretty much stolen Ilan out from under Kylo's nose when Ilan got out of jail. Kylo went out of his way to act like he was angry about it, but he never gave Ilan orders that conflicted with Hux's own. It wasn't like Kylo needed an enforcer now.

Kylo had gone straight...for the most part. Hux had given him an ultimatum of sorts about three months into their cohabitation. Hux refused to lose Kylo to some slip up, and after three weeks of constant arguing, hate sex, followed by makeup sex, Kylo had agreed to Hux's terms.

First Order Security Consultations did exactly what Kylo and the Knights had done. They provided protection for a fee; however, now they worked with contracts instead of threats and coercion.

Kylo knew security. He'd been in the business since he was a teenager. His company did property and personal consultations, and the knights provided either on-site security or personal security details. Kylo had been very skeptical at first, but Hux had helped him set everything up.

Hux wasn't an expert, but he'd had enough experience running the clinic that he knew how to keep records and deal with clients. Hux handled the paperwork and kept everything on the up and up. Kylo handled the actual consulting and security.

They were a surprisingly good team when they weren't arguing, which happened often enough. Kylo had never been under the constraints of money. Snoke had handled it all without limits. Hux was nowhere near as generous. He budgeted everything, and the knights heard about it if things went over budget. Then Kylo heard about it if things went over budget, and then the knights heard Kylo and Hux hashing it out when things went over budget.

However, that wasn't all that often. After the knights realized they could earn a decent living doing this, they fell in line fairly quickly. Most of them had been tired of the life anyway. Hux assumed getting one’s internal organs abused regularly wasn't actually what any of them signed up for. This was comparatively easy. Most of the time, they just needed to put a little decal or sign on a business that said First Order Security, and no one was willing to fuck with the place. Hux had to admit that Kylo's past did have its perks.

“When are you leaving for your holiday?” Hux asked Ilan as he went back to work.

“This evening,” Ilan said, tapping his fingers against the arm of his chair.  He’d abruptly told Hux he’d be taking a ten day trip just the day before.  Hux didn’t understand how the knights could rush into things without months of planning, but they seemed perfectly comfortably going in half cocked.

“And how is the dog?”

“Verne's good. Vet says he's recovering nicely. Keeps trying to sprint even with the cast,” Ilan said, removing his phone and handing it to Hux.

Hux thumbed through the multitude of pictures of the mutt. Ilan had rescued it after it had been hit by a car. The man was more protective of the dog than he was of Ren. It was good for him though. The man was even more solitary than Ren, and it was good that he had a companion even if it was a four-legged one.

“Is he going with you?”

“He’ll be staying with the others,” Ilan said, which meant Verne would be staying with Hux and Kylo, but it wasn’t worth arguing over.  Kylo would walk the animal without fuss, and Verne was surprisingly good about the furniture.

The door of the office flew open, and Hux and Ilan both looked to see Ren stalk inside looking beyond angry.

“Don't you have work to do?” he asked Ilan as he walked over to Hux's desk. He pushed Ilan's feet off of it, and gave him a pointed look.

“Should probably go check on Verne actually,” he said, taking his phone back from Hux.

“I meant actual work.”

“I can arrange Hux's appointments while I do that,” Ilan told him blandly.  Hux had never seen Ilan lose his calm.  The man was clearly dangerous, but he never so much as raised his voice even when faced with Kylo’s fury.  It was astonishing really.

Kylo growled, but he didn't stop him.

Kylo glared at Hux as Ilan shut the door. “He's not your personal assistant,” he said, gripping the edge of the table.

“You only say that because you don't like that he spoke to your mother...”

“You had no right to make plans with Leia,” Kylo shouted.

“I had every right. I know this is hard to believe, but I have connections and obligations outside of our bedroom. I owe Leia a great debt, and I pay my debts.”

“You owe her nothing. I'm not having dinner with her or him,” Kylo said, slamming his fist down on the desk.

“I told her I would attend. I made no promises about you,” Hux said, unaffected by Kylo's anger.

“No.”

“You do not dictate what I do,” Hux said calmly.

“I know that. If I did, I would've blocked her number from your phone,” Kylo told him.

“Kylo...I'm attending Han’s retirement dinner. They provided me with a lawyer. I owe them this much, at the very least. I know your feelings on the subject, but I have my own opinions...”

“She offered you a job.”

“Which I turned down.”

“She had no right. She's using you...”

“What do you stand to lose if I go to this? There will be fifty other people there as well. I'm not leaving you for your mother...”

“She isn't my mother.”

“Either way, I'm not going anywhere. You can pretend she doesn't exist, but that solves nothing,” Hux said. He knew it was the wrong thing to say, but he'd said it. It was too late now.

Kylo went quiet and walked out of the room. Hux watched him go, putting his head in his hands once he was alone.

“Should I cancel your—”

“ _No_.”

Ilan gave him a dubious look, but Hux didn't say anything.  Hux did not need a second Phasma in his life.  If he wasn’t sure the pair of them would absolutely hate each other, he would’ve suggested Ilan go to his weekly lunch with her instead.

“What happened to you checking on Verne?” Hux asked, trying to go back to work because Kylo needed time to calm down before Hux found him.

“I’m leaving. I just wanted to see that you were still breathing and stubborn,” Ilan said.

“Yes, I’m still both of those.  Go,” Hux told him.

“Should I let Colleen know that the master will be there shortly?”

“Did she give you trouble about me canceling lunch?”

“No more than was to be expected,” Ilan said, folding his big arms.

“Let Ren announce himself,” Hux told him.  It wasn’t like she wasn’t paying Ren to show up.  If she didn’t like it, let her fire him.

“Call if you need something,” Ilan said, stepping back out of the room.  

Hux didn’t bother responding.  He had three clients to deal with before he could go have it out with Ren.

* * *

“You’re avoiding me,” Hux said as he stepped out of his car in the front lot of the clinic.  He shut the door and stalked across the parking lot.  The summer air would’ve been nice if he hadn’t been wearing a three piece suit.  As it was, Hux thought he might actually melt and become one with the asphalt.  Ren, on the other hand, looked completely at ease covered from head to toe in heavy black clothing.

“If I was avoiding you, you wouldn’t find me so easily,” Kylo said, sitting on the bench he’d finally bought to replace the one he’d destroyed.

“You always come here when you’re pissed at me.  You know I hate coming here,” Hux insisted, giving the sparse group of protesters a heavy glare as they eavesdropped.  

“Maybe I just think you should visit more often,” Kylo retorted, shifting to make room on the bench for Hux.

“Oh, and you just happen to feel that way when I do something to piss you off?” Hux asked, folding his arms over his chest as he stood directly in front of Kylo.

“I’m working right now.  I’ll talk to you when I get home,” Kylo said, tipping his head up to look at Hux.  The bastard wasn’t even sweating.

“You’re sitting on a bench drinking an iced coffee while these idiots scream themselves hoarse.  This isn’t work,” Hux told him.  Honestly, Hux was beyond happy that Kylo was working somewhere other than inside their apartment.  It had taken three months to get Kylo to leave for anything he didn’t deem an emergency.

It hadn’t been that they didn’t get along.  Actually, considering that Hux didn’t leave the apartment much either the first month, there had been remarkably little fighting.  They’d both been feeling the situation out.  Neither of them had ever really shared their space before, and they had both been afraid of sending the other running.  

The thing that had been grounding had been the sex, and there had been a lot of it.  More precisely, there had been the intimacy before, during, after, and instead of the sex.  Hux would’ve laughed in someone’s face if they’d said that sex could heal to him while he’d been a licensed doctor.  However, it seemed that every time they had sex, Kylo came out of his shell a little more.

Hux knew it wasn’t the actual sex.  He wasn’t that far gone that he believed his cock or ass had magical qualities.  It was just quite profound to watch Kylo slowly realize that Hux wasn’t repulsed by him, that Hux was still attracted to him, wanted him.   

Half the time Hux couldn’t have cared less about having sex, but he wasn’t about to turn down a chance to be close to Ren after believing he had lost him.  Sometimes they just laid in bed and touched each other when they didn’t want to face the day.  Hux was constantly surprised by how much both of their attitudes toward things had changed.  It was as though Hux was free to finally put himself first, and Kylo seemed to feel the same.

“Certainly more work than driving a fancy sports car around town,” Kylo retorted.

“Oh please, I spend half my days making sure that your business is running smoothly while you sit in the sun,” Hux said.

“For now.”

“I told her _no_ ,” Hux said, trying not to give in to the urge to shout in front of Phasma’s clinic.

“You considered the offer,” Kylo said, sounding far too betrayed for the circumstances.

“Of course, I considered it.  I don’t make a habit of making decisions without considering all of the pros and cons,” Hux told him, stepping forward right between Kylo’s spread legs.

“It’s _her_.”

“I’m well aware, but I told her no, so I don’t see why you’re still upset with me.  Now, would you come back to the office to sign the contracts I worked on all morning?” Hux asked, leaning forward and moving in for a kiss.  

Kylo moved forward to accept a peck on the cheek.  Hux ignored their meager audience and ran his fingers through Kylo’s hair affectionately.

“She’s using you to get to me,” Kylo said softly as he looped his arm around Hux’s waist to pull him down into Kylo’s lap.  Hux rolled his eyes and tried to escape the completely inappropriate position.

“Kylo, do you really think I’m naive enough to get used without my knowledge?” Hux demanded, pushing against Kylo’s firm chest.  This was a humiliating position to find himself in.  He probably looked like some lovesick teenager throwing himself onto his boyfriend’s lap.  Pathetic.

“I don’t like having choices taken from me,” Kylo reminded him.  

“I’m not taking it from you.  You are not obligated to go to the dinner.  You know I won’t go if it’s going to be a problem, but I would like to go and I think you would too,” Hux said, giving up on escape and just barreling ahead.

Kylo growled, but he didn’t argue further.  He’d clearly already made his decision before Hux arrived.

“I promise to make it up to you,” Hux whispered in his ear.

Kylo bucked his hips and growled in Hux’s ear.

“Are you kidding me?  You cancel lunch so you can come dry hump my security detail on the front bench?” Phasma’s voice was less than pleased, though no small amount amused. She stood half out the front door, looking the same as ever. “There could be people with functioning eyes in there.  They should not be exposed to your hate humping or any of your other strange relationship rituals. Don’t think I didn’t see you carry the good doctor over shoulder last week,” she said, pointing at Kylo.  “No one wants to see that.  Shoo, get out of here.  You’re worse than protestors,” she continued to be a nuisance.

Hux struggled to get off of Kylo, who was no help whatsoever.  There was nothing dignified about being held captive in Kylo’s lap in front of strangers who, if they’d known who he was, would be calling him a murderer.

A car pulled into the lot as Hux, Kylo, and Phasma continued to bicker.  An older woman got out of the vehicle and walked toward the front of the clinic.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Ren, Doctor Hux,” she said as she passed them, as though she was witnessing something so commonplace it didn’t warrant comment.

Phasma had a smug look on her face as Hux finally freed himself. “Stop using my clinic for your couple’s counseling,” she said, disappearing back inside.

“This is all your fault.  You’re the one who runs here every time you want to punish me,” Hux told Ren.  He tried to ignore that the protestors had really stopped protesting and were now blatantly staring, but it was obnoxious.  “Don’t you have hellfire and brimstone to warble about?  Can’t you see we’re having a private argument?” he demanded.

The protesters went back to halfheartedly shouting, and Hux turned his attention back to his stubborn partner.

“Are you coming home, or are you going to sit her brooding some more?” Hux asked.

Kylo didn’t respond, but he stood up and followed Hux to the waiting car.  “You know I don’t like going back…” Hux said once they were inside.

“How do you think I feel about my parents?  You’re not wrong about me running from it, but you’re a hypocrite because you’re running from the clinic like you’re afraid if you go inside it will be immediately overtaken by police.”

“That has already happened before, so I’m not being ridiculous.”

“You’re going to go in there one day and realize it’s just like you remember it, and that’s okay because it’s what you and your mother created. _If_ you stop running,” Kylo told him.

“Stop using my tactics against me.”

Kylo snorted, but he reached out to rest his hand over Hux’s on the gear shift.  “I’ll go to the dinner.  I just don’t know how it will end.”

“We’ll work it out...so long as you don’t murder anyone in a room full of cops.”

“I’ll do my best.”

“That is _so_ reassuring,” Hux told him as he started the engine.

* * *

“Will you hold still?” Hux asked, pulling at the lapels of the jacket he was trying to get to lay right.

“Will you stop it with the jacket?” Kylo snapped, grabbing Hux’s hands and flattening them against his chest.  “You’re acting more nervous than I am.”

“Forgive me if I’m afraid you might punch someone at this event,” Hux retorted, running his hands over Kylo’s chest.  He’d bulked up again over the last six months.  Hux had spent weeks tailoring a diet for him that wouldn’t leave him miserable.  It wasn’t decadent, but it got the job done.  It wasn’t like Kylo had been used to caviar or anything fancy prior to his injuries; it was more that he _couldn’t_ eat certain things than that he actually wanted to eat them.  Kylo was simply not a fan of being told no.

“I haven’t punched anything in weeks,” Kylo said, wrapping his hands around Hux’s hips.  It had been more like months, but Hux had learned to appreciate his bad sense humor.

“That just means you’re due,” Hux said, reaching up to fix the tie.  It turned out that Snoke had no time to teach the knights how to tie a proper double windsor, so they all had an abundance of clip-on ties.  It was a travesty in Hux’s eyes, and he insisted on tying Kylo’s ties for him. Perhaps Kylo knew how to tie one by now—he was a very quick study—but Kylo wasn’t above tying it improperly just to annoy Hux.

“I have every right to punch him,” Kylo noted, letting Hux fuss with the tie.  

“You cannot punch Han in the face in the middle of his retirement dinner,” Hux said, forcing himself not to “slip” and strangle Kylo with his own tie.  He’d probably enjoy it, which wouldn’t help Hux’s cause at all.

“Why are you even forcing me to go to this?  I don’t want to see them.  I don’t want anything to do with them,” Kylo said, running his thumb over Hux’s hipbone.  He knew exactly what that did to Hux, and it was an unfair tactic.

“I owe them a great deal, Kylo.  Whether you like it or not, they are directly responsible for my freedom.”

“Lando is.”

“Who they hired.  Lando will also be there,” Hux said, smoothing down the knot of the rich red tie.  It was the only color Hux could get Kylo to wear.  The man had an unhealthy relationship with black.  Even his underwear were all black.

“As will a thousand other people.  They won’t even notice that we aren’t there,” Kylo argued, pulling Hux in the direction of the bed instead of the door.

“We’re sitting at their table.  I think they’ll notice,” Hux told him.

“Why are we sitting at their table?” Kylo roared.  “I refuse to sit with them and their cronies.”

“Kylo,” Hux said softly, running his palms up and down Kylo’s thick arms.  “It’s one night.  You promised you’d stop running from this. I offered to host them for dinner, but you didn’t want to be stuck without distractions.  It’s this or a double date.  I’m really out of patience for being the middleman here.  Either you face them tell them exactly what you’re feeling and ask them to leave you to your own path, or you hear them out.”

Kylo shook his head, collapsing onto the bed.  “I can’t,” Kylo said, rubbing his hands over his thighs roughly.

“What can’t you do?” Hux asked softly, kneeling between Kylo’s knees.

“I can’t face them and tell them.  I’m not sixteen anymore.  I need to suck it up,” Kylo said, squeezing Hux’s shoulders.

“Is that what Snoke told you?  Poor little rich boy?” Hux asked, pressing a kiss to Kylo’s thigh.  They’d been working on talking since Hux had gotten out of jail.  It was slow, and neither of them were particularly good at it. Both of them could discuss work, tactics, things of little emotion. Relationships and feelings were another matter entirely.  

There was a lot of shouting and cooldown pacing, but Hux really hadn’t expected anything else.  They were both stubborn and volatile, but Hux didn’t have a single doubt about their commitment to working through it.  Like Kylo’s punching, their blowouts were becoming less and less frequent as they realized they weren’t each other’s enemy.

“I’ve been angry so long, I’m afraid of what will happen if I realize I was wrong,” Kylo admitted, falling back to lie flat on the bed.

Hux was shocked by how honest and articulate the response was.  He also knew he was completely out of his depth.

He crawled up to straddle Kylo’s hips and looked down at him.  There was no hiding his scar or eye.  Sometimes Kylo wore a patch over the scarred eye when he worked in public. Hux suspected it was because he didn’t want to frighten children or maybe because kids tended to see the eyepatch and think he was a pirate. Kylo was surprisingly good with curious kids who ventured over to ask about it when coming in and out of the clinic. Sometimes Kylo would tell him about it after work, sounding almost delighted by their enthusiasm. Sometimes it was easy to forget what he’d gone through, but the scars were always there to remind him.  

Kylo faced the realities of his injuries everyday.  Everything from the way he moved, or was limited from moving, to his diet were a result of his previous life. Hux didn’t know, if their situations were reversed and Hux faced the possibility that it had all been preventable, if it wouldn’t break him.

“Would you rather spend the rest of your life wondering?  I wonder every day if I hadn’t spent so many hours working if perhaps I would’ve realized my mother was sick sooner.  I wonder if she would still be alive. I’ve always been a person who wanted answers even if they were painful ones, but I can’t make that choice for you,” Hux told him, resting his palm over Kylo’s chest.  He could feel the strong heartbeat beneath it.  All that Kylo had survived had not diminished that.

Kylo didn’t answer right away, lying there and staring off into the middle distance.

“I can go alone, Ren.  You don’t have to go,” he offered.  He’d been offering it from the start.  In truth, he wouldn’t have even told Kylo about the event if he hadn’t been showing signs that he wanted to see them.  He’d question Hux at the most random of times about how his parents had acted while he was unconscious or what they’d said.  He wasn’t subtle, but the questioning also wasn’t frequent.  

“No, you aren’t going alone,” Kylo insisted.  He’d been doing that from the start too, as though they might knock Hux out and serve him for dinner if Kylo wasn’t there. It would've been endearing if Kylo didn't actually believe they might eat Hux for dinner.

“We're sitting at their table. I had no say in the matter, but I doubt we can change it,” Hux said, rocking his hips just slightly. It was enough to get Kylo's attention though. He brought his hands up and held Hux's hips, trying to pull him more firmly against his body.

They really didn't have time for a quickie...a second quickie, actually. Hux had given Kylo a handjob in the shower to get him to stop grumbling. “We can't have sex. We're both dressed to go. I am not tying your tie again, and I'm certainly not going there with sticky underwear,” Hux admonished, when Kylo began to roll his hips with purpose.

Kylo didn't argue, but he didn't stop rocking immediately either. Hux sighed, letting him enjoy himself for now. Hux wasn't the one that was going to be uncomfortably hard all the way to the restaurant, so he didn't really care.

“You need to do something about your hair,” Hux told him, looking down at the thick black mop that covered only the top of his head. Kylo had been asking Hux to shave it for him regularly since he'd moved back in. Kylo couldn't actually reach his whole head with the slowly improving muscle damage done to his shoulder, and he hated having someone else approach him with a razor. Hux couldn't say he really minded the task or the way Kylo sat between his legs as he'd do it.

“No,” Kylo said, shaking his head.

“Just put it in a bun. It looks ridiculous down when you wear a suit,” Hux said, reaching forward and running his fingers through the silky dark strands.

“No,” Kylo repeated, bucking Hux off of him and getting off the bed. Hux landed on the mattress and watched as Kylo stormed out of the room.

Kylo still used the hair as a mask, but it only drew attention. The man had REN inked in the back of his skull, hair that was unmissable, and a body that couldn't be inconspicuous if it was half as large as it was. There was no missing Kylo, scars or not.

Hux laid on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. This whole retirement dinner had been a gambit. He knew it could blow up in his face at any time, but he couldn't live like this. Kylo couldn't live like this. He was in limbo. He wasn't Ben Solo anymore, but the longer Snoke was dead the more Kylo distanced himself from the man he'd become under Snoke's careful grooming.

Hux doubted a doctor would approve of his methods, but Kylo needed someone other than Hux to look at him like he was human and not a god or monster. The knights were good to Kylo and loyal, but there was a strange sense of awe when they looked at him that only fed Kylo's feeling of otherness.

Hux heard Kylo reenter the room rather than saw him. He didn't bother to sit up or turn his head as he waited.

Kylo climbed onto the bed and braced himself over Hux's body. Hux could see that he'd pulled his hair back into a semi-neat bun. It was probably the best he could down with his range of motion.

“The car is downstairs,” Kylo said, not offering any explanation or comment. He'd been taking time to pace and cool down more and more often instead of losing his temper. Kylo had spent so many years feeding the rage inside himself, Hux found it a wonder that he had so much control over it. He could handle pacing even when Kylo paced in his heavy boots at three in the morning when he couldn't sleep. It was progress.

“You look handsome,” Hux said, reaching up to run the backs of his fingers along Kylo's cheek. The too smooth skin of the scar didn't bother Hux at all. He'd never touched Kylo differently because of it, but it had taken months for Kylo to stop flinching when he accidentally came in contact with it.

“You're full of shit,” Kylo said, but he didn't pull away until Hux started trying to adjust his suit again. “Stop it,” he chastised and got off the bed.

Hux got to his feet as well and took one last look in the mirror. They were both in black suits, though Hux had gone more traditional with a white shirt as well as a waistcoat. Kylo was strictly black save for the deep red tie Hux had insisted on. They looked like trouble.

Kylo followed Hux out of the bedroom and through the apartment. Verne was sleeping on the couch with the TV playing in the background.

“Did you walk him?” Hux asked, making sure he had his wallet and keys.

Kylo nodded. “Left him food for when he wakes up,” he said, locking the door behind them. “One of the nights will come by to walk him again later. He'll be fine.”

Hux didn’t argue.  The dog was spoiled rotten by Ilan, and Kylo wasn’t much better about slipping him treats for no reason.

They walked down to the waiting town car and sat quietly on the drive over. Hux's hand rested in Kylo's, but they didn't talk or kiss or grope. They both had plenty to think or worry about.

As the car pulled up to the fancy restaurant, Kylo seemed to stop breathing. Hux ran his thumb over Kylo's hand. “We can leave whenever you want. We'll make an appearance and go if you'd rather,” he said.

“I'm fine,” Kylo practically growled.

“You don't have to be. I know I wouldn't get out of this car if my father was in there.”

“I'd kill him myself,” Kylo said softly.

“I'm not killing your mother or father for you,” Hux told him, kissing his shoulder.

Kylo snorted. “My mother would eat you alive,” Kylo said. That was something new too. About twenty percent of the time he'd call Leia his mother, never mom. Han was always Han, but on occasion he'd acknowledge that Leia birthed him.

“I'll have you know that I survived incarceration. I can certainly survive your mother,” Hux said, nudging Kylo with his elbow.

“You clearly don't know her well,” Kylo said, getting out of the car before Hux could retort.

Hux got out as well, and Kylo was waiting on the curb for him. He stood tall, none of the tentativeness he'd displayed the entire afternoon. He didn’t take Hux’s arm or anything particularly demonstrative of their relationship, but he ran his fingertips down Hux’s arm before falling into step beside him.

The restaurant that was hosting the party was large, and it looked like they’d rented out the entire place for Han’s party.  It wasn’t exactly the sort of thing Hux and Kylo had made a habit of attending since they’d been reunited.  They mostly tried to keep to themselves and run their business.

It wasn’t like they didn’t come into contact with half of the people here.  Kylo had provided security for several local and state politicians in the last few months as primaries became heated.  They just weren’t invited to these people’s parties unless they had an earpiece in and a bulletproof vest under their suits.

“I hope it’s an open bar,” Hux said as they reached the top of the stairs and were ushered into the dimly lit interior.

Kylo grunted.  He didn’t drink.  Hux wasn’t sure if it was by choice or if that too unsettled his stomach.  Kylo had shown no inclination since Hux had moved back into his apartment, and Hux didn’t bother to pry.  The man was allowed to make his own decisions.  However, Hux would not be giving up the social lubricant any time soon if he was expected to attend functions like this.

The restaurant was packed as they walked into the main dining room.  Music played in the corner and more uniforms could be seen in one room than Hux had ever seen in his life.  The entire force must have been in here.  Hux swallowed thickly.  He had been so focused on Kylo’s discomfort with seeing his parents that he’d completely neglected to think about how he might react to being in a room full of policemen after what had happened.

All eyes seemed to turn to them as well.  Hundreds of people seemed to stop what they were doing and look to the door as they entered.  

Hux kept his shoulders squared and his face neutral, but he hated this.  He remembered the respect in people’s eyes when they used to look at him.  He remembered how people had always fallen over each other to greet him at events.  World famous trauma surgeon, eligible bachelor, wealthy philanthropist.  Not a single one of those titles applied to him anymore, and gone was the awe people felt toward him.  Now he was a fraud, a criminal, a thug’s sextoy.   

Glancing to his left, Kylo stood tall like a gargoyle watching the crowd without moving but seeing all.  People didn’t look at him for long.  Even the seasoned officers seemed to shy away from staring at him.  Hux wondered what was going on in Kylo’s head.  He wondered if he felt this crushing sense of failure, or if Kylo had already faced these demons years ago and could face this crowd without feeling the weight of their gazes.

Hux moved when Kylo did.  Kylo walked straight across the room in the direction of the bar.  People moved out of his way, and Kylo never turned or shimmied through the crowd.  Even the brass stepped out of his way.  Hux couldn’t deny he was impressed.

“He wants a scotch, old and neat,” Kylo told the bartender who scrambled to wait on him.  One of the detectives down the bar looked like he was going to complain until he saw who was standing there.

The man’s partner was not so forgiving.  “They’ll let anyone into this won’t they?” the guy asked his friend.  Hux ignored them, but they drew Kylo’s attention.  “Shouldn’t you still be locked up?” the guy called over to Hux.

Hux put his hand on Kylo’s forearm instead of reacting to the jab.  Honestly, Phasma’s greetings were always much more colorful than this and implied that he should still be locked up.  This man was far from original.

“I would watch my tongue were I you,” Kylo said, keeping his voice low and steady.  

“Buddy, you’re in a room full of cops, what are you going to do?” the man asked.  He partner punched him in the arm and shook his head.  

Kylo just smiled at him.  His smiles had been unpleasant before the extensive scarring and clouded eye, now he used them to his full advantage.  The muscles didn’t cooperate entirely, and the blind eye never closed right so while the left side squinted with the smile, the right side remained wide open and vacant.  Hux had come to find it charming because he knew they were not easy for Kylo yet he still bestowed them, but objectively he knew most wouldn’t—not that Kylo ever used it to be charming on anyone but Hux.

The bartender returned with Hux’s scotch, and Hux took a long sip of it.  It was good, smooth and full of character.  It was probably something Han enjoyed, though Hux was inclined to believe the rough man would drink anything with enough alcohol in it. Perhaps that had something to do with Kylo’s aversion.

“Let’s find Lando,” Hux said, stepping away from the bar.  He didn’t question for a second whether Kylo would follow him.  

Kylo fell into step with him as Hux tried to find either the table they would be seated at or a friendly face.  They still got looks, but Kylo was completely in guard dog mode, and Hux could relax.  It was strange the things he could face with Kylo at his back.  He’d always imagined the man to be a weakness, but in the past six months Kylo had become his strength in many ways.

It was Leia that they found first.  Clearly, she’d heard the murmurs that had been traveling through the restaurant since they’d arrived not five minutes earlier.  She looked good in a blue dress and blazer.  There was no denying that she was in charge as always.

She smiled as she approached them, and Hux greeted her with a kiss to each cheek.  “Governor Organa,” he said as he pulled back.

“Doctor Hux,” she said, smiling sardonically.

“I’m no longer a doctor,” he said though he still kept the title when he wanted to hold it over people.  

“I don’t know how much longer I’ll be governor for, so I think we’re even,” she told him.

“Your opponent won’t make it to the election,” Kylo said ominously from just behind Hux’s shoulder.  Hux jabbed him in the ribs, but Kylo didn’t so much as flinch.

“Kylo,” Leia said, sounding nearly breathless.  

Hux wondered how many hours she’d spent in front of the mirror practicing that.  It almost sounded natural as she said it, like she wasn’t even fighting herself to call him Ben.

Kylo didn’t respond.  Hux could practically feel the tension rolling off of him, and once again Hux was planted firmly in the middle of it.

“It’s good to see you,” Leia said, clearly wanting to take her son in her arms but holding herself back, if only barely.

Hux glanced over his shoulder to see what Kylo would do, but before Kylo could even open his mouth he was accosted by a man even larger than himself.  Hux’s mouth fell open as Kylo was enveloped in a massive bear hug by a man that must have been close to seven feet tall and had enough hair to be mistaken for a sasquatch.  

Kylo tensed up, but he didn’t fight it.  The man shouted some thickly accented nonsense as he squeezed Kylo tightly and lifted him off the ground.  When he finally put Kylo on his feet, he grabbed Kylo’s face and kissed his cheeks, completely disregarding the scaring.  

“Benny!  Look at you,” the man said, stroking his entire massive palm over the side of Kylo’s face.  “All grown up.”

“Uncle Chewie,” Kylo said, arms down at his sides.  His shoulders lost some of their tension as “Uncle Chewie” continued to fuss over him.

Hux glanced over at Leia who still looked on the brink of showing emotions that she never let the public see.

The man started talking in what Hux thought might be Polish, and to Hux’s complete astonishment, Kylo began to converse with him in the same language.  After a few minutes, Chewie slapped Kylo on the back again hard enough to even make Kylo move with it, then he said something about going to get a drink.

When Kylo turned back to them, there was a red flush to his cheeks and his breathing was a little unsteady, but he didn’t look upset.

“Mother,” Kylo said, his voice mostly flat, but there was emotion behind the word.

Leia stepped forward, forgetting reservation and hugging Kylo as his uncle had.  Perhaps she couldn’t lift him off the ground or even reach her arms around his shoulders, but it was a fierce hug.  

Kylo tentatively wrapped his arms around Leia’s shoulders, looking at Hux over his mother and looking lost and afraid.  Hux just gave him a steady look.  He couldn’t hold his hand or whisper encouragements here.

“It’s so good to see you.  I’ve been worried,” Leia said, not letting Kylo go even as she pulled back enough to look at him.

“I’m fine,” Kylo said, curling his shoulders in just enough to lessen the height disparity a little.  Hux doubted that Leia would allow anyone to bend to speak to her.  

Leia pursed her lips, clearly having things to say, but holding them in.  “I hope the Doctor has been treating you well,” she said, running her hand up and down Kylo’s arm.

Kylo shrugged, clearly not ready to discuss his relationships with her.  

“I heard that you started your own business, and it’s doing well,” she tried a different approach.

“It pays the bills,” Kylo said, and Hux rolled his eyes. Kylo wouldn’t know a bill if it hit him in the face. Hux handled all of their finances, not trusting Kylo to do it.

“It’s going swimmingly, Governor.  Kylo’s brilliant at determining the proper security for any given situation.  We’ve had nothing but positive feedback since we started, and our client base is growing rapidly,” Hux said, stepping in and sliding his hand behind Kylo to rest at the small of his back.

“That’s wonderful news,” she said as though she wasn’t already completely aware.  

“I like it,” Kylo said without prompt.  

It surprised Hux as much as it clearly surprised Leia.  Kylo did nothing but grumble about the constraints of a legitimate business even though he clearly worked well within them when he wasn’t going out of his way to be contrary.  He worked tirelessly with Hux to get the thing started, but until now it had always been ‘Hux’s idea’ or ‘Hux’s project.’

“I’m glad,” Leia told him.  “We should find our seats.  Han will be here any minute,” she said, taking Kylo’s hand and leading him to their table.  Kylo let himself be led, and Hux followed them quietly.  

Leia showed them where to sit, and Kylo sat down beside her.  Hux slipped off to get himself another drink while Kylo was acting rather docile.  He knew that could end at any moment, but he trusted Kylo to keep hold of himself.

Hux watched them from the closest bar, and he was shocked to see Leia reach up and run her fingers along Kylo’s scar while he was waiting for his drink.  Hux relaxed as Leia laughed at something Kylo had said even as her hand continued to cup his face.  He turned back to the bar and flagged down the bartender for a word.

When Han arrived, all attention was drawn to him and Lando who walked in with him.  Hux returned to Kylo’s side as everyone rushed to offer Han their congratulations.  

“How are you?” Hux asked as he sat down beside Kylo.

“My hands are numb, and my face feels too tight,” Kylo told him.  

Hux took one of Kyo’s hands in his and rubbed it under the table.  It wouldn’t fix the anxiety, but it was the best he could do until Kylo decided it was time to go.  

“I’ll have to give you a thorough check up in my office when we get out of here,” Hux whispered into Kylo’s ear.  Kylo shivered in response.  “I’ll have to check your reflexes, check for any irregularities in your organs,” Hux continued.  

“Don’t get me hard.  I’m going to have to hug Han in a couple minutes,” Kylo said, turning his head to bump it against Hux’s cheek gently.

“Han already heard me wringing you dry after giving you a sponge bath,” Hux reminded him.

Kylo moaned softly just at the reminder.  “Please,” Kylo pleaded, though his hand still gripped Hux’s tightly.

“You’re doing well,” Hux told him, lifting his free arm to rub Kylo’s broad back soothingly.  Kylo nodded, but he didn’t say anything.

He was clearly hanging onto his composure by a thread.  Hux was amazed by how well Kylo was holding himself together even if beneath the surface he was just trying to keep his head above water.  This reunion couldn’t be easy on any of them, but Kylo had the most to lose.  

Kylo was struggling with who and what he was.  Hux had helped him create a legitimate business, but that didn’t change what Kylo was at heart.  No one looked at him or the knights and saw businessmen.  They saw a means to an end.  The same went with who Kylo saw himself as.  Snoke was gone, but so much of what he’d taught Kylo and had beaten into him remained.  It wasn’t all bad.  It wasn’t like Kylo hated everything about himself, but there was an undeniable pull in two completely different directions.  Kylo had to decide who he was, and at least in Hux’s eyes it was neither Snoke’s protege nor Han and Leia’s son.  

Kylo had to realize that he’d shaped himself in many ways.  He’d survived without anyone else’s help, and that man had overcome his parents’ insufficient attention and Snoke’s brainwashing.  That was the man who’d used Snoke to gain power and plotted his own coup.  That was the man who had sought Hux out to fill a need he couldn’t trust a lover to fill.  Kylo was instinctual and brilliant, but since Hux had known him he’d been pulled in two different directions when it was clear that neither were in his best interest.

Hux was shaken from his reverie as Kylo straightened up and rose from his seat.  Hux looked over to see Han standing with Leia not ten feet away.  

Kylo held out his hand for Han, and Han took it, pulling Kylo in for a firm pat on the back.  No words were exchanged, but Hux could see that Han was misty eyed.  They just nodded at each other as everyone began taking their seats.  

Uncle Chewie, who Hux was informed had been Han’s partner, sat between Han and Kylo.  Hux sat on Kylo’s other side, and beside Hux was Lando who greeted him with familiarity.  Beyond Lando, there were other ranking officers of the department and Leia sat on Han’s other side.

It was tense at first.  People didn’t seem to know what to say with Hux and Kylo at the table.  Chewie didn’t seem to care at all, and he spoke animatedly to Kylo in Polish.  Kylo only translated parts of it, but Hux got the impression they were talking about him. He didn’t stop them.  Kylo wasn’t one to speak ill of those he was close to.  He’d argue with them, but he wouldn’t ridicule them to others.  Hux couldn’t say he was so virtuous.

There were a lot of toasts to Han.  Several people stood to tell stories about working with him, and there was plenty of good natured ribbing.  Hux watched Kylo carefully as each new person approached to give their story at Han’s side.  It became clear to Hux that Kylo felt left out.  

Dinner was being brought around, and the stories seemed to have settled for a time as people started to eat and drink.  Hux was shocked when Kylo stood up.

He cleared his throat, but everyone’s attention was already on him.  Hux sat particularly still, not knowing what was about to happen.  Was Kylo going to accuse his father of being neglectful and unloving?  Was he going to lose his temper? Hux prayed he wasn’t about to commit assault in a room full of police officers.

“Leia hadn’t had me yet when Han became a cop,” Kylo started by saying.  There was no glass of champagne in his hand for a toast, instead his hands were balled at his sides.  “Han worked a lot of overtime when I was young.  Leia wasn’t exactly well liked in political circles most of my life, so Han was forced to work extra shifts to pay the bills.  I didn’t understand that as a child.  I just understood that Dad was never home, and Mom was always stressed.  Being a child, I knew with certainty that I was the cause of this,” Kylo said.

No one spoke, but the entire room looked about as tense as Hux felt right then.  Even Leia looked like she was gripping the edge of the table.  

“I remember Uncle Chewie spending a lot of time at our house when I was young too.  Dad was always happier when he was around.  They’d share “war stories” over beers, and while they were probably very embellished, they were incredible to me,” Kylo explained.  He ran his fingers through his hair and rubbed at the back of his head where his name was embedded in the skin.  

“When I was about nine, Dad made detective.  He got a fancy new cruiser, and he was showing it off to everyone.  He let me drive it.  It went something like, ‘Benny, you’re a man now, and as a man I’ll let you take her out for a ride.’  I was about four and a half feet tall. Dad was out of his mind, but true to his word, he took me too an empty field and put me behind the wheel.  Two minutes behind the wheel, and I’d managed to nearly kill us both and damage the front end of the car against the only tree for miles.  Han was furious, but he made me promise never to tell Mom.  I don’t know what he told his bosses, but we never talked about it again, but for the next five years more than anything else I wanted to be a detective just like him.  I got why he was so happy behind the wheel, lights flashing, feeling like nothing could touch you, except maybe that tree that didn’t have the sense to grow somewhere else.  What, I am trying to say is that I may not have a lot of stories I can share about Han and me.  We didn’t go fishing.  We didn’t go hunting up at the cabin like some of you.  We didn’t share war stories over beers.  We haven’t even spoken much in years, but I understand why he loved what he did and why it was such a big part of who he is,” Kylo didn’t offer a toast.  That wasn’t really his style.  He also didn’t sit back down.  He walked away from the table even as people gave polite applause when they realized he’d finished.

More than a few people looked shocked that Kylo was related to Han and Leia.  Others just seemed relieved that blood hadn’t been shed.  Han and Leia were both doing a poor job of hiding their emotions, probably equal parts overcome by Kylo’s recognition of them as his parents and by the gravity of his words.  There had clearly been an unsaid, “and I understand why he could never have loved me as much as the job,” but Hux was proud Kylo hadn’t said it to the entire room.

Someone on the other side of the table cleared their throat awkwardly, but Hux ignored them.  Lando elbowed Hux in the arm as Hux continued to stare at Han and Leia.  “Forget them, they’ve got a room full of friends.  Go make sure he’s okay,” Lando whispered.

Hux had every intention of making sure that Kylo was okay, but he hadn’t been expecting that at all.  He hadn’t even expected Kylo to make it to the dinner portion of the event before deciding to leave, never mind make a speech.  Hux supposed he’d asked for it though when he told Kylo to either let them know how he felt or live with their constant desire to see him.

Getting up, Hux walked calmly in the direction Kylo had gone.  He could feel all eyes on him, but he didn’t care.  They weren’t judging him, and even if they were, it didn’t matter now.  Hux had more important things to deal with.  

One of the waiters pointed him in the direction Kylo had gone, and Hux quickly found his way to the bathroom.  The washroom attendant was standing just outside the door, looking a bit putout.  Hux reached into his back pocket and removed a couple large bills.

“No one else enters,” he said, stepping around the man and into the bathroom.  “It would seem we are incapable of attending a social function without locking ourselves in the public restroom,” Hux said as he shut the door behind him.

Kylo was standing at the long vanity, staring at his reflection in the mirror.  He didn’t say anything to Hux’s remark, but he dropped his head and looked down at the sink instead.  

Hux approached slowly, but Kylo quickly leaned back to make room for Hux to slip between him and the vanity.  Hux was expecting to be lifted up and placed right on top of the vanity, but Kylo spun him to face it and leaned over him, arms braced on either side of him.

Looking into the mirror, Hux could see Kylo watching him.  They stared at each other through the glass for over a minute before Kylo tipped his head forward and pressed a kiss to his neck.  He wrapped his arm around Hux’s waist and held him flush against his body.  

“When did you stop wanting to be a police officer?” Hux asked, resting his hands on the vanity, and clasping his one with Kylo’s.  

“When they sent me to my uncle’s school.  I was testing off the charts, and they didn’t know what to do with me.  I was too smart for my own good.  I’d started tinkering with things while they were at work.  I wasn’t like them.  I just did things and didn’t care what the consequences were.  I was bored and alone, and they sent me away rather than deal with it.  Luke’s school was strict, and I had trouble making friends at that point.  I was the headmaster’s nephew, and mom was starting to make waves in politics again, and no one wanted to get too close.  Dad visited a couple times.  Offered to take me for a ride, and put the sirens on, but it was too little too late.  I asked to go home with him, and he said I couldn’t.  That was the last time I saw him before I went with Snoke,” Kylo said, rocking against Hux.

Hux nodded.  He’d known.  He’d known as much as he needed to in order to understand that Kylo had never felt that he belonged.  Hearing this didn’t change anything, but it made Hux understand why Kylo was worried that it could have all been so different.  Hell, if Han had taken him home for a damn weekend, it sounded like Kylo would have thrown himself at the opportunity.  In the end, he had been so desperate to be a part of something, he’d thrown himself at the first offer he got.  Snoke had seen that weakness a mile away.

“I’m sorry I asked you to come face this.  You shouldn’t have had to listen to all of that,” Hux said, lifting his arm and resting it over the one Kylo had wrapped around his waist.

“I’m glad I did.  I needed to see that.  The longer you’re away, the more you start to wonder if you made it all up.  Did I imagine all of those nights I ate cold pizza or read myself bedtime stories because dad had overtime and mom had a campaign to run for someone?  Had I imagined how happy they were doing their own thing? Life with Snoke wasn’t all that different. He wasn’t supposed to love me though.  He was just a rich old man willing to take me away.”

Hux squeezed his arm tightly.  

“Maybe we can have dinner with them alone sometime,” Kylo said, pressing Hux’s hips to the vanity.

“After all of that, you want to have dinner with them?” Hux asked, confused.

“I’m not nine anymore.  If they want to be parents, let them prove it.  I don’t need them anymore, but they aren’t going to believe it until they see it.  I’ll forever be the kid who made a bomb with things in the garage while they were at work.”

Hux snorted.  Of course, that would be what Kylo would do when he was left to his own devices.  It also explained how he burned down the entire school before firefighters could get the blaze under control.

Hux turned in his arms, wrapping his own around Kylo.  “You’re missing the meal I ordered special from the kitchen,” Hux said, just standing there against the sinks.

Kylo looked up at the ceiling and held Hux a little tighter.  “My parents never brought me to these things when I was young, but if we went to anything they’d never think of ordering anything special for me.  I needed to fit in, didn’t matter if I was ten or two.  What am I missing to breakdown in the bathroom?” Kylo asked.

“Salmon,” Hux said, running his hands up and down Kylo’s back.  He wasn’t quite sure this constituted a ‘breakdown’ as Kylo had called it.  Kylo seemed fine, and Hux had become an expert at reading the man’s most subtle moods.  “Would you like to go home?” he asked.  They could walk out the back, and no one would know.

“No. Go eat, I’ll be out in a few minutes,” Kylo said.

“I don’t want to leave you,” Hux told him.

“I just want to think…”

“I can be quiet,” Hux told him.

Kylo made a noise that sounded skeptical, but he rested his chin on Hux’s shoulder and just stood there.  They were both quiet, just holding each other.  It was far different than the frantic attempts at sex in the handicapped stall.  Hux couldn’t say he minded.

“Leia wasn’t repulsed by the scar...or my eye,” Kylo said, remaining right where he was.

Hux smiled though Kylo couldn’t see it.  “I’m sure the scar is nothing after that headline about me being found not guilty because we’d been fucking in the handicap stall during the fundraiser,” Hux replied.  Phasma had the article framed and hanging in his old office at the clinic, some fantastic reporting really.

Kylo nipped him for his humor.  Hux definitely deserved it.  “Chewie likes you, said you look like you can handle me,” Kylo said, ignoring Hux’s comments.

“Is that all he said?”

“We were just catching up.  Chewie watched me a lot of weekends when my parents wanted to get away.  I was closer to him than Han really.”

“Then why didn’t you talk to him when you were younger?”

“He was Han’s partner.  Would you go behind Poe’s back to talk to Finn?”

“I suppose not.  Have you finished thinking?”

“Yeah, go on,” Kylo said, pushing Hux out the door.  Kylo’s demeanor changed as soon as the door opened.  He stood his full height again, looking imposing and unaffected. Hux knew it had taken Ren years of practice, but it always amazed him to see the instant transformation from the man he could be with Hux to the one he faced the world as.  

They walked back to their seats with their shoulders touching.  When they arrived, their plates were covered to keep them warm. Lando and Chewie were now sitting next to each other though, leaving either Kylo or Hux to sit beside Han.  They were engaged in a heated argument over very large helpings of some vile smelling drink.  

“Don’t take it if they offer you any,” Kylo whispered in Hux’s ear as he pulled Hux’s seat out for him.

“What is it?” Hux asked.

“Don’t know, but I tried it when I was a eleven, and I still haven’t recovered,” Kylo said, settling in.

“How are you feeling?” Leia asked them as the staff removed the covers from their plates.

“I’m fine,” Kylo said, looking down at the steak in front of him and the salmon in front of Hux.  

“Really?” Leia asked, but she was clearly addressing Hux.

“I’m not his doctor anymore.  If he says he’s fine, you’ll have to take him at his word,” Hux told her, switching the plates because he knew Kylo wouldn’t do it himself.  Even with all of his progress, some things would never change.

Hux was completely shocked when Kylo leaned in and brushed his lips against Hux’s shoulder.  It hurt for him to purse his lips for a kiss, so he often just pressed his nose to Hux or passed his lips over his shoulder.  He’d become big on nuzzling as well.  Kylo adapted to everything.  His ability to survive was greater than anyone else Hux had ever known.

Kylo started eating immediately.  Hux watched him cut the fish with his fork then scoop up some mashed potatoes before eating the combination.  Hux cut into his own steak.  It was cooked perfectly, and he savored it as Kylo did an admirable job of eating like a civilized person beside him.  He didn’t always make the effort when it was just the two of them.

“Since when did you eat fish?” Han asked, sounding skeptical.

Kylo just shrugged.  He’d only gotten a taste for it when he realized it was easy to chew and didn’t do hell on his digestive system.  It had taken a lot of convincing on Hux’s part, but it had paid off.  While Kylo’s digestion had gotten better, the muscle damage in his face still made chewing anything remotely tough a problem.

“You should come fishing up at the cabin with your uncle and me,” Han said, swirling scotch around in his glass.  

Chewie and Lando were becoming more and more animated on Hux’s other side.  Hux noticed that several people around the table had disappeared while they were away, and a good number had left around the room.  There was still a massive turnout, but a few less than before.

“I don’t fish,” Kylo told him.

“Everybody fishes,” Han told him.

“I think you’re mixing up your children’s literature, Han,” Leia commented, clearly not one for fishing herself as she rolled her eyes.  “Maybe Kylo would rather just eat the fish.”

“The fishing is the best part of fish,” Han told her, sounding completely appalled.

“For old men and drunks,” she retorted.

“You’re just upset we don’t take you up to the cabin to fish with us,” Han said.

“I’d rather go shooting,” Leia told him.

“I’d go shooting,” Kylo interjected, a forkful of fish and potatoes balanced halfway to his mouth.

That got the attention of everyone around the table who had been politely pretending not to listen.  Hux rested his hand on Kylo’s thigh beneath the table as a reminder to tread carefully.

“That so?” Han asked.  

“I’d need to borrow a gun, but yes,” Kylo said, completely unbothered by the extra attention.  

“I’ll see what I can do.  Maybe we could shoot some trap.  Leia’s particularly good at that though, and she gloats,” Han said.  Leia just gave him a smug look.

The tension surrounding the table never ebbed throughout the evening, but Kylo and his parents seemed to navigate their strange relationship with growing ease.  There wasn’t any level of affection.  Hux doubted there ever would be too much of that, but they spoke freely.  

Han and Leia seemed ready to weather Kylo’s anger.  Hux didn’t know if they finally realized that they had cultivated it themselves or if they just wanted Kylo back badly enough to deal with anything he threw at them.  Time would tell, and it would probably determine whether or not Kylo ever did accept them as his family.

Eventually, things pretty much devolved into a drinking contest, and Hux decided it was time to get home.  Kylo said his goodbyes as Hux spoke quietly to Leia.

“I wasn’t expecting you’d be able to get him to come,” she said, sipping her tonic water.

“He makes his own decisions.  I simply told him that I planned to be in attendance.”  

“I find that hard to believe,” she retorted.

“This may come as a shock to you, Governor, but Kylo has been making his own decisions his entire life.  If he chose to face you today, he did it for his own reasons and nothing I could’ve said would have changed his mind.  I thought for a long time that Kylo just took orders and never had his own thoughts, but that was foolish of me.  Such foolishness cost Snoke, and it could very easily cost you a chance at getting to know Kylo if you continue to underestimate him,” Hux said, finishing off his own drink.

“How do you know my son so well, Hux?  He wasn’t easy get to know when he was ten years old. I can’t imagine he’s gotten any easier decode,” she said, not sounding particularly concerned with Hux’s words.

“I just had to touch the right place, and he opened up,” Hux said, rising from his seat as Kylo approached.

“We’re going,” Kylo told Leia, as if it hadn’t been obvious.

“It was good to see you.  Good luck with your business,” she told him.

Kylo nodded, and they stood there awkwardly again like they didn’t know if they should hug or shake hands or something else entirely.

Hux huffed, leaning in to kiss Leia on the cheek.  “Please stop texting me.  It drives him up the wall.  Either get his number or hire a private investigator like any other self-respecting politician,” Hux said, before walking away.

He waited out front for their car to pull up.  He didn’t bother to look back to see if Kylo had given in to hugging her or even giving her his private line.  It wasn’t his business.  Kylo had to make those choices for himself.  Once he had, Hux would support him.

Kylo stepped outside not two minutes later.  He adjusted his tie before taking Hux’s arm and walking down to the car.  

“Did you give it to her?”

“I told her I’d consider it, but until then she could pester Ilan,” Kylo said.

“The poor man takes his first real vacation, and you give his phone number away to your meddlesome mother.  No wonder the man preferred prison,” Hux said, letting Kylo open the door for him.

“Serves him right for defecting,” Kylo said.

“He still works for the company.  He just helps me more than you,” Hux said, shaking his head.

“He’s a traitor,” Kylo told him, sliding in beside him.

Hux rolled his eyes.  “You have lipstick on your cheek,” he pointed out.

Kylo sighed.  “Get it off, please.”

Hux laughed, removing his handkerchief and rubbing the rather neutral color off of Kylo’s cheek.  “I’m shocked by how well today went,” Hux admitted, kissing Kylo’s cheek himself.

“You didn’t think I could handle it.”

“I didn’t think this would be how you chose to handle it.  I wouldn’t have thought any less of you if you chose to punch him, but I’m rather pleased you chose this instead,” Hux told him, running his fingers down Kylo’s chest.

“My chest feels a little tight,” Kylo told him.

“I’ll have to listen to it when we get home.”

Kylo hummed softly, wrapping his arm around Hux and resting his head against Hux’s.  Hux continued to gently touch him as the rode home, but neither of them spoke.  

It was nearly ten o’clock when they finally walked through the door of their apartment.  Hux was exhausted, and he knew that Kylo must be as well.

“Check up now or in the morning?” Hux asked, already knowing Kylo’s answer would be both.  

Kylo just ushered him through the entryway into the living room.

Hux stopped in his tracks as they entered to find Ilan sitting on the sofa with his boots kicked up on the coffee table. Verne was lying underneath the bridge his legs made.  Beside his feet was what looked to be a bowling ball bag.

“I thought you were in Aruba,” Hux said.  Ilan had left only a few days ago.  It was supposed to be a ten day trip.

“Don’t you want to know what’s in the bag?” Ilan asked.  He was smiling.  It was that cold, unpleasant show of teeth that Hux imagined haunted more than one person’s nightmares.

“Do I?” Hux retorted.  He could feel Kylo behind him, remaining just out of reach.  “What’s going on?  Is this where you both turn on me?” Hux asked, turning his back to Ilan in order to confront Kylo.

“It’s a gift,” Kylo told him.  He looked tentative as he maintained his distance.

“A gift?  I don’t bowl.” Hux didn’t like this one bit. Was this revenge for dragging Kylo to the dinner?

“You won’t be bowling with what’s in that...at least I don’t take you for that sort,” Ilan said, sounding as level as Hux had always known him to be.

Hux stepped forward, reaching for the bag.  Ilan tossed him a box of his own gloves before he could touch it though.  Hux frowned, pulling a pair out and handing the box back over.  He pulled them on and unzipped the bag.

An unmistakable smell of death came from the bag as Hux peered inside.  His father’s lifeless eyes stared right back at him.  His hair was neatly combed as he’d always kept him, and though his cheeks were pale he looked perfectly preserved.  Hux almost considered asking how deep the bag went because certainly this was a trick.

“Christ!” Hux said, stumbling back into Kylo, who held him upright. “What the hell?” he asked, more shocked by the strange souvenir than upset by it.  

“I told you I’d kill him,” Kylo said as though it hadn’t just been a passing thing, a statement of loyalty not an actual promise.

“And you thought I’d like his head?” Hux asked, looking into the bag again.  “You strangled him?” More than a medical opinion, that just seemed Ilan’s style.

“Wanted him to see me before he died, know God or whatever wasn’t going to save him,” Ilan told him.  There were those teeth again.  However, he rubbed Verne’s ears as he spoke which diffused the look.

Hux shook his head.  There was relief, but more than anything he didn’t know what to feel.  He’d spent so much of his life trying to impress the man that even his burning hatred for him was tainted.  

“He was running.  The feds found a whole slew of crimes he’d committed over the years.  It wasn’t just Snoke he sold out for.  He wanted to skip the country before they could close in on him,” Kylo explained.

“And now what?  Do we mount him on the wall?” Hux asked. He felt laughter attempt to bubble up.  He would not become hysterical, not because of this useless man.

“I’ll handle the head.  If you want the skull I can get rid of the rest of it…” Ilan was always so helpful.

“Having my father’s skull displayed in my apartment might be a little suspicious.”

“Not if it’s on the skeleton in your…”

“I do not want my dead father’s skull staring at us while we fuck.  He may deserve it, but I certainly don’t.  Use it for golf practice, I don’t care.  He isn’t welcome here,” Hux said, zipping the bag back up.  “Thank you, both of you.  It was a...thoughtful gift.  I feel that we owe you a real vacation, Ilan,” Hux said, pulling the gloves off and handing them to the knight for disposal.

“I don’t particularly like the beach.  I rather like it right here,” he said, looking like he was in no hurry to even leave their apartment.

“Well make yourself at home. I have an appointment,” Hux said, leaving Ilan to what he was unquestionably an expert at.  There hadn’t been a single drop of blood in that bag, and even the stench hadn’t been overpowering.  The man had a talent for murder.  This was his soft spoken prison mate who preferred knitting over his regular job.  No wonder the man had needed a few months respite.  

Kylo followed Hux to the renovated office.  “Get inside and get undressed.  There are robes under the table.  The doctor will see you shortly,” Hux said, holding the door open.  Kylo crowded him against the doorway, seeking out a kiss.

“We don’t have to.  It’s been a long night, and you weren’t prepared for what you just saw. It was negligent of me to spring it on you. I...I forget you aren’t like us. We can just go to bed, hold each other,” Kylo offered, clearly worried for Hux’s mental health perhaps a little too late.

“Go inside and get ready,” Hux repeated.  He kissed Kylo softly, letting Kylo nudge at him before stepping away.  “I think we both need this tonight,” Hux added as Kylo follow his order.

Ilan made eye contact with Hux as Hux let the door close once Kylo was inside.  The man just smiled at him.  Hux rolled his eyes and went to his room to find his coat and stethoscope.  It would seem that the knights had no shame when it came to sex, nor did they care what the others got up to.

Hux took his suit jacket off but left the rest of the suit on.  He’d always worn a suit under his lab coat, and just because he wasn’t a real doctor anymore didn’t mean he was going to start wearing scrubs in Kylo’s fantasies.  

He monitored himself as he went to the closet to collect his lab coat.  His hands weren’t shaking, and his heart wasn’t racing.  He didn’t feel sweat prickling at the back of his neck, and he didn’t feel uncomfortably warm or cold.  He’d just stared at his father’s lifeless face, and he hadn’t felt a thing other than surprise.

“Forgive me mother,” he whispered, pulling on his lab coat and wrapping his stethoscope around his neck. Hux wondered how this was what his life had become.  He’d gone from lauded surgeon to a man who only played one in the bedroom. He’d gone from a man who prided himself in the family he’d come from to an orphan of sorts.

He shook his head.  It wasn’t worth worrying about.  His anxiety had been much lower since he was released from jail.  He didn’t overthink things any less, but he certainly had few stressors in his life. For one there was no Snoke.  Before his demise, his father hadn’t contacted him since his release. The clinic was out of his hands, and there were no long days in the OR. He’d stopped having nightmares about Kylo or him dying on his operating table. Working with Kylo wasn’t a low stress job either, but Hux had stopped feeling alone in every responsibility he had.

Ilan was a competent assistant, and he didn’t mind arguing on the phone for an hour if Hux had other things that required attention.  Kylo, despite all attempts to seem otherwise, made sure that Hux had the reports and figures he needed well before Hux could need to go looking for them.

It wasn’t his clinic.  It wasn’t the foundation or the OR, but Hux was starting to think that it wasn’t the worst legacy he could have.  There had been nothing but good reports about their company since they launched it, and it certainly afforded him some peace of mind knowing he had Kylo’s back even if it was from behind a desk most days.

Hux walked out of the bedroom, shaking off his introspection.  Kylo was waiting.

Ilan was no longer sitting on the couch, and Verne and the bag had gone with him.  Hux felt something loosen in his chest.  His father was gone.  He had no doubt that Ilan would have the feds searching across the globe to catch some money trail or something left by his “father,” and nothing would ever come back to them.  Hux smiled.  They were both finally free.

“Mr. Ren, what brings you to my clinic this evening?” Hux said, stepping into what had once been his personal office.  The roleplay had been growing on Hux the last six months.  It didn’t really turn him on, but there was something comforting about it.  

Kylo was sitting on the table in nothing but one of the oversized black hospital gowns he’d probably bought online.  They’d come with the new office, and Hux wasn’t about to ask questions.  If that’s what Kylo wanted to wear then he was welcome to.

“Not feeling well,” Kylo said.  He was never specific, and had this been a real appointment it would’ve driven Hux mad.  However, the vagueness allowed Hux more room to play with.

“I see.  When did this start?” Hux asked, walking over to the counter and washing his hands before pulling on a pair of gloves.  He made sure to snap them loudly as he watched Kylo.

Kylo shuddered at the sound, and Hux couldn’t help but smirk.  It wasn’t so much predictable as a button that needed to be pressed before they continued.  Hux had grown to love how such a simple sound could have such an impact on Kylo.

“A few days ago,” Kylo told him, his eyes following Hux’s every move.

“And what are you feeling?” Hux asked, removing a tongue depressor from the jar and approaching Kylo.  

“Aches, tiredness…”

“Open your mouth,” Hux ordered, slipping the tongue depressor onto Kylo’s tongue as soon as he complied.  He used his penlight to look at Kylo’s throat, then disposed of the little piece of wood.  “Chin up,” Hux said, gently feeling Kylo’s throat.

Kylo moaned softly as Hux gently massaged down beneath his jaw.  “Does that hurt?” Hux asked, feeling over the area again.

“Not really.”

“I don’t feel any swelling,” Hux told him.  “Raise your arms for me,” he said, keeping his tone authoritative.  

Kylo lifted his arms a little, and Hux felt beneath his armpits.  This caused Ren’s breathing to hitch as a shiver ran through his body.  Hux thanked God that Kylo hadn’t really been sick since Snoke died because giving the man an actual physical was hell.  Every single touch turned him on.

Hux hummed softly, moving his hand around just a little and pressing down.  Nothing was swollen, but he’d learned Kylo particularly enjoyed this touch.  “Breath deep for me,” he said, massaging a little deeper as Kylo took a breath.  That seemed to do the trick as Kylo’s breath became a long moan.

“I’d like to listen to your lungs,” Hux told him, putting his stethoscope on properly and helping Kylo lower the front of his gown to reveal his chest.  Hux breathed onto the chestpiece of the stethoscope before pressing it to Kylo’s chest.  “Breathe deeply for me,” he said again, listening to Kylo’s lungs.

The telltale shudder was there as always, and Hux smiled to himself as he moved the chestpiece around.  Kylo was gripping the table hard enough to make his knuckles go pale.  Hux could admit there was something particularly powerful about being able to turn Kylo on so much by simply being competent as a doctor.

When he was finished, he put the stethoscope around his neck again.  “Lie back,” he ordered, helping Kylo down onto the paper covered table.  He lowered Kylo’s gown to his waist.  He pressed his gloved fingers to Kylo’s abdomen and watched as Kylo practically writhed beneath his touch.  He listened to Kylo’s bowels with the stethoscope as well, paying special attention to the area around his scar.  

Kylo was breathing heavily by the time that Hux drew his gown back up and helped Kylo slide it onto his arms again.  There was sweat forming on Kylo’s body, and he was clearly fighting to keep himself still.

“I’d like to take your temperature.  You’re looking rather flush,” Hux said, walking over to the counter.  He removed a thermometer from the cabinet and tore open the package just enough the it was ready when he was.  He brought it over to the portable cart near the table, and then approached Kylo again.  Kylo had his mouth open and eyes closed.

“I need you to roll onto your side for me,” Hux said.

Kylo’s mouth snapped shut just as his eyes opened wide.  Hux didn’t react, guiding Kylo to roll onto his side without falling off the table.  He guided Kylo’s legs to bend at the knee slightly then he flipped the gown back just enough to reveal Kylo’s bare ass.

“Just relax for me, Mr. Ren.  This will only take a few minutes,” Hux said, picking up the thermometer and taking a drop of lube from the dispenser.  He placed it on the tip of the tool then took another small pump and placed the finger over Kylo’s hole.

Kylo whimpered as the cool liquid touched him.  “Just relax,” Hux reminded him carefully sliding the thermometer into Kylo with hardly any resistance.

“Easy for you to say,” Kylo said through gritted teeth.

It was unprofessional to smile at that, but thankfully Hux wasn’t a professional anymore.  Hux approached Kylo’s back and began lightly massaging Kylo’s shoulders and back.  

Kylo gasped at the touch.  Hux continued to speak clinically as he touched Kylo, but he was more than a little turned on by how much Kylo was reacting.  

Hux slipped his hand beneath the gown and around Kylo to inspect his erection and testicles.  He hummed thoughtfully and told Kylo he’d need to take a closer look.  He gave Kylo a few strokes, and Kylo cried out at the amount of stimulation he was receiving.

Hux drew his hand back to hold Kylo’s hip steady.  “Breath out slowly for me,” Hux told him, taking hold of the thermometer and removing it carefully. He circled it around Kylo’s hole before lifting it to read it.  He barely glanced at what it said, knowing for a fact that Kylo didn’t have a fever.  However, he made all of the proper tuts and tsks as he brought it over to the counter and place it on the waiting pad.  

“Perhaps a touch of flu,” Hux said, coming back.  “Let’s get you on your back again and put your legs in the stirrups for me,” Hux said.  Kylo had gone all out with the table.  Why Kylo thought Hux needed stirrups in here clearly went more toward Kylo’s own fantasies than Hux’s actual needs.

Setting the stirrups in the right position, Hux helped Kylo rest his legs over them.  He adjusted them to spread Kylo’s legs wide enough to have room to work while not making Kylo uncomfortably stretched.

Hux pushed the stool over, so he could sit between Kylo’s spread legs.  This was one of his favorite things.  The gown was long enough that it created a barrier, so Kylo couldn’t see what he was doing.  He was forced to listen to Hux’s explanations and experience each touch not necessarily with prior warning.

“Do you check yourself?” Hux asked, pressing his palms against the insides of Kylo’s thighs more for the touch than to actually adjust Kylo further.

Kylo’s legs shook in their stirrups at Hux’s unexpected touch.

“How?” Kylo asked, fighting a groan.

“When you masturbate or while you shower.  Do you feel yourself for any irregularities?”

“Like do I feel different when I come?” Kylo asked.  It was still a wonder to Hux how little self care knowledge Kylo had for a man who was constantly put in harm’s way.

“No, I’m speaking about whether you ever examine your testicles for growths, abnormal tenderness…” Hux mentally made a note to show Kylo what to do when they were both more clear headed and awake.  Not that they’d remain clear headed if Hux started touching Kylo’s testicles. It was worth a shot though.

Kylo didn’t respond.  “I’m going to examine you now,” Hux told him.

Hux gently ran his fingers up Kylo’s thighs before cupping his testicles and gently rolling them between his fingers.  Kylo moved a little, but that was enough for Hux to know how affected he was.  Carefully lifting Kylo’s erection, Hux used his thumb to feel the base where it met his testicles.  

Kylo’s hips bucked once, but he held himself still after that.  Hux examined him thoroughly, noting how much fluid built up on the head of his cock as he touched Ren.  

“I’m going to examine your prostate now,” Hux told him, standing up again.  

Kylo nodded.  His cheeks and chest were rosy with arousal, and Hux couldn’t deny that he was feeling more than a little hot under the collar at seeing Kylo so completely wound up.  

Hux took a pump of the lubricant.  “Relax,” he reminded Kylo.  He pressed his finger into Kylo with little difficulty.  Kylo had clearly taken a few minutes to loosen himself up while he waited for Hux.  At least, he had some common sense.  The first few times, Kylo had gone in unprepared and Hux had spent half the time preparing him...and then Kylo had come all over himself when Hux said he was going to examine his prostate.  They’d both chalked it up to the amount of time they’d spent apart.

“Cough,” Hux said pressing his finger just right and locating Kylo’s prostate.  Kylo coughe dramatically, and Hux tutted again.

“Again.”

Kylo coughed loudly, hips bucking as Hux stimulated his prostate gently.  

“I’m going to need to take a sample,” Hux said, sounding serious.

Kylo looked at him with wide eyes.  

“It’s perfectly routine.  I’ll simply use an instrument to open you up in order to properly be able to stimulate your prostate.  It’s nothing to worry about,” Hux told him.

Hux walked over to the cabinets and removed the speculum in its packaging.  He also removed two dildos from a separate cabinet.  One was a vibrator, but Hux suspected they wouldn’t even get that far.  Kylo was already trembling from how aroused he was.  

Hux carefully laid everything out on the portable tray and brought over a lamp to help him see by.  There was no real need for it, but it certainly made everything seem more clinical for how bright it was.  

“Are you prepared, Mr. Ren?”

Kylo nodded, but his legs trembled in the stirrups.  

“Excellent.  Don’t try to fight the instruments.  It won’t be painful if you just relax,” Hux promised him, rubbing Kylo’s thigh.  

Hux quickly changed gloves before beginning, taking the time to once again snap them loudly.  Kylo jolted.

“You’re being a very good patient,” Hux praised, pressing his thumb and forefinger on either side of Kylo’s hole to spread it slightly.  He reached over the tray and took a pump of lubricant then spread it liberally over Kylo’s hole.  “You’re doing well.  Just take a few deep breaths for me now,” Hux ordered as he prepared the speculum.  

Moving his fingers back to spread Kylo open, he carefully lined the metal tool up.  Hux could hear Kylo breathing raggedly.  Kylo’s fingers were twisted in his gown, but he wasn’t tensed up.  The speculum didn’t meet significant resistance as Hux very carefully pressed it into Kylo.  

Kylo moaned loudly, and Hux had to pause a moment when Kylo’s breathing became increasingly erratic.  

“Deep breaths,” Hux reminded him, and Kylo made an effort to lengthen them out.  Hux pushed the speculum the rest of the way in then adjusted it slightly.

Kylo cried out as it shifted inside of him.  Hux murmured several reassurances and praised how well he was doing as he very slowly began to open the speculum up.  He was careful not to go too fast, but he could tell that Kylo was so aroused that it wouldn’t have made much of a difference.

“How are you feeling, Mr. Ren?” Hux asked once the speculum was sufficiently wide enough to fit either of the dildos.  

“Hot,” Kylo said.  His right arm was thrown over his eyes and his left was gripping his gown for dear life.  

“That’s an unfortunate side effect of the fever, but perhaps this will give you some relief,” Hux told him.  

“Okay,” Kylo rasped, adjusting his hips slightly which only caused him to moan again as the speculum shifted in him.

“I need you to remain still now as I perform the procedure,” Hux said, picking up the smaller of the two dildos.  

“Yes, doctor,” Kylo agreed.  

“That’s good.  Now, breath slowly and let me know if you feel any discomfort,” Hux said.  He covered the dildo in a condom then covered it in lubricant before sliding it into Kylo.  Hux angled it expertly to gently stimulate Kylo’s prostate.  

Kylo began to writhe almost immediately as Hux added pressure and variation to the stimulation.  He didn’t touch Kylo’s cock, but it leaked precome as Hux worked Kylo’s proastate.

Hux used his hand to rub just behind Kylo’s testicles to stimulate him from the outside as well.  

Kylo cursed loudly as Hux worked.  Hux loved watching Kylo fall apart on his table.  Hux didn’t need to get elaborate for Kylo to fall apart, but it was always special to try something new and see just how much of a mess it would make of Kylo.

“What are you feeling, Mr. Ren?” Hux asked, adding a little more pressure as he carefully monitored Kylo.

“Close,” Kylo grunted.  

“Close to what?” Hux asked.

“Coming.  Feel it in my gut.  In my—” Kylo’s voice broke on a moan as his cock twitched.

“I’m going to switch instruments.  I want you to keep breathing steadily for me,” Hux said, removing the first dildo and covering the second in a condom as well.  He lubricated it then slowly pressed it into Kylo.  He timed it perfectly, giving Kylo enough time to come back from the edge but not long enough to have to start building him up from the beginning.

Kylo was breathing heavily, but Hux still turned on the vibrator function almost immediately.  Kylo screamed as Hux stimulated his prostate with it.  Hux was quick to roll a condom onto Kylo’s cock with one gloved hand even as he continued to pleasure him.

“We’re almost finished, Mr. Ren.  I promise you’ll feel better in just a moment,” Hux said as he raised the power on the vibrator.

Kylo’s whole body convulsed as he spilled into the condom.  Hux didn’t stop the vibrator though.  He continued to stimulate Kylo, causing another wave of release to empty into the condom.  Hux massages Kylo’s abdomen and around his twitching cock, making sure he was constantly touching the man. Hux lowered the setting, but he continued to gently press it around Kylo’s prostate.  When Kylo looked completely ready to fall apart, Hux turned the vibrator off and removed it.  

Kylo’s legs quivered, and his whole body quaked with each breath he took.  

“Doesn’t that feel better?” Hux asked.  Kylo just moaned as Hux slowly closed the speculum again.  “Breathe out,” Hux said as he began to remove the tool.

Kylo twitched as it slipped out of him.  Hux rubbed his thighs gently once he was free of it.  Then he removed the condom covering Kylo’s cock.  He used a cloth to clean Kylo’s cock off.

“I’ll send this to the lab for examination,” Hux told him, placing the tied-off condom on the table.

Kylo nodded, looking more feverish than he had at the start.

Kylo was still hard though not completely, but every time Hux touched him it sent shivers through Kylo’s body.  “Are you still feeling unwell?” Hux asked.

Kylo nodded, biting his bottom lip.  The scar was so much more pronounced when Kylo was aroused.  It was thick white lightning cutting across his flushed features.  

“I have a less traditional remedy,” Hux told him thoughtfully.  “I’ll need you to move to the very end of the table,” Hux told him, guiding him down until his ass hung over the edge and the stirrups brought his legs up closer to his chest.

“Steady yourself now,” Hux told him, unzipping his own slacks and freeing his cock.  He quickly rolled on a condom and stroked himself with a lube covered glove.  He used his fingers to quickly make sure that Kylo was ready for him.

“This is a much rougher procedure,” Hux told him, sliding into him.

“Please, doctor,” Kylo said, reaching for Hux.  

Hux pushed the light out of the way and gripped Kylo’s thighs as he pressed into him.  

“Harder,” Kylo demanded as Hux began to rock his hips. It was like he couldn’t control himself as soon as Hux broke protocol. Kylo had been getting more and more demanding when their office visits ended with Hux inside him or when Kylo ended up inside of him. Hux had taken several samples using his ass to stimulate Kylo. He would’ve done that tonight if he wasn’t completely exhausted.  He’d probably fall right off the exam table if he tried to climb on top of Kylo.

Hux followed the order, snapping his hips, knowing that Kylo was thoroughly ready for him.  He leaned over Kylo’s body, and he tore down Kylo’s gown to reveal his heaving chest.  Hux rested his gloved hand over Kylo’s heart and rocked into him deeply.

Hux had no hope of lasting long, and Kylo wasn’t exactly to epitome of coherence.  Kylo wrapped his hands around Hux’s biceps and pulled him as close as he could get.  Hux made sure to rove his hands all over Kylo’s body, knowing how much that affected him. Everything was about contact.

Wrapping his hand around Kylo’s cock, Hux began to jerk him quickly.  That was all it took for Kylo to shake with pleasure.  This one was more pronounced that the prostate ones, and while he didn’t come as much, it rocked through him almost violently.  His grip on Hux tightened as did his ass around Hux.

That pulled Hux over the edge as well and they shook against each other, both breathing raggedly.  When Hux pulled free, he rested his head on Kylo’s stomach, bent over the table between Kylo’s legs. He pulled the condom off and just let it drop to the floor.

Kylo’s fingers ran through Hux’s hair, even as Kylo’s release smeared over Hux’s shirt.  Hux pulled off his gloves and dropped them to the floor as well, so he could run his bare fingers over Kylo’s ribs.  Neither of them attempted to get up for a long time.

They were content to touch and hold each other while they recovered.  Exhaustion set in rapidly though.  It had been a long day for both of them.  Emotions were high even if they’d handled themselves well.

“I want to hold you,” Kylo said after a while.  

“You’ll have to get me to bed first,” Hux told him, feeling too exhausted to clean them or the room up.  Sometimes clean up was almost like part of the play.  Kylo would watch Hux wipe down the instruments and disinfect the toys before Hux came back and gently cleaned him.  Night’s like tonight, they retreated to the bedroom and Kylo took over.

“Let me out of the stirrups, and if I can feel my feet I’ll carry you to bed,” Kylo told him.

Hux huffed, but he pushed himself up and helped Kylo out of the leg holders.  He took them out one at a time and massaged each leg before lowering it.  Kylo groaned as Hux dug deeply into the muscles.

“How does that feel?” Hux asked as he helped Kylo sit up.  

“They were right to take your license,” Kylo told him.

Hux actually laughed.  It had been a tense topic for months.  Kylo had felt guilty because he knew how important Hux’s career had been to him, and Hux had been bitter that even though he was found not guilty he’d never truly get his life back.  Things had shifted though.  Hux had realized along the way that doing something else with his life didn’t make it less meaningful, and Kylo slowly forgave himself for something that wasn’t his fault.

Hux wouldn’t have changed his actions even if he could’ve kept his license.  Kylo being alive and mostly healthy was more important to him than his license.  It was something Hux never would have thought possible before he met Kylo, but he’d been naive.

“Shut up,” Hux said, slapping him on the arm.

Kylo stood up and didn’t give Hux any warning before lifting him over his shoulder.  Hux hated to be carried especially over Kylo’s shoulder like a sack of potatoes, but Kylo was becoming fond of throwing Hux over his shoulder like he weighed nothing. It was undignified especially when Kylo slapped his ass just because he could.  

“Dammit, Ren!  You aren’t even wearing clothes,” Hux complained staring down at Kylo’s bare ass.  The hospital gown had fallen to the floor when he stood up, so Kylo was completely naked with lubricant covering his upper thighs.  If one of the knights had come it, it wouldn’t even be the first time one of them caught Kylo carrying Hux whilst wearing nothing at all.

“Don’t fight it, or I may drop you,” Kylo warned him, carrying him out of the room and not even looking to see if Ilan or someone else had returned.

Hux slapped him hard on the ass when he almost hit Hux against the doorway, but Kylo was too aware for that.  The red handprint on his ass cheek was satisfying though. Served him right.

Kylo dropped Hux onto the bed and was immediately on top of him.  Kylo stripped him out of his coat and suit and threw his garments across the room with no regard for them.

“You’re going to be the one that irons those,” Hux complained, but Kylo just grunted and continued to strip him naked.  

“Shut up and go to sleep,” Kylo told him.

“You don’t want to talk about today?” Hux asked, trying to fight a yawn back.  He didn’t want to discourage Kylo when he knew how difficult anything pertaining to his parents was.

“I can’t right now, not without getting a headache,” Kylo told him, adjusting Hux so that he could wrap his arms around Hux’s hip and chest.  Hux knew that that meant they’d discuss it tomorrow once Kylo got some distance from it.  It was shocking how well they we beginning to understand each other.  There were still miscues, but mostly they got each other and acted accordingly.

“Thank you,” Hux said softly once they’d settled in.

“Don’t. I did it for me as much as I did it for you.  I owed you,” Kylo told him.

“You did it though, or you had Ilan take care of it.  I feel better.  Not good about it, but I feel like I can sleep tonight, knowing he isn’t out there anymore,” Hux admitted.

“Then get some sleep,” Kylo insisted, pressing his lips against Hux’s temple.  

Hux closed his eyes, and he didn’t dream of blood or horror.  He didn’t dream in death or suffering.  In fact, he couldn’t say whether he dreamt at all.  His sleep was deep and blank, and throughout there was an all encompassing sense of safety.  

Kylo’s sleep wasn’t as tranquil, but Hux woke to settle him.  He’d let Kylo rub and rut against him until he was exhausted again, and they’d fall into slumber for another hour or two.  

It wasn’t perfect, but Hux believed it was better than things were before Ren.

* * *

Hux woke to the sensation of sweaty hair against his inner thighs.  He groaned and closed his legs, effectively boxing Kylo’s ears.

Hux blinked his eyes open when he heard Kylo grunt in annoyance.  “Don’t put your head in places it might get stuck,” Hux warned him groggily.  Kylo’s schedule bounced around so often that Hux couldn’t keep up with whether it was a wake up at five morning or a wake of at noon one most days.  Evidently, it had been a wake up at five one, because Kylo was absolutely drenched in sweat from his morning workout and horny enough to want to wake Hux up before he had to shower and get to work.

“Shower with me,” Kylo demanded, head still hopelessly trapped between Hux’s thighs which forced him to address Hux’s cock rather than Hux himself.

“I don’t have to be to the office for another four hours,” Hux said.  He’d valued his sleep so much more since being released.  The ability to rest without fearing any sort of violence was addicting, and not having to worry that he’d be called into surgery at any moment was also rather addicting.

“I want you to shower with me,” Kylo said, using those big muscles he spent so much time cultivating to pry Hux’s legs open enough to escape.  He just ended up dropping his sweaty body right on top of Hux’s.  As far as escape plans went, it was lacking.

“Covering me in your sweat is not the way to get me to comply happily,” Hux told him, wrinkling his nose at the stink of Ren.  

“I’m going to hold you and press you to the wall,” Kylo told him, pinning him to the bed.

“I’m aware.  We do it every morning,” Hux sighed, though he wasn’t tired of that specific act in the least.

That had become one of their favorite morning rituals.  They’d shower together in the massive cubicle, and Kylo would just engulf him.  He’d wrap his huge frame around Hux’s narrower body and just hug him to the wall.  Hux felt protected, and Kylo got to feel the intimacy of being allowed to just hold Hux. Sometimes if they had the time, they’d work up to sex, and Kylo would take him just like that, but it didn’t have go in that direction. Most mornings they just stood there talking under the stream of the shower.  It wasn’t about getting off.  It just took the edge off of frenzied mornings.

“I’m coming. Go start the water,” Hux told him, figuring he could roll over for another couple of minutes before Kylo came and dragged him out of bed for real.

“It’s already on and waiting.”

“Bastard,” Hux groaned.  Kylo was clearly onto him.  

“I was going to lick your ass, but you were a dick about it,” Kylo told him.

Hux huffed, pushing Kylo’s head back down.  Kylo snorted softly.  Hux wasn’t even surprised when Kylo grabbed him and flipped him onto his stomach, slipping a pillow beneath his hips.

“One of these days, I’m going to put _you_ in the stirrups and just do this to you for hours,” Kylo told him, spreading Hux’s cheeks.

Hux didn’t argue.  Kylo was welcome to suggest whatever he liked.  Hux had been surprised by how active his sex drive had become since his release, but he supposed with the lower stress levels and the healthier relationship it wasn’t entirely shocking.  He still wasn’t on Kylo’s level, and he doubted he was even up to average, but it was a good level for him, and Kylo certainly wasn’t complaining.

Kylo dipped his tongue against Hux’s hole, and Hux lost his train of thought.  He let himself relax as Kylo teased and pleasured him.  He hugged his pillow and cherished the last few minutes he had in bed as well as the feel of Kylo’s mouth.  

When Hux was feeling rather lust drunk, Kylo dragged him to the shower and did exactly as promised.  Hux could fall asleep in there it felt so nice.

“Thank you for encouraging me to go yesterday.  My head’s clearer today,” Kylo murmured into Hux’s ear as they stood there.

“I’m glad,” Hux sighed.

“I think it would’ve been worse if I’d stayed,” Kylo said after a few more minutes.

That got Hux’s attention.  “You do?”

“I think things would’ve just become more pressurized, and I would’ve snapped.  The fire...I made sure no one was hurt.  Everyone was away on break but me.  I checked.  I just wanted to get out. I didn’t want to hurt anyone...Snoke wanted a sign of loyalty or something.  But if I’d stayed, I think I would’ve blamed everyone my parents showed more attention to than me.”  Kylo paused, rubbing his face against Hux’s shoulder.  Hux never quite knew what Kylo got out of the move, but it was clearly used to comfort himself.  “I don’t hate how my life turned out.  I would’ve been a terrible police officer.  I would’ve been miserable in the public eye when my mom started to become a household name.  I probably would’ve hated you if I met you at a fundraiser,” Kylo said.

“Like I hated you invading my clinic?  You think you could’ve resisted my charm as I demanded money for my mother’s foundation?  We would’ve been naked and groping in that bathroom just the same,” Hux told him.

“You know that’s a complete lie, but I’m glad I have you...even if how we met was fucked up.”

“Was it?” Hux couldn’t help his sarcasm.  He remembered running into Kylo in the parking lot at the hospital and thinking the man wanted to skin him alive or something.  What a strange beginning they’d had, and yet he believed they were somehow stronger for it.  “I’m glad we met too, Ren, and I don’t hate how things turned out either,” he added softly, stroking Kylo’s arm.  

“I think you should come shooting when my parents and I go,” Kylo suggested.

“So you don’t shoot them accidentally?”  

“No.  I’d just like you there.”

“Fine, but I expect you to have my tea waiting for me by the time I get dressed,” Hux told him.

“Consider it done.”

Hux sighed again.  “Ilan is here, isn’t he?”

“We went to the gym together.”

Hux groaned.  “Have him make breakfast too if he’s using my damn membership. Do you know they questioned who _I_ was when  tried to go down to the gym in my own damn building?” Hux grumbled.

Kylo and Ilan had been taking advantage of the gym since Kylo had been able to eat properly again. He turned and rinsed himself off before getting out, not bothering to reply to Hux’s complaint.  Hux stood under the hot water for several more minutes while Kylo shaved and dressed.

Hux stood in front of the mirror in just his towel when he got out, and he carefully shaved.  When he rinsed his face, he looked at himself again.  There weren’t bags under his eyes anymore, and the lines that had been becoming noticeable had stopped getting deeper.  

Hux wondered idly if this was what happiness looked like.  He shook his head at his own thoughts and went out to get his tea before it got cold.  He stepped out of the room in a black robe and he walked into the kitchen.  Kylo, Ilan, and Verne, were seated around the table talking.  Well, Verne was sitting on the floor eating scraps, but it was really the same thing.

No one looked up as Hux walked in, but Kylo handed him his tea as he took the stool beside Kylo.  Hux didn’t join the conversation, he just ate what Ilan put in front of him and watched the two men interact.  They had their own language of sorts.  There were grunts and growls that meant as much, if not more, than the actual sentences they spoke.

Hux just leaned against Kylo and experienced it.  If they needed his opinion they’d ask him directly.  In the meantime, it just felt good to belong.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings: mentions of child neglect, brief mentions of animal injury, doctor/patient roleplay, rectal temperature, speculum, glove kink, severed heads, minor character death, body image

**Author's Note:**

> This my first fic for this fandom, so I hope you enjoy it. Let me know what you think.
> 
> Come talk to me on tumblr at [**jinxedambitions**](http://jinxedambitions.tumblr.com/) as well.


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